My First “Sexual Experiences” Felt Demeaning

Stop sexual assault

By Fe Hmelar

I’ve never had a boyfriend, never gone on a date, or even been kissed. But I have been sexually assaulted. Twice.

And that is partly why I have never dated. Read the rest of this entry

How Sex Is Used To Create Patriarchy

By Brittany Beall 

Sex is used to create male dominance (patriarchy) in a number of ways. Just take a quick look at these:

The double standard

In the double standard when a man has sex with many women that’s fine. Even celebrated. He is seen as a “the ladies man” or labeled “cool.”

But if a woman does the same thing she is labeled as a “slut” and men will find that unattractive.

Men are free, women are not. Men are celebrated, Women are humiliated. Read the rest of this entry

She Wants An Abortion. He Doesn’t

pro_choice-7946731A man asked me this question:

If a couple are in a safe, sane, and committed relationship I think that the women should not have all the say in whether or not to have an abortion. 

It would be a shame for a guy to have his baby taken away from him because the woman didn’t want to grow the baby inside of her. 

I think that entitles him to at least a conversation. Read the rest of this entry

Coming Out At Age 14

Coming out of the closet

By Zoe Heringer

I was 14 years old when I began to get in tune with my sexuality.

I had been watching a TV show called Skins, which is a British series that follows a group of teenagers who are confronting different problems in life. Some are dealing with depression or eating disorders or dysfunctional families. Others are coping with abuse or bullying. Each episode zeros in on one character and the struggles they face.

One episode centered on a young woman who was striving to come out and be honest about her attraction to girls. Read the rest of this entry

“Yes Means Yes” Is Scary? Rape Is Scary

Consent is sexy

Consent is sexy

“Yes means yes” is the standard for sexual consent on California’s state college campuses.

That’s because “no means no” isn’t good enough.

After all, a woman may not be able to say, “No” because she is frozen with fear. Or she is asleep. Or she’s had too much to drink. Or for a number of other reasons.

Some guys welcome the change, like a 19-year-old English major who told Emily Brazelon at the New York Times, Read the rest of this entry

Why Do Betas Push Theory That Insults Them?

Alpha or Beta?

By Catfish and Georgia

Some guys who call themselves “betas” (gentler, less macho men) complain that women want dominating “alphas,” not them.*

These betas insist that evolution controls the phenomenon: Alphas just have better genes. Sob.

Yet a University of Tennessee study published by PNAS found that most women prefer more generous and reliable “betas.” I know I do.

I’ve wondered why some “betas” push a theory that puts them down and leaves them no hope? Read the rest of this entry

Men Not Feeling Much Like Supermen

As Captain Marvel, Okoye, Wonder Woman and Black Widow have emerged, one by one, onto the silver screen I’ve found myself feeling surprisingly empowered as a woman. No wonder men have so much self-confidence, with all the male superheroes out there.

Or not. 

A friend of mine, “Bob,” sees things differently: “The downside to the abundance is that men feel like they have to live up to that.” And, apparently, fear that they don’t.

After Bob turned up this more tarnished side of the coin I started noticing a number of songs that seem to reflect the drawback to superherodom. Like Coldplay’s “Something Just Like This.”

Achilles and his gold, Hercules’s gifts

Spiderman’s control, and Batman with his fists

And clearly I don’t see myself upon that list Read the rest of this entry

I Look Sexy, But I Don’t Feel Pleasure

Laci Green explains self objectification.

Laci Green explains self objectification.

I recently talked about “spectatoring” — watching yourself have sex instead of enjoying pleasure.

After surveying my women students I learned that three-quarters spent at least some of their time in bed distracted by how they looked. Most worried that they weren’t “hot” enough. And most also said that their concerns harmed their sexual experience to some degree.

But some women did think they were attractive. In fact, when I surveyed students about the last time they had sex, one young woman replied, “I think I looked pretty good.” Read the rest of this entry

Dominatrix: Worshipped and Objectified 

Paul Giamatti of Showtime’s Billions, all tied up as his dominatrix wife looks down on him.

I recently debated two of my readers, Bob and Fred, about whether women like being dominated in consensual sex. 

After searching my files I found a sample of my students, 83 women and 63 men who are not gay/lesbian (because I wanted a sample of people who have sex cross-sexually). I had wondered what my male students believed about women and what women felt, themselves: Read the rest of this entry

Men Looking at Partially-Clothed Men

Diet Coke Gardener commercial

How do men feel about male nudity in media?

In the past I’ve written about men’s reactions, which you can see here and here.

They felt pretty uncomfortable.

But what if they wear more clothing — masculine jeans and no shirt? Read the rest of this entry

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