I can definitely relate to the women who want emotionally connected sex. Although there is nothing wrong with girls who decide to have sex with multiple people, I feel as though having sex with someone you have a connection with makes it much more pleasurable. I could also understand that some women do not want multiple partners in their life and would rather stick to just one man. No matter if you decide to be sexually active with multiple partners or only ones you feel a connection with, you should not be judged for it. Everyone has their own preferences, and as long as their actions are not negatively affecting you, then they should be free to do as they please. I also feel that as people get older, they begin to look for someone they will have an emotional connection with during sex. As it is time to mature, get married, and have a child, it is more ideal to have a connection with someone than to have sex with different people. People want to feel that connection, because it will cause them to want to be with that person forever and raise children together. When it comes that time and you do not desire that connection, it is much harder to become confident in staying with that same person, because you won’t have that bond. I think that girls are more likely to want an emotional connection during sex than men, because they are looking more to the future than thinking about just getting pleasured in the present.

I absolutely loved reading this article and completely agree with its findings. I would even go further to say that another reason why women are so emotionally connected to sex is because of the physical mechanics of the act. This could possibly answer the question as to why some women find themselves acquiring feelings for someone they aren’t super attracted to or were never even really interested in to begin with, but slept with because of the attention they were being shown by the guy (i.e. he was fawning over me like I was a queen or something). Women are the ones being invaded and men are doing the invading. Feelings of defensiveness are always present when you invite someone into your territory because you want them to take good care of what you own and appreciate your belongings. The person who enters the space has the luxury of leaving whenever they want and, like checking into a hotel, assume that the maid will clean up whatever mess they left behind (this could mean so many different things lol). The problem occurs when the man decides that he doesn’t want to clean up after himself. I am an avid watcher of Sex & the City re-runs and this particular topic brings to mind a quote from Carrie Bradshaw when she was forced with confronting Burger’s friends at a club. After they claimed that women go all “psycho bitch” when you try to break up with them, she carefully informed them that all we want is an ending to the relationship that cherishes what we had; in the case of casual sex I would insert that a respectful exit should be made. There are so many women who would find it easier to move on if they weren’t treated like they were simply a piece of ass. Just my thoughts :). Again, I loved reading this article!!

Men already have the emotional connection. I believe sex happens in our culture with women who are emotionally engaged beings and men rely on that for their satisfaction. Women on the other hand are dealing with creatures who are showing in many ways they are emotionally checked out.

Fascinating. It’s so interesting to think about all these different factors that play in to both men’s and womyn’s behaviors/ ideas/ perceptions about our roles. I can see how the concepts of evolutionary psychology are definitely still somewhat relevant, though they are not always obviously recognized or acknowledged. And at the same time, it is hard for me to agree that womyn are more emotional, nurturing, monogamous, etc. by nature since we are bombarded basically from birth with cues and prompts and examples of how to be a ‘woman.’ However, I do like thinking about the deep evolutionary psychology ideas which talk about the very basic needs for womyn to have sought men who would be around to provide food and such to the children. When I think about it on those very basic survival terms, then I can see the connection to womyn’s behaviors nowadays still being very focused on the home and the raising of children. It is just incredible how much things have changed in terms of our surroundings, environment, necessities, etc., and yet how much of the hard-wiring of our bodies and minds is still ‘thinking’ in terms of our lifestyles thousands of years ago.
Very curious about these previous (and maybe there are still some current) sex-positive cultures – I’ll have to do some more investigating : )

and in response to @Moona above –
I think what you’re describing is the case for some womyn, but certainly not all womyn. Just as some men enjoy casual, no commitment sex, some womyn enjoy that as well. And as I said in my comment above, I can see how the evolutionary hard-wiring is still a factor, I don’t think that means that we can generalize that absolutely ALL womyn “should have” and want emotionally connected love.
We see a lot of shifts happening in terms of these age-old concepts we (as a society, culture) hold about gender roles. With people I’m close to – in some cases, definitely not all – men are becoming more comfortable with being expressive and showing emotions that are considered feminine in western culture, and womyn are becoming more independent and expressive on various levels including with sex and sexuality.
It’s all changing!…….. But are we still influenced by genetics, that want us to have babies and want those babies to survive??….. Probably.

Good

Last week Rush Limbaugh launched a misogynistic public assault on women when he viciously attacked Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown University law student for her voluntary testimony before a Congressional committee about women’s need for contraceptive health insurance. For three days Limbaugh continued to verbally rape and assault Ms. Fluke calling her “a slut”, “a prostitute who wants to be paid to have sex”, ” an anti-catholic plant” and a parasite that wants to feed off of the decent, God-fearing taxpayers of America. Then when he is faced with the backlash he backpedals claiming he was just joking and “illustrating the absurd with absurdity”. Hardly, Limbaugh knows exactly what he’s doing, he’s feeding the beast. In The New York Times March 4, 2012, Maureen Dowd calls him out as,”the puppet master for the Republican Party by stirring up blood lust”. Limbaugh attempted to equate a woman’s right to reproductive control over her own body as some bizarre demand the the US Government should pay for her sexual services. It is so far beyond the pale that it is almost impossible to fathom. One simply doesn’t want to enter the fray. And it seems very few did. Speaker of the House, John Boehner only called the insults “inappropriate” , Rick Santorum wrote it off as” an entertainer being absurd”, Mitt Romney said “it’s not the language I would have used” to which Ms. Doud asked, “Is there a right way to call a woman a slut?”

So, the lesson here is crystal clear. Women, if you are not in a monogamous, committed, sanctioned relationship you have chosen to be a target for sexual assault, abuse, humiliation
and defamation.The G.O.P. has gone even further and waged war on US women. Their entire campaign is shaping up to be nothing more than platform of fundamentalist terrorism.

I actually agree that not all women are all that monogamous free willingly. Not according to my circle of friends anyway. And none of them are “tarts”. In fact, they are respectable, professional, productive, and kind women. Having said that however, they don’t go around boasting about their adventures because they don’t want to be thought of as promiscuous, which is exactly the label which would be assigned to them if they did. Further, they indeed are also looking for someone to settle down with, have a long lasting relationship with, and experience the emotional bonding mentioned. They seem to not be part of the 43%, BUT, they do worry about how they look — so who knows how things can change as they age — especially as instant access to visual technology advances. Ultimately I think that we have a long way to go as far as choice goes for women. In a true realistic sense, if a woman connects with a man, and he wants the relationship to move forward monogamously, yet, she is the one to want to continue to “date” other men, she spirals down into a no win situation. She is thought of as selfish or cold for not appreciating his affections and yet haphazard in her relations. So now she is hot and cold at the same time. To avoid this, she may actually acquiesce to his advance, get married or into a committed relationship, and then, well, may find herself no longer in the “sex-for-fun” category. In this sense, the emotional connection and sex can end up on opposite ends of the spectrum.