Ogling: A Turn-Off
Men may ogle, or stare at women, because they are sexually turned on, and many women may enjoy the attention (some don’t). But ogling could be a sexual turnoff for a man’s partner.
I surveyed my women students (a total of 47, non-random sample) and asked: How attracted would you be if your partner let you know he thought you were the most attractive woman in the world? He never ogles other women because he only has eyes for you. Nearly everyone gave this scenario 10’s on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 = very turned on; 1= very turned off; n/a = no affect).
What if he said, “You’re the most attractive woman in the world,” but he sometimes ogles other women. No 10’s anymore. Answers fell mostly around 7. But if he did it a lot responses dipped to about 3.
What if he assured you that he found you just as attractive as other women, but still sometimes ogles? Typical response landed around 4. If he did it a lot, 1’s were common.
Now let’s up the ante in terms of how he feels for you. He explains that he loves you and not them, but other women are just more attractive. Suddenly we find 1’s all around. One student went off the scale, writing in “0.” With exclamation points!!!!
Many seem to think women dislike ogling because they fear cheating, or being left for another woman. So a cure is prescribed: “Be more secure.” Yet few women cited concerns with cheating as their problem. Instead, most simply didn’t like feeling that their man was “as attracted” or “more attracted” to other women.
The feeling likely has something to do with how women’s sexuality works.
Men operate by seeing a sexy woman, or sexy body parts, and getting excited. No wonder so many want to stare. But how do women work? First, the mere sight of a man, or any part of him doesn’t do a whole lot for most women. Hence, the abundance of girlie magazines and the dearth of beefcake.
Men aren’t sex objects in our culture. Women are. As Linda Phelps explains in an article called, “Female Sexual Alienation,” a woman gets aroused by feeling like her guy is turned on by her. So it stands to reason that if she feels like he’s getting turned on by someone else, that has the opposite effect: it’s a turnoff. Hence, the survey results.
Ogling may dull a woman’s libido for just a few hours, for several days, or permanently – a few hours being most common, women said.
So men, you can ogle if you like, but it could put a damper on your real sex life.
I’m on vacation. Originally posted June 15, 2011
Ogling posts on BroadBlogs
Staring at Breasts Is Good For Men’s Health? And Women’s?
Ogling: Boys Will Be Boys?
Related Posts on BroadBlogs
Men Watch Porn, Women Read Romance. Why?
Anything Good About Being A Sex Object?
Men: Erotic Objects of Women’s Gaze
Posted on June 26, 2013, in men, objectification, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, women and tagged men, objectification, ogling, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, women. Bookmark the permalink. 47 Comments.
I’m smart enough to not even talk about some of the women, who are quite attractive and have nice bodies. I don’t even talk about any of them as far as their bodies or looks go to guys I work with even when working one on one with one of the guy workers who I’m like a friend with or work outside with. Even when talking quietly about stuff, I don’t bring it up. And that’s because, incase they ever said, to another person that I said so and so is hot and has a nice butt, etc and this person passes it along and then the girl I was talking about heard that, I could be charged with sexual harassment. It’s funny, even if the guy these girls were drooling about and objectifying learned that they were talking about his body and what they said. I doubt he’d feel sexually harassed and probably flattered..well like I would, because atleast the tall girl is cute. So they most likely would be fine. Yep, the differences between men and women.
And there’s a whole lot of differences in our culture that create those differences.
When they were talking about his muscles and staring at him, and talking about ogling him. I remember thinking to myself during that time “I’m right here” “I have a physique too and muscles” “Hello” lol..oh well. True, it might be because I was there and naturally girls aren’t usually going to talk about a guy when he’s there or could be in a room. Though I highly doubt my body has been talked about, it’s obviously invisible..or not lust or ogle worthy obviously ha. I empathize with women even more so when dealing it in reverse.
Though like I said, I havent seen guys talk openly about girls or like that infront of others girls fo reasons that guys know they could get in trouble for it or be seen as pervs for it. It’s usually amonst other guys and in a private setting where people can’t overhear say like in a locker room or just where guys are. But not at a break room or stuff like that. Actually it’s girls that I’ve seen in school talk openly about so and so guys being so hot and gorgeous, even right infront of other others or probably right next to their guy friends that they friendzoned and who these guys have crushes or attracted to these girls and girls having to bruise guy’s egos and just shove salt in the wound ha.
Too bad we can’t all be more sensitive to each other. I think that both men and women have experienced what you’re talking about. Plenty of women feel invisible and feel like men say things that are hurtful to or about the women around them, too.
Yeah, I like the girls, especially the tall one, she is a nice girl and friendly and I’m sure she didn’t mean to offend or hurt. And unaware that it could bother a man, so I’m not upset with them directly, or really at them. But yeah, if men and women, though they aren’t thinking they are saying anything bad because it’s not directed toward anyone and just their talk to each other. I wish they would be more conscious of their surrounding and what they say with their friends when around company of others especially other men. I know guy’s can be stupid say in school. But for me, ofcourse there are girls I notice and maybe don’t notice just like others naturally do too. However, me being aware how people may feel when left out of discussion or others of the same sex talked about while they are left unnoticed; that has caused me to not talk about girls when at a public place where other girls are or can overhear my convo.
Then again it’s also because of me being a man, that kind of forced me to think more about what I say as far as offending. That probably could have been the reason those girls, didn’t think much of their comments…because they are girls. I don;t do that for a couple of reasons. I don’t want to be looked as a perve by my female co workers, thus not talking about girls bodies in the break room. Not doing that, because I could get in trouble for that possibly. And because I realize that could make other girls feel bad or invisible too. I think that’s the reason why these girls didn’t bit their tongue and just went with it. It’s because though women can be in trouble with sexual harassment. Usually, it’s harder or more so that is needed as far as actions or being said, because of how it takes more for men to be bothered, feel sexually harassed or be bothered from something they overhear. Basically it’s harder for women to look like “pervs” or creeps to men and women. So women might think less of what they say as far as how it could make other guys feel bad about their bodies, because of their lust of another guy;s and apparent ignoring of other mens.
“First, the mere sight of a man, or any part of him doesn’t do a whole lot for most women. ”
I saw your post about me writing less and redoing my post since you seemed to have deleted it. Anyway, I’ll try to wrap it up better while still saying what I need to say. First while it’s more often true that the sight of a man doesn’t do a whole lot for most women. There apparently seems to be certain men or situations where some women and girls are quite affected maybe as much as guys even though not usually. Anyway so at work, I was in the break room at work for lunch., me, another guy on the same table further down and another guy at the table behind me. So the two girls in the electronics dept come in. They are both nice and I like the tall one, she;s nice, outgoing and friendly, So this is nothing like direclty toward either one, just me relating to my experience that moment. So they are talking about this guy, that works at the store, though not an actual co worker of the store but another business, but advertising within our store. Kind of like how you see verizon and other business salesmen or execs at say a bjs wholesale club, etc.
He;s a direct tv guy, but the short girl was telling the tell girl how hot and gorgeous he was and his body. They were getting pretty excited and tall girl like flustered thinking about him. The short one said how she can say hi and the tall girl said, “no, I rather just sit and stare” And the smile she had on her face. Her implying her staring, and ogling him and her rather stare and look at him like a piece of meat. The tall one say saying how she hates how he wears the shirt he does with the high cute sleeve, showing his muscles and it teases her and he has to stop and she seemed all flustered again thing about it. The girls were all chiming in about what the shirt cut is and finally came to the conclusion of it being a 3/4 cut sleeve shirt, whatever that is. So anyway they work next to this guy and they are getting back to be off their lunch and go back to their dept and they said how they couldn’t wait to look at him. And the short girl said “to remember when you go back, give him a good look up and down and take it all in”. The tall one nodding in that she will, but the short girl saying “don’t just stand and stare though as you’ll look like a creep” And while the tall girl agreed, she seemed very ready to get an eyeful of him again. It didn’t offend me, I’m a dude, but it was funny how I didn’t say a peep and nor did the other guys during this time. We kept to ourselves ha.
But anyway, I remember thinking to myself” the things girls get away with”. They were kind of ojectifying him and talking about him like he’s a piece of meat. If this was me and other guy doing this in the break room where other people and girls could hear, we’d look like pervs, or we’d look like pervs, offend some girls maybe and get in trouble. They didn’t bother me, but I found it interesting because girls and women feel bad when their bfs ogle like you said, but it can go both ways and women can be just as bad. I know who the guy is, and he is very fit and has a better physique. But I have to admit it didn’t make me feel exactly great about myself after all that. I mean, I’m not like that dude, but I’ve always had muscles and an athletic build, so a nice physique or so I’ve thought. But you’d think I was invisible and apparently other guys from that convo. All this about this man;s build and muscle, when I have muscles and build, but apparently not ogle worth or attractive or worth enough to stare and lust at. : ( Guy’s don’t feel bad usually because their worth isnt tied to it so doesn’t come to mind. But when it comes to mind, it, I think men can be just as bothered. This can bother some guys who are decent build, but I’m think how some fat guys at my work which there are, how they would have felt while hearing these girls.
I think in our culture men aren’t really seen as sex objects as women are. It’s said that it’s “natural” for men to ogle at women but if you are in a relationship you shouldn’t stare for as long, especially when your partner is next to you. I have found myself ogling when I am with my girlfriend and notice that she gets a little uneasy by it. There is a line that you shouldn’t cross when you’re ogling and you’re in a relationship. It could come off as disrespectful to your partner and probably lower their self-esteem if they aren’t the only one that you look at. There is a difference between noticing and acknowledging a woman’s beauty and objectifying it. I find that women don’t stare at men how men stare at women. They simply acknowledge their good looks and carry on, even if they aren’t in relationships. Which is hard for most men to do especially when single.
Isn’t this kind of controversial, I don’t know if this is the right word.
I mean, how can women expect from men to “ignore” good looking women, when even women think that women are more sexy than men!
There are different ways of appreciating. Notice, appreciate and move on, or staring/disappearing. One is rude and one isn’t.
I absolutely hate seeing men ogle women in public, even if they are not in a relationship with me. If I see a man with another woman who is ogling a DIFFERENT woman it irritates me so much. Mostly because if that were me I would say bye to that man real quick. Sure, if guys are with their male friends it is kind of a given that they all check out girls together but I think that it is disrespectful in front of other women. Men doing this is one of the reasons women feel so insecure about themselves and never feel good enough. Sure, it’s not all their fault but they can help a woman’s self esteem a little by treating her like she’s the only woman they care to check out or “ogle” if they’re in a relationship. I don’t know… maybe it’s just me but I have always felt this way. I don’t check out other men in front of my boyfriend’s so I expect the same courtesy.
Yeah. I even did a survey one time which found that a lot of women get annoyed when men who are with a partner ogle them.
When out in public with your wife or girlfriend “ogling” is not ok. I do agree that we all like to look at attractive people but men seem to do it more. There is a difference between looking at an attractive female and drooling over one. Men feel it is in their nature but I feel it is disrespectful and it makes the women feel insecure about herself. It would definitely make me feel uncomfortable and question myself as to if this person really found me attractive. If the tables were turned and the women was “ogling” I am pretty sure that the man would get upset and angry. My husband and I have an agreement, instead of “ogling” over someone we find attractive we will just say to one another “she/he is very attractive”. This seems to work for us because there is never a question in my mind as to “is he looking at her?” Again I do not think that “ogling” is ok in a relationship but if it is going to happen I would like my partner to be honest and not try to hide it.
I usually tend to agree with what you have to say in your articles but this one can’t be more wrong. It may be that I’m an exception but even thinking about a lot of my female friends I don’t think this is true for them either. If my boyfriend told me he finds me to be the most beautiful girl in the world and doesn’t check out other girls I would call BS or find it strange. Simply because I could look at attractive guys all day. When I’m driving if I see a hot guy run by I will turn my head to look, if i’m at a restaurant and there happens to be an attractive waiter working there, I look every time he walks by, and well pretty much anytime I see an attractive man around. If I’m with my girl friends i’ll point out the hottie to them as well and I even talk to my boyfriend about celebrities or random men I find attractive. I also see him checking out other women and sometimes he even comments on it, that go something like, “damn” or “oh god.” I just find it funny or sometimes we talk about whether we agree on how attractive we think the person is. Now I would be annoyed and upset if my boyfriend was so busy checking out other women when he was with me that he didn’t pay attention to anything I was saying. I would be just as annoyed even if the distraction wasn’t him checking out other women but him watching sports center, or texting his friends or a squirrel.
Yes knowing that my boyfriend is turned on by me turns me on even more but it does the same for my boyfriend. He goes out of his way to wear the type of clothes or color I like on him because he knows it makes me want him more when I see him, he grows his hair out longer than he likes it just because I find him more attractive that way and it makes me want him more and he loves the fact that I crave to have sex with him.
You’re right when you say men’s bodies aren’t fetishized the same way women’s are. That doesn’t mean seeing attractive men doesn’t cause straight women and gay men to be sexually aroused. Straight women and gay men are still sexually attractive to men even if most women don’t fetishize men’s body parts in the same way.
As I said, not everyone made the same response. *MOSTLY* “10’s” with “you’re the most beautiful + don’t ogle” — but not all were 10’s. Those who didn’t put 10’s in that category may well feel like you and your friends, as you imagine them feeling.
None-the-less, that was the pattern. I would have answered the same as the majority of my students, so I wasn’t surprised by their response.
The lack of fetishizing the male body and lack of form-fitting clothing on their bodies both make it less likely for women to stare. Some do, but it tends to be different. If women got all excited by men’s bod’s Playgirl wouldn’t be bankrupt, there’d be equal numbers of calendars for sale depicting sexy men and sexy women, and People’s Sexiest Man issue would have men in clothes to show off their sexy bodies. That rarely happens. Check the back issues. Channing Tatum cover came closest. You’d see sexy men’s bodies in the movies, which we’re starting to see a bit more, but usually it’s women’s bodies that are shown off.
Women aren’t taught to see men’s bodies the way men are taught to see women’s, so on average, women aren’t going to respond the way you do. See these:
Men: Erotic Objects of Women’s Gaze
Man as Object: Reversing the Gaze
Men, Women React to Male/Female Nudity
I know that a lot of men like to feel that women find them sexy. They’ve told me as much on my blog, in my personal life, etc. But men can get aroused by just seeing fetishized body parts. Hence, all their porn searches as Playgirl goes bankrupt. See this:
Men Watch Porn, Women Read Romance. Why?
No one’s saying women don’t find men’s bodies attractive, but they aren’t fetishized. Hence, Playgirl goes bankrupt. I’d guess that most women would be more turned on by Don Draper in a suit than John Hamm naked in Playgirl. More to suggest that:
Why Aren’t Male Strippers Sexy?
Gays Find Strippers Sexy; Women Don’t?
Magic Mike Turns Tables on Objectification, Desire
In all your posts you mention the fact that women have learned to see the female body as more attractive than the male body and that the male body is not fetishized so there is nothing to look at.
You are right but I have not seen yet a comment on how the attraction works when it comes to faces.
Do women think that a good looking female face is more attractive than a good looking male face?
Would they prefer to watch the beautiful face of a woman walking by or the face of a handsome man?
Sure women won’t watch the body of a male walking by but I have seen women ogling at handsome men the same way men are ogling at beatiful women,
turning head around, wide opened eyes, dropped mouth, mumbling, getting nervous or smiling like they met happiness itself.
By now we have established the fact the female body is considered more attractive even by females but what happens when it comes to faces?
after all in normal life people are dressed up,
so women would be more attracted to a beautiful man or a beautiful woman?
If you think that worths making a post about it, that would be interesting,
this is not about how media has fetishized body parts but about the face and how naturally attracts people.
One study found that all women are “face women,” meaning they care more about face than body of men. Men were mixed, and it depended on length of potential relationship. LT men cared more about face. Short term, 1/2 cared more about face. Another study suggests that the face-orientation involves what face tells a man about a woman more than how pretty she is.
No part of his body is fetishized, so she cares about face.
I imagine the experience is very similar to when men see a beautiful woman’s face.
Personally, I’m more drawn by an attractive man than attractive woman’s face.
I believe if you in a relationship or with a women, it is very disrespectful if you are just checking out some other girl, i think that just shows that he is just like any other men who is not respectful and see a women as an object. I think i disagree with people who are saying that it is okay we need to appreciate the beautiful things in the world, i think that men when they are checking out a girl, they don’t appreciate the fact that she is beautiful is more like oh god i want her in my bed kind of thing. it is good to have confident in yourself but also its wrong for your partner to check others out especially if they are with you, and you are watching them that is the worst, i would be really upset!
I can’t imagine how ogling would be okay in a relationship. The way I have been raised as well as the way I have treated my relationship has been with respect and I honestly feel, while it might not be popular belief, that ogling is incredibly rude and disrespectful to your partner. While it is seen that men ogle more than women it does not make it right or okay to do so just because it is seen as normal. Where you said, “Men aren’t sex objects in our culture. Women are” even though that is the case for our culture I would not want to be in a relationship with someone that ogles because it is still very possible for a woman to ogle just the same as a man can. So that being said, if that is not something I want from my partner, why would I do it knowing if it was switched around it would not make me happy?
Makes sense to me.
I believe that everyone is entitled to appreciating the other sex. Maybe not so much when you have a partner and are with them. Even if they aren’t with you at the present time, “staring” or “ogling”, to me, is disrespective and kind of disgusting. If you say that you’re into a woman (or man!) but continue to not only stare but compare them to others, it makes me question your actual feelings for that person.
Ahh, this is a hard one! I don’t really appreciate my partner ogling at another woman, but I can’t say that I don’t sometimes ogle too. I agree with most woman when said if they were to do it all the time, it would be a complete turn off, but every once in a while is okay with me. It does bother me at times when I catch my partner looking at another woman, but I shrug it off after a few minutes. We’re all human and it natural to look. We just have to be confident in ourselves! The more confident, the less we’ll worry when OUR partner tries to sneak a peak.
What are they worried about?
Very interesting Georgia, makes perfect sense. Even as a guy I know that if I was ignored while my partner leered at others I wouldn’t feel good about it. Especially if I was told that my partner doesn’t find me as attractive as the others. That’s just cruel!
Everyone is different though. I had a partner who would barely talk to me if she caught me looking at someone else. Then I’ve had partners who I’ve engaged in what I call inclusive watching. I’ve never had sex with a man but I know and appreciate a good looking guy when I see one. Whether it’s his style, his face or a particularly stunning build. And with the right person it can be a lot of fun to both check out, and comment on the beautiful men and women of the world without hurting each other.
Whether it is primarily conditioning or nature I don’t know, but I do know that guys in particular are strongly drawn to viewing attractive women. However that doesn’t mean efforts shouldn’t be made to ensure that your partner feels secure, loved and beautiful. It doesn’t excuse ignoring your partner and being a jerk!
Found this today by the way, thought it might interest you, lots of stats: http://internetaddictionblog.wordpress.com/2013/06/22/domestic-violence-study/
Yes there are social patterns but also differences within the pattern. So for instance, I found a lot of 10’s with the first scenario and a lot of 1’s with the last but there were mixed numbers in between.
And also, thanks for the link. Looks interesting.
This is very true. I get turned on when I get called sexy, those are the magic words and my clothes are off. I want to reassure that the person I’m with is attracted to me and don’t want to feel like he finds other women more attractive. I can’t stand a man that checks out other women in front of me. I simply laugh then cut then off.
I get appreciating beauty, but there’s a huge difference between appreciating the aesthetic of something and objectifying it. You cross a line when you begin making them uncomfortable. And I especially hate it when men feel as though you should appreciate their cat-calls. It’s not a compliment, it makes me feel unsafe. I don’t know if there has been some weird miscommunication where men assume it’s a romantic gesture or if they’re just being jerks, but I hate it either way.
I don’t think that’s its just men that stare at women just because they are good looking, In my opinion I think that it goes both way I think that if a men see’s a women who he find attractive he will tend to look at her and analyze her a little bit more that if he were looking at any other girl. I also believe that women do the same thing when they are looking at men. For me personally if I see a girl that is attractive I wont stare at her I’ll just glace and that is it because I wouldn’t want a girl to get a wrong impression and think I am a perv or anything. But I find it to be true that women also tend to stare at a man for a long period of time because I saw this for myself at my job I was helping this young lady who was accompanied by her boyfriend and as they were ringing her up I was standing talking to a co-worker and the co-worker said that the girl was staring at me for a long time with disregard that her boyfriend was right beside here so I believe that this whole ogling goes both ways and its not jut males that do this
What might happen sometimes, but generally women are less likely to ogle men because men aren’t sex objects in our culture, so women aren’t taught to behave the same way. There’s no part of the male body that has become fetishized, for instance. See these posts:
Men: Erotic Objects of Women’s Gaze
Man as Object: Reversing the Gaze
Men, Women React to Male/Female Nudity
Why Aren’t Male Strippers Sexy?
Gays Find Strippers Sexy; Women Don’t?
Magic Mike Turns Tables on Objectification, Desire
Women do find male bodies sexy but not in the same way that men find women’s bodies sexy. I’ll write more on this in the future. Probably this summer.
I do believe men and women do look! I guess you could say it’s only natural to want to look at something attractive. When my fiancé is out with his single buddies i’m sure they point out good looking women walking by and whatnot because my friends do the same when they see an attractive guy. There are boundaries of course. Anything past the point of briefly looking turns into a problem. My only fear would be if it became a habit and eventually turn into something more. Most women do find it creepy when strangers constantly stare so it’s better for everyone to make it brief.
I think that it is natural to look at beautiful things and appreciate that. I wouldn’t mind if my guy did that if I knew him, and I would do the same thing for sure. Howevwer, if he ogles in a dirty way, I mean as a sex object for sure he turns me off. Certainley, I won’t give him even a minute and say good bye. Oh yea, I am so through and I believe that respecting to your partner is one of the most important basis of a relationship. I never can stand by disrespecting others.
I’m going to disagree with a number of comments, including yours, Georgia. I don’t think that looking is “natural.” There is no reason why a man in an intimate relationship should need to look at another attractive female. I’m not saying that men need to shut their eyes when in public, but focus on your partner. There is so much there that you have not appreciated or explored yet. It reminds me of the Buddhist teachings of Right View, Right Thought, and Right Action.
All of us can remember a time when our partner captured our gaze and attention. We did not need to look anywhere else. We might have even lost track of time and place. This is the feeling we need to repeat and cultivate.
Ok. I’m ready for rebuttals.
It may well not be natural. And I do think any woman would be really turned on by a partner who saw her in this way! What an amazing way to see each other.
That said, I think this would work best if a man or woman didn’t try to force it — I’ll never look at another woman/man again! There is beauty all around to notice and appreciate without it being a huge deal.
Curious to know what others think.
I should have clarified that I am talking about when a person is with their partner. Seeing beauty around while you are alone is different than looking at something beautiful while your partner is right in front of you.
I think it’s impossible to prevent men from taking a look at an attractive woman when she walks by, but if it is happening all the time there is no way I would put up with that! I would pretty much have the same answers to the questions you were asking the women. If my boyfriend told me he loved me but found other women more attractive than me, I would be heartbroken! Every woman wants to look and feel beautiful, and being told something like that by your partner could really damage one’s self-esteem.
The result of the survey is interesting and expectable. I agree that some women get aroused or feel happy when men are sexually turned on by them. And I think ogling women is men’s natural behavior. So even if my partner sometimes ogles other women, I don’t really care (Of course I will care if he ogles frequently, though). Also, I’m not really sure how many seconds gazing at women would be called “ogling”.
Well! We all like to look at attractive people. However, from my experience, men do this a lot more often than women. And not just ogle, they may go into aggressive mode like whistling or following that attractive person around even though they already have girlfriends/ wives. That drives their women crazy. I agree that the women didn’t like the feeling that their man was “as attracted” or “more attracted” to other women. In addition, it’s also makes them feel like they are less attractive than that person. It hurts their pride a lot. I think it’s kinda like emotional abuse if men do that to their women.
All men look – it’s only natural – and I’ll even go so far as to say that everybody looks. But there’s a point where a look turns into a leer, and for some it seems to become habitual. People who leer need to re-learn one basic concept: Keep it brief, keep it discreet. Anything more is creepy and disrespectful, regardless of who’s looking at whom.
I agree. See my other responses.
Very interesting, and certainly very different from what I experience. I’d love to be in one of your classes, and actually take part in these discussions…maybe then I’d understand women!
Do you mind if I link to this post in one of my own?
Guys do say they learn a lot about women and their sexuality in my “psych of women” class.
And feel free to link to this post.
Awesome. Thank you!
I think we all like to look at attractive members of the opposite sex, and fair enough if I was going out with a guy and he was without and he sees a pretty woman walk by and takes notice, I don’t walk around with my eyes completly closed to good looking blokes either. But I think if you are out and about with your partner, you should at least make an effort of pretending you aren’t paying attention to the other attractive people out there. I’ve been out with guys I’ve been seeing and briefly noticed other attractive dudes, but I quickly shift my attention anyway. It’s a respect thing as well, it’s just rude and mean to be out with your girlfriend/boyfriend and blatantly checking other people out. Interesting what you said about men getting turned on looking at women but women getting turned on by feeling like they were turning their partner on. I think there is a lot of truth in that.
I’d say there is a difference between briefly and discretely noticing an attractive person and staring/ogling.
I guess i would need clarification as to your definition of “Ogling”. How long before a quick once over turns into an ogle?
Can’t give you an exact amount of time, but I would say that a fairly short glance does not qualify as staring/ogling. Notice, appreciate, move on.