Women Learn the Breast Fetish, Too
Meredith Chivers, a highly regarded psychologist at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario, showed men and women, both straight and gay, short film clips of heterosexual sex, gay and lesbian sex, a man masturbating, a woman masturbating, a nude well-toned man walking, a fit woman doing nude calisthenics, and bonobos (an ape species) having sex.
Chivers then asked the men and women to rate how aroused they felt. But she also used probes to gauge penile swelling and vaginal blood flow.
Men’s responses were as expected.
But women’s genitals and minds seemed to belong to entirely different people. For instance, hetero women’s bodies were more aroused by the exercising woman than by the strolling man – though they claimed otherwise.
In other research, she asked men and women to wear goggles that track eye movement, and had them look at pictures of heterosexual couples in foreplay. The men gazed mostly at the women – their faces and bodies. But the women spent equal time looking at both sexes, with their eyes focused on the men’s faces and the women’s bodies.
In these two pieces of research we find hetero women more aroused by nude pictures of women than men, and spending more time looking at nude women’s bodies than men’s.
Odd huh?
Chivers isn’t entirely sure what to make of it all. Since women’s blood flow rose in every sexual situation they viewed, including the bonobos – and because lubrication (and blood flow) also increase among rape victims when sex is unwanted – she speculates that women’s bodies may lubricate whenever a sexual signal arises in order to reduce discomfort, and the possibility of injury, during penetration. With this need, women’s bodies may simply be much more sensitive to any sexual signal than men’s, whether or not they feel sexually aroused.
Okay, but why were women more aroused by looking at the nude woman than the nude man? “Possibly,” she said, “the exposure and tilt of the woman’s vulva during her calisthenics was processed as a sexual signal while the man’s unerect penis registered in the opposite way.”
The notion that the women were less turned on because they couldn’t see an erection seems odd given that Playgirl, until recently, has had a long history of hiding the penis. Many women are ambivalent, at best, about the penis as a visual turn-on.
Perhaps Chivers is referring to some primal response that women aren’t consciously aware of, responding to a sexual stimulus requiring need for lubrication. Yet a nude exercising woman is no more likely to penetrate than a flaccid man.
Also, straight women spent more time looking at the bodies of nude women than nude men during sexual foreplay. Why did women’s bodies draw greater interest?
Many will seek out biological explanations, but as a sociologist, I think culture may explain the oddity.
Society teaches us how to see the world: How to think about it, feel about it, and react to it.
The male body is pretty much ignored in our culture. Billboards aren’t splashed with sexy men. No men in Speedos. Nothing much but an occasional underwear ad.
Women’s bodies are focused upon, with breasts selectively hidden and revealed, creating a captivation, leaving us wondering about that which is hidden. The camera gazes, zeroes in on women’s bodies. We talk about women’s breasts as alluring. So they become a sexual signal to both men and women. We don’t treat any part of the male body in the same way.
Men learn the breast fetish, too. In cultures that don’t selectively hide and reveal the breast, they are no big deal. So tribal men, who see them all the time, aren’t especially interested. European men’s attraction waned when topless women suddenly appeared all over local beaches and billboards. And men can become numbed to titillation with overexposure to porn.
Hetero women likely experience all this a bit differently from men. For one thing, the fetish isn’t attached to their natural sexual interest, which may weaken the allure. Homophobia may also lead to repression. Women might also see other women’s breasts as competition, distracting from the erotic. Or, they may become angered by female objectification — another distraction. But research suggests that women often do experience the fetish, none-the-less.
I’m hetero, but ask me which image I find more erotic, a nude female or a nude male, and I’ll choose the girl. Many of my hetero female students nod in agreement.
I used to think that was odd, until I realized that the breast fetish is learned, and not based in biology.
To anyone who plans to inform me that I am bi, please see this post first (I’m tired of answering repetitive comments): Men Know My Sexuality Better Than Me
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Posted on November 29, 2010, in feminism, gender, men, objectification, pornography, sex, sexism, women and tagged breast fetish, breasts, feminism, gender, men, objectification, pornography, sex, sexism, women. Bookmark the permalink. 59 Comments.
I think that is a really interesting study and I agree with most of what you are saying. As I woman, I can see how other women would want to look at the bodies of their own kind simply because they are curious to see how they compare. I don’t necessarily think it is sexual in nature at all, more out of curiosity. I find that in this society, women are much more celebrated for their bodies than men are. Many married women joke about how they find their husband’s body unattractive. Therefore, the children of these women are growing up in a culture where they do not expect the man’s body to be like a work of art like they do a woman’s. There is so much pressure put on girls to look thin and pretty from a young age and I will argue with anyone who says otherwise. There is a competitive nature to this and going back to my first point, I think girls just want to see how they stack up.
I agree that when women are focused on how they stack up the erotic aspect is erased. And that’s likely many women’s experience. At the same time, I, and many straight women I know, do think that women’s nude bodies seem more erotic than men’s. And the female vaginal area responds more strongly to nude women than men.
I agree with both of you. It seems to me that women will often look at other women for competitive reasons. We want to see what we are supposed to look like and how we compare to that ideal. I also agree that a lot of women find the female body more erotic than the male’s. Whenever I look at ads that feature both a male and a female (and, let’s face it, most of these advertisements have a sexual nature to them, with the male being in the dominant position), I will glance at the featured male, but more of my time is spent analyzing the female. One reason for this is that I am comparing myself to her. She is the ideal beauty, and I want to see how I match up. This is often why advertisements of this nature are so effective — we buy the product because we connect the product to the ideal beauty, and consequently believe we will be able to achieve that beauty by wearing the product. On the other hand, in these advertisements, the woman is usually the one who appears to be in the middle of a sexual experience. The males often appear the dominant between the two and their features give away nothing. The female, on the other hand, through her facial expression and body position, often displays the passion and desire that contributes to the overall sexual nature of the image. As such, we link the female body to sexual pleasure, more than the male body. Consequently, it’s no wonder women find the female body more erotic than male’s in today’s society.
Its funny how you discuss that breast fetish isn’t only learned by men but women also, as an Asian American I am surrounded by not so buxom women and surprisingly the ones who get breast augmentations all say they got it to impress other females. Its also comparable to the domino effect because of this breast fetish women are more fascinated with other woman’s body than men. Therefore women when exposed to female body get more aroused. I see more females observing other females more than males do in this society. Like you said in our society topless males is normal, in San Jose you can easily spot a young man walking down the street on a hot day topless, yet you wont see many girls topless.
I enjoyed reading this blog. I agree with the hetero women in that I find the female body more sexy to look at than males. I am not attracted to women but I think the female body can be quite beautiful. Maybe the hetero women responded the way that they did because they typically don’t see other naked women – they see their husbands or boyfriends. I definitely appreciate the male body but I see my husband every day – I’m not looking at pictures of naked women every day.
I’ve actually asked many of my husband’s friends if they care if a woman has real or fake breasts. About one out of ten say that they don’t like fake breasts. The rest of them could care less – they just like breasts. I think breasts are a fetish because they are everywhere. And the women that buy them tend to dress to show them off – how could you not help but notice them whether you’re a male or a female?
We actually covered this topic in a psychology class I took a year ago and this doesn’t makes sense, but it proves to be true. I actually find women more attractive nude than men as well even though I am straight. I agree with you that it’s mainly because women are featured on the media, billboards and literate content that it makes us even more desirable. I just saw a picture on a magazine of a woman wearing a beautiful long dress with her cleavage showing and legs and I thought it was such a beautiful image. I was first admiring the dress, but then I caught myself admiring the woman as well and even hoping to mirror her image in pictures. It might be envy and females wanting to look the same as the sexy women on pictures that make us aroused toward nude women than men. Ever since I can remember, a women’s body parts were an asset that were treasured because their body was viewed as soft, pure and prohibited while the men’s body never got this attention. The men were and are seen as rugged, dirty, and their body parts were never viewed as “beautiful”. This is why a female’s body is found so attractive by male and females because of what we learned through the years and the fact that we want to resemble the beauty we see.
When you understand that sexual arousal is conditioned in both men and women to respond more to the female than the male you realize that even your physiological reactions are a reflection of male dominance. It is very disturbing to realize that the female oppression is as far reaching as to affect the chemical reactions of the body. It makes me wonder if this is designed to damper a woman’s sexual attraction to the heterosexual man. As I think more critically of my own experience, and as a female myself, most movies that do have sex scenes are going to show the female as completely nude but not the male. The few experiences of witnessing the penis on screen is either because the movie is pornographic or the naked man is exposed for some other reason than a sexual act. Looking through Elle magazine the other day, I noticed that adds where men posed for a high fashion designer products would portray the men in a more feminine style. The men were usually clean shaven, and had softer features; in one Calvin Klein add the man could have passed for a woman as he was underweight with a face that looked like he had make up on. These men posed in sexy ways with or without women in the adds, but even the male sexy seems to have a feminine flavor to it. This was just an observation but is another example of the emphasis sexualized femininity over the masculine; I’ll be keeping an eye out for the manly-man sex symbol.
Thanks so much for your comments.
Re: “I’ll be keeping an eye out for the manly-man sex symbol.” Let me now if you see much of anything.
RE: “It makes me wonder if this is designed to damper a woman’s sexual attraction to the heterosexual man.” I doubt it. But men’s ways of seeing have certainly overtaken women’s. Men, not trying to be mean an hurtful, have simply had more control over media, and portray their own interests far more than women’s interests. Makes sense. We all do this. But a good reason for women to be more involved. (Though, we’ve now learned to see women – more than men – as sex objects, too.)
I would really have to agree with kelly with this certain blog. Even though I’m not gay in any way..it’s out of pure habit that you have to look at other women’s breasts. Even though women are seen as the weak ones and as less dominante than men, but at the same time within this article it makes you proud to be a women because if you have breasts and are a woman either way your going to seduce either a man or a woman to look at you. You can never go unoticed which can be a good thing and a bad thing.
I agree with most of what your saying. We all are obsessed with the female figure. We have learned from the media to associate a woman’s body with sex and sexual power. I think heterosexual women get more physically turned on by an attractive naked women both because they associate her with sexual pleasure and activity and because they imagine how much men would want them if they looked like that.
Yeah, and if you get the breast fetish – can expience it yourself on some level – then women really get how men would want them if they looked like that (or DO want them if they DO look like that).
I enjoyed reading this because it is totally true in every way because most women do tend too look at their own sex not because they feel insecure about themselves but because they could see what the guys see from the other view. And also to recognize how they react in sexual situations like that. I don’t think that its a natural sex things because like I stated before that most women are just curious about how other females act in sex. And the reason why they don’t look at males having sex is because of the fact that it is not as of attractive as before and also because so many people talks about their spouses body in a negative way but as a joke.
To further Platts’ argument, not only are male bodies not considered an erotic source in American culture, they are often referred to in a negative light, or to get a couple of laughs. For example, in the hit show Seinfeld, one of the main characters, Elane, refers to the male body as “utilitarian,” implying that the female body is much more erotic. Furthermore, comedy movies (like the “Jackass” series, and “Super Troopers”) exploit a naked male body for laughs. In the media, scenes of Johnny Knoxville running around in a thong, or George Costanza be spotted a victim of “shrinkage,” are used to get viewers to laugh. Whereas, it is quite rare to exploit a nude female body for the purpose of attempting to get laughs. Quite the contrary, a female body is seen in passionate love scenes, and as a luscious desired entity (and rightfully so). Yet the male body is rarely portrayed in such a flattering way to American Society (just ask Preston Lacey).
Therefore, I completely understand what Platts is saying. Men find the female body arousing because it is taboo to see. And females are also aroused by the female body because they too find it taboo to see. However, both find it taboo in a desirable way. Therefore, I completely agree with Platts, it’s not biology, it’s our culture.
I agree with this article but I want to mention this, as a 28 year old white american female I find the bodies of black men very attractive as well as erotic. The white american men I see have rather “straight up and down” bodies, they have small or non-existant behinds and appear frail. This isn’t ALL white males but many I see today are very effeminate.
Black males on the other hand have rather “cute behinds” nice strong shoulders and great legs. Me and some friends were watching a football game with our boyfriends and we couldn’t help but find the football players attractive especially when they were bent over in the huddle. I think a study of racial based attractiveness by women and men should be done, I think many would be surprised by how many women of all backgrounds would say they weren’t attracted to black males yet the test results would show otherwise.
Interesting observation and idea for a study.
But the more rounded behinds of black men actually reflect the more rounded behinds of women – what everyone’s been taught to see as more sexually attractive.
From the perspective of a male with a pretty strong breast obsession, who has a girlfriend who also admits being aroused by breasts, it is not surprising that women in general are visually attacted to breasts.
The sexes in any species are not mirror images of each other in their sexual attractions and behaviors. That is the false assumption that most people start with when analyzing sexual behavior. Sexual behavior is shared, but not opposite or reciprocal. In the same way preferences for food, work, and recreation are not reciprocal between men and women, neither is sexual behavior preference.
Regarding fetishism, all species evolve distinctive features which are attractive to the opposite sex, and which induce competition between same sexes to win access to sex with those who have particularly distinctive and attractive features.
Features may be attractive, envied, or vicariously fantasized to possess, or all 3. Both men and women have the envy/vicraous fantasy when looking at an attractive member of their own sex. In the case of women, I think a big percentage, if not most, have a significant attraction component to breasts, in the sense of curiousity to sexually touch or fondle, etc. My girlfriend looks at breasts in all 3 modes, and I don’t think that’s unusual. I think that women wanting to have sexual contact with another woman doesn’t make her a “lesbian” in the sense of a “butch” lesbian. By contrast, when I look at men’s penises in porn I do not want to touch them sexually, but I do experience the “envy” of big well shaped ones and the “vicarious” fantasy of having a good body.
It is natural for women to be attracted/aroused by well-shaped women’s bodies depicted in media. Breast size is another matter, and subject to the same analysis, with the primary difference being that some men and some women have a particular fetish for large breasts. As a large breast fetishist, I am unashamedly a big fan of breast impants, though I prefer a natural breast to a fake one if the size is the same, as long as the fake breast is not misshapen as some are (“overinflated” is the most common distortion..too spherical, too high…all natural DD women can trap a pencil under the breast, for example). That said, I think there are as just as many if not more men and women who prefer “normal” breast sizes than those who prefer D and above.
I only mention the size issue because a lot of unnecessary hot air is spent worrying about size. Bottom line is, when seeking a mate, be honest and match fetishes! There big boob men and big boob women who like a lot of tactile breast attention, and you need to find each other. There are women who actually are aroused by breast sex and rough fondling. Find each other! Same for normal/small boob men and normal/small boob women who like breast attention. Same for butt men/women and foot men/women, etc.
Ok, apologies for the long post, but this is my favorite subject outside work.
A really interesting topic, and a great read. Now here’s an interesting twist:
From what I’ve read of Ancient Greek culture, that was a time and a place where social thinking went very much the “other way”. Men were considered beautiful, men’s bodies were considered an object of art. Women were also admired, but not to the same extent.
In that culture, it was not at all unusual for men to consider each other beautiful or to engage in sexual acts together. Whereas women in many accounts are seen as the “functional, boring” ones: the way men’s bodies are often seen today.
I’ve also read about other cultures that felt the same way at different. Does anyone reading this know more Ancient Greek sexual mores and attitudes than I do?
I’m not an expert on that time period. I do know that the highest form of love was considered to be between men in that culture. So men’s bodies were thought beautiful and objectified more than women’s. Men were encouraged to take male lovers. This usually took the form of a middle-aged man and a male youth. Often, a teacher/student relationship. (In fact, knowlege/wisdom was thought to be transmitted, in part, by transmitting semen from teacher to student). Some say the reason sexual love between men was considered a higher form (than love between men and women) was that women were thought so inferior. Aristotle, for instance, described women as a deformity, a misbegotten male. Plato is one of the few who felt differently. He suggested that lack of opportunity caused the supposed inferiority of women. He believed women and men equal. http://www.allfreeessays.com/topics/aristotle-and-women/0
Thanks!
Clearly, we’re on the same page. I think this lends a lot of credence to your theory that our attraction to feminine beauty (breast, for example) is largely socialized. It also helps explain the idea of “fluid female sexuality”: why is it that hetero women have a “fluid sexuality”, as do gay men (according to some, anyway), but hetero males and gay females seem pretty confident about what they find a turn-on?
Worth thinking about, anyhow.
Yes. I think the cultural breast fetish and focus on women’s sexuality goes some way toward explaining why women’s sexuality is more fluid than men’s. In addition, men have been more homophobic, so that would further lessen their fluidity (of expression, anyway). There also seems to be a continuum with some VERY straight or gay, and others more mixed. But the two points I just mentioned seem to go a long way to explaining women’s greater fluidity.
How can you call yourself hetero if you are sexually attracted to the female body?!? Relationship wise you’ll choose a man because he provides you money and all the resources, but aren’t you just cheating him since you aren’t physically attracted to him?? Are all women in America who call themselves hetero just lesbian prostitutes??
While I would call the female body more erotic, I’ve never wanted to have sex with a woman. And I’ve had opportunities. One was very attractive. But the thought of having sex with her made me want to vomit. (I can appreciate the female form, yet the thought of sex with a woman grosses me out.) All of my fantasies have been about men, all of my obsessions have been about men. I’ve never been sexually drawn to a woman.
One other point. If I’m secretly lesbian because I’ve been bombarded with sexualized images of women that make me see sexually-dressed or posed women as sex objects (who I don’t want to have sex with) then pretty much all women are. All women in the study I cite were more aroused by a nude woman than a nude man. That doesn’t make sense biologically. Biologically most women are hetero. Seeing woman as sexier only makes sense in terms of socialization that comes on top of biological preferences.
I was just discussing this with a friend, how our culture (read:media) has systematically eroticized the female body over the last several decades and how viewing it as such is a learned behavior. I remember a time when (at least in my mind) a woman’s body was just that, her body, some being judged prettier (and therefore more worthy) than others. But we hadn’t yet begun dissecting and dividing women up into various so-called erogenous zones, much like a cow or a pig is labeled for its most desirable cuts of meat.
I also remember the process by which my own mind became molded to this extreme way of thinking. I watched this happen almost as an outside observer, half knowing what was going on, but still sort of being in a fog about it. Where once I would look at a woman and see her beauty as a whole person, I now saw more of a collection of breasts and lips and butt/thigh combinations. The whole time my logical mind rejected the notion that women be objectified and reduced to the parts of her person and I put up mental resistance. But this campaign was gradual, blatant yet sneaky at the same time. Thankfully I was able to overcome the brainwashing, but I think that most people don’t even know it’s happening to them.
Also, having hung out with the clothing optional crowd for awhile, I definitely agree that extended exposer to total nudity, rather than the titillating peek-a-boo propaganda most of us in America have been subjected to, is a good way to move away from the objectifying of anyone’s body, man or woman. It just ceases to be a big deal.
Definitely, we are so conditioned to find only the female form erotic that even hetero women are saying they find the female body more arousing. A foreign concept for the straight male. I believe this is a phenomena which is cultural and recent – maybe the past 30 years – and honestly, if MALES were presented in the same way I could see a change in male sexuality too. Although I agree female sexuality is a bit more fluid, male sexuality is more fluid than you think. I’m a straight male but when presented with EROTICIZED portrayals of men I do get a bit aroused, partly from the sexualization of the image. I find it disturbing that many women find the bodies of other women more sexy than my own – honestly I might as well go gay or bi if a woman isn’t lusting over me as I lust over her.
If it’s any consolation, women can still be totally in love with, and obsessed with men, even though they aren’t taught to see their bodies as being erotic in the same way that society teaches us to see the female form.
You dont have to become gay, there are a few androphile women 5-10% (as well as 5-10% of men are gay) of all women, 90% of Men and Women are gynephile, but if there are gay men there must be (really= straight women, I even knew a girl who said that she often masturbated to gay porn
One thing is that women find women more beautiful than men, in an aesthetic way, because that’s what media teach us. And another, completely different thing is that women are more “sexually fluid” than men. Most evidence points towards MEN being more sexually fluid. Almost all statistics show that same-sex experiences are more common in men than in women (compare Kinsey’s 37% of men who had homosexual experiences, with the 15% of women, and that in a time in which homphobia was all over the place). And think about Ancient Greece, muslim countries, or the bahaviour of men in prisons and all-male environments.
Compared with all this, examples of female sexual fluidity/same-sex behaviour are almost non-existent through history.
I think it is interesting, growing up in the westurn culture as a straight male, I have no obsession over women’s breast at all. In fact, I could totally care less about the size or shape of a womans breast. I am repulsed by overly sized ones becuase they are usually on some fat chick. I can totally agree with Johns statement too as far as getting aroused by an image of another man…just watch Troy when brad pitt was laying down and the camera focuses on his physique or Sagi Kalev male bodybuilder… Just goes to show, there is ALWAYS an exception!
Wow this just admits my worse fears
BroadBlogs says:
February 29, 2012 at 2:16 am
“If it’s any consolation, women can still be totally in love with, and obsessed with men, even though they aren’t taught to see their bodies as being erotic in the same way that society teaches us to see the female form”.
So are you saying that it doesnt matter if my body is fit or not to attract a woman..
In the last 1yr 3 women have told me that im putting on weight..A majority of women dont find fat attractive as in noticeable fat..I have a cure for this all women should just stop looking good they should turn into fat lards and men will be kings of sex….
But my question is do women even care about the way a man looks since women are the #1 erotic thing…And if i make a girl fall for me will she get obsessed with my body and find things on my body that turn her on..
Is their nothing on a mans body that is masculine that women FInd attractive like really this shit is nothing but disturbing to me..be honest..
What parts of a mans body are hot..and i mean hotter than a Fat womans…matter of fact their has to be something women like on a mans body that makes them want to orgasmn on it..WHAT IS IT
I’m not sure that you get that I’m as unhappy about the situation as you. How do I benefit from this? I don’t. I’m often envious that men can get a level of excitement about women’s bodies that women seem to be denied when it comes to men.
And I’m not sure you get that sexism lies behind this. We live in a world in which men have decided what images we see, and so most of the erotic images we are presented with are about women (due to men being in positions of power over media/images and homophobia)
But even women can fail to feel attractive in that what’s considered erotic these days is so narrowly defined that most women feel they don’t fit the image and feel like men don’t find their bodies attractive.
So we all lose.
I would prefer a world in which men’s and women’s bodies are both appreciated and that neither have some narrow, impossible image they must live up to in order to gain that appreciation. Certainly, we’d all be better off.
“I would prefer a world in which men’s and women’s bodies are both appreciated and that neither have some narrow, impossible image they must live up to in order to gain that appreciation. Certainly, we’d all be better off.”
” So we all lose ” Not really, men have a shit deal, because every man would tell you that even a not that attractive women can turn him on, because females are general is viewed as attractive (except if there fat or really ugly) So women have a much better deal then men.
One Question: If in our society only the female body is viewed as attrictive, then why gay men exist? So there must be some straight girls, but there are really, really, really rare (5-10% of men and women are androphile, all others gynephile) Because it would be weird if only men could be androphile
The data shows that you are right about men finding most women at least somewhat sexy attractive. But that doesn’t translate into women having it really good, because hardly any women are aware of this. As I wrote in a recent post, by age 17, 78% of women are unhappy with their bodies. Check out my category “body image” to see how women experience themselves – it’s not pretty.
Please rephrase question in your last paragraph because I’m not sure what you’re asking.
Dear BroadBlog, while i admire that you have a well rounded argument in that this phenomena of women being the sex symbol is somehow due to how society views people, i think you have ignored the role that each of the sexes plays during “actual sex.” what I’m trying to say is simple.. as a man i enjoy doing the touching, squeezing, licking, sucking and whatever comes into my imagination at the time to the woman i am with. i primality do all of these things to the breast and butt area on a woman. they ALWAYS love it. and the more i do it, the more turned on they become. now reverse the rolls… if a woman fondels, squeezes, sucks, and licks me anywhere (except my dick when hard) i would find it very annoying and be like “what are you doing? thats my job!!” if we were equally obsessed with each others bodies it would more likely turn into a fight than a love making session. I’m just saying that we both have rolls and they are different but go together to get to the goal of sex.
my theory is more primal. i believe that the heterosexual female is going to innately be turned on by whatever makes a mans penis errect, which is in fact anything sexual that a woman can do! the more sexual the woman is, the more we men are going to want to have sex with her. no holds bars. the imagination can run wild and everyone here can say that girls want girls and whatnot but that is simply just one prop that women have that leads to the ultimate goal of sex with a man. sorry this is hard to explain i hope i got my point across. and i would also be very interested in your feedback.
Thank you for your comment.
What’s confusing in all this is that however we experience the world feels natural and normal to us, when actually the world is a mixture of natural meaning and “social construction.” By that I mean biology + learning from our culture.
To some extent our sexuality is biologically based. Natural. We have a natural sex drive, certain sensations naturally feel arousing and can bring us to climax. Hormones get going. Testosterone is related to how strong our sex drive is. Twice as much of the male brain is taken up with sex compared with women, and that part of the brain is more easily activated in men. All biological.
But there is also learning. You know something is learned when it’s not universal. The breast fetish is not found in every culture, therefore we know that it is learned. It is created by selectively revealing and hiding that part of women’s anatomy, and calling it sexual. We do so so strongly in this culture that women can even come to learn the fetish. And that certainly isn’t biological. There is no biological reason for heterosexual women to have a breast fetish. And yet when you wire women up, blood rushes to the vagina when they see that stimulus.
Other fetishes that aren’t natural include a shoe fetish (no one is born naturally finding shoes arousing – but when they come to be associated with sexy women they can take on a life of their own). Some people have fetishes for sexy women crushing insects or small rodents. Natural? Unlike the breast fetish, these are more idiosyncratic – the culture doesn’t support them in a big way. Instead, you find them in small subcultural enclaves.
So when you suck on a woman’s breast, that is actually a purely biological response in that there are erotic nerve endings in the breast (if they haven’t been destroyed by implants – nerve damage happens about 1/3 of the time w/implants).
But if a woman has learned the breast fetish and she is highly aware of her breasts as a sexual stimulus, that can be arousing too. Knowing how sexual the man is finding her breasts can be arousing for her. (She may even be vicariously making love to herself through the man as she gets aroused by knowing how aroused he is. But his arousal is a key component, so there’s a highly hetero component to her being aroused by her own breasts. She’s much less likely to get super aroused by her breasts just by herself.) It’s kind of a convoluted sexuality for women.
That is learned, not natural. Women who are bisexual tend to have a higher sex drive than women who are straight, and that might be in part due to a lack of repression toward the breast as a sexual stimulus. She gets aroused by the focus on the breast without repressing something that she’s not supposed to find stimulating, as a hetero women might.
Another confusing thing is that hetero women experience the breast fetish very differently from men. When a straight man sees an erotic breast everything is consistent. But when a hetero woman sees a breast there is an inconsistency. She naturally prefers sex with men, so the breast, while it can be stimulating, probably won’t cause her to want to have sex with the woman.
I wrote that if I’m shown a nude pinup of a man and woman I think the woman looks more erotic. Yet I don’t want to have sex with women. When I walk around in the world I never notice women in a sexual way. I’ve never had fantasies about women. Movies about lesbians bore me. I find myself wanting them to be with a guy. I did have an opportunity to have sex with an extremely attractive woman once, but the thought of genital contact made me want to vomit. At the same time if I see a nude breast, that breast does look erotic to me. Even though I don’t want to have sex with the woman, as a straight man would. I know, it’s very confusing.
It was confusing for me until I realized that while I’m hetero I have been strongly taught by the culture to see the breast in an erotic way. But wanting sex with women and seeing the breast as sexual are simply two different things.
If men’s bodies were sexualized then you probably wouldn’t feel weird about a woman’s attention toward your body. But because sexualization is so associated with women, men may feel uncomfortable: He might feel a bit like a woman, which could make him very uncomfortable, indeed. However, if we sexualized the male body then men wouldn’t have to feel like women when women found them sexy.
And plenty of men have complained to me that women don’t find them sexy. (Women do find them sexy, just not fetished.) Plenty of men crave that. (There are probably some comments on this point above. Also comments on this on this post: Women Seeing Women as Sexier than Men
http://broadblogs.com/2011/01/10/women-seeing-women-as-sexier-than-men/
If we each found the other’s body sexy I don’t think there’d be a fight, it would be taking turns so that each got plenty of attention. I wish I saw the male body in a more sexy way because it would heighten my sexual experience. I feel envious that you guys get to feel something that I don’t. And as I said, plenty of men do want do to feel sexy, too.
Thank you for your reply Broadblogs, it doesn’t seem that women seek out other women’s breasts like us men do. i mean i would say its pretty close to an obsession among us men. also on the other side it seems that women seek men out with pretty much the same intensity as we do them. so my question is if breasts turn women on so much then why don’t they pursue them instead of men? what is it that women get out of seeing breasts? men want to touch. women are turned on by them? do the women want to touch them too, or does it make them want to pull out there own and have them touched? so confusing.
Yes, women pursue men, too, and are very interested in them, but it’s experienced differently. Women don’t see a male body part and crave touching it (or crave seeing it). They’re interested in the man, not his parts. Even if you look at erotica, women more are drawn to “relationship” stuff, not body parts. Men are more drawn to body parts. See “Men Watch Porn, Women Read Romance. Why?”
http://broadblogs.com/2011/05/16/men-watch-porn-women-read-romance-why/
That said, it’s clear that plenty of men are interested in women, and not just body parts, too. So that’s a similarity between the sexes.
I seriously doubt that seeing breasts makes straight women want to touch them. I don’t. It’s more like you just have an awareness of their being erotic and something that’s hidden and sexual. So if you see a nude woman in a magazine, you would be drawn to look at the forbidden, erotic breasts. And two seconds later you’re bored and want to do something else.
I should probably add that the quickly bored reaction on my part came with age, likely from repressing what I wasn’t supposed to find erotic. When I was pre-pubescent and first saw a Playboy, I found the breasts quite arousing. Yet, as I said, even then I never found women or girls sexually interesting. I was always obsessed with boys/men and didn’t give any thought to girls/women, other than as friends. Breasts and women/girls were two completely different things. Probably because, living in this culture I had learned to eroticize breasts, given the strong focus the culture has on them. But because I was hetero, I wasn’t at all interested in girls or women. So that’s what was confusing for a time, but what I finally was able to make sense of.
Your blog gave me a lot of answers I’ve been looking for since I was little girl.While I am attracted to both sexes
I’ve always found strange why women were the ”sexy” ones for me while I thought that if I was gay I would know it.
But it does make sense.Men get naked and stroll around for fun when they drink alcohol and women wear wet t shirts to attract sexual attention.
It should be noted though that I personally do not like sexy pictures of men because it makes them look ”gay” and generally feminized which perfectly connects to your writings.Do other women feel the same way?
Glad to help.
And you’re not alone in feeling that “I personally do not like sexy pictures of men because it makes them look ‘gay’”
See this post:
Why Aren’t Male Strippers Sexy?
http://broadblogs.com/2012/07/09/why-arent-male-strippers-sexy/
@BroadBlog
“Please rephrase question in your last paragraph because I’m not sure what you’re asking.”
Sry, my english is not that good, Im from Germany.
Maybe you never heard the word androphile (a person (regardless of gender) who is turned on by men) and gynephile (a person (regardless of gender) who is turned on by women).
I mean do you think all women are gynephile (are aroused by women) just like 90% of men? Because if there are gay men (androphile men) and they are like 10 % of men, so their must be some androphile women. Im pretty sure that it is like that, but I dont know why, I never see that men are viewed as sexual attractive. Have you ever thought about that, I mean why are some people androphile (although they are really rare).
Data I’ve seen puts male androphiles (we call them gay men) at 5% and female gynephiles (we call them lesbians) at around 2% of population. Those may be understated as some may be “in the closet” as we say in the U.S.
I don’t think all women are gynephiles because hetero women seem to be aroused by breasts, without necessarily having any desire to have sex with a woman. (I don’t.) I guess that’s confusing. But biologically hetero women want sex with men. Women do seem to have greater flexibility of sex orientation, though. Maybe a culture that sexualizes women so much aids this.
Women dont have greater flexibility, in the Ancient Greece men and women were viewed as attractive and nearly all people were bisexual, both sexes have the same flexibility. And Gynephile does just mean you view women as sexual attractive, even if you only date men, so 90% of women and men gynephile. But there are gay men and very few really straight women. If our culture “forces” to be gynephile, because women are viewed as sexual attractive, why can somebody be androphile? Do you ever thought about that. For example 10% of the readers of the gay magazine “Playgirl” are women, so there are a few androphile women. But I never understood how that is possible when the male body is viewed as ugly? Do you have an idea how that is possibly?
I am aware of ancient Greek society and I am open to your notion that flexibility of sexual orientation might be as common among men as among women, but there is research that suggests that there is a biological reason why women’s sexuality is more flexible. And I remain curious to know whether culture could have an effect on biology since the brain, for instance, is affected by culture. So that is something that I would be interested to explore more. Lisa Diamond has written much on this, so you might want to google her.
The interesting thing about Playgirl is that it was originally created for women. Women just don’t seem to be very interested in it compared with men. I definitely think that women are capable of appreciating the male body but we have a culture that ignores it and orients the female brain toward appreciating the female, not the male body. I would like to see that change.
Re your last sentence: why do some women enjoy the male body when most don’t? AND keep in mind, women don’t see the male body as ugly. If the man’s body is fit, I’m sure they see it as beautiful. But it’s not fetished.
It’s like men buy porn, or scantily clad mags like Maxim, because women’s breasts and butts are fetished. But they don’t buy other magazines that are filled with beautiful women that don’t show off their bodies just to look at pretty women. Because then, the fetished parts aren’t on display but the women are beautiful and men can appreciate that. When it comes to men, the male body just isn’t fetished, even though it’s beautiful. So why pay to get aroused when looking at a naked/near-naked male won’t create arousal? [A man in bed, on the other hand, can cause arousal.]
Culture has widespread effects, but the personalities we’re born with also play a role and can go against culture. Social interactions also have effects. So women who are naturally super-androphile would likely still look. Women who’ve grown up in a social group where men’s bodies are appreciated could also be exceptions.
See these posts:
Men: Erotic Objects of Women’s Gaze
http://broadblogs.com/2011/04/14/men-erotic-objects-of-women%e2%80%99s-gaze/
Why Aren’t Male Strippers Sexy?
http://broadblogs.com/2012/07/09/why-arent-male-strippers-sexy/
Gays Find Strippers Sexy; Women Don’t?
http://broadblogs.com/2012/07/16/gays-find-strippers-sexy-women-dont/
Magic Mike Turns Tables on Objectification, Desire
http://broadblogs.com/2012/07/18/magic-mike-turns-tables-on-objectification-desire/
Man as Object: Reversing the Gaze
http://broadblogs.com/2011/10/24/man-as-object-reversing-the-gaze/
Women Gazing At Men
http://broadblogs.com/2012/07/23/women-gazing-at-men/
David Beckham’s Sex Sells
http://broadblogs.com/2012/02/06/david-beckhams-sex-sells/
You seem to confuse aesthetic appreciation with gynophilia (being attracted to women). Very few women are gynephile (either lesbian or bisexual), even if many of them find the female body beautiful. Most statistics I’ve seen say that only 1-2% women are gynephile. There are more androphyle men (gay or bi) than gynephile women.
You’re right, however, with the idea of men being no less fluid in sexuality than women. The few evidences of women being more fluid, like Lisa Diamond’s studies, seem to me very weak, when closely observed.
I think society is changing as well. These days the male body is “sexually objectified as well”. I remember in college there were lots of women that had calendars of half naked muscular men on their dorm room walls. Many magazines these days discuss mens fashion. Most of the models in these magazines depict the ‘muscular adonis tKust like men many women desire a hadsome fit man-women can be superficial as men can be.
Also, mentioning the “hiddeness” of female body parts like breasts in popular culture. As you wrote on another thread it is actually the male penis that is hidden or not showed in popilar culture like films. In a way this shames men to regard their genitals or body as somehow”bad” or “unworthy: and best be kept hidden. I agree this needs to change in society.
I agree that things are changing but objectified female bodies far outnumber male objectification. The Super Bowl ad last year with Dave Beckham was major news, for instance.
Thanks for your thoughtful inputs.
Now that I think about it, I seem to have ended in the opposite extreme regarding this issue. I explain:
Before, when I looked at the typical sexy image of a woman on advertisement, this had no effect on me. I largely ignored the image and didn’t feel neither appreciation nor aversion. However, I’ve noticed that recently my feelings are more and more negative when I see images like that. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s not jealousy or anything like that, since I’ve always been quite in shape, and never liked big breasts. It’s like some sort of angryness or repulsion.
The same happened to me regarding heterosexual erotica. I grew from being mildly aroused by it, to being indifferent, to being downright repulsed. In fact, the only erotica I can enjoy now is gay (male on male) erotica.
I wonder if, after so much over-exposure to sexy images of women, some people are developing negative feelings towards them. I’ve read on occasion in forums or internet sites the expression “het is eww” (that is, heterosexual sex is nasty). And it was usually straight girls that, not only liked gay male erotica (nothing strange there), but also HATED straight erotica, despite being straight themselves.
Interesting phenomenon. Wonder how widespread it is.
I’m so used to “sexy women” that I don’t pay that much attention. Sometimes it makes me angry, but because of the imbalance. If men and women were more equally portrayed as sexy it wouldn’t bother me, but I get annoyed that all the images are meant for males. Sex sells, they say, but only to men?
Yeah. And the few images of sexy men in media are also intended for men, for example in magazines like Men’s Health. They must think that women shouldn’t look at naked men, because that would mean that they’re “dirty”. They should look at images of sexy women and top models to imitate them, however.
I have a high sex drive and when I was younger I used to visually lust over men and their bodies. I catcalled hot men, and enjoyed commenting to them, I guess I was like a “guy” in that regard.
Over time, and getting my heart broken in dealing with guys and leaping into things to soon when I was sexually attracted (I didn’t know myself very well and what I needed), I learned to shut that completely off and to mentally assess them instead. The reason why is when I sleep with a man I get emotionally bonded and fall in love and they DO NOT do that with sex (though they might from cuddling) from what I’ve read in different studies. So, I’d have sex and think we were connected, and he’s still “just getting to know me”.. Ouch, that really hurt, and I was left devastated.
I will NOT let myself get aroused my the male body now, out of habit and retraining myself. It just doesn’t feel safe for me to do so emotionally or on a heart level. For me, it’s self-defense. When I lust, I want it too much, and if I go into my brain instead I have more control and can check the situation out before I become too emotionally invested.
Perhaps it is the same for women, sometimes it’s just safer to view other women erotically instead of men.
There are a number of ways by which women’s sexuality get repressed. Yours is one I haven’t specifically talked about so thanks for adding your voice. Men also aren’t nearly as sexualized as women so women don’t typically learn to see men’s bodies as sexy in the same intense way that men come to see women’s.
See this, for example http://broadblogs.com/2012/05/07/sexual-desire-sexism/
Thanks again for adding your perspective.
Oh, and by being safe, I mean if you’re someone whose heart opens up when you have sex, it’s just not safe to lust after men who have sex with women with their hearts closed. You will always get your heart battered by the one who has it closed.
I fully agree with the article and so relieved that there are people out there that have similar “feelings”. I am also, ‘straight’, but a woman’s body turns me on more than a man’s body and it doesn’t make me lesbian. Awesome article!
You’re welcome.
This is a really interesting topic! I do agree with this article because women are always comparing themselves to other women so to me it sounds very true that most women would look at womens body over a mens body during sex due to the fact that they might be comparing themselves to the women. Also I believe that more women look at females body during sex since in our society a female is looked at as a sex object and eventhough a lot of women do not like that label they have a tendacy to look at another women and if they like a feature that they have they try to improve or work on their bodies as well.
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