Think We’ve Overcome Victorian Repression?
Think we’ve overcome Victorian sexual repression and now enjoy a sex-positive society? What about statements like this:
Some girls make it difficult for the rest of us to get respect.
That’s what a sorority sister said about girls who “give it away” too easily.
When I ask my students in the progressive San Francisco Bay Area what they think about this, I often hear thoughts like this:
Yeah that’s true. Some girls do give it up too easily and make it hard on the rest of us.
Their mamas didn’t teach them right.
Were Victorians Repressed or Not?
For years Victorians were called repressed. Now some say they were not.
The answer depends:
1) What do you mean by “repression.”
2) Which sex counts as “a Victorian.” Read the rest of this entry
Porn and My Sex Education
When I first had sex with my boyfriend I was scared.
I wasn’t worried about how to do sex. But I was afraid of this thing that was going to come inside me.
I remember thinking it looked like a snake and I had visions of it biting me or something. Long story short, I was scared of the sex act. Read the rest of this entry
Why Do Women Prioritize Men’s Pleasure?
A lot of women prioritize men’s pleasure over their own.
Instead of focusing on her own pleasure a woman may worry about whether she’s attractive enough. Or she may agree to do things she doesn’t like. Or she may give him a blowjob in his dorm room, or the backseat of his car, without expecting anything in return.
But why is that? Read the rest of this entry
Women’s Sexuality in Islam
Islam represses women’s sexuality, right? Think again.
We all see Muslim women draped in head-to-toe burqas. Or read about 10-year-olds being married off to 50-year-old men. Or cringe at women being stoned for adultery. Or knifed to death by family members in “honor killings” for such crimes as fornication or being with a man without a chaperone – or for being raped. (The stain of sexual impurity must be removed from the family, it is thought.) In some parts of North Africa and the Middle East women’s genitals are ritually cut or removed in the name of Islam.
In such a world, whose sexuality wouldn’t be repressed?
But nothing you just read has anything to do with Islam. All of the above are cultural practices that are not approved in the Quran. Read the rest of this entry
Women Are More Responsive To Repression
Women’s sexuality is more hushed-up and punished in our culture:
- Sexual women are still called “sluts” and “ho’s”
- Parents — especially fathers — are more open about sexuality with their sons. In fact, dad may brag about his son’s sexual prowess but not his daughter’s
- Viagra is openly advertised but products aiding women’s sexuality are not
- Ever seen a movie about girls trying to lose their virginity?
- The fear of sexual violence — or actually experiencing it — makes sexuality seem fearful to women and girls
- And be careful girls, or you may get f’d or screwed
AND women’s sexuality is more responsive to punishment.
Religion Shutting Down Sexuality
Harmful messages about sexuality are too often transmitted by conservative religions of all stripes.
The Christian woman quoted below is talking about how much she shares with another Christian woman’s experience:
“I suppressed most of my sexual urges.” YES. Hell yes, I did. “I was more or less asexual.” YES. I didn’t have a sexual thought, didn’t have a sexual fantasy, didn’t have a sex drive. I’d suppressed these things out of existence. Read the rest of this entry
What Does “Sex-Positive” Mean?
Some fear that if we create a more sex-positive society — meaning that we stop repressing women’s sexuality — that NO ONE will put on the BRAKES! And society will go mad.
So what do I mean by “sex-positive”? Read the rest of this entry
Sex-Negative Societies & Non-Orgasmic Women
Sex-positive societies create easily orgasmic, and multiply orgasmic women.
So it’s no surprise that sex-negative societies do the opposite.
In some places women’s pleasure is deliberately cut by damaging or removing the clitoris. In other places something more akin to a psychological clitoridectomy is performed. Let’s take a look at how that can happen. Read the rest of this entry
Repression Shutting Down Sexuality
Repressive forces can shut down sexuality.
I’ll start with my own experience. Read the rest of this entry