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Real Men Don’t Beat, Rape Women

By Ted Esparza

family-violence[1]Constance Johnson was a domestic violence prosecutor – and also a battered wife.

She met her husband, Ben, in college and fell in love. They got married and were very happy for three years.

But then he began criticizing her. Everything was her fault. He was always right. And she was too fat — at 110 lbs.

After they moved near her husband’s aging parents to help them – Ben’s idea — the violence began. He didn’t seem happy after the move and one morning he decided he didn’t like his breakfast.

“Make it yourself.” Constance told him.

— SLAP — Read the rest of this entry

Brock Turner, Omar Mateen and the Domination Mindset


Yearning to be on top.

Brock Turner and Omar Mateen both share a domination mindset.

Brock Turner

  • Men dominate women
  • Turner raped a female acquaintance. Because men have a right to control women’s bodies
  • Research ties rape to a belief in male superiority and entitlement
  • Turner has promised to fight “promiscuity,” which really means “promiscuous women.” People don’t worry much about “promiscuous men.”

Read the rest of this entry

Abuse evaporated my self-esteem 

You are good enough, even if you don't know it

You are good enough, even if you don’t know it

By Lily Mendez

I was the girl that everyone called a slut. Or that everyone thought would be pregnant by age 16.

That’s what I would say when people asked me what I was like, growing up. Obviously, I didn’t feel real good about myself.

And my low self-esteem was reflected in my relationships with boys.  Read the rest of this entry

Before Killing, Pistorius Resembled Abuser

Reeva Steenkamp, Oscar Pistorius

Reeva Steenkamp, Oscar Pistorius

South Africa’s Olympian sprinter, Oscar Pistorius, stands accused of murdering his girlfriend, model Reeva Steenkamp. She had locked herself in the bathroom of their apartment when he shot her. He claims he’d mistaken her for an intruder. A verdict is due next week.

I can’t say for sure that he’s a murderer, but abusive men are more likely than others to kill their mates. And he definitely sounds like an abuser, as suggested by text messages sent in the weeks before the killing.

The warning signs could caution others in similar circumstances. Read the rest of this entry

Standing Up for Mel Gibson… and Chris Brown?

Apparently, Mel Gibson isn’t the only one who feels that his ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva “f—ing deserved it” when he hit her. Here’s one guys remark on the matter, posted to the MTV website: “Damn, it is going to be a pleasure to finally see oksana in prison. The ***** is a natural for it! If she pays attention, the inmates there will give her, her final training in how to be an effective porn star. Ah just luvly, the world is unfolding as it should, obviously!”

Written for shock value? Wouldn’t surprise me. But the comment reminded me that now and again a student of mine will defend a batterer when we discuss domestic violence in the Psychology of Women course that I teach.

When the subject of Chris Brown was brought up one day, a student I’ll call Ed opined, “Well, Rihanna deserved it.”

I asked what made him think so.

“He told her to get in the car like four times, but she wouldn’t do it.”

To which I responded, “Four times? Oh, now I totally get it.”

“Well, maybe it was five or six times.”

Tapping my forehead with the palm of my hand, I exclaimed, “So Chris Brown beat Rihanna until she was bloody because she wouldn’t get in the car. Oh, now it all makes sense to me. Thanks for explaining!” Sarcasm in the classroom may not be a recommended method, but he did get the point – after a while.

Continuing I asked whether he would beat his dog or his child bloody if either of them refused to get in a car after being asked five times. No?

Turning to the broader context I added, “From what I understand Rihanna had discovered that a young woman had offered herself up for a booty call via text message, so she was pretty upset. Do you think someone would be more upset that their companion wouldn’t get in a car – after being asked five times – or if they learned their lover planned a sexual tryst with someone else later that evening?”

”And, why should Rihanna get in the car just because Chris told her to?”

While most of my students got the point, Ed didn’t until I asked, “What if the situation had been reversed? What if Chris Brown had discovered that Rihanna was expecting loving from someone else that night? How do you think he’d react?”

Another student gave a quick glance before shouting out, “Probably the same way – by beating her.”

Was Ed speaking in jest, like the MTV commenter cited above? Sadly, my sense is that even in this day in age, some young people still feel it makes sense for men to “discipline” women, and that women sometimes deserve to be hit.

Georgia Platts

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