Checking out porn to see what guys want?
Women sometimes do this. But it could backfire.
A young man commenting on my blog worried that his girlfriend (his first sexual partner) had done just that:
It seems she’s done research in pornography, and for the past couple of months she does things she thinks girls do all the time during sex.
But he didn’t like it. To paraphrase: Read the rest of this entry
And what can they and their partners do about it?
When it comes to sexual enjoyment there’s a big gap between straight women and everyone else say researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute.
Girls who lack desire are good girls?
Pretty much all of my students have witnessed slut-shaming in high school, and many have experienced it.
Or just listen to the radio and you’ll hear desiring girls insulted as “hoes.”
Because apparently, a girl with desire is a bad girl.
Some young women even defend their virtue after being raped by explaining that they felt no desire. Like Audrie and Daisy: Read the rest of this entry
“Spectatoring” is the word Masters and Johnson used to describe watching yourself have sex instead of being swept up in sexual pleasure.
You aren’t in the game, you are watching from the sidelines — present and absent all at once.
To get a sense of how commonly young women get distracted, I asked this survey question:
By Bianca Martinez
The younger me wore oversized sweaters and baggy pants.
And I avoided skirts, perfume, and the color pink.
I’d thought I did this because I valued “manly” over “girly.”
But really it was the opposite: To me, girly meant pretty, and I didn’t feel pretty. So I didn’t deserve to feel girly. Read the rest of this entry
It depends, some will say.
It always depends. But there are also strong patterns. Read the rest of this entry
But on average, men dislike it more.
Why is that? Read the rest of this entry
Young women’s experience of sexuality was ignored by social scientists for years.
But about ten years ago San Francisco State professor Deborah Tolman interviewed high school girls who would be in their late 20s today.
A friend invited me into his open marriage.
Well, me and a bunch of our other female friends. Plus other women I don’t know.
I declined but he’s persistant. It’s a personality trait of his.
He sent a link quoting Christopher Ryan, author of “Sex at Dawn,” who said,
We assume monogamy is natural and preferable. But (controversial) evidence says “maybe not.” If monogamy isn’t necessarily natural, then we can stop shaming and discriminating against non-monogamous behavior.
Maybe that’s why a number of my women students and blog readers have said they watch porn to figure out what guys like — not because they enjoy it, themselves — either the sex on screen or the sex moves they learn.
And they end up worrying about whether they are adventurous enough, moaning enough, loud enough, or “right.” And are they taking too long to cum?
When I told one of my friends about all this, “CJ” began telling me her story. As we sat at a kitchen table, drinking tea, she began: Read the rest of this entry