My blog post, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” prompts a lot of men to write in and say “It ain’t so!”
So I ask what difference it makes whether it’s nature or nurture?
Few respond. But “Sam” did. To paraphrase:
A lot of women think that guys who get excited about breasts are immature, infantile or perverts. So men get defensive if someone suggests their attraction is socialized. If we can say ‘it is hardwired’ we can immediately dismiss those views and classify ourselves as neither perverts nor as overgrown babies… Incidentally, I can say it certainly feels completely and utterly hardwired.
By Vanessa Velaquez
In the middle of writing an essay during my third week of high school I got called out of class.
Instead, she lectured me on self-respect.
Turns out, I had worn a shirt that was too low cut for her taste as I leaned over my desk to write. Read the rest of this entry
When I first had sex with my boyfriend I was scared.
I wasn’t worried about how to do sex. But I was afraid of this thing that was going to come inside me.
I remember thinking it looked like a snake and I had visions of it biting me or something. Long story short, I was scared of the sex act. Read the rest of this entry
Checking out porn to see what guys want?
Women sometimes do this. But it could backfire.
A young man commenting on my blog worried that his girlfriend (his first sexual partner) had done just that:
It seems she’s done research in pornography, and for the past couple of months she does things she thinks girls do all the time during sex.
But he didn’t like it. To paraphrase: Read the rest of this entry
And what can they and their partners do about it?
When it comes to sexual enjoyment there’s a big gap between straight women and everyone else say researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute.
Girls who lack desire are good girls?
Pretty much all of my students have witnessed slut-shaming in high school, and many have experienced it.
Or just listen to the radio and you’ll hear desiring girls insulted as “hoes.”
Because apparently, a girl with desire is a bad girl.
Some young women even defend their virtue after being raped by explaining that they felt no desire. Like Audrie and Daisy: Read the rest of this entry
“Spectatoring” is the word Masters and Johnson used to describe watching yourself have sex instead of being swept up in sexual pleasure.
You aren’t in the game, you are watching from the sidelines — present and absent all at once.
To get a sense of how commonly young women get distracted, I asked this survey question:
By Bianca Martinez
The younger me wore oversized sweaters and baggy pants.
And I avoided skirts, perfume, and the color pink.
I’d thought I did this because I valued “manly” over “girly.”
But really it was the opposite: To me, girly meant pretty, and I didn’t feel pretty. So I didn’t deserve to feel girly. Read the rest of this entry
It depends, some will say.
It always depends. But there are also strong patterns. Read the rest of this entry