Category Archives: men

Do men worry about “doing it right?”

Men concerned with pleasing partners

Men concerned with pleasing partners

I asked both women and men students in my classes if they ever worry about whether they are “doing it right” when they have sex.

Let’s start with the men, all of whom are 1st and 2nd year students, and most of whom are in their late teens/early twenties.

I asked 69 of my men students who had sex with women (straight/bi) this question:

In sexual situations do you ever worry about whether you are “doing it” right?

Answer:  YES: 71%            NO: 29%

So most do. And then I did another qualitative survey of 26 men, where I asked them to talk about their answer to see what their concerns revolved around. (Fyi, 65% of this sample worried about “doing it right.”) Read the rest of this entry

Being A Man Doesn’t Mean Looking Down On Women 

Real men respect women.

By Luis Castro 

Middle school boys can be fierce. Not all of them, but most of them are.

That’s when they start getting exposed to the dirty side of life, like gangsta rap and porn, or just bad influences which teach boys to disrespect girls. So they come to think that they are better than girls just because they are masculine.

I know from experience. Read the rest of this entry

How Sex Is Used To Create Patriarchy

By Brittany Beall 

Sex is used to create male dominance (patriarchy) in a number of ways. Just take a quick look at these:

The double standard

In the double standard when a man has sex with many women that’s fine. Even celebrated. He is seen as a “the ladies man” or labeled “cool.”

But if a woman does the same thing she is labeled as a “slut” and men will find that unattractive.

Men are free, women are not. Men are celebrated, Women are humiliated. Read the rest of this entry

Why Do Betas Push Theory That Insults Them?

Alpha or Beta?

By Catfish and Georgia

Some guys who call themselves “betas” (gentler, less macho men) complain that women want dominating “alphas,” not them.*

These betas insist that evolution controls the phenomenon: Alphas just have better genes. Sob.

Yet a University of Tennessee study published by PNAS found that most women prefer more generous and reliable “betas.” I know I do.

I’ve wondered why some “betas” push a theory that puts them down and leaves them no hope? Read the rest of this entry

Men Not Feeling Much Like Supermen

As Captain Marvel, Okoye, Wonder Woman and Black Widow have emerged, one by one, onto the silver screen I’ve found myself feeling surprisingly empowered as a woman. No wonder men have so much self-confidence, with all the male superheroes out there.

Or not. 

A friend of mine, “Bob,” sees things differently: “The downside to the abundance is that men feel like they have to live up to that.” And, apparently, fear that they don’t.

After Bob turned up this more tarnished side of the coin I started noticing a number of songs that seem to reflect the drawback to superherodom. Like Coldplay’s “Something Just Like This.”

Achilles and his gold, Hercules’s gifts

Spiderman’s control, and Batman with his fists

And clearly I don’t see myself upon that list Read the rest of this entry

Men Looking at Partially-Clothed Men

Diet Coke Gardener commercial

How do men feel about male nudity in media?

In the past I’ve written about men’s reactions, which you can see here and here.

They felt pretty uncomfortable.

But what if they wear more clothing — masculine jeans and no shirt? Read the rest of this entry

Toxic Masculinity = Masculinity?

Reader comments inspired this blog post which I published on Good Men Project:

Why do so many men insist that masculinity is the same thing as toxic masculinity — the violent, aggressive variant that leads to horrors like rape or beatings or terrorism (domestic and foreign)? I wondered about this while talking with some non-feminist acquaintances — I try to reach beyond my feminist choir on a regular basis.

We had gotten onto the subject of the tweetstorm created by Danielle Muscato’s question, “What would you do if all men had a 9 pm curfew?”

The men I spoke with were infuriated, taking the proposal literally and not as a thought experiment. “That would be a human rights violation,” said one. “Women would have nothing to do since most businesses would close at 9 PM,” said another.

Read more@ Good Men Project.

9 PM Curfew For Toxic Masculinity

Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir on curfews for men.

Years ago when Israel faced a rape epidemic someone suggested putting women under curfew until the country was safe again.

Prime Minister Golda Meir thought better: Men are committing the rapes. Let them be put under curfew.

I thought of that when Danielle Muscato wondered on Twitter,

What would you do if all men had a 9 pm curfew? Read the rest of this entry

Sexy Women Make Men Feel Bad About Themselves

Brooklyn Decker

By “Bob”

Sexy models like Brooklyn Decker can make women to feel bad about themselves when women feel like they don’t measure up.

But men can feel bad about themselves when they look at Brooklyn, too. Read the rest of this entry

Women Looking at David Beckham Showing Skin

David Beckham

Since women were so uncomfortable with the male stripper image I discussed last time I thought I’d try a more masculine image with a bit more clothing.

David Beckham is a conventionally attractive man who looks masculine and is known for his prowess in football (soccer to us Americans). And this type of photo (men’s underwear ads) occurs more often than others I’d shown my classes. Does that make a difference? Read the rest of this entry

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