Category Archives: psychology

Why Do I Care About The Breast Fetish?

470_2580418I’ve written a series of posts criticizing the breast fetish, not because I’m trying to shame men but because I am concerned with:

  • Women’s self-esteem.
  • Women’s ability to enjoy sexuality. (And if women enjoy it more so do men.)
  • Getting rid of double standards

But I’m not interested in shaming men about the fetish. So what is my point? How would I like to see things change? Read the rest of this entry

Breast Fetishes and Double Standards

I wrote a post called, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” and a lot of guys wrote in to say they ARE indeed hardwired!

Some use theories from sociobiology (aka evolutionary psychology) to make their point.

For instance, some evolutionary psychologists suggest that men might be visually cued to breasts as an indicator of good health and reproductive capacity.

Yet they also say that men want to “spread their seed” widely, and will have sex with pretty much anyone.

Go figure. Read the rest of this entry

Depression: Robin Williams, Linkin Park and Me

Three years ago, almost to the day, Robin Williams killed himself. Long-term depression seems to have been a contributing factor.

Three months ago Linkin Park’s lead singer Chester Bennington killed himself. Once again, long-term depression reared its ugly head.

It’s a reminder of my own struggles with anxiety and depression. Read the rest of this entry

Am I Trying To Shame Men’s Breast Fetish?

My blog post, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” prompts a lot of men to write in and say “It ain’t so!”

So I ask what difference it makes whether it’s nature or nurture?

Few respond. But “Sam” did. To paraphrase:

A lot of women think that guys who get excited about breasts are immature, infantile or perverts. So men get defensive if someone suggests their attraction is socialized. If we can say ‘it is hardwired’ we can immediately dismiss those views and classify ourselves as neither perverts nor as overgrown babies… Incidentally, I can say it certainly feels completely and utterly hardwired.

Read the rest of this entry

Men Caging Ourselves In 

Tough guise.

By Lawrence Santiago 

All my life I’ve seen guys put on a “tough guy” façade that we are encouraged, or pressured, to create.

When we are little boys we’re told “Don’t cry!”

In kindergarten we flex our muscles and pretend to be strong. We are teased by both men and other boys if we don’t act tough enough. After puberty we are pressured to do risky things that could kill us, just to prove our manhood. Read the rest of this entry

Open Marriage Hasn’t Caught On?

Why hasn’t open marriage caught on?

Open marriage, the sensible alternative to monogamy?

On the plus side, a couple may enjoy a close-knit family and loving spousal relationship, but with an exciting dash of sexual variety.

Sex columnist, Dan Savage, is all for it. But he acknowledges that there are advantages to monogamy: sexual safety from infections, emotional safety, paternity assurances.

Still, he thinks monogamy brings boredom, despair, lack of variety, sexual death and being taken for granted. Plus, society imposes monogamy on  men, who were never expected to be monogamous, he complains. Read the rest of this entry

Straight vs Gay Slut-Shaming

In straight culture women are often shamed for having sex while men are celebrated.

But things may be reversed in gay culture. “Heather” wrote in to say:

I agree completely that straight women tend to slut-shame other straight women and that straight men congratulate other straight men for their “sexual conquests.”

But in my experience that is not the case in the LBGT+ community. I’m straight myself, but among my gay and lesbian friends things seem to be the opposite: gay men slut-shame gay men, and lesbians congratulate lesbians.

Read the rest of this entry

Girls = Boys in Math

200872411In the US boys outperform girls in math. But we’re an outlier.  As a Slate article describes it:

The only countries with a wider gap favoring boys are Colombia and Liechtenstein. Many Middle Eastern countries—notably Qatar, Jordan, and the U.A.E.—report a significant gender gap in favor of girls (though lower math scores overall). In Hong Kong, Singapore, and South Korea, the gender gap is miniscule, and the math scores are high. Shanghai registers no gender gap between boys and girls—together, they’re outperforming other teenagers across the globe.

Read the rest of this entry

Be Wonder Woman — Your Way

Wonder Woman (2017)

Why would watching warriors prepare for battle evoke tears of deep emotion?

How could a cartoon character be transformative?

I puzzled over those questions when friends and movie reviewers, alike, shared their experience of Wonder Woman.

It made no sense.

I’ve seen plenty of battles and felt mostly bored: chaotic fighting, and you know who will win anyway.

Wonder Woman is transformative?! I read her comics as a kid… no transformation.

Curious, I went to see the film.

And… as Amazon warrior women practiced their skills tears well up.

What?! Read the rest of this entry

Women Who Are Sexist Against Women 

Women and men, alike, shouted “Lock her up!” and “Trump that bitch!” at Trump’s GOP Convention last summer.

Some women wore shirts bellowing, “Trump can grab my pussy!”

People often confuse patriarchy with men. But they aren’t the same thing.

Plenty of men fight against patriarchy/sexism. And plenty of women are sexist.

Why are women sometimes sexist?  Read the rest of this entry

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