Blog Archives

Women Distracted By “How They Look” In Bed

Distracted in bed.

Distracted in bed.

“Spectatoring” is the word Masters and Johnson used to describe watching yourself have sex instead of being swept up in sexual pleasure.

You aren’t in the game, you are watching from the sidelines — present and absent all at once.

To get a sense of how commonly young women get distracted, I asked this survey question:

Read the rest of this entry

I Slut-Shamed Out Of Jealousy

End slut-shaming

End slut-shaming

By Bianca Martinez 

The younger me wore oversized sweaters and baggy pants.

And I avoided skirts, perfume, and the color pink.

I’d thought I did this because I valued “manly” over “girly.”

But really it was the opposite: To me, girly meant pretty, and I didn’t feel pretty. So I didn’t deserve to feel girly. Read the rest of this entry

Relative Deprivation and Trump Appeal

Donald Trump

Donald Trump

Most people would choose a 3000 sq-ft. house over a 4000 sq-ft. home — if that’s the only way that their house could be bigger than everyone else’s.

That may help to explain Donald Trump’s appeal.

The white working-class (Tump’s biggest supporters) have plummeted in relative status over the last 40 years.

Their wages have languished or fallen even as minorities have gained ground — threatening white privilege and dominance, points out Thomas Edsall at the New York Times. Plus, the buying power of the top 10% has kept many goods and services beyond their reach, he adds. Read the rest of this entry

Language Can Make Women Disappear

Words affect thought.

 

  • Europeans play football
  • Americans play baseball
  • Australians are bear-drinking surfies

A few years ago (when both language and culture were more sexist than today) Dale Spender asked some teens to play a game. She made statements like those above and asked if they could guess the rule behind the game. Girls were quicker to catch on:

You pretend you’re talking about everybody but you don’t. It’s only men.

Basically, they were using language to make women disappear. The boys had a lot of fun with this game.

Until she changed the rule. Read the rest of this entry

Hillary Hating & Sexism

Hillary 1

Hillary Clinton

When people hate on Hillary I ask why.

The complaints are often curious:

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Men Dislike Double Standard More Than Women?

slut-shaming-candy-manPlenty of women hate the double standard that rewards men for having sex, but punishes women.

But on average, men dislike it more.

Why is that? Read the rest of this entry

Tough Guys and Tough Guises

Tough guise

Tough guise

Boys and men can spend a lot of time putting on a tough guise, hoping to pass for tough guys.

Maybe you’ve seen Jackson Katz’s film, Tough Guise, which explores the problem.

The film opens with Dorothy pulling back the curtain of the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz — who turns out to be a nervous and tragic man.  Read the rest of this entry

Repression Shutting Down Teen Girl’s Sexuality

Dilemmas of Desire by Deborah Tolman

Dilemmas of Desire by Deborah Tolman

Young women’s experience of sexuality was ignored by social scientists for years.

But about ten years ago San Francisco State professor Deborah Tolman interviewed high school girls who would be in their late 20s today.

Prof. Tolman had expected to unveil young women’s strong yearnings, but instead she found that most were hazy about their desire. It was dulled. Or even nonexistent. Read the rest of this entry

Welcome To My Open Marriage

Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Caclida Jetha.

Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Caclida Jetha.

A friend invited me into his open marriage.

Well, me and a bunch of our other female friends. Plus other women I don’t know.

I declined but he’s persistant. It’s a personality trait of his.

He sent a link quoting Christopher Ryan, author of “Sex at Dawn,” who said,

We assume monogamy is natural and preferable. But (controversial) evidence says “maybe not.” If monogamy isn’t necessarily natural, then we can stop shaming and discriminating against non-monogamous behavior.

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Women in Pornography

porn-for-women[1]By Brittany Merry 

In America, pornography is almost unavoidable. What sorts of messages does it send?

To find out, I looked at the 10 “most viewed” videos on PornHub.

Two were celebrity sex tapes, and I didn’t look at those because their popularity was probably less about what they were doing than who was doing it.

All of the remaining videos were: Read the rest of this entry

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