Category Archives: sex and sexuality

Breast Fetishes and Double Standards

I wrote a post called, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” and a lot of guys wrote in to say they ARE indeed hardwired!

Some use theories from sociobiology (aka evolutionary psychology) to make their point.

For instance, some evolutionary psychologists suggest that men might be visually cued to breasts as an indicator of good health and reproductive capacity.

Yet they also say that men want to “spread their seed” widely, and will have sex with pretty much anyone.

Go figure. Read the rest of this entry

Why Aren’t Male Strippers Sexy?

Channing Tatum in “Magic Mike”

Women go to strip clubs for “fun” and female bonding, not to get aroused.

Or maybe they want to prove that they can objectify men just as much as men objectify them.

Sure, some women find male strippers sexy, but as Tracy Clark-Flory over at Salon acknowledges:

The typical atmosphere in such an establishment isn’t one of arousal and longing, the kind that reliably fills the air in a female strip club. As far as I can tell, female patrons are typically cracking up, shielding their eyes in mock horror or cartoonishly objectifying male dancers as a performance for their friends.

Read the rest of this entry

Am I Trying To Shame Men’s Breast Fetish?

My blog post, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” prompts a lot of men to write in and say “It ain’t so!”

So I ask what difference it makes whether it’s nature or nurture?

Few respond. But “Sam” did. To paraphrase:

A lot of women think that guys who get excited about breasts are immature, infantile or perverts. So men get defensive if someone suggests their attraction is socialized. If we can say ‘it is hardwired’ we can immediately dismiss those views and classify ourselves as neither perverts nor as overgrown babies… Incidentally, I can say it certainly feels completely and utterly hardwired.

Read the rest of this entry

What To Do When You Get Distracted From Sex 

When men have sex it seems that all of their thoughts shut off — except for sex.

So says Dr. Louann Brizendine in The Male Brain. (Guys: feel free to chime in to confirm or disconfirm.)

But women often get distracted.  Read the rest of this entry

I Liked My Body – Until I Was Told “Respect Yourself” 

By Vanessa Velaquez 

In the middle of writing an essay during my third week of high school I got called out of class.

I couldn’t imagine why, but my teacher’s tone meant I was in trouble. I was so scared. Since I had been writing an in-class essay I worried that she might accuse me of plagiarism.

Instead, she lectured me on self-respect.

Turns out, I had worn a shirt that was too low cut for her taste as I leaned over my desk to write. Read the rest of this entry

Porn and My Sex Education

By Juanita Rodriguez 

When I first had sex with my boyfriend I was scared.

I wasn’t worried about how to do sex. But I was afraid of this thing that was going to come inside me.

I remember thinking it looked like a snake and I had visions of it biting me or something. Long story short, I was scared of the sex act. Read the rest of this entry

Women Want Emotionally Connected Sex. Why?

105464-103886Women want emotionally connected sex.

Not all women, all the time.

But University of Texas psychologists, Cindy Meston and David Buss interviewed over 1,000 women around the world for their book, Why Women Have Sex, and here’s what they found: Read the rest of this entry

Open Marriage Hasn’t Caught On?

Why hasn’t open marriage caught on?

Open marriage, the sensible alternative to monogamy?

On the plus side, a couple may enjoy a close-knit family and loving spousal relationship, but with an exciting dash of sexual variety.

Sex columnist, Dan Savage, is all for it. But he acknowledges that there are advantages to monogamy: sexual safety from infections, emotional safety, paternity assurances.

Still, he thinks monogamy brings boredom, despair, lack of variety, sexual death and being taken for granted. Plus, society imposes monogamy on  men, who were never expected to be monogamous, he complains. Read the rest of this entry

Straight vs Gay Slut-Shaming

In straight culture women are often shamed for having sex while men are celebrated.

But things may be reversed in gay culture. “Heather” wrote in to say:

I agree completely that straight women tend to slut-shame other straight women and that straight men congratulate other straight men for their “sexual conquests.”

But in my experience that is not the case in the LBGT+ community. I’m straight myself, but among my gay and lesbian friends things seem to be the opposite: gay men slut-shame gay men, and lesbians congratulate lesbians.

Read the rest of this entry

I Slut-Shamed Before I Was Slut-Shamed

By Aili Masuda

I slut-shamed girls before I was slut-shamed, myself.

Yes, as a little girl I succumbed to the standard of humiliating other girls. Now I see that this behavior grew from my own insecurities. And because I didn’t know what it was like to be the target.

But it wasn’t long before I became the target, myself.  Read the rest of this entry

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