Am I Ugly? Girls Ask YouTube

A girl, age twelve or thirteen, posts a video on YouTube, asking:

I just wanted to make a random video seeing if I was like, ugly or not? Because a lot of people call me ugly and I think I am ugly … and fat. People say I’m ugly. So … tell me — am I?

The video was posted in December and has gotten over 3.4 million views and 92,000 comments. Many “tweens” (ages 11-13) have followed suit.

The girls repeatedly challenge the viewer to, “Go ahead, judge me, I don’t care what you think.” Of course, they wouldn’t have gone to the trouble if they didn’t care.

Why do they care? Because how others see us shapes how we see ourselves. Our solitary “subjective” notions about who we are morph into “objective” fact when others agree that, “That’s who you are.” And so we trumpet our successes and squelch nasty rumors because both are made more real by others’ seeing. Doesn’t have to be this way, but often is.

Come early adolescence, girls begin to grapple with who they are – looks becoming a primary source of identity, worth and status. Unfortunately, many of the “Am I Ugly?” girls seem depressed and lacking self-esteem.

Some YouTube commenters declare the girls “beautiful.” A few offer advice: “Get bangs.” Others tell them to get off the internet and do their homework.

But YouTube is not the place to gain affirmation. Too many insecure cowards anonymously hurl insults: “My vote: UGLIER THAN A DEMON” or “F*ck off whore wannabe” or “Just the fact that u did this video makes u ugly. But u were ugly already.” Twelve-year-olds aren’t mature enough to deal with misogynistic trolls who put them down in hopes of lifting their own sorry selves.

But the whole focus on looks faces the matter wrongly. As one commenter put it, “You’re not ugly, society is.”

Another summed it up nicely:

We place too much value on the way we look and too little on who we are. I could be the least attractive person on earth but I’m a good person and I have a good heart and I think that those things matter a million times more than being pretty or ugly. While I know that I’m not Ugly, I still believe that I have more to offer the world than just how I look. I wish that this was the message that young girls were getting. They need better role models, they need people to reinforce how smart they are and how talented they are vs. how pretty they look.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on February 27, 2012, in body image, feminism, gender, psychology, sexism and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 67 Comments.

  1. I remember watching a few youtube videos with friends made by famous (back then) males describing what boxes must be checked off to achieve the “hot girl” status. As a young teenager, questioning your own character and discovering your own form of navigation can be easily manipulated by social media and your peers. Being is such a vulnerable stage also causes a lot of children to deflect their insecurities by putting others down. With the incorporation of easy access to the internet at a young age, being exposed to the harsh realities of bad people is an unfortunate truth that is very hard to moderate. I am glad that the current trend of positively pushing girls, flaws and all, into a new light of confidence, is gaining momentum by being showcased by many influencers.

  2. This post struck me as soon as I noticed the title. As someone who was raised during Gen Z, the internet had a huge influence on my life from the time I was 8 years old. In fact, I remember seeing a bunch of videos like these with the same title, ALL OVER YouTube. Even being 10-11 years old, I wondered why adolescent girls were so concerned with what strangers online thought of their appearance. It disheartened me even more to know that people were actually criticizing these girls’ looks in the comments, many of them grown adults themselves. Of course, as I got older, I started to understand and experience the pressure society had put on women for centuries. And adding the burden of social media influence made it even more prominent. I think every woman has struggled at one point in her life with her appearance, naturally. Social media has opened a whole new portal of body image issues for women due to creating unrealistic expectations and standards of what a beautiful woman looks like. A lot of what is portrayed on social media as the standard of beauty consists of a mostly a thin body, with an hourglass figure shape. Insinuating that if you don’t look this way, you are somehow less worthy of love, or not beautiful. Of course, everyone’s body shape is unique. But, the effect this message can have on young teens and women can be drastic, potentially influencing an unhealthy relationship with food or becoming overly critical of their appearance. These habits could lead to serious conditions like anorexia, bulimia, depression, and anxiety to name a few. Personally, I wish my parents kept me from the internet a little bit longer, but they did not know better.

  3. This topic has been getting my attention more than usual lately, especially on social media. I’ve experienced this situation firsthand with my sister who is currently 14 years old which is a rough age, but she comes to me all the time with tik tok videos of girls showing off their bodies that are different than hers, tik tok is a large social media platform that many young kids are on that lets them post videos. I see these horrible comments under those videos of young girls who say things like “why do I even exist” “why am I even alive with a body like mine” and it shocks me every time I see these kinds of videos and the attention it receives which is mostly negative. My sister is such a beautiful, smart, and talented girl and it blows my mind seeing that society has her thinking the complete opposite of herself because of these social media apps.

  4. It is genuinely upsetting the things this young girl says in this video. To make the entire situation worse, the terrible troll comments and dislikes really break my heart. I remember being twelve years old and how fragile my self-esteem was, and even having one of those negative comments would break me. I recall thinking, “Am I Ugly?” and Googling things like attractive haircuts and traits in girls to see if I am beautiful. Adolescence is such a fragile time in a young girl’s life, and a girl’s self-worth must be built positively. Parents, educators, and adults must be positive when engaging with adolescents. They must teach them that attractiveness and beauty is not the only thing that matters and indeed that it does not play a part in their self-worth. If I had had more of that positive reinforcement from the adults in my life, I feel that I would not have struggled with my self-image as much.

  5. Stephanie Tran

    I think it’s quite heartbreaking to hear that some people, especially teens, turn to the Internet or social media to receive approval from society. The Internet is a place where people can make any type of comment behind the screen, and cyber-bullying is one of the most popular ways someone can easily get bullied. On social media, it’s all about presenting yourself the way you want the public to see you. It is very filtered, and people only post content that they want the public to see. In addition, there are social media influencers who set the standards for new trends and tell the public what is cool or not and what is beautiful and what is not. Marketers are even taking advantage of this with influencer marketing. The Internet is a place to communicate to people all around the world and express oneself, but that comes with these consequences. However, I think more people are becoming aware of this and are striving to send out the message that being yourself is important, like the quote you included at the end of this blog post. Women are telling other women that they are beautiful just the way they are. From my experience, I occasionally see viral posts of a confident woman posing proudly in revealing clothing. There are both negative comments that shame her and positive comments that support her. Most of the positive comments are from women defending her confidence and freedom to dress however she would like. Again, there are still so many judgmental people out there who are unafraid to make negative comments online. As you mentioned, social media has caused people to become depressed and lose their self-esteem. I just hope that more people learn to love themselves, spread more positivity, and learn when to disregard people’s opinions when necessary.

  6. Cinthia Montano

    The internet is a rather large place you can either be post things anonymously or be a public, but no matter what there will always be people who view things differently and will voice their opinions in an offensive way. Youtube is a obviously part of the internet used for video blogs, tutorials and music; but it is still a public site. However, it is despicable to hear that young teenage girls feeling insecure due to their appearance because ” people” consider them ugly and fat. Teenagers go through so much ( not just hormonal changes), living up to societies views of appearance. Now imagine the thoughts and low self-esteem of girls of color? They receive many unwanted and unnecessary comments on a daily basis because of their skin pigmentation, slanted shaped eyes, or width of noses. I agree with the youtube commenter that the “We place too much value on the way we look and too little on who we are”. The world is focused on appearances instead of focusing and caring about what truly matters, being a good person and having a good heart.

  7. Princess Chan

    This was an eye-opening read, because I have never actually seen or heard of such videos on Youtube before until after reading this post. It is heart-wrenching to know that many young girls/teens are questioning and doubting their self-worth based on a few comments made about them in regards to their appearance. The girl on the video even says that she thinks she is ugly and fat, which means that she, herself, believes those comments about her are true. I wish this young girl and all the young girls would know that beauty is not everything. Beauty alone does not make you who you are and that you are worth so much more beyond your appearance and looks. It is sad on how much emphasis society and media, especially social media, has placed on beauty standards. This just shows how much it affects the mindset of young girls who are trying to figure out their identity and worth.

  8. It is heartbreaking to know that there were young girls posting videos like this because of what these people are telling them in the comments. Social media and our society are causing girls to develop insecurities at such a young age. They look up to these body standards online. For example, victoria secret models. Its sad too because kids should not have to worry about their looks at their age. It is sad because of our society that tells us how a woman should look and feel about themselves and if they do not live up to those standards, they are brutally judged. That messes up with some young kids because they are so easily influenced and let things get to themselves more easily. They feel the need to be accepted. Our society and social media should be more accepting to all shapes, sizes, and appearances than just sticking to one standard.

  9. This always saddens me. I think it’s worse when young girls question their beauty due to how other people see them because they grow up with these insecurities that they never know how to accept. This is more common now a days with girls younger than 12 and I believe it’s worse due to kids being on social media. I have a 10 year old sister who is always on her iPad and is obsessed with being as skinny and pretty as the celebrities she sees on the internet. I don’t think children should be sheltered but I also don’t think kids who don’t even know how to tell an article from real or fake should be on the internet. It’s also not the internets fault, society has always judged women by appearances and created these beauty standards. It’s just much easier for these things to be exposed to your child, affecting their self-esteem and innocent personalities.

  10. Kaylie Solomon

    Our society teaches us from a very young age that if you don’t meet a certain set of standards then you are not beautiful. I did a research project on a very similar topic about a year ago and the research I found made me very anger and disappointed. Why are so many young men and women so focused on their looks when there are so many other things to spend time and energy on? Then I look back at the time when I was that age, struggling to make it through middle school. I remember how insecure I was, how I begged my mom to let me start wearing makeup, how I looked up different ways to drop weight fast. I think to myself, why? Why was I so concerned about what others thought of me? I believe media plays a big role in conditioning our young to be insecure. When I was growing up, I watched a lot of Disney Channel. The big movie at the time was High School Musical. I remember wanting to look and dress like the main female character. What I hadn’t realized at the time was that these were not 14-18 year old actors, these were 21-24 year old actors pretending to be 14-18. Even now to this day I compare myself to actors that look young enough to be my age but are not. By doing this, we are teaching our young that this is what you need to look by the time you’re this age, when realistically, you won’t. That is a major let down for most children.

  11. I honestly am shocked that a girl so young would post something like this. Where are her parents? YouTube had the worst audience and just spread hate because they have nothing better to do. I blame society. Girls believe that they need to have the world’s approval on whether or not they are defined as “beautiful” We have to take into account that what one person thinks is attractive may not apply to someone else. Kids at that age should be playing sports, interested in school activities, having fun with friends not posting videos about if they are ugly. We should teach women that we are all beautiful in different ways, and that confidence is key.

  12. Oftentimes I wonder at what age exactly do little girls start feeling “ugly”. As a little girl, the prettiest thing in the world one can be is a princess or a fairy of some sort, and simply wearing an outfit that resembles one automatically made you pretty. However, like this piece suggests, the media starts to plant a very specific idea of what pretty should be like. I find this very sad, especially because big corporations specifically target these young girls in order to hook them on their beauty products and secure customers.
    For this reason, I always think that bringing kids into this world can be one of the worst things you could do. Sounds dramatic, I know, but I just don’t think there’s a way around the way media and social pressures find their way into children’s brains and turn them into self-hating machines! It’s scary to think that maybe one day I can have a kid who thinks of themselves so lowly that they think they need approval and praise from random strangers on the Internet in order to feel worthy.

  13. This is yet another example of societies standards for beauty. Society says you have to be tall, skinny, with perfect hair etc. There is a bar that kids are trying to reach for beauty, and if they don’t reach that bar, they consider themselves ugly. The problem is that these such models had surgery or there photos could have been photoshopped. These young women out there are comparing themselves to these fake models, and if they cant attain there looks, they automatically think they are ugly. It is society that is ugly not us, Society is just lowering our self esteem and that is why we are having little kids posting youtube videos of themselves, claiming that they are ugly.

  14. The problem with girls that have to ask youtube for like almost advise if I’m ugly and what is beauty suppose to look is very heart breaking cause girls should have more confidence in themselves and not worry about if they are ugly or not. if you go to youtube and ask them ugly there are images that are scaring and sometimes it will effect someone self estimate. Never say someone is ugly because that would hurt someone to the point that they can never feel good about themselves. So please don’t call anyone ugly cause im going t0 that problem right

  15. That is terrible. I have seen deplorable comments on YouTube by cruel insecure people, but telling someone they are ugly is rock-bottom.

    Someone telling a child that they are ugly infuriates me and fills me with sadness in equal measures.

    The psychological damage it inflicts runs deep into adult life.

  16. There’s an anonymous polling web site,, that tons of girls use to poll strangers on their attractiveness. Often they ask to be rated on a ten point scale. :-/

  17. zaineb alkhaleef

    I’ve never come across such videos before so I am pretty surprised to hear about these videos now in 2013! Why would someone so young post a video on YOUTUBE asking for opinions? Growing up we are constantly having these images thrown in our faces everywhere we go of unrealistic ideal women. This makes women feel inadequate and the only way to feel good is to get praises from people. Although I still didn’t imagine the extent girls would go to get that approval. Society adds too much pressure even on young girls to never be satisfied with their natural looks.

  18. i sometimes feel like i’m the odd one out , because even in this primitive, sex drive, pre programmed society i think the only thing i have to offer is also the least wanted: my intelligence! that said, i happen to be a 22/23yr old mature student with PDD – NOS so that makes me seem like a bookish wallflower in a looks driven society where sex seems to be a foreign currency to someone like me, who relies on being intelligent. personally i feel that some, not all humans still haven’t evolved from the neanderthal stage. i just wish intelligence and personality are also considered, because i find academic studies a better ambition than just breeding and cranking out babies!

  19. This is so sad to read about. Especially because you know that they’ll take the negative comments to heart and not the positive. I’ve never understood a person’s need to tear someone down simply because they are anonymous on the internet. Why would anyone want to do something like that to a young girl? A girl that age is really not prepared to defend herself in such a situation.

    Anyways, I think there is a lot of pressure on kids this age to look good and fit in. I know I first felt that pressure when I entered junior high around… 2003? It’s already an awkward time in a young teen’s life and it is made worse by this need to look a certain way. I heartily agree with the commenter who said society is the ugly one.

  20. Why girls really care if they are cute or ugly is because beauty is a very important as a woman. But I believe that female beauty is not just about their physical appearance but also about their personality, attitude and knowledge. As the article points out, what others think about us really affects our self-esteem good or bad. But it is wrong to decide whether we are worth it as a woman is dependent on whether we are beautiful or not. Female body is more and more likely to be used as a sexual object, and it seems that women are supposed to be attractive and they are judged based on how they look.

  21. It worries me how much our future generations are already worrying about their physical appearances. Online websites like facebook, youtube, and tumblr are pressuring younger kids into acting and looking a specific way (why they even have one doesn’t make sense to me either). Everyone should remember that everyone has a specific “type” that they may fine prettier than others. I also admit that they shouldn’t even be worrying about their self image yet! It’s ridiculous, go out and have fun…don’t sulk about how you don’t look like that one famous person. Everyone is beautiful based on how they act with others, not on looks. Just one more thing to point out…the online trolls are just ridiculous. Yes, some things they comment may be funny, but most of the time it’s out of line. They find easy targets and start bashing on that user.

  22. These are the consequences of our society placing value on looks, we get young girls being picked on by others for being “ugly”. even the fact that they have to go on youtube or where ever to ask if thier pretty is sad. we should all thank the media now! due to the media we have young children picking on eachother for being diffrent or “pretty” . we are all beautiful in our own way, that should be the repeated message to all instead of eww your wierd or diffrent because although they are young these children will remember this forever. poor girls who have put themselves on such places to be judged. i am also wondering where the parents are in all oof this dont they talk to thier children about such things and give them advice. i guess now a days parents just buy thier kids a computer so they can ask youtube and not bother them, but the parents arent all to blame it is our whole society for such madness. unfortunatley our children are paying for it..

  23. It is so sad that these girls go to something like YouTube to ask strangers how they look. These young girls don’t realize that there are so many heartless people out there. I agree with Kimberly that many T.V shows make girls feel that they need to look a certain way. So if they don’t look a certain way they will not be accepted in society. The really sad thing is these little girls believe what these individuals say to them. I truly believe that these children need the reassurance from their families. It’s so important that the families see what is going on before it’s too late. So many young people have taken their lives because of cruel people. Thank you to those individuals who had kind words for these girls. It’s good to know that there are still kind hearted people out there. This reminds me of a song by The Temptations called “Beauty is only skin deep” there is one part in the song where the guy says “my friends ask what do I see in you, but it goes deeper than the eye can view you got a pleasing personality, and that’s an ever loving rare quality” the song is about the inner beauty over the physical appearance. I think in all, Akta Patel had a good way of saying it, “everyone should feel that they are beautiful because everyone’s pretty in their own way.”

  24. This blog really makes me sad to read. Growing up as a young girl I remember how I felt ugly, not because that is what people told me, but because I looked at all the “pretty girls” and seen I didn’t resemble them. I struggled with depression and suicide all because of how I knew I did not look like the “pretty girls”. I can only imagine that the tweens that are going on youtube making videos saying others call them ugly and fat are going through a lot more emotionally than I ever faced. I believe that media has poisoned the minds and self-images of little girls, teenagers and even grown women. The media paints a perfect picture of celebrities and girls of all ages try to be just like that image. Unfortunately, they do not realize that they are only images. Even celebrities aren’t perfect, but tons of make-up, airbrushing and even virtual airbrushing takes place often times to make them “ready” for magazines.. I wish that we all would learn what it means to be happy with ourselves and live our lives not caring what others think of how we look.

  25. I think that it is so sad that girls as young as twelve are already so concerned about their looks and what their peers think of them. At that age that is certainly the last thing that they should be worrying about. In fact no one at any age should be concerned with that. But the reality of it is that outter beauty is probably the one thing that girls are most concerned about. The images that society present are unrealistic. I agree with the person who left the comment that was stated at the end of the article. It does not matter what you look like. What matters is who you are as a person and that person that you are is who you want to be admired for. A beautiful personality means true beauty.

  26. This is very interesting, at the same time, I sympathize with the girl. I have to say that no one has a right to judge others. We all know most people see themselves through the eyes of others, and that our appearance affects how we are seen or treated in our daily lives. But this is a mistake. I know many young girls are not satisfied with their appearance, and this is why there are plastic surgeons. I have met many women that after getting to know them I found them really cute and smart, and realized the change from my first impression. So if we accept others and know who they are, we will find their real beauty and talents which have impact on us and amaze us.

  27. There are so many crazy things going on, on YouTube. Seven years ago I was once thirteen with low self-esteem. From what I have seen, girls become vicious in middle school. I still live right across the street from the same middle school I went to and I still see young girls putting on make-up and dressing in short skirts and tops with low-necklines. Back in middle school, or even high school, I was completely unaware of how low my self-esteem actually was. Validation or confidence from my friends did not seem like an option because they seemed to be going through the same self-esteem and fitting in issues as I was. If you can’t get it from your friends at school, what makes girls today think you can get it from random people on YouTube? At that age, you don’t want to listen to your parents even if they tell you, “you’re beautiful, just the way you are.” Girls seem to be forgetting that friends are supposed to lift each other up and offer support. Instead criticism and out-casting seems to be the new trend.

  28. This is so horrible; I can’t understand why these young girls do this to themselves. They are almost bullying themselves by posting these videos. I feel terrible that they are so caught up with looks that they fail to see that there is so much more that makes them beautiful. I have not seen a single girl who posted one of these tell the viewer anything she is good at, it only focuses on the negative and ask for opinions. With any Internet source you are going to get both positive and negative and I can only hope that the negative is not to bad that is sticks with the child forever. Their worth is not in their appearance but in their value as a person and all that they contribute to the world.

  29. First of all, the way that this girl deals with her problem is wrong. Not all of the people on the internet will really tell others their real feeling and thoughts. Their comments won’t cheer the girl up at all. Just like the article claims that “YouTube is not the place to gain affirmation… Twelve-year-olds aren’t mature enough to deal with misogynistic trolls who put them down in hopes of lifting their own sorry selves.” Some of the comments may even hurt the kids.
    The important thing is that the girl shouldn’t care how other people seer heself, what they see is only the outside, but what really matters is who you really are. Forget about other people’s judgments and be confident is the right way to solve the problem.

  30. Christina Long

    Going through the school system and meeting a lot of different people I’ve encountered girls feeling this way so many times, it really breaks my heart. I wish so much that young girls would realize their imperfections are what make them unique and beautiful. If everyone looked the same the world would be a terribly boring, fake, and unattractive place. More role models need to help girls embrace themselves for who they are, and make them realize people who put them down are only a tiny part of their big lives, and their words don’t matter as long as you have confidence in who you are. Girls should listen to these words from this song and realize how true they are… “There’s nothing wrong with loving who you are, so hold your head up girl and you’ll go far, Listen to me when I say, I’m beautiful in my way, I’m on the right track baby I was born this way. Don’t hide yourself in regret just love yourself and you’re set, I’m on the right track, baby I was born this way…” -Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”

  31. This is a very sad article to read. A girl as young at 12 or 13 are asking viewers to comment on their looks, even though YouTube’s policy does not allow for people younger than 13 to post videos. Low self-esteem begins for many kids these days. Girls especially facing significant pressure to be physically attractive and have a perfect body. As a result, many girls feel dissatisfied with their bodies and are at higher risk of developing mental health problems. parents should be building up there self esteem and showing them how much they are loved and how Special they are.

  32. I agree with the final Youtube comment, and with the fact that today, there are not many positive role models that young girls can turn to in order to help them realize their potential. Each person is different, and will believe that the accomplishments or life of another is irrelevant to them and that even though it turned out okay for someone who was in the same situation as them, doesn’t mean that they will be okay in the end. Television broadcasts shows that are supposed to encourage young women to have more confidence in themselves, but their use of actresses and models who are deemed beautiful by society only make the messages more fictional and superficial. I personally believe that it is sad that our society could place so much emphasis on outer appearances that it would force a young girl to feel the need to ask millions of strangers for their advice on the way she looks. I also think that it is ridiculous for people to taunt her for her actions when it is society that pushed her to the breaking point of her insecurity in the first place. It is times like these when I wish society could just relinquish the existing model or stereotype for what is considered to be beautiful, because it has only caused so many young girls pain to realize that they will never look like that, and also an inability to comprehend that it wouldn’t matter if they didn’t.

  33. I think that it is sad that we live in a society where more emphasis is put on how a person looks rather than their character. Like this posting points out, a person can be beautiful on the outside, however it really doesn’t mean anything if they are “ugly” on the inside. Besides all of that, like the saying goes “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” What is attractive, and what is not varies from person to person. So even though someone may be unattractive to one person, to someone else they could be very attractive. It is all preference. I think that the media has a huge impact on what young girls view as beautiful. It causes them to spend too much time comparing themselves to photoshopped images of models instead of focusing on the things that really matter.

  34. This is such a sad situation. Children today treat each other so horribly. Little girls self esteem have dropped to an all time low. They can’t seem to be ok with themselves well enough to live. Being a paramedic, I see all the time the results of what happens when children get to that low place in their hearts. Many attempt suicide, go out with the wrong kind of boys and fall into that teen pregnancy arena. All of these things rotate around them wanting someone to pay attention to them. I don’t know if it is worst with boys or girls, but I have seen it affect both genders. Having children myself, I try to be as positive as I can with them so they grow up knowing how special they are. Especially my daughters. Both of them hopefully will have a good enough self esteem to get them down the right path. If any of you beautiful girls on YouTube are reading this…YES you are beautiful. Look in the mirror, stop caring what others are telling you.

  35. Its really heart breaking to see young teens go through this, I’m 21 and I remember when I was in middle school through high school I had this issue too, wanting to be accepted by people and feeling “pretty”. Looks is something that the world has shaped into our heads to believe that being accepted or being pretty is your weight, being popular, having the latest technology, etc. So many young teens look at movie stars even sometimes porn stars as an idol. These young teens and even being an adult need a lot of support and love by their parents and loved ones telling them that they are beautiful and talented and smart. The more you tell them that then they will have confidence and not have low self esteem. Teens should be more focused on their education because they are the next generation who’s going to be a president, doctor, police, etc….peer pressure is on the rise and parents should absolutely comfort their children.

  36. This has always been a topic in many people’s mind, where they are constantly questioning themselves and asking the same question. “Am I ugly?” Hearing the advice from their friends or even parents, people always tend to give good comments about one person look, in order to not hurt the other person feelings or confidence. But it’s a shame to see that our society is always promoting the idea of beauty and sexy themes to people, making many question themselves and their values of being pretty or ugly. Girls always are being judged or commented on, no matter what they might do; people will always have their own sense of judgments. A place like the internet, where people could say anything and get away with it, really presents this chance for people do express their thoughts and not even care less about being caught for their comments. A example would be like this reality show that I have recently been viewing, a tournament of a video game that was being hosted on the internet stream live and there were two contestant that were female on the show. So naturally if the show is on the internet and live, there must also be a stream chat on the side. Being a spectator on the sidelines, I witness how many people would write out rude and sexist comments on the chat, saying things like “I would like to get a piece of those thighs” or “These people aren’t even that pretty, why are they on the show?” It got to the point where one of the contestants of the show was being harassed so much by the chat that she had enough of the show and dropped out the show. I thought to myself how traumatic it must have been for those female gamers on the show, as they are constantly bashed for their sex and being presented as objects. Somehow we lack the respect and always make cruel judgments about one’s look and presentation and sex. Think clearly before you would say something rude.

  37. I had no idea young girls did videos like this to see how their looks rate in others eyes. It is really sad that they do; they are very brave to put themselves out there, but are most likely damaging themselves in the process. Our society focuses on looks so much that these young girls depend their entire young lives on their appearance. Childhood is no longer about being yourself with your friends, acting how you want—it’s about growing up way too fast in order to be what our society now thinks is “beautiful.” Kids always just want to grow up as quickly as possible and it seems our society today only encourages its youth to do so much too early.

  38. After reading this blog, I tried looking for the real youtube upload and found one that was posted a few months ago. According to the article, she did one in December 2010 with over 92,000 comments. However I only found that one that was done in 2011 with only a few hundred comments. Girls, especially those rounding the puberty age, listen to those around them – especially bullies. I think a lot of us say hurtful words without knowing the direction damage it may have caused. When I was pregnant last year, my cousin had asked me what I would do if my baby was ugly. Jokingly, I said give him up for adoption. I sincerely and honestly was kidding – but I am even guilty of saying something hurtful. How does the saying go – if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. This should apply, it is just too sad that teenagers will be teenagers.

  39. Maria Papayianni

    Everyone has encountered certain insecurities especially as they were growing up. For whatever reason, whether the media, or kids at school she feels ugly. This girl chose to seek advice from people on youtube. I think it’s unfortunate that this girl chose to get reassurance from a youtube audience rather than her parents. Parents are the ones that are suppose to help teach her the values of inner beauty, loving oneself etc. This poor girl obviously hasn’t received that yet, and she feels more confident in getting reassurance from strangers than her own parents perhaps. Reading this post didn’t make me think of the negative distortions media exposes to our kids nowadays. It rather made me think that there needs to be more a focus on family in this country, and making sure that kids are loved, and given the attention they need so they’ll be able to be strong enough to be able to combat negative influences when they are on their own.

  40. It’s a shame how much pressure society puts on us, especially girls because of how we look. It’s ridiculous considering it’s something that one cannot help…for the most part. I think It’s sad that these girls had to post videos like this on YouTube, even when claiming that they did not care about the viewer’s judgments. One girl started it, and I became a trend…just like eve3rtyhintg else. The way we look, dress, talk…all fleeting trends. It’s tough being a teenager or even a pre-teen. That’s when our bodies go through monumental developmental changes, and most children struggle though that phase. Kids start to worry about acne, awkward growth spurts, but it’s especially hard for girls because they become so competitive. You cannot tell when a girl starts here period, but it’s always obvious who has the largest breasts in middle school. I like the people who commented on the girls’ YouTube posts things like “go do your homework”. I agree because we ought to focus on what we can improve and change, why should people’s opinion on the internet matter. If you ask me, the people who are friends with you despite your looks, are your real friends. I’m not saying looks are not important, but we certainly have made them so because of all the value we place on our physical appearance. It’s unfortunate that so many girls, and women have such low self –esteem, it’s actually quite foolish because their goals are unrealistic. The standard of beauty society places on us is just an unachievable goal because in real life, one cannot walk around airbrushed or photo shopped.

  41. This story has me asking a couple of questions. Like why did she feel the need to post a video? And why does she need to see the approval or rejection from complete strangers? They don’t know what kind of person she is. To think that there are people in this world who are willing to tear down a young child’s self-esteem makes me sick to my stomach. The fact that this girl, and many others around the world are changing themselves based on what strangers are saying to them over the Internet is absolutely horrible. One should never feel the need to objectify themselves to the point where they are seeking the approval of an individual who has no knowledge of them whatsoever. This is a serious issue that needs to be addressed by society and the media because obviously a lack of self-esteem is becoming far too common throughout the younger generation. Everywhere a child looks; there is something that is going to decrease the amount of confidence they have in themselves whether it is on a billboard, a television show, movie, or the Internet. The grip that the media has on young people is immensely tight. So the question is, how can we help to release this generation? I believe that reassurance in the household and regular environment is key because sometimes hearing little compliments or a simple “good job” can do wonders for an individual’s self-esteem.

  42. Misconceptions are created by media, leading many of these innocent girls to develop an unclear perception of what is considered ideal. It is very saddening to watch such young girls become so consumed in being “perfect”, that they live their pre teen and teenage years trying to prove themselves via youtube videos, Facebook pictures, or other media sources. Most of these stereotypes emerge from schools that the girls are attending. It has become a trend to place a label on everyone in school; if someone is smart then they are a “nerd”, and if someone wears brand name clothes and shoes then they are automatically considered “popular”. Issues such as these affect a young girls self esteem to the point that they feel that they need validation from complete strangers to make them feel better about themselves. No young teen should be made to believe that he or she is any less then someone else.

  43. I really feel for this poor girl. The emphasis young girls are putting on being attractive and popular is really getting out of control. Her parents should have been blocking her YouTube access to protect her from these internet trolls.

    I agree with the comment made that the emphasis should be on our inner appearances rather than outer. When I was shopping in the girls section at popular department store the other day, I saw a tee shirt that read “I’m better than you”. The shirt must have been popular because it was almost all sold out. This comment is an example of the type of competition girls have with each other. Who is the prettiest, the skinniest, or has the most friends. My 7 year old daughter gets teased for being fat on a regular basis. There are other 7 year old girls who just won’t play with my daughter because she has an “uncool” personality or isn’t skinny enough. I often wonder if it’s the parent’s immaturity, the media, or a combination of both that is doing this to our young girls. My daughter’s school takes some responsibly by administering “anti-bullying” worksheets to the class rooms but it hasn’t seemed to work for my daughter. It seems that many parents and society have their priorities in the wrong places. From reality shows like Toddlers & Tiaras to parents who groom their kids to be “mean girls”, it can make a parent of a child who is being teased feel helpless. I remind my daughter of how smart and beautiful she is all the time but all it takes is one or two kids to tell her that she is fat or bad at reading, and her self-esteem plummets. The schools don’t have the resources to monitor, council and control all their naughty children. I think all a parent can do is continue to reinforce the positive in their child and hope that all of the teasing their child receives will turn their kid a stronger adult.

  44. I have a younger sister, age 12, who is exceptionally beautiful– olive skin, big eyes, gorgeous hair, the works. However, she’s exceptional in many other areas, too– playing the piano, reading, math, creativity, etc. Unfortunately, she gets way more attention from her peers, from strangers, and even from our parents about her beauty than she does for her other, more redeeming, aspects. This has frightened me to the point that I refuse to praise her for her physical appearance, but instead emphasize her more substantial qualities, reminding her that she’s intelligent, creative, and that she does not need a boy (yes, at age 12, she’s already finding her identity in the approval of male peers) to make her a complete and happy human being.

    This isn’t always easy, though. She has reached a point where her looks are more essential to her identity and that by affirming her other qualities and ignoring this one, it’s somehow a roundabout way of calling her “ugly” or “fat.” Katie Makkai performed an incredible piece of slam poetry titled “Pretty” that dealt with the topic of women and girls finding their identity in beauty. At one point, she refers to the question “Am I pretty?” as something you can remove like cheap lipstick. However, it’s not this simple– it’s almost an integral part of who women are conditioned to be and it’s going to take the work of the collective society to eliminate this sort of standard.

  45. It’s very interesting. When I read this, I look back myself. I thought the same thing like that girl. Actually I’m still think I’m ugly. Most of women are thinking same way. Especially teenagers. I thought why should we have to consider appearance important? In everywhere, we can see that how much the appearance is. Even, good looking woman or man is more easier to get a job without having good skill. It is society. And the teenager is showing the problem of society.

  46. Wu Cheuk Yin, Cherry

    Nowadays, people normally draw conclusions about other people based on their looks. They usually misperceive or judge the appearance of other people in a manner less than equal before they even recognize actual nature of the person. In this acticle, the girl put on make up and took video for herself and uploaded it to facebook in order to have people giving praise. Actually, this trend has tended towards for years. People love to take self portraits to get others’ compliments because they lack confidence in themselves. Besides, If every human being can entirely override their beliefs and own preconceptions, then people can make informed judgment against others.

  47. This girl is only 12 but looks like16. I realize that she has made up and wore fake lashes. I guess she really pays a lot of attention on her appearance. This girl looks beautiful, personally. Maybe she has a lot of bad friends around saying that she is ugly. Or maybe people blame her because they don’t like her. Appearance is an arm. It can help people establish self-esteem, and it can also hurt people by putting them down. Schools and families should teach children to respect each other and do not judge people by the appearance.

  48. I understand why the girls would do such a thing, to post videos about themselves, hoping others will see their beauty, and it’s true they are beautiful in many different ways. These girls are beautiful in ways that the media does not consider beauty, if true beauty was advertised everyone would be considered beautiful, but the media has made artificial beauty, with using photo shop to fix the pictures with what they believe is beauty. I agree with the comment where someone says that the girls are beautiful it’s society that is ugly, the reason being that society is ugly using photo shop to fix up models that do not need to be fix, my reason being that the beauty the media leads people to believe it’s beauty if it needs to be fixed. As for those girls who post their video on YouTube they should not pay much attention to those who put them down, and take the advice of those who offer them useful information on how they can look more pretty, that way they can see that they really are beautiful, not that they would needed. I have one question, not concerning the blog, but why does the media believe that by advertising false images of “beauty” people would purchase that image rather than the image of true beauty.

  49. I sympathize the girl and others who posted videos to gain affirmation of their beauty on the outside. I myself did experience this process in early adolescence. I was always worried that I was not up to the society’s standards of beauty and all that. Looking back, I can definitely see myself factoring in people’s subjective comments as my own “objective” views about myself.

    All of these have to do with one of the main influences, media. I think the onus is on either parents or educational institutions to teach the younger generations that ads exist for a very practical reason, i.e. companies create them to promote their products and maximize profits. I consider it imperative to let them realize the motives behind the ads. In fact, companies manipulate people’s psychology of “keeping up with the Joneses” and nudge them to buy their products ultimately. Also, the models they have in the commercials do not really look like what they are in real life. The commercials have mostly been photoshopped. Or, a lot of models have simply undergone cosmetic surgery to attain the “perfect” body. But in reality, it is just hard to attain the “perfect” measurements and hardly do most “100% natural” people look like Victoria Secret’s Angels. Therefore, to save the younger generations from low self-esteem and depression merely because of others’ comments, parents and schools have a responsibility to instill into them the set of values they should hold.

  50. I found this blog very interesting. It says a lot about how superficial our society is currently. I cannot believe that this YouTube video received over 3.4 million views. I entirely agree that our “subjective” view of who we are change into an “objective” view when people are telling us who we are. Looks are indeed a primary source of how we identify ourselves during early adolescences, and I saw this very clearly throughout my high school years. This was definitely the case I saw within myself as well as in my friends at some point throughout our high school career. I think that it is incredibly wrong how people will insult others via the Internet, but will not do the same thing to their face. People need to reassess how they are affecting others.

  51. To be real you tube wasn’t the best source to get opinions from, because there’s a lot of discouraging human being who care less about this innocent girl. Also, the people who called her ugly were insensitive human being with dislike written all over them. Bring someone down doesn’t make them a bigger person, only people with intelligence understand that. I don’t blame that girl who questioned herself if she was pretty or not because when people give negative feedback you often think about the harsh things people say and take them in. But I feel like everyone should feel that they are beautiful because everyone’s pretty in their own way.

  52. Young girls get so many horrible influences from the media; the idea that they have to wear make-up or dress a certain way to be considered beautiful. I agree with the statement from the article that “you’re not ugly, society is” is so true, because society puts so much pressure on fantasies of beauty that women are striving for something that isn’t a possibility. Although i see how a 12 year old might think this was a good idea to post this video, I think it is a really bad idea. People say things online that they would never actually say to someone’s face, and they can be way meaner. Not only are they dealing with the problem at school but now the problem is being brough home with them and they can’t escape from that.

  53. I was pretty surprised to hear about these videos that young girls are posting on YouTube. I hadn’t realized the extent of the type of things that people make and post videos about, especially young girls. It’s very sad that so many people have such low self-esteem and are so desperate for stranger’s opinions about their looks. Their appearance shouldn’t be so important to them, especially at such a young age when they are still growing and developing, but our culture is bullying them into believing that they aren’t beautiful enough. This is especially harsh on girls who are strongly influenced by culture and the media, who are too young to know better, and who are unable to separate reality from [what can be called the lies] the media weaves about beauty.

  54. This post is truly sad to me. High school was hard enough for me without the amount of technology that is available now. New threats with cyber bullying and the ability to humiliate someone with the post of a picture or comment add new hurdles to already difficult years. The thought that kids are self-subjecting themselves to this kind of ridicule is disheartening. What do they do with the comments they receive? What are they expecting to get out of the experience? Such emphasis and expectations pressed on these girls at an impressionable time in their lives, leads down a dangerous road. I can only hope the results of a trend that has started with a few, will sway others from making the same decision to make such posts when they aren’t mature enough to handle the consequences.

  55. Kimberly Morrison

    This posting and information about YouTube makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t believe there are young girls out in the world that go this low to see if they are ugly. It is so sad that girls self-esteem is that low. I feel that YouTube should monitor what goes on their website. I feel these insecure girls also need to stop watching a lot of the reality t.v. shows. Many t.v. shows make girls think they need to look a certain way. It is so terrible that some kids in schools tease and make fun of girls that don’t look a certain way.

  56. I understand why the girls would do such a thing,to post videos about themselves hope others will see there beauty, and it’s true they are beautiful in many different way. These girls are beautiful in ways that the media portrays is not beautiful, if true beauty was advertised every one would be considered beautiful. I agree with the comment where someone says that the girls are beautiful it’s society that is ugly, the reason being that society has made an arfificial standard on how someone is beautiful, but the media has made it even more arfificial with using photo shop to improve the models beauty, but that is not true beauty if it’s being fixed.

  57. I am very agree with the commoner who said that “you are not ugly, society is.” In nowadays, people put too much attentions and values on appearance. Usually people who have good looking will have more opportunities than people who are ugly. Let’s think about seriously. Is that really so important? I would say no. Our lookings are given by our parents, what we look like can not determine what we deserve. This issue seems affect children already. This is a alarm for people to consider it deeply. What we need to focus on is develop our inner images. Keep studying to develop our knowledge and do our best to be happy. Just as another commoner claims that no matter what we look, we always can offer something to this world.

  58. I babysit this little girl who is sixth grade (almost 12 years old) and she is told at school that she is ugly, weird, and her clothing style is weird. It breaks my heart because she hates going to school and has even said that if she stopped going to school and disappeared no one would even notice. She has come home so many times from school crying because of the kids in her class. It’s just not fair how young kids get treated for “being ugly”. She is the cutest and sweetest little kid you will ever meet, not to mention brilliant, and yet our society has made her hate herself. I have seen so many of these videos that were mentioned in the article on Tumblr, and none of these young girls are ugly. Our society is ugly and it is not fair.

  59. I think girls doing this is because they are young and not thinking about the consequences and cruel comments that might really hurt them. She is seeking for approval. Many tween girl have low self esteem and looking for validation. But I think they used in the wrong place. Internet is some people that didnt know each other, they do not care that they will hurt you or not. It none of their business, so they can just say whatever they want to say. And I think parents should talk more to their children, sometimes Internet words have a very big power, to make a child kill themselves. If parents teach them well. They will grow up more mature. And won’t do stupid things. 

  60. This just shows you how much the media is corrupting today’s youth minds. I agree with Susan that children are being left to raise themselves. These kids are being misled by the media, instead of having guidance from their parents. Recently, I’ve seen a TV show called Toddlers & Tiara’s were girls as young as 4 years old are competing in a beauty pageant. The little girls wore make up, heels, fake eye-lashes, spray-on tans, and I’ve even heard some of them had false teeth. It was sad to see that there are parents out there who would do such a thing to their kids. The parents were basically telling their daughters that the only thing that matters in life is being pretty.

  61. I agree with you Susan. In the words of Martin Luther King, people should be judged on the content of their character and not what they look like. Being a good person is more important than how someone looks. Everyone is just too focused on comparing their looks to someone else’s looks. I do not think I’m better or prettier than anyone else and vice versa. Everyone is unique. All we talk about is celebrities and what they do. Maybe if we saw them give back to the community we would all do the same. Not that we should do something because celebrities are doing it. We should do something because it is the right thing to do. I know helping others makes me feel good about myself. We have also separated ourselves from nature.

  62. This problem occurred to me over the weekend. I have friends who are expecting their first children this spring and I worry about the amount of media exposure these young people encounter. My children were born over thirty years ago and I had to make a very concerted effort to shield them from the media. They were the first generation of the computer age. Now, of course, they simply live in media.

    These very young children are being exposed to media like the Oscars, talent showcases, and countless, endless productions designed to create an appetite of voyeurism. Parents and children often begin watching these programs together, asserting that they simply love these talented kids. But, the silent message is that we must all strive to become entertainers; young, sexy, vamped-up showboats. The hunger for celebrity is what is fueling our society. Everyone is seeking their share of fame.

    The children are being left to fend for themselves on the wasteland of the internet. It is painful to see. I was a dinner in a quiet dining room on Friday and two young parent were there with a small boy. He must have been around 1 year old and he was watching their phone all night. He would whimper a little when the movie stalled, but other than that he was quiet. His parents were well dressed, slick looking professionals and they seemed to be very confident in their handling of the situation. No crying or acting up from the little guys. They never looked at him and he never took his eyes from the screen.

    Children need adults who know what they’re doing. Parenting is the only thing we do not teach. Not one class about parenting.

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