Blog Archives

Am I Trying To Shame Men’s Breast Fetish?

My blog post, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” prompts a lot of men to write in and say “It ain’t so!”

So I ask what difference it makes whether it’s nature or nurture?

Few respond. But “Sam” did. To paraphrase:

A lot of women think that guys who get excited about breasts are immature, infantile or perverts. So men get defensive if someone suggests their attraction is socialized. If we can say ‘it is hardwired’ we can immediately dismiss those views and classify ourselves as neither perverts nor as overgrown babies… Incidentally, I can say it certainly feels completely and utterly hardwired.

Read the rest of this entry

I Liked My Body – Until I Was Told “Respect Yourself” 

By Vanessa Velaquez 

In the middle of writing an essay during my third week of high school I got called out of class.

I couldn’t imagine why, but my teacher’s tone meant I was in trouble. I was so scared. Since I had been writing an in-class essay I worried that she might accuse me of plagiarism.

Instead, she lectured me on self-respect.

Turns out, I had worn a shirt that was too low cut for her taste as I leaned over my desk to write. Read the rest of this entry

Porn and My Sex Education

By Juanita Rodriguez 

When I first had sex with my boyfriend I was scared.

I wasn’t worried about how to do sex. But I was afraid of this thing that was going to come inside me.

I remember thinking it looked like a snake and I had visions of it biting me or something. Long story short, I was scared of the sex act. Read the rest of this entry

Wanna Know What Guys Want? 

What guys want. For you to enjoy yourself.

Checking out porn to see what guys want?

Women sometimes do this. But it could backfire.

A young man commenting on my blog worried that his girlfriend (his first sexual partner) had done just that:

It seems she’s done research in pornography, and for the past couple of months she does things she thinks girls do all the time during sex.

But he didn’t like it. To paraphrase: Read the rest of this entry

Straight Women O0ooo Less Than Everyone Else

couple-in-bedWhy do straight women orgasm less often than everyone else?

And what can they and their partners do about it?

***

When it comes to sexual enjoyment there’s a big gap between straight women and everyone else say researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute.

A survey of more than 52,000 adults of various sexual orientations found that straight men climaxed 95% of the time. But straight women only climaxed 65% of the time. Read the rest of this entry

Outside the Sex-Negative Box

Mae West: "When I'm good I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better."

Mae West: “When I’m good I’m very good. But when I’m bad I’m better.”

Girls who lack desire are good girls?

Pretty much all of my students have witnessed slut-shaming in high school, and many have experienced it.

Or just listen to the radio and you’ll hear desiring girls insulted as “hoes.”

Because apparently, a girl with desire is a bad girl.

Some young women even defend their virtue after being raped by explaining that they felt no desire. Like Audrie and Daisy: Read the rest of this entry

Women Distracted By “How They Look” In Bed

Distracted in bed.

Distracted in bed.

“Spectatoring” is the word Masters and Johnson used to describe watching yourself have sex instead of being swept up in sexual pleasure.

You aren’t in the game, you are watching from the sidelines — present and absent all at once.

To get a sense of how commonly young women get distracted, I asked this survey question:

Read the rest of this entry

I Slut-Shamed Out Of Jealousy

End slut-shaming

End slut-shaming

By Bianca Martinez 

The younger me wore oversized sweaters and baggy pants.

And I avoided skirts, perfume, and the color pink.

I’d thought I did this because I valued “manly” over “girly.”

But really it was the opposite: To me, girly meant pretty, and I didn’t feel pretty. So I didn’t deserve to feel girly. Read the rest of this entry

Who Wants To “Do It” More? 

doing-itWho wants sex more often, men or women? Couples in older or newer relationships?

It depends, some will say.

It always depends. But there are also strong patterns.  Read the rest of this entry

Men Dislike Double Standard More Than Women?

slut-shaming-candy-manPlenty of women hate the double standard that rewards men for having sex, but punishes women.

But on average, men dislike it more.

Why is that? Read the rest of this entry

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