I recently talked about “spectatoring” — watching yourself have sex instead of enjoying pleasure.
After surveying my women students I learned that three-quarters spent at least some of their time in bed distracted by how they looked. Most worried that they weren’t “hot” enough. And most also said that their concerns harmed their sexual experience to some degree.
But some women did think they were attractive. In fact, when I surveyed students about the last time they had sex, one young woman replied, “I think I looked pretty good.” Read the rest of this entry
I recently debated two of my readers, Bob and Fred, about whether women like being dominated in consensual sex.
After searching my files I found a sample of my students, 83 women and 63 men who are not gay/lesbian (because I wanted a sample of people who have sex cross-sexually). I had wondered what my male students believed about women and what women felt, themselves: Read the rest of this entry
So far I have found a few things that distinguish women who experience more sex-negativity and sexual dysfunction. They — and in my youth I would count myself among them — are more likely to:
- Worry that God will punish them for their sexuality
- Have sex-negative parents
- Have sex-negative friends
- If they are slut-shamed by their peers they feel deeply “wrong” and shameful
- They refrain from learning about their sexuality and what works for them
RoSo is a straight 24-year-old woman of East Asian descent. Here is her story: Read the rest of this entry
The answer depends:
1) What do you mean by “repression.”
2) Which sex counts as “a Victorian.” Read the rest of this entry
- Women’s self-esteem.
- Women’s ability to enjoy sexuality. (And if women enjoy it more so do men.)
- Getting rid of double standards
But I’m not interested in shaming men about the fetish. So what is my point? How would I like to see things change? Read the rest of this entry
It can actually hurt both men’s and women’s sexual experience.
Sounds counterintuitive. But consider this: Read the rest of this entry
My blog post, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” prompts a lot of men to write in and say “It ain’t so!”
So I ask what difference it makes whether it’s nature or nurture?
Few respond. But “Sam” did. To paraphrase:
A lot of women think that guys who get excited about breasts are immature, infantile or perverts. So men get defensive if someone suggests their attraction is socialized. If we can say ‘it is hardwired’ we can immediately dismiss those views and classify ourselves as neither perverts nor as overgrown babies… Incidentally, I can say it certainly feels completely and utterly hardwired.
By Vanessa Velaquez
In the middle of writing an essay during my third week of high school I got called out of class.
Instead, she lectured me on self-respect.
Turns out, I had worn a shirt that was too low cut for her taste as I leaned over my desk to write. Read the rest of this entry
When I first had sex with my boyfriend I was scared.
I wasn’t worried about how to do sex. But I was afraid of this thing that was going to come inside me.
I remember thinking it looked like a snake and I had visions of it biting me or something. Long story short, I was scared of the sex act. Read the rest of this entry
Checking out porn to see what guys want?
Women sometimes do this. But it could backfire.
A young man commenting on my blog worried that his girlfriend (his first sexual partner) had done just that:
It seems she’s done research in pornography, and for the past couple of months she does things she thinks girls do all the time during sex.
But he didn’t like it. To paraphrase: Read the rest of this entry