I Look Sexy, But I Don’t Feel Pleasure
I recently talked about “spectatoring” — watching yourself have sex instead of enjoying pleasure.
After surveying my women students I learned that three-quarters spent at least some of their time in bed distracted by how they looked. Most worried that they weren’t “hot” enough. And most also said that their concerns harmed their sexual experience to some degree.
But some women did think they were attractive. In fact, when I surveyed students about the last time they had sex, one young woman replied, “I think I looked pretty good.” Read the rest of this entry
What’s Wrong With Hooking Up?
Crossposted from Ms. and Sociological Images
Hanna Rosin, senior editor at The Atlantic and author of The End of Men, has written a piece about hook-up culture on and off college campuses for the September issue of her magazine. Given that I’ve done some research on hook-up culture, here are my two cents: Rosin isn’t wrong to argue that the culture offers women sexual opportunities and independence, but she mischaracterizes the objections to hook-up culture and draws too rosy a conclusion. Read the rest of this entry
Why Do I Care About The Breast Fetish?
I’ve written a series of posts criticizing the breast fetish, not because I’m trying to shame men but because I am concerned with:
- Women’s self-esteem.
- Women’s ability to enjoy sexuality. (And if women enjoy it more so do men.)
- Getting rid of double standards
But I’m not interested in shaming men about the fetish. So what is my point? How would I like to see things change? Read the rest of this entry
Open Marriage Hasn’t Caught On?
Open marriage, the sensible alternative to monogamy?
On the plus side, a couple may enjoy a close-knit family and loving spousal relationship, but with an exciting dash of sexual variety.
Sex columnist, Dan Savage, is all for it. But he acknowledges that there are advantages to monogamy: sexual safety from infections, emotional safety, paternity assurances.
Still, he thinks monogamy brings boredom, despair, lack of variety, sexual death and being taken for granted. Plus, society imposes monogamy on men, who were never expected to be monogamous, he complains. Read the rest of this entry
Girls = Boys in Math
In the US boys outperform girls in math. But we’re an outlier. As a Slate article describes it:
The only countries with a wider gap favoring boys are Colombia and Liechtenstein. Many Middle Eastern countries—notably Qatar, Jordan, and the U.A.E.—report a significant gender gap in favor of girls (though lower math scores overall). In Hong Kong, Singapore, and South Korea, the gender gap is miniscule, and the math scores are high. Shanghai registers no gender gap between boys and girls—together, they’re outperforming other teenagers across the globe.
Be Wonder Woman — Your Way
Why would watching warriors prepare for battle evoke tears of deep emotion?
How could a cartoon character be transformative?
I puzzled over those questions when friends and movie reviewers, alike, shared their experience of Wonder Woman.
It made no sense.
I’ve seen plenty of battles and felt mostly bored: chaotic fighting, and you know who will win anyway.
Wonder Woman is transformative?! I read her comics as a kid… no transformation.
Curious, I went to see the film.
And… as Amazon warrior women practiced their skills tears well up.
What?! Read the rest of this entry
Why Men Objectify
Some men wonder why they objectify women.
So Jayson Gaddis asked men on his Facebook page why they thought they did, and then he wrote about it for The Good Men Project.
What is objectification? Jayson describes it as:
Staring, gawking, or checking out women and their bodies and body parts. Seeing them as objects instead of actual people, and thinking of them in a sexual way.
Why do they do it? Read the rest of this entry
Stirring Up Feminazis
What’s the difference between being powerful and merely feeling powerful?
Too often people chase the feeling and give up the real thing.
I sense the phenomenon when frat boys try to feel powerful by intimidating women.
Or when feminists are called “feminazis.” Read the rest of this entry
Real Men Don’t Beat, Rape Women
By Ted Esparza
Constance Johnson was a domestic violence prosecutor – and also a battered wife.
She met her husband, Ben, in college and fell in love. They got married and were very happy for three years.
But then he began criticizing her. Everything was her fault. He was always right. And she was too fat — at 110 lbs.
After they moved near her husband’s aging parents to help them – Ben’s idea — the violence began. He didn’t seem happy after the move and one morning he decided he didn’t like his breakfast.
“Make it yourself.” Constance told him.
— SLAP — Read the rest of this entry