“Spectatoring” is the word Masters and Johnson used to describe watching yourself have sex instead of being swept up in sexual pleasure.
You aren’t in the game, you are watching from the sidelines — present and absent all at once.
To get a sense of how commonly young women get distracted, I asked this survey question:
By Bianca Martinez
The younger me wore oversized sweaters and baggy pants.
And I avoided skirts, perfume, and the color pink.
I’d thought I did this because I valued “manly” over “girly.”
But really it was the opposite: To me, girly meant pretty, and I didn’t feel pretty. So I didn’t deserve to feel girly. Read the rest of this entry
Most people would choose a 3000 sq-ft. house over a 4000 sq-ft. home — if that’s the only way that their house could be bigger than everyone else’s.
That may help to explain Donald Trump’s appeal.
Their wages have languished or fallen even as minorities have gained ground — threatening white privilege and dominance, points out Thomas Edsall at the New York Times. Plus, the buying power of the top 10% has kept many goods and services beyond their reach, he adds. Read the rest of this entry
- Europeans play football
- Americans play baseball
- Australians are bear-drinking surfies
A few years ago (when both language and culture were more sexist than today) Dale Spender asked some teens to play a game. She made statements like those above and asked if they could guess the rule behind the game. Girls were quicker to catch on:
You pretend you’re talking about everybody but you don’t. It’s only men.
Basically, they were using language to make women disappear. The boys had a lot of fun with this game.
Until she changed the rule. Read the rest of this entry
When people hate on Hillary I ask why.
The complaints are often curious:
- “She doesn’t care about people of color.” Yet she has fought for school desegregation as well as universal health care and other paths to social and economic empowerment that benefit people of color.
- “She lies.” Compared to most politicians, she hardly ever does.
- “Scandals follow her.” The accusations are almost entirely made up.
- “She attacked Latin America.” She did?
- “I don’t know why. I just don’t like her.”
But on average, men dislike it more.
Why is that? Read the rest of this entry
Boys and men can spend a lot of time putting on a tough guise, hoping to pass for tough guys.
Maybe you’ve seen Jackson Katz’s film, Tough Guise, which explores the problem.
The film opens with Dorothy pulling back the curtain of the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz — who turns out to be a nervous and tragic man. Read the rest of this entry
Young women’s experience of sexuality was ignored by social scientists for years.
But about ten years ago San Francisco State professor Deborah Tolman interviewed high school girls who would be in their late 20s today.
A friend invited me into his open marriage.
Well, me and a bunch of our other female friends. Plus other women I don’t know.
I declined but he’s persistant. It’s a personality trait of his.
He sent a link quoting Christopher Ryan, author of “Sex at Dawn,” who said,
We assume monogamy is natural and preferable. But (controversial) evidence says “maybe not.” If monogamy isn’t necessarily natural, then we can stop shaming and discriminating against non-monogamous behavior.