Women as Prey, Men as Predator
Women are expected to attract, men are supposed to be attracted. Men want, women want to be wanted. Metaphorically, this is a predator/prey type relationship. Women are subject to the hunt whether they like it or not, so men’s attention can be pleasing, annoying, or frightening. It all depends.
Accordingly, women know what it feels like to be prey.
Not all men make women feel this way, she says, and probably most don’t, but we’ve all pretty much had this experience, whether it’s,
The leering guy on the street, the heavy hitter in the bar, the frotteurist on the subway, the molesting uncle, the aggressive fraternity brother, etc.
Does homophobia arise partly from being demoted on the food chain and feeling like prey, she wonders?
It’s like they’ve been treated like a human being their whole life and then, POW, they’re a piece of ass and nothing more. It must feel just crazy bad.
Sounds likely. But whether or not this may be one cause of homophobia, guys don’t seem to like it much when tables turn.
Like a guy who posed as a girl on a dating site and lived to write about it on Reddit.
He had been joking with a female friend about how easy women have it with online dating. She begged to disagree. So he set up a fake profile, using her picture (with permission) to prove how right he was.
The experience was quite different from when he had set up a real profile years before and received a few nice messages.
Now, posed as a girl, he got a message before he’d even finished “her” write-up. It wasn’t mean, but it was odd, coming so soon.
So he finished the profile and was about to sign off when another message arrived.
I messaged him back staying as neutral and as uninterested as possible without being mean. I was about to leave again, but I was kind of curious now, so I waited another minute, and sure enough, a third message popped up (also I feel this is a good point to say that my friend would be the first to say she’s a pretty average looking girl).
After 20 minutes of message bombardment the conversations all got weird, increasingly aggressive and sexual, and even vulgar. Then, he says,
I got the NoStringsAtttached messages, with multiple guys sending me messages asking me to watch them cam, or meeting up with them within the hour, or talk with them on the phone or cyber. I would say no and they usually didn’t take it too well…
I would be lying if I said it didn’t get to me… within a 2 hour span it got me really down and I was feeling really uncomfortable with everything… I ended up deleting my profile at the end of 2 hours and kind of went about the rest of my night with a very bad taste in my mouth.
This man probably isn’t one of the predators. And most men aren’t. But the “women must attract/men must be attracted” social scenario sets up a situation that encourages too many male predators. This young man certainly wasn’t used to being prey. And he was unpleasantly surprised to learn that the grass is far from greener on the other side of the fence.
Posted on January 15, 2014, in feminism, gender, LGBT+, men, objectification, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged feminism, gender, homophobia, men, objectification, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women. Bookmark the permalink. 67 Comments.