Category Archives: sex and sexuality
A Sex Object Not Enjoying Sex
It’s not unusual these days for a young woman to become preoccupied with how attractive she looks, habitually seeing herself through her partner’s eyes, and judging herself based on what she thinks he thinks. In other words, to self-objectify.
Instead of enjoying sex.
I’ve talked with friends about the phenomenon and a couple of them have opened up and told me their stories. Like “Sophie,” who let me relate her story in my blog. Read the rest of this entry
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Men’s Pleasure Is More Important?
Peggy Orenstein, Girls & Sex
Many young women are now engaging in sex acts with men that prioritize the man’s pleasure, with little or no expectation of reciprocity.
So says cultural theorist Jackson Katz.
Sounds about right.
These young women are focused on how they look and what they do — and how their guys feel about how they look and what they do. Read the rest of this entry
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Losing Virginity Is Good… No Biggie… Shameful
Artemis, the virgin goddess
By Anna Oseguera
About a year ago I was talking with a friend of mine, “Maria,” and the topic of sex and virginity came up. Maria said that when she was 18 years old a male friend of hers offered to “do her the favor” of taking her virginity.
That puzzled us. “Do her the favor” of taking her virginity?
Did he think that she couldn’t find anyone to have sex with because he thought she wasn’t attractive enough? And why would she want to lose her virginity, anyway? Isn’t virginity a good thing? Something to be saved until marriage? Read the rest of this entry
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How To O0oooo
After lecturing on sexuality, from time to time a student will shyly approach me after class to say:
I don’t know how to have an orgasm. Do you have any resources to recommend?
Well, they used to approach me. Because now I include this information as part of the lecture. Read the rest of this entry
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Menstruation’s Life Blood
Menstruation brings life.
By Maria Garcia
When I first got my period I was thrilled: “I am growing up and becoming a woman! How exciting!”
But my cousin, Luis, brought me back to “reality” with taunts of, “Tampon head!” Read the rest of this entry
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Beliefs That Disconnect Us From Our Hearts
Heart-connected lovers
By
Nothing limits our ability to love and be loved, and to find joy and fulfillment more than the beliefs that disconnect us from our hearts. And, nowhere do these beliefs cause more limitations than in our sex lives. Read the rest of this entry
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Men, Bitches and Bimbos
In high school I had the kind of thinking like she’s either a “bitch” or a “bimbo.”
My friends and I would go to a bar and get some drinks and maybe a buddy would “drink up” the courage to talk to a girl. If she rejected him we automatically labeled her a bitch. But if she stayed and conversed for a while, and if she started dancing with him, we labeled her a slut.
I honestly did not realize how horrible my thinking was until we started talking about these issues in class.
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Cindy Crawford Brings Men Pleasure; Women Pain
Cindy Crawford on Playboy cover
Women have mixed feelings about nearly-naked Cindy Crawford.
There is appreciation: “Attractive… sexy… love her!”
But also animosity (“F-ING ANNOYING” anyone?). And she makes a lot of women — nearly half — feel bad about their bodies.
Straight men, on the other hand, felt (no surprise) mostly pleasure.
But not all of them. Read the rest of this entry
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Men Wanting Magnetic Power Over Women
“The opposite sex has enormous power over you.”
If you’re straight, at some point you realize that,
The opposite sex has enormous power over you. They can break your heart, control your actions, completely dominate your thoughts, and (let’s be honest) basically turn off your brain.
So says Noah Brand.
He makes me think of guys who have complained on my blog that women don’t find men attractive. And they yearn to weld the same magnetic power over women that women have over them. Read the rest of this entry
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Must Sexual Orientation Be Biological?
Cynthia Nixon of Sex and the City fame announced that she chose to be gay. And she caught hell.
I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me.
Some critics insist she is a biologically-based bisexual.
Others come to her defense. Read the rest of this entry
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