“I wish I were objectified” yearned a male BroadBlogs reader. Other men have said the same, if less directly. I eventually turned the discussion into a blog post, warning: be careful what you wish for.
“Objectification” and “desire” are commonly confused. Beauty, charisma and confidence can each spark the latter, which is likely what these men wanted: to be desired.
Sex objects may be desired but they are also treated as if they are merely objects that have no thoughts or feelings to fret over. All that matters is someone else’s pleasure or purposes.
Consider the tragic objectification of one boy. Read the rest of this entry
A man kills in an attempt to eliminate sexual temptation. But isn’t murder more heinous than sex? And is sex heinous?
How does one arrive at such a mindset?
Much has been said about evangelical teachings that, while rarely inciting murder, drew Robert Aaron Long to kill eight people, six of them Asian women who worked at spas in the Atlanta region. The teachings commonly reduce a man’s worthiness to his skill at keeping his mind off of illicit thoughts and reduce a woman’s worthiness to modesty — so as to keep men from sinning. Because if he sins it’s her fault, really. The next logical step in Long’s mind was to eradicate evil, immodest women.
The last few months have found wealthy, successful women escaping abusive relationships, with Evan Rachel Wood and FKA twigs prominent among them.
But how do wealthy women who, it seems, could so easily leave, end up in such harrowing circumstances? Actually, theirs is the story we find among most victims of domestic violence, rich or poor: whirlwind romance, controlling behavior, isolation, criticism and verbal abuse leading to violence.
Forewarned is forearmed. What can we learn from the experiences of FKA twigs and Evan Rachel Wood? Read the rest of this entry
Which is more intimate? Handholding or a hand job?
A young woman attending a college workshop on sexual assault was shocked to hear men say they thought handholding was more intimate.
After all, they held hands with women they cared about. They could get a hand job from any anonymous hookup.
Well, I’m perplexed, too. Read the rest of this entry
As we look to the inauguration of the 46th US president, who will preside over our constitutional democratic republic, my mind travels back to January 6 when thousands of angry Trump supporters attempted to violently overthrow a free and fair election.
The rioters surely felt powerful as they stormed the U.S. Capitol, climbed its stairs and walls, bashed its windows with pro-Trump flag poles, trashed Statuary Hall and Congressional offices, and sat at the Senate Dias and in the Speaker’s seat.
But in the end they weren’t so powerful after all, their acts sparking an enormous backlash.
Continue reading at The Good Men Project.
“Whites are taught not to have empathy for blacks.”
I read that in an article discussing hostility to the Black Lives Matter movement, but wondered: “Is that really true” And why bother to teach that?” Read the rest of this entry
Now I know that objectifying and desiring aren’t the same thing. But I’ve also learned that plenty of people are confused, like I was. When I talk about objectification I get reactions like:
- Women do it too!
- Women check out men!
- Girls drool over boy bands!
- Playgirl exists! (Well, it used to.)
- What’s wrong with desire?!
Sexual attraction is healthy and normal, right? Read the rest of this entry
Election Day is just weeks away and I’ll be voting for Joe Biden for President as quickly as I can.
I’m particularly concerned with Covid-19, healthcare, the economy, race relations and women’s rights, the climate, the Supreme Court and our democracy.
Read the rest of this entry
The Rules and The Game are manuals created to teach men and women how to attract the opposite sex. What do they tell us about the war between the sexes in this new millennium? For in these manuals, it is war. Read the rest of this entry
I asked women and men in my classes if they ever worry about whether they are “doing it right” when they have sex.
I recently wrote up my survey of young college men. Now let’s turn to the women, all of whom are 1st and 2nd year students, and almost all are in their late teens/early twenties.
I asked 80 of my women students who had sex with men (straight/bi/pan/flex) this question:
In sexual situations do you ever worry about whether you are “doing it” right?
Answer: YES: 73% NO: 27%
Their answers were similar to the men’s. Most students did worry, at least sometimes, with 73% of women and 71% of men saying they did.
Next, I did a qualitative survey of 52 women, asking them to talk more about their answer. (Among this sub-group 71% worried about “doing it right.”)
While the women and men I surveyed were about equally likely to worry, the women sometimes described their concern a little differently from the men. Read the rest of this entry