Category Archives: psychology

Why Do Betas Push Theory That Insults Them?

Alpha or Beta?

By Catfish and Georgia

Some guys who call themselves “betas” (gentler, less macho men) complain that women want dominating “alphas,” not them.*

These betas insist that evolution controls the phenomenon: Alphas just have better genes. Sob.

Yet a University of Tennessee study published by PNAS found that most women prefer more generous and reliable “betas.” I know I do.

I’ve wondered why some “betas” push a theory that puts them down and leaves them no hope? Read the rest of this entry

I Look Sexy, But I Don’t Feel Pleasure

Laci Green explains self objectification.

Laci Green explains self objectification.

I recently talked about “spectatoring” — watching yourself have sex instead of enjoying pleasure.

After surveying my women students I learned that three-quarters spent at least some of their time in bed distracted by how they looked. Most worried that they weren’t “hot” enough. And most also said that their concerns harmed their sexual experience to some degree.

But some women did think they were attractive. In fact, when I surveyed students about the last time they had sex, one young woman replied, “I think I looked pretty good.” Read the rest of this entry

Men Looking at Partially-Clothed Men

Diet Coke Gardener commercial

How do men feel about male nudity in media?

In the past I’ve written about men’s reactions, which you can see here and here.

They felt pretty uncomfortable.

But what if they wear more clothing — masculine jeans and no shirt? Read the rest of this entry

Men Looking at Men Showing Skin

A while back I surveyed my straight male students on their thoughts when looking at a nude-ish picture of Sly Stallone.

Had attitudes changed since sociologist, Beth Eck, found that straight guys were pretty uncomfortable looking at that picture almost 15 years ago?

I asked them to write whatever thoughts came to mind and then I analyzed and published the results here.

But blog readers wondered what men would think if I used a more current star. So I surveyed 40 of my male students. Here’s a comparison of Sly Stallone, Channing Tatum and David Beckham. Read the rest of this entry

Why Do I Care About The Breast Fetish?

470_2580418I’ve written a series of posts criticizing the breast fetish, not because I’m trying to shame men but because I am concerned with:

  • Women’s self-esteem.
  • Women’s ability to enjoy sexuality. (And if women enjoy it more so do men.)
  • Getting rid of double standards

But I’m not interested in shaming men about the fetish. So what is my point? How would I like to see things change? Read the rest of this entry

Breast Fetishes and Double Standards

I wrote a post called, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” and a lot of guys wrote in to say they ARE indeed hardwired!

Some use theories from sociobiology (aka evolutionary psychology) to make their point.

For instance, some evolutionary psychologists suggest that men might be visually cued to breasts as an indicator of good health and reproductive capacity.

Yet they also say that men want to “spread their seed” widely, and will have sex with pretty much anyone.

Go figure. Read the rest of this entry

Depression: Robin Williams, Linkin Park and Me

Three years ago, almost to the day, Robin Williams killed himself. Long-term depression seems to have been a contributing factor.

Three months ago Linkin Park’s lead singer Chester Bennington killed himself. Once again, long-term depression reared its ugly head.

It’s a reminder of my own struggles with anxiety and depression. Read the rest of this entry

Am I Trying To Shame Men’s Breast Fetish?

My blog post, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” prompts a lot of men to write in and say “It ain’t so!”

So I ask what difference it makes whether it’s nature or nurture?

Few respond. But “Sam” did. To paraphrase:

A lot of women think that guys who get excited about breasts are immature, infantile or perverts. So men get defensive if someone suggests their attraction is socialized. If we can say ‘it is hardwired’ we can immediately dismiss those views and classify ourselves as neither perverts nor as overgrown babies… Incidentally, I can say it certainly feels completely and utterly hardwired.

Read the rest of this entry

Men Caging Ourselves In 

Tough guise.

By Lawrence Santiago 

All my life I’ve seen guys put on a “tough guy” façade that we are encouraged, or pressured, to create.

When we are little boys we’re told “Don’t cry!”

In kindergarten we flex our muscles and pretend to be strong. We are teased by both men and other boys if we don’t act tough enough. After puberty we are pressured to do risky things that could kill us, just to prove our manhood. Read the rest of this entry

Open Marriage Hasn’t Caught On?

Why hasn’t open marriage caught on?

Open marriage, the sensible alternative to monogamy?

On the plus side, a couple may enjoy a close-knit family and loving spousal relationship, but with an exciting dash of sexual variety.

Sex columnist, Dan Savage, is all for it. But he acknowledges that there are advantages to monogamy: sexual safety from infections, emotional safety, paternity assurances.

Still, he thinks monogamy brings boredom, despair, lack of variety, sexual death and being taken for granted. Plus, society imposes monogamy on  men, who were never expected to be monogamous, he complains. Read the rest of this entry

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