Category Archives: sex and sexuality

The Rules vs The Game

article-new_ehow_images_a06_0s_0v_standard-game-checkers-rules-1.1-800x800The Rules and The Game are manuals created to teach men and women how to attract the opposite sex. What do they tell us about the war between the sexes in this new millennium? For in these manuals, it is war. Read the rest of this entry

Do women worry about “doing it right?”

Men concerned with pleasing partners

Women concerned with pleasing partners

I asked women and men in my classes if they ever worry about whether they are “doing it right” when they have sex.

I recently wrote up my survey of young college men. Now let’s turn to the women, all of whom are 1st and 2nd year students, and almost all are in their late teens/early twenties.

I asked 80 of my women students who had sex with men (straight/bi/pan/flex) this question:

In sexual situations do you ever worry about whether you are “doing it” right?

Answer: YES: 73%            NO: 27%

Their answers were similar to the men’s. Most students did worry, at least sometimes, with 73% of women and 71% of men saying they did.

Next, I did a qualitative survey of 52 women, asking them to talk more about their answer. (Among this sub-group 71% worried about “doing it right.”)

While the women and men I surveyed were about equally likely to worry, the women sometimes described their concern a little differently from the men. Read the rest of this entry

Do men worry about “doing it right?”

Men concerned with pleasing partners

Men concerned with pleasing partners

I asked both women and men students in my classes if they ever worry about whether they are “doing it right” when they have sex.

Let’s start with the men, all of whom are 1st and 2nd year students, and most of whom are in their late teens/early twenties.

I asked 69 of my men students who had sex with women (straight/bi) this question:

In sexual situations do you ever worry about whether you are “doing it” right?

Answer:  YES: 71%            NO: 29%

So most do. And then I did another qualitative survey of 26 men, where I asked them to talk about their answer to see what their concerns revolved around. (Fyi, 65% of this sample worried about “doing it right.”) Read the rest of this entry

Seeking Men For Self-Esteem

By Maria Infante 

For as long as I can remember I looked to men for approval.

Why? Maybe it was my absent father who was only around for dinner and bed. He paid the rent but didn’t show me much interest. And he favored cousin Daniel over me.

So I made it my mission to become his favorite child. Read the rest of this entry

How Sex Is Used To Create Patriarchy

By Brittany Beall 

Sex is used to create male dominance (patriarchy) in a number of ways. Just take a quick look at these:

The double standard

In the double standard when a man has sex with many women that’s fine. Even celebrated. He is seen as a “the ladies man” or labeled “cool.”

But if a woman does the same thing she is labeled as a “slut” and men will find that unattractive.

Men are free, women are not. Men are celebrated, Women are humiliated. Read the rest of this entry

I Look Sexy, But I Don’t Feel Pleasure

Laci Green explains self objectification.

Laci Green explains self objectification.

I recently talked about “spectatoring” — watching yourself have sex instead of enjoying pleasure.

After surveying my women students I learned that three-quarters spent at least some of their time in bed distracted by how they looked. Most worried that they weren’t “hot” enough. And most also said that their concerns harmed their sexual experience to some degree.

But some women did think they were attractive. In fact, when I surveyed students about the last time they had sex, one young woman replied, “I think I looked pretty good.” Read the rest of this entry

Dominatrix: Worshipped and Objectified 

Paul Giamatti of Showtime’s Billions, all tied up as his dominatrix wife looks down on him.

I recently debated two of my readers, Bob and Fred, about whether women like being dominated in consensual sex. 

After searching my files I found a sample of my students, 83 women and 63 men who are not gay/lesbian (because I wanted a sample of people who have sex cross-sexually). I had wondered what my male students believed about women and what women felt, themselves: Read the rest of this entry

Men Looking at Partially-Clothed Men

Diet Coke Gardener commercial

How do men feel about male nudity in media?

In the past I’ve written about men’s reactions, which you can see here and here.

They felt pretty uncomfortable.

But what if they wear more clothing — masculine jeans and no shirt? Read the rest of this entry

Virgins and Cults and Morals, Oh My!

How does one lose virginity?

By Kyle Welsh

Virginity, or the lack thereof, plays a big role in how we treat women.

From religious practices to traditional lifestyles, high value is placed on women who have never had sex.

In The Cult of Virginity Jessica Valenti talks about the “virginity mystery” – that is, the realization that there is no medical or social definition for what a virgin actually is.  Read the rest of this entry

Bucket Lists and F*ck It Lists

Casual sex can block you from finding meaningful sex. Do you agree or disagree?

By Pamela Robinson

The internet has “disrupted” courting.

Couples sit side by side, not talking, computers or phones on their laps.

The events of courting, including breaking up, are delivered via text message.

Pornography in all forms is easy to access on the Internet.

How will relationships survive through the twenty-first century? Read the rest of this entry

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