Women Making Love to Themselves
Being desired is the orgasm.
That’s true for women, anyway. So says Marta Meana, who studies sexuality at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Women are most turned on by feeling irresistible to their lovers, she adds.
In his book, What Do Women Want? Daniel Bergner introduces us to Isabel, who’s turned on by “the constancy” of her lover’s eyes, which make her see her own body as urgently alluring.
What do women want?
After talking to sex researchers and several real-life women, Mr. Bergner concludes that a woman wants the man she loves to feel a fierce hunger for her.
In this fierce yearning, women often seem to be more turned on by their own allure than by their partners’ physical magnetism.
A lot of women get aroused via this tangled love making. Quite possibly without realizing that this is how it’s working. Some of my women students do a double take – and then nod their heads in recognition — when I talk about this.
Women’s sexual alienation
Female sexual alienation is what Linda Phelps calls the phenomenon.
Alienation usually comes from a place of powerlessness. And straight women can be relatively disempowered in sexual relationships.
A straight woman usually waits for her lover to act on her. So she uses a passive magnetism — her beauty — and then waits for him to ask her out, make the first moves, and (hopefully) call the next day. Because she doesn’t want to seem too forward, too desperate, too sexually interested or too “slutty.”
And a woman who is more aroused by feeling her partner’s desire for her body than by desiring her partner’s body (plenty of us, apparently!) is also experiencing another type of alienation. For she is at least somewhat separated from an experience — namely, making her partner the focus of her desire — that she should be a part of.
I’ve talked before about why women’s bodies are more eroticized (see “related posts” below). But basically, our culture does not eroticize the male body by:
- selectively hiding and revealing body parts, creating tension
- hiding a body part because it’s “so sexy” and then telling people, “Don’t look at it!” creating tension
- culturally obsessing over the body part. (Cameras rarely focus on men’s butts or linger on their chests. Or anything else.)
Making women the sexy half of the species.
Put it altogether and it’s not so surprising that so many women gain pleasure by vicariously making love to themselves thru their lovers’ eyes.
Posted on September 28, 2015, in body image, feminism, objectification, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, women and tagged body image, female arousal, female sexual alienation, feminism, psychology, relationships, sex, women. Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.