“Spectatoring” is the word Masters and Johnson used to describe watching yourself have sex instead of being swept up in sexual pleasure.
You aren’t in the game, you are watching from the sidelines — present and absent all at once.
To get a sense of how commonly young women get distracted, I asked this survey question:
By Sarah Merrick
Each year around the holidays 9 million viewers and I tune into the one-hour insecurity ride that is the “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.”
Weeks later I’m still dazed by self-doubt. Is that how boys think I should look?
The Super Bowl soon follows with guys drooling over the large breasts, tiny waist, and flowing blonde hair of a model savoring a Carl’s Jr. burger. (Likely the only meal she’s had in days.) Her name in 2016 was Charlotte McKinney — and the ad was voted one of the Super Bowl’s best. Read the rest of this entry
I’ve never been a size 0 girl.
As a kid I was bullied for being overweight, and every night I cried myself to sleep.
My parents were busy raising my two baby sisters, so I was left to raise myself. Without guidance I read magazine articles on how to lose weight.
When I turned 12 I began starving myself. I ate maybe one meal a day. Or none. And added crazy exercise routines to my crazy diet.
At family gatherings I ate very little, or watched other people enjoy their delicious food.
I began to hate food. If I ate I felt like the worst human being — who should be punished with an extra mile of running.
My weight went down. And unfortunately, so did my metabolism. Read the rest of this entry
Yet women don’t care about looks so much because, even though women are very picky, clear physical cues to the best genes aren’t all that important. A man’s resources are what matter.
So say evolutionary psychologists.
Hmmmm. Maybe not. Read the rest of this entry
By Caroline Bliss Duffy
I went on my first diet in 2nd grade.
Forget that fruit roll up, unless you want a big belly that other kids poke at and yell “Blubber!”
By age 13 I was playing soccer and taking kickboxing classes. And I hardly ate.
At 5’8” I weighed 123 lbs, but still felt “fat” — an obsession that continued until I was 16, when I started doing some modeling in the city. By then I was a “hefty” 132 lbs. My agency took me but said I should get down to 125 lbs if I wanted constant work. Read the rest of this entry
It’s not unusual these days for a young woman to become preoccupied with how attractive she looks, habitually seeing herself through her partner’s eyes, and judging herself based on what she thinks he thinks. In other words, to self-objectify.
Instead of enjoying sex.
I’ve talked with friends about the phenomenon and a couple of them have opened up and told me their stories. Like “Sophie,” who let me relate her story in my blog. Read the rest of this entry
Women have mixed feelings about nearly-naked Cindy Crawford.
There is appreciation: “Attractive… sexy… love her!”
But also animosity (“F-ING ANNOYING” anyone?). And she makes a lot of women — nearly half — feel bad about their bodies.
Straight men, on the other hand, felt (no surprise) mostly pleasure.
But not all of them. Read the rest of this entry
If you’re straight, at some point you realize that,
The opposite sex has enormous power over you. They can break your heart, control your actions, completely dominate your thoughts, and (let’s be honest) basically turn off your brain.
So says Noah Brand.
He makes me think of guys who have complained on my blog that women don’t find men attractive. And they yearn to weld the same magnetic power over women that women have over them. Read the rest of this entry
A girl, age twelve or thirteen, posts a video on YouTube, asking:
I just wanted to make a random video seeing if I was like, ugly or not? Because a lot of people call me ugly and I think I am ugly … and fat. People say I’m ugly. So … tell me — am I?