“Spectatoring” is the word Masters and Johnson used to describe watching yourself have sex instead of being swept up in sexual pleasure.
You aren’t in the game, you are watching from the sidelines — present and absent all at once.
To get a sense of how commonly young women get distracted, I asked this survey question:
There must be a lot of men who hate pretty women because Google constantly brings them — or people who want to understand them – to me via this post: “Men Who Hate Pretty Women.”
They come, and they say things like this:
Beauty makes me extremely angry, so much that I can’t stand to look at beautiful women in the street … She’d want somebody taller, richer, more muscular, more handsome, more whatever it is that women want.
Last time I posted the first half of Pamela’s essay on what women want from romance. She had gathered ten women and ten men friends to ask what women want from romance. We’ve heard what the men think. Now it’s the women’s turn, as we continue her essay:
So, what is it that we woman want? Is it gifts and flowers? Is it fancy dinners and bling? Or, are our ideas of romance more along the lines of that little kiss in public and making us the center of your attention, even if just for a few moments? Let’s find out. Read the rest of this entry
They walk hand in hand. Their eyes meet briefly. Wistful smiles touch their lips. They sigh as one. When the couple reaches the park bench they sit and talk a moment. He grins. She giggles. Then he goes down on one knee, an unmistakable little box in one hand. With hope in his eyes, he pops the question and opens the box, extending it forward, waiting, holding his breath with his heart racing for her single word reply. Read the rest of this entry
By Bianca Martinez
The younger me wore oversized sweaters and baggy pants.
And I avoided skirts, perfume, and the color pink.
I’d thought I did this because I valued “manly” over “girly.”
But really it was the opposite: To me, girly meant pretty, and I didn’t feel pretty. So I didn’t deserve to feel girly. Read the rest of this entry
It depends, some will say.
It always depends. But there are also strong patterns. Read the rest of this entry
But on average, men dislike it more.
Why is that? Read the rest of this entry
Who has more power when it comes to sex, men or women?
Many of us think “the other sex” has more. Probably because we get all hot and bothered when our own power is blocked.
But my students usually think that women have a stronger hold on sexual strings. Why? Because by social convention, women are expected to place limits. Read the rest of this entry
Yet women don’t care about looks so much because, even though women are very picky, clear physical cues to the best genes aren’t all that important. A man’s resources are what matter.
So say evolutionary psychologists.
Hmmmm. Maybe not. Read the rest of this entry
Young women’s experience of sexuality was ignored by social scientists for years.
But about ten years ago San Francisco State professor Deborah Tolman interviewed high school girls who would be in their late 20s today.