Category Archives: women

Repression Shutting Down Teen Girl’s Sexuality

Dilemmas of Desire by Deborah Tolman

Dilemmas of Desire by Deborah Tolman

Young women’s experience of sexuality was ignored by social scientists for years.

But about ten years ago San Francisco State professor Deborah Tolman interviewed high school girls who would be in their late 20s today.

Prof. Tolman had expected to unveil young women’s strong yearnings, but instead she found that most were hazy about their desire. It was dulled. Or even nonexistent. Read the rest of this entry

PMS: The Only Reason Women Get Angry?

Anger does not mean I'm PMSing.

Anger does not mean I’m PMSing.

By Fe Hmelar

If I’m angry I must be PMSing?

In middle school I got into a heated argument with my little brother. I was angry because he wasn’t keeping up with his end of the housework. We were yelling back-and-forth, and all of a sudden he exclaimed, “Why are you so upset, are you PMSing?” Read the rest of this entry

She Wonders: Am I “Doing It” Right?

Puzzled womanWomen often get distracted in bed, wondering, “Am I doing it right?”

Maybe that’s why a number of my women students and blog readers have said they watch porn to figure out what guys like — not because they enjoy it, themselves — either the sex on screen or the sex moves they learn.

And they end up worrying about whether they are adventurous enough, moaning enough, loud enough, or “right.” And are they taking too long to cum?

When I told one of my friends about all this, “CJ” began telling me her story. As we sat at a kitchen table, drinking tea, she began: Read the rest of this entry

Women, Objects of Desire (Even for Women?)

Women bombarded by Victoria's Secret models

Women bombarded by Victoria’s Secret models

Sexy lady’s bodies have been the focus of pop culture for decades.

Maybe that’s why even straight women were more aroused by a nude woman than by a nude man in one study, when measuring blood flow to the vagina. Some research suggests culture may be playing a role.

Is this true? A student of mine wondered.  Read the rest of this entry

So Nice We Let Others Hurt Us

By Veronica Rodriguez

Some people are so nice that they let others hurt them. I have been hurt. But I wasn’t nice.

I thought of this as I read a piece called, “Betrayed by the Angel,” by Debra Anne Davis.

When Debra was little, a boy named “Hank C” kept jabbing his pencil into her arm as she sat in her third-grade classroom. It hurt, but she didn’t want to be mean. When she finally got up the nerve to tell her teacher, she was told, “You go back to your seat and tell me if he does it again.” She sat mum. Read the rest of this entry

‘Curve’ Modeling Eases Media Curse

Iskra Lawerence, curve model.

Iskra Lawerence, curve model.

By Caroline Bliss Duffy

I went on my first diet in 2nd grade.

Forget that fruit roll up, unless you want a big belly that other kids poke at and yell “Blubber!”

By age 13 I was playing soccer and taking kickboxing classes. And I hardly ate.

At 5’8” I weighed 123 lbs, but still felt “fat” — an obsession that continued until I was 16, when I started doing some modeling in the city. By then I was a “hefty” 132 lbs. My agency took me but said I should get down to 125 lbs if I wanted constant work. Read the rest of this entry

A Girl Who Was Raised Like A Boy

Sondos, as a little girl.

S. as a little girl.

By S. Abu-Coush

Men are men and women are women?

We don’t learn to be. We just are?

But I didn’t learn gender the way most girls do. And even less the way most Middle Eastern girls do.

And I don’t see myself the way most girls do, either. Read the rest of this entry

Men Enjoy Themselves When Women Do

Sasha Grey

Sasha Grey

A lot of women think that their partners’ enjoyment is more important than their own.

It’s likely unconscious. But you see it every time a young woman gets distracted, focusing on how she looks, or what he wants, and how he feels…

… while completely ignoring how SHE feels.

But men actually enjoy themselves more when their partners are enjoying themselves.  Read the rest of this entry

Men’s Pleasure Is More Important?

Peggy Orenstein, Girls & Sex

Peggy Orenstein, Girls & Sex

Many young women are now engaging in sex acts with men that prioritize the man’s pleasure, with little or no expectation of reciprocity.

So says cultural theorist Jackson Katz.

Sounds about right.

These young women are focused on how they look and what they do — and how their guys feel about how they look and what they do. Read the rest of this entry

Losing Virginity Is Good… No Biggie… Shameful

Artemis, the virgin goddess

Artemis, the virgin goddess

By Anna Oseguera 

About a year ago I was talking with a friend of mine, “Maria,” and the topic of sex and virginity came up. Maria said that when she was 18 years old a male friend of hers offered to “do her the favor” of taking her virginity.

That puzzled us. “Do her the favor” of taking her virginity?

Did he think that she couldn’t find anyone to have sex with because he thought she wasn’t attractive enough? And why would she want to lose her virginity, anyway? Isn’t virginity a good thing? Something to be saved until marriage? Read the rest of this entry

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