Is Handholding or a Hand Job More Intimate?
Which is more intimate? Handholding or a hand job?
A young woman attending a college workshop on sexual assault was shocked to hear men say they thought handholding was more intimate.
After all, they held hands with women they cared about. They could get a hand job from any anonymous hookup.
Well, I’m perplexed, too. Read the rest of this entry
How Sex Is Used To Create Patriarchy
Sex is used to create male dominance (patriarchy) in a number of ways. Just take a quick look at these:
The double standard
In the double standard when a man has sex with many women that’s fine. Even celebrated. He is seen as a “the ladies man” or labeled “cool.”
But if a woman does the same thing she is labeled as a “slut” and men will find that unattractive.
Men are free, women are not. Men are celebrated, Women are humiliated. Read the rest of this entry
I Look Sexy, But I Don’t Feel Pleasure
I recently talked about “spectatoring” — watching yourself have sex instead of enjoying pleasure.
After surveying my women students I learned that three-quarters spent at least some of their time in bed distracted by how they looked. Most worried that they weren’t “hot” enough. And most also said that their concerns harmed their sexual experience to some degree.
But some women did think they were attractive. In fact, when I surveyed students about the last time they had sex, one young woman replied, “I think I looked pretty good.” Read the rest of this entry
Dominatrix: Worshipped and Objectified
I recently debated two of my readers, Bob and Fred, about whether women like being dominated in consensual sex.
After searching my files I found a sample of my students, 83 women and 63 men who are not gay/lesbian (because I wanted a sample of people who have sex cross-sexually). I had wondered what my male students believed about women and what women felt, themselves: Read the rest of this entry
Virgins and Cults and Morals, Oh My!
By Kyle Welsh
Virginity, or the lack thereof, plays a big role in how we treat women.
From religious practices to traditional lifestyles, high value is placed on women who have never had sex.
In The Cult of Virginity Jessica Valenti talks about the “virginity mystery” – that is, the realization that there is no medical or social definition for what a virgin actually is. Read the rest of this entry
RoSo’s Story of Sex-Positivity
Editors note: I’m trying to learn why some women are more sex-positive than others. So I asked my students, if they were interested, to tell me stories of their backgrounds.
So far I have found a few things that distinguish women who experience more sex-negativity and sexual dysfunction. They — and in my youth I would count myself among them — are more likely to:
- Worry that God will punish them for their sexuality
- Have sex-negative parents
- Have sex-negative friends
- If they are slut-shamed by their peers they feel deeply “wrong” and shameful
- They refrain from learning about their sexuality and what works for them
RoSo is a straight 24-year-old woman of East Asian descent. Here is her story: Read the rest of this entry
Were Victorians Repressed or Not?
For years Victorians were called repressed. Now some say they were not.
The answer depends:
1) What do you mean by “repression.”
2) Which sex counts as “a Victorian.” Read the rest of this entry
Sex Object vs Sexy vs Sexual
Many people think that “sexual objectification” and “sexy” and “sexual” are all the same thing.
Here’s a quick primer: Read the rest of this entry
Quiz: Why Does Female Armor Suck?
Since “Female Armor Sucks” has over 11 million views you may have already seen the video below. But since students keep sending me a link, I give up: I’ll post it.
Along with a quiz:
Why does heroine-armor fail to cover vital organs? Read the rest of this entry