Men’s Pleasure Is More Important?
Many young women are now engaging in sex acts with men that prioritize the man’s pleasure, with little or no expectation of reciprocity.
So says cultural theorist Jackson Katz.
Sounds about right.
These young women are focused on how they look and what they do — and how their guys feel about how they look and what they do.
Some men like it that way and feel women should give them the porn star experience even if “his” heightened pleasure means “her” pain.
But other guys worry when gratification is one-way. Like this guy:
My girlfriend and I are pretty new to sexuality and when we began the sexual part of our relationship we learned what the other likes. But then things changed.
It seems she’s done research in pornography, and for the past couple of months she does things she thinks girls do all the time during sex. Like incredibly loud moaning from the second we start making out. It starts abruptly, so it doesn’t seem like a natural progression.
Long story short, she ignores her own desire and focuses on mine. I’m not even sure if she is even enjoying herself at all.
But it’s distracting. And it’s frankly a turnoff to feel that she’s not enjoying herself.
His girlfriend is not alone. Young women have seen so many orgasms portrayed on film that they can get distracted wondering, “Am I moaning right?”
A hand job is a man job, a blow job is yo’ job.
Frustrated, she asked one woman how she would feel if a guy expected her to fetch a glass of water yet never offered to return the favor? She burst out laughing, “Well, I guess when you put it that way.”
When sociologist, Lisa Wade, studied hookup culture college women said things like this:
My sexuality was filled with anxiety and my need to please the guy instead of worrying about my own pleasure… Even if I was in charge I did not make sure I was being pleased.
Another woman hadn’t had a single orgasm after hooking up with 13 guys, explaining,
The guy kind of expects to get off, while the girl doesn’t expect anything.
Some felt like “masturbation toys.” Like these two:
I was just a warm body being used to make a guy have an orgasm
I feel like a “sex toy” with “three holes and two hands.
And a lot of guys don’t care much about women’s hookup pleasure says NYU sociologist, Paula England, who surveyed 24,000 students at 21 universities:
Guys don’t seem to care as much about women’s pleasure in the hookup, whereas they do seem to care quite a bit in the relationships.
(Yet women) seem to have this idea they’re supposed to be pleasing in both contexts.
Why do women think they must please men even if they aren’t pleasured?
Women are taught to be pleasers. I suspect that many are so out of touch with their own sexuality that they don’t expect satisfaction, and just do what they think is expected. Others believe that men must be serviced because they have such a strong sex drive — unlike themselves.
Sounds a lot like internalized patriarchy to me.
Posted on August 15, 2016, in men, psychology, sex and sexuality, women and tagged Girls & Sex, men, Peggy Orenstein, psychology, sex, sexism, sexual objectification, sexuality, women. Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.