Blog Archives

The Trouble With Fetishes

feetFetishes can be fun.

Shoes. Feet. Cabbage. (Or so I hear.)

Women’s breasts and butts…

Women’s breasts and butts are fetishized? Yep. The arousal they spark is not universal.

But here’s the problem: a fetish can actually harm our sex lives. Read the rest of this entry

Men Enjoy Themselves When Women Do

Sasha Grey

Sasha Grey

A lot of women think that their partners’ enjoyment is more important than their own.

It’s likely unconscious. But you see it every time a young woman gets distracted, focusing on how she looks, or what he wants, and how he feels…

… while completely ignoring how SHE feels.

But men actually enjoy themselves more when their partners are enjoying themselves.  Read the rest of this entry

A Sex Object Not Enjoying Sex

body image poorIt’s not unusual these days for a young woman to become preoccupied with how attractive she looks, habitually seeing herself through her partner’s eyes, and judging herself based on what she thinks he thinks. In other words, to self-objectify.

Instead of enjoying sex.

I’ve talked with friends about the phenomenon and a couple of them have opened up and told me their stories. Like “Sophie,” who let me relate her story in my blog. Read the rest of this entry

Men’s Pleasure Is More Important?

Peggy Orenstein, Girls & Sex

Peggy Orenstein, Girls & Sex

Many young women are now engaging in sex acts with men that prioritize the man’s pleasure, with little or no expectation of reciprocity.

So says cultural theorist Jackson Katz.

Sounds about right.

These young women are focused on how they look and what they do — and how their guys feel about how they look and what they do. Read the rest of this entry

Losing Virginity Is Good… No Biggie… Shameful

Artemis, the virgin goddess

Artemis, the virgin goddess

By Anna Oseguera 

About a year ago I was talking with a friend of mine, “Maria,” and the topic of sex and virginity came up. Maria said that when she was 18 years old a male friend of hers offered to “do her the favor” of taking her virginity.

That puzzled us. “Do her the favor” of taking her virginity?

Did he think that she couldn’t find anyone to have sex with because he thought she wasn’t attractive enough? And why would she want to lose her virginity, anyway? Isn’t virginity a good thing? Something to be saved until marriage? Read the rest of this entry

How To O0oooo

in bed and happyAfter lecturing on sexuality, from time to time a student will shyly approach me after class to say:

I don’t know how to have an orgasm. Do you have any resources to recommend?

Well, they used to approach me. Because now I include this information as part of the lecture. Read the rest of this entry

Beliefs That Disconnect Us From Our Hearts

Heart-connected lovers

Heart-connected lovers

By 

Nothing limits our ability to love and be loved, and to find joy and fulfillment more than the beliefs that disconnect us from our hearts. And, nowhere do these beliefs cause more limitations than in our sex lives. Read the rest of this entry

Men, Bitches and Bimbos 

Girl talks to guy at barIn high school I had the kind of thinking like she’s either a “bitch” or a “bimbo.”

My friends and I would go to a bar and get some drinks and maybe a buddy would “drink up” the courage to talk to a girl. If she rejected him we automatically labeled her a bitch. But if she stayed and conversed for a while, and if she started dancing with him, we labeled her a slut.

I honestly did not realize how horrible my thinking was until we started talking about these issues in class.

Read the rest of this entry

Men Wanting Magnetic Power Over Women

"The opposite sex has enormous power over you."

“The opposite sex has enormous power over you.”

If you’re straight, at some point you realize that,

The opposite sex has enormous power over you. They can break your heart, control your actions, completely dominate your thoughts, and (let’s be honest) basically turn off your brain.

So says Noah Brand.

He makes me think of guys who have complained on my blog that women don’t find men attractive. And they yearn to weld the same magnetic power over women that women have over them. Read the rest of this entry

Women Are More “Visual” Than Men

Casual sex?

Casual sex?

They say “men are visual” but women are not.

After all, the “women’s magazine,” Playgirl went bankrupt even as sales for “men’s magazines” like Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Barely Legal… were through the roof.

And men are much more likely to watch Internet porn.

Yet when it comes to visual stimulation and casual sex there is an irony, says one of my readers, Jean Claund: Read the rest of this entry

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