Men Upset About Treatment? Turn It Around.

Many people are more offended at calling out sexism than being sexist.

Many people are more offended at calling out sexism than being sexist.

A lot of guys are angry at so-called reverse racism and reverse sexism.

So I tried imagining the world turned around.

  • Men on college campuses are routinely called bitches and sluts
  • A sorority shouts insults at men as the walk home on Sunday morning (because good boys don’t have sex). Later, they publish the names of men that the women had sex with, and demean them
  • Women Wall Street traders dissect men into body parts, judge them and degrade them. They casually tear men apart in conversation
  • Women rappers routinely call men bitches and hoes
  • Whites get pulled over by police for “driving while white”
  • Whites are shot by black police officers for no good reason
  • Porn is filled with women who are beating and raping men. Not so much the other way around
  • If a woman rapes a man, it’s his fault. Next, the women rapists proudly share photos of their assault on the Internet!
  • Men in tiny Speedo’s are plastered all over billboards to draw attention to products — because women’s sexual desire is “the end all” and men are there to serve women sexually, after all
  • Black men with criminal records are as likely to get hired as white male high school graduates
  • Men are paid less than women for doing the same job
  • If a woman asks for a raise or promotion, that’s completely understandable. If a man asks for a raise or promotion, he seems unattractive and aggressive
  • If a man complains about any of this, he’s labeled a “woman-hater”

Just a tiny snippet.

Fortunately, it’s not all men. The problem is sexist men and sexist women and a sexist society. 😦

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on August 31, 2017, in feminism, sexism, women and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 36 Comments.

  1. Men are just so scared of losing their privileges.

    • Yeah, and white people too.

      And when you are used to privilege you don’t really notice it. It seems natural and normal. So you get upset about the people who want an equal playing field because it seems like they are taking something from you even though they are trying to have equality.

  2. thinking that this might answer something else here. the media focuses on sex offenders and paedophiles as being male but there are those of us who often know that females can be just as violent too but this also goes for domestic violence and abuse etc. the media paints men as the perpitrators of violence but in reality women can be just as capable am I right? I’m hoping so. probably has nothing to do with the original post but it’s just my response anyway.

    • Looking at People across cultures men don’t seem to be naturally more violent than women. Well testosterone is tied to aggression so is estrogen – think of a mother mouse defending her young.

      Patriarchy is associated with male violence though. One of the ways you create a sense of male dominance is for men to violently dominate women. In patriarchies men are taught to be violent and women are taught to be nice. So you get patterns where men are more likely to rape and beat their spouses. Check out crime statistics like the Justice Bureau that randomly calls people and asks them if they have been victims of violent crimes. Women are much more likely to say they were attacked by men than vice versa.

      But then men are much more likely to be taught to be tough and violent in our culture. And when men feel like their manhood is threatened they are more likely to enact violence to feel a sense of it. Men are also more likely to manage their emotions so that a so-called weak emotion like sadness or depression is turned into a so-called strong emotion like anger which expresses as violence.

  3. Fair and Balanced I dare say.

    Here is a question for you: Do you think that women and minorities, namely Black, can do a lot more individually to avoid becoming victims of racism and/or sexism? For example, if you are woman, why have sex with men at your work when you know it will haunt you. If you are a Black man, why drive in a crazy manner…etc.

    Personally, I really don’t get women who will have sex with multiple men at their place of work. But, then get upset when she discover these men have shared all the details with others in the workplace. Just as I don’t get how women talk and share intimate details about men with their girlfriends.

    • I’m glad you could see that it was fair and balanced. 🙂

      Well, here is the sexism: if a woman has sex with men at her workplace she is looked down on. If a man has sex with women at his workplace he is celebrated. (My husband used to come home telling me stories about one of the guys who bragged about such things.)

      And the thing is that while both black and white men are pulled over for driving erratically only black men are pulled over simply for DWB: driving while black. My mother has a black friend who told her that one time her son was pulled over for driving the family Mercedes in their neighborhood, for instance. If he have been white that wouldn’t have happened.

  4. Rightly said: The problem is sexist men and sexist women and a sexist society.

  5. That would be quite an interesting thing to see (to say the least 😉 )….
    One of the points you mentioned is just something I was talking with a friend yesterday… a girl was found dead, and she had been raped. The murderer gave the victim´s cell phone to his son… so the police managed to track the phone and they basicaly found him… But what I wanted to bring up here is the fact that some men rape and kill… And I have never heard such thing coming from a woman. In fact there are no cases of this type, or others as relevant as rape followed by murder. I wondered if this type of unexplainable behaviour might have something to do with men´s sexuality, or if there is any explanation of why a man would just take it so far so as to rape (and consequently kill) just because of feeling turned on by a woman… and why it happens so often… Do you have any idea of why?.
    Excellent post, dear Georgia ⭐

  6. There are around 325 million people in the USA and lets say near half are males. Most males not only don’t act this way, but don’t condone such behavior and may even put a stop to it where possible. I think most of the actions I see described here, relate to fringes of the male population and not the vast majority of decent and sometimes even noble males. How about something positive, just to change it up a bit.

    • Like I said, “Fortunately, it’s not all men. The problem is sexist men and sexist women and a sexist society.”

      Something more fun: “My History Of Sex: Sacred… Scary… Fun” https://broadblogs.com/2017/08/28/my-history-of-sex-sacred-scary-fun/

      (Think I’ve got a few more positive things coming up. You make a good point there.)

    • @ Wm.Allen..

      It is the same old same old. We men are evil.

      I like the piece. But, her commentary is just the same anti-male nonsense.

      A fair approach is also to criticize women for their nasty and unsavory behaviors as well. But, we never see women criticizing other women. Even if they know the woman is abusive, cheating, or lying. This is what makes it very very hard for so many men to embrace feminism.

      There are just as many nasty and evil women out here in America as men. Maybe not as many violent criminals as men I would agree. But, women are out here doing a lot of harm to men and boys in other ways. Yet people like Georgia are very silent about this kind of behavior.

      • Nope. Not anti-male. Anti-patriarchy (Male dominance). Like I said in the piece:

        Fortunately, it’s not all men. The problem is sexist men and sexist women and a sexist society. It’s not that man are bad or that women are bad. Patriarchy — which both women and men internalize — is bad.

        And as I said to others:

        Yeah, the problem isn’t men, the problem is a sexist society that both men and women can internalize. Men enact it and patriarchal women play a role by helping to raise their sons to enact it, plus helping to accept things the way they are without question, blaming women for being beaten and raped…

        And while I do talk more about problems women face that’s because women face more problems. But I talk about problems men face due to patriarchy too, like here:

        Feminism Is Good For Men, Too
        https://broadblogs.com/2015/10/02/feminism-is-good-for-men-too/
        Doing Dumb Stuff to Prove Manhood
        https://broadblogs.com/2013/10/04/doing-dumb-stuff-to-prove-manhood/
        Men Seeing Ourselves thru Broken Mirrors
        https://broadblogs.com/2015/10/09/men-seeing-ourselves-thru-broken-mirrors/

        David Beckham’s Sex Sells
        https://broadblogs.com/2012/02/06/david-beckhams-sex-sells/
        Objectifying Men’s Bodies for Profit
        https://broadblogs.com/2014/02/24/objectifying-mens-bodies-for-profit/

        and many more

      • “Fortunately, it’s not all men. The problem is sexist men and sexist women and a sexist society. It’s not that man are bad or that women are bad. Patriarchy — which both women and men internalize — is bad.”

        Great! So, whay are you and your feminist cohorts not writing articles about the abuses of men by women? If you are so concerned about the welfare of BOTH sexes, then I would think you would be encouraging women to “cut it out’ too. Right?

        Most women do not even want to discuss how they deceive, manipulate, cheat on. lie to, men.

        Most men’s default status is that most women are pure and weak. Hence, they feel they must protect. Just pure naivete. Women are very covert in their dealing with men. Men tend to overt in their dealing with women. Men also tend to have higher moral standards which is why women refuse to slut shame caddy men and hate slut shaming. Only criminals don’t like the police! They actually see these men in a favorable light. Perhaps not as husbands but dating and sex partners.

        God created man and woman. He created woman so that man would not be alone and have a helpmate. Look how today that has been stood on its head!! Now man is expected be the helpmate and make sure woman is not alone.

      • Whoa! That’s a whole lot of misogyny. And I even edited a bunch of it.

        Do you ever complain on men’s rights activists boards that they aren’t giving equal time to how much women are hurt in our Society?

        Didn’t think so.

        Different blogs have different themes and this one is a feminist theme. That said, I also show how gender inequality hurts men too!

        In fact, whenever MRAs come over here complaining about how men are her by feminism I show them that the root problem is actually inequality.

        As a black man I would think he would be more sensitive to inequality of both race and gender. Why do you expect to be treated equally based on race and yet you don’t want to treat women equally?

        Also the Hebrew word is helpmeet, not helpmate. Help by meeting in the middle; they help each other. It’s not one person only helping the other person.

        And have you noticed that while I critique a culture and social structure that favors men over women I never attack men. Why do you attack women? You are looking at individual behavior and I am looking at culture and social structures.

  7. I hope this post would help those few men (as claimed by some) introspect and try to raise their own children with a healthy mindset. Only when the society improves its thinking, we would see the change. Intermingling of cultures doesn’t let that happen as even a single male with sexist mindset proves detrimental.

  8. It’s interesting that you mentioned some stuff that I wrote in that reverse realm about if things were reversed. The men called sluts and demeaned, men being victim blamed if raped. Women’s desires being more important than men’s feelings and values and men’s bodies objectified all over while women’s not. And the violent porn toward men instead. Almost sets up as a prelude for something down the road where there’s more in-depth visual for people to get the view of what we have internalized, can hit home of how bad and absurd when it’s done on men. It’s weird how people can be so accustomed to something that it doesn’t throw them off of things or not be realized until it’s reversed on men or that picture comes up. Like sex objects and women calling men sluts or like porn that I wrote about if role reversed, it then paints a picture when you see it in reverse.

  9. I appreciate how you bring in sometimes the problems men face and how our culture also hurts men and you try to show how it’s not men you blame but the culture. And I understan why women’s problems is more of the focus because of how more male behavior under patriarchy hurts women or on the broader scope. But while I understand stand that and understand more of a focus. Do you think our society and even many feminists don’t care or overlook male victims just because it happens more to women from male perpertrators compared to crimes with women against men?

    It seems like women may talk about more regarding a male as a victim if it’s say racial, white men hurting killing a minority or straight to gay, or just basically when it’s a male victim at the hands of another male victim or men. That has to suck if being a boy or man who was sexually abused by a female, sexually harassed or assaulted, assaulted, and in domestic abuse a man hit or emotionally abused by the female and nobody seems to care or talk about it. Maybe I’m off, but I never recall feminists saying or writing anything about it. I know why women are more of the focus for reasons as said, but sometimes when people even feminists don’t bring it up, it makes it seems like the crime done by the women to the male is less horrendous because its done by a female and the male the victim. That’s disheartening, so I do have empathy for boys and men who feel like they have no support from anywhere or they don’t matter. I kniow it’s not men or women but the culture, but like atleast I and many people will definitely be disgusted, condemn and people bring up their disgust more often upon the male criminal to the female victim, whereas, it seems like people even feminists don’t condemn the female perpertrators if toward a male victim.

    • Well feminists do tend to focus more on issues that affect women — it’s part of the point of feminism to focus on women who had been ignored by most studies until feminism came about. But when you have more equality men tend to be helped too. For instance more gender equal societies tend to be less violent.

  10. Delete that last post, I made this one to make it shorter.

    Just seems like society and even feminsts are silent about individual events where a male is a victim from a woman.

    – it just seems like when a male is a victim at the hands of a woman like in the news, violence, harassment or assault, society if upset by it,

    -more outrage if female is victim compared to male by woman

    -society and sometimes seems to see men as less of victim compared to female especially if by a woman compared to a man doing something to a woman. Feminit belive I think men are more than stoic and tough and have a whole self and can be vulnerable and that’s fine, but yet it still seems like feminists are quiet about it, thus can’t care or carelss about the indiviudal male harmed than a female if harmed in same way.

    -It seems like the greatest outrage toward a female criminal where it matches a male criminal is when a murder or sexual assault involve children. True there are sexist men and that anger really about male privilege, but I can see how this can be hurtful and male victims whether boys or men at the hands of women could feel forgotten and no where to go,

  11. I mean if nobody cares or seems to or not as much if the genders were reversed, even feminists, then a man or boy could internalize it and feel there’s something bad or less important about their sex. True men are ranked about women, but I think men can feel beat up by society like women.

    Not tough enough, can’t get dates/girls, not successful, not good looking, lacks game, physically weak/mentally weak (not living up to that ideal), pigs, creeps, men are inherently more violent than women (even feminits might thing true), and male actions are always worse than a woman’s criminal actions and men matter less if a victim to women than the other way around. I know there are more issues for women and oppressed thus the effort. I’m not talking about spending as much time or things effecting men as I know it;s cuture and inequality, I’m just talking about, how it would help sometimes to feel society including feminists are bothered just as much if something bad happens at the hands of a woman if same extremity compared to a female victim from a man. It doesn’t even seem like that from many feminists since nothing is is said, Maybe there are but it just gets blurred out from everything. My point is it doesns’t have to be binary or one way or the other. A focus as understood can majority or more so be on womens issue or an individual femal victim specifically while also have moments of upsets about specific events from culture allow people to look over a female perpertrator anfd overlook the male victim because of how society sees men and women in both negative sense in different ways.

  12. btw, I’m not talking about you as I appreciate you did make a post an old one that was about the guy that was raped by a female. I didn’t mean specifically that kind of crime, as it’s very, very rare, I’m talking about forced or non consentual sex, not statutory rape like in those female teacher male student cases. But other women and feminists seem to never mention stuff or condemn women who do bad things to men. my belief is either sex, race should be seen as equally bad based on their actions and the victim have as much empathy regardless of sex and race, etc. Doesns’t seem like society always sees it that way.

    • I agree but my blog is about the problems of patriarchy, which causes higher levels of violence regardless of who’s doing it, but causes men to be much more violent. So it’s no surprise that there’s much more concern about men raping women and men. And I have a couple of posts – at least three — where I talk about men who are raped.

      • Oh, I didn’t know you had more than one. Can you post the other links, I’m curious, they must be far back in time for your blog posts or old ones. This wasn’t just about rape, but just murder, assault, harassment too.I appreciate it you bringing up the male problems too. This wasn’t specifically toward you, but how you seem like the only feminist that blogs or posts where it has male problems included or how our culture can affect men. I know why women are the main focus for feminists, it’s not that, even though you do bring men’s struggles from our culture too. My point thought was like in the general sense, not you but our society but even if feminists believe sexism is bad against anyone. But it seems like people, men, women and even feminits is there’s an incident on the news about a woman who assaults a man or murders, whatever and it’s horrible. There may be disgust and being upset, but it seems like people, women and even feminists aren’t as disgusted or outrages toward a specific female perpertrator toward a male victim than male perpertrator.

        It seems like it’s almost always in individual comparison the male perpertrator gets more anger toward than the female perpertrator even if they were equally as brutal with a murder or whatever. And it seems like more sympathy and empathy toward the female victim than male victim. It seems like feminists may post or speak and bring up a specific crime from a specific guy, but if there’s something in the news and it’s a female criminal toward a male and it’s horrible, it still seems like she’s less condemned by feminists, when I believe individually, horrible people should be condemned equally based on their actions, not their sex or race and same for sympathy and empathy for victim, not based on sex and race. Only times a woman criminal is close to gettin outrage like a male criminal is when she kills a child. She is disgusting and horrible and yes I am particularly sensitive when children are victims, but you think she’d be seen as disgusting and all that attention if she murdered a man?It may upset people like any murder, but be a brief blimp and that’s it. Afterall, it’s just a man…

      • I think that much of the reason why there’s less press about women who are violent is because there are less violent women. And that probably has a lot to do with patriarchy encouraging violence in men.

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