Women Distracted By “How They Look” In Bed
“Spectatoring” is the word Masters and Johnson used to describe watching yourself have sex instead of being swept up in sexual pleasure.
You aren’t in the game, you are watching from the sidelines — present and absent all at once.
To get a sense of how commonly young women get distracted, I asked this survey question:
When you are in a sexual situation do you ever think about how your body looks to your partner? … Do you sometimes focus on how you look instead noticing how great the position feels? … Is it ever a distraction? … Does it make the sex hotter?
Answer: Three-quarters spent at least some of their time in bed distracted by how their bodies looked. And most said that it harmed their sexual experience to some degree. A couple said that it might make sex hotter for their partners, but it was worse for them.
The body-focus seemed to be a bigger problem with new partners. Or at the beginning of a sexual encounter. A few said they start out worrying and then try to let it go.
Women don’t expect men to meet same expectations
These young women don’t lay out the same expectation for their male partners — they don’t expect the guys to provoke excitement for them, just by how they look. Women feel like this is all their role, and they worry that they aren’t meeting expectations in this strange double standard.
Spectatoring might not be such a big problem if we didn’t have such narrow notions of what’s “sexy.” And the rigid ideal is entirely unnecessary since preferences vary widely from place to place, with some cultures preferring plump or obese or finding the pear shape appealing… I could go on.
And it’s one of the ways that sexual objectification — seeing women as a collection of body parts — actually harms the sexual experience.
Put it all together and it’s not good for women or their partners.
Posted on November 28, 2016, in body image, objectification, psychology, sex and sexuality and tagged body image, Masters and Johnson, psychology, self-objectification, sex, sexuality, spectatoring. Bookmark the permalink. 40 Comments.