Wanna Know What Guys Want?
Checking out porn to see what guys want?
Women sometimes do this. But it could backfire.
A young man commenting on my blog worried that his girlfriend (his first sexual partner) had done just that:
It seems she’s done research in pornography, and for the past couple of months she does things she thinks girls do all the time during sex.
But he didn’t like it. To paraphrase:
Like incredibly loud moaning from the second we start making out. It starts abruptly, so it doesn’t seem like a natural progression. I can’t help but feel that it’s not genuine. And it’s frankly a turnoff to feel that she’s not enjoying herself, and is only focused on my pleasure.
A lot of women are more concerned with what men want than with what they want, themselves.
Maybe that’s not so surprising since women are so often taught that their job is to be sexy, not sexual, which hurts their sexuality:
- Sexual girls are often punished, which too often leaves girls and women suppressing desire, leading to an inability to enjoy sex.
- Since girls feel they’re supposed to be sexy they often get distracted in bed, obsessing over how they look instead of enjoying how they feel.
Maybe stereotypes plus #2 above leave many women believing that guys just need sex more than they do. Which also leaves them focusing on “him” instead of “her.”
All this when what he really wants (most guys in relationships) is for his lady to be enjoying herself.
Wanna know what guys want? They want you to be enjoying yourself. Genuinely.
Posted on April 17, 2017, in men, sex and sexuality and tagged men, sex, sexuality, what men want in sex. Bookmark the permalink. 61 Comments.
Absolutely correct! I have been in similar situations to that of the young man who commented on your blog and it’s not enjoyable. It seems that problems with sexual objectification exist and affect both the minds of men and women. While a lot of the time we see men objectifying women and treating them as just a sex object, some women have seemed to pick up on this and believe they need to act as such to please men. This should not be the case. Men should not always expect these things, and women should be able to focus on themselves and what makes them happy. A simple thing that has worked well in my life is just great communication. Through open communication, we are able to talk about what we like, what we don’t like, and even what we expect or don’t expect. This can save a lot of troubles, and keep relationships more genuine and enjoyable.
I think this issue stems from children not getting enough education on sex when they are younger and developing. I think we should promote more sex education, so that they can have a better sense of what sex is actually is. If we continue to withhold this information from the youth, they will find ways to find information. The information can be a credible source, but most of the time it is not a credible source. As we see in the posting, pornography is not a place to find your answers to the your questions about sex. That is because pornography is not how sex really is. Instead pornography is hurting both parties that are participating in sexual intercourse. This includes heterosexual couples and homosexual couples. If we do progress as a society to be more open to sex education, then I also believe that sex that focuses on homosexuality should also be talked about in these classes. That way we cover a wider population and cover a majority of the spectrum of sexuality. Sexuality does not just constitute the heterosexual, but also the homosexual, asexual, pansexual, and bisexual.
I agree that this would help.
I truly agree with the stereotypes mentioned. Especially as the nowadays “beauty norms” has skyrocketed to super skinny/fit body, big breasts and, big “booty”, girls have problems seeing themselves the way society and men wants to see them. This obviously will lead to the sexual intercourse where women is distracted off how she looks in men’s eyes. As sad as it is, it’s true and women have a hard time getting sexual pleasure because of these reasons.
Another thing that comes into mind while reading this post is the fact that women usually are less experienced than men are, in terms of sexual intercourse. So viewing pornography is their way of understanding what men like and not, while this isn’t really the way how to do it, especially as mentioned in post that men usually don’t like it, it’s sometimes the only way to get that experience without being slut shamed for having sex (or may I say experiencing the process of it).
Yeah, and just to be clear it’s not that guys don’t like Women to do porn star things. They just don’t want them to do it if they aren’t enjoying it — the guys were having anyway.
This article really makes me consider my stance on porn in general, as I truly feel the experience shared in this post is reflective of an expectation many females, especially young women, feel the need to live up to because of pornography. Although I do think porn has the definite ability to promote a sex positive attitude and shed light on the potential beauty of sex and sexuality in general, the way it tends to be executed really perpetuates traditional gender roles and stigmas in an extremely harmful manner which, combined with insecurity surrounding sex and sexuality young boys and girls face within [real life] society, tends to lead to very deep rooted interpersonal issues/insecurities.
What you say makes sense.
This is exactly what guy’s want. All that is on a guy’s mind during sex is whether or not their partner is enjoying themselves. Personally, during sex, I give my utmost attention to my partner making sure she is enjoying herself. Guys like when you seem to be enjoying yourself too, meaning you should focus on actually enjoying yourself. Women should want their partners to desire and appreciate their pleasure. Their enjoyment should be rewarding to us, just as their enjoyment is rewarding for them. But guys, it is important not to make your feelings and needs more important than her actual experiences.
Thank you Jason.
This article seems to be something that used to happen in the past. Nowadays I think that people start to not only think about what women thing. My experience has proved that women have to tell more often what they want. Usually, women don’t express themselves it is only the man that express himself. Sometimes they think that we will automatically know what is in their mind but no they have to tell. That’s why sometimes they don’t take pleasure while having sex. It is true that mentalities were like that before but now the problem still exists because they don’t express themselves. Regarding the porn part, usually, women don’t watch porn because they think it doesn’t reflect how the women are during the sexual act. For the majority of the men screaming push us back in the sense that we know it’s fall, we want the both of us to enjoy not only the men. I won’t lie saying that it is always the case. I’ve met men that only wanted to satisfy their desire. Also, another point. it is proved scientifically that men because of their hormones want to have more sex. I’ve met women that could stay 10 years without having sex but never met men that waited that long without masturbating.
Well this is based on current surveys of my students.
I agree with the part where there is confusion on how women are supposed to preform. Sexual culture through media is portrayed as busty women with no tan lines pleasing, pleasing, pleasing the man. Sex seems to be just for the male. Every cosmo and other women oriented magazines give tips on what to do to make him feel good and not so much of how to increase your pleasure. So she seeks validation through knowing some men like porn and acting the way these women do. Which is not how it usually goes down. This takes away from the whole experience of sex and the real natural emotions that come along with it. Life is not a porno (thank god, terrible acting) and its two people coming together and should be equally enjoyable for one another. It is not a male oriented action it is a natural action. I feel that line has been blurred along the way.
Thanks for sharing about your experience with this sort of thing.
This article seems interesting to me only because it’s almost opposite to my own experience. When I first had sex with my boyfriend I was scared. Not of how to do sex but of this thing that was going to come in me. His penis. I remember thinking it looked like a snake and it was going to eat me or something. I felt scared which made me a bit stiff and somewhat awkward. Long story short I was scared of the act of having sex.This has much to do with the patriarchal norms that I have been surrounded with my whole entire life. If I a young girl like me had sex before marriage I would never be truly loved, or I would burn and die. Extreme I know, that is patriarchy at its finest for you. Back to my story, what made it worse was that I did not know how to get into the mood. I was awkward. Ironically here my boyfriend simply told me, “watch porn, you’ll feel much better and have an idea of what a girl is supposed to do in sex.” Now my boyfriend and I lasted for about two and a half years and I have to say we grew much more comfortable with the act of intercourse. I don’t know about any of you but before I had sex for the first time, It was more of a guessing game. It is much more about what we think it might be like and what we have learned it to be like until it happens. That is where porn comes into the picture. Porn surrounds us in our everyday lives both in our faces through movies and magazines and through subtle forms such as selfies and what we accept and define as beautiful, seductive, and as a woman within our society. Porn exploits both the idea of a woman and of the dominating man. Now I do not want to make claims that are not true here but I am going to say this without a fact check. You guys can prove me wrong or right. Men or better saying young boys today are surrounded with sooo much porn and have sexual drives at a much younger age than girls. At least this is what I noticed while growing up. I feel like today the act of sex is so exploited and over-sexualized in a way that distorts the idea of what intercourse is. My boyfriend within time grew out of his own ideas of what he imagined as what was necessary during sex and began to worry more about me. I grew much more comfortable with the act of having sex and let myself feel more. I feel like sex is something about intimacy and feel, not extreme notions. Yes, sex is amazing but at the end of the day, it is amazing because of the fact that it is the closest form of contact that stimulates our sensation. By all means, it is what creates life. Sex is beautiful and porn completely eradicates that away from sex and makes men think that domination of your partner is what you should desire. I think that is really sad actually. Women are affected by this because so many women are simply over dominated for the act of power over your partner. I don’t even understand the ideas behind this notion. Porn has an effect on both men and women, it preys on men’s natural sexual drive for reproduction and it preys on a woman’s feel and sexuality. Here I did not go looking for porn to know what my partner wanted in sex, he himself directed me there. Thinking that’s what he wanted but it really wasn’t. Men just like women are boxed in by these notions of how to do sex. Sex is natural, just do it. There is no right way but what works best and genuinely for you and the person you are choosing to have intercourse with.
Interesting. Hope you don’t mind if I turn this into a blog post sometime.
This blog caught my eye because, to admit I am a girl who wants to know what a guy wants. First off, the structure of this whole explaining what men don’t like then tease us by giving us little details then hitting us with the simple lines; “Wanna know what guys want? They want you to be enjoying yourself. Genuinely.” In other blogs I’ve read about what men want, they often state more than one thing making women feel as if they have to be so much more than who they are. Then tend to focus on what the guys want in a girl instead of stating one SIMPLE thing that guys want. This blog was short, simple, and direct at the end, that’s why I decided to read on.
Well, the answer is simpler than you might expect, isn’t it? And works better for everyone.
I completely agree with this article. Most girls are looked down upon or labelled as “easy” when they are openly sexual. Everything always somehow leads to achieving what men wants which in my opinion why women have harder time dealing with breakups is because they build themselves to be an ideal image of what their partner wants and when all that is gone they had already lost themselves as an individual. Women should work more on having their own lives and wants and needs fulfilled rather than giving up their entire persona just to satisfy their partners.
I think that sex is communication of couple. A lot of women are more concerned with what men want than with what they want, themselves. However, this is also men’s problem. Men are also learned about sex from porn. They are checking out porn to see what women want. But it could backfire. Men could not be satisfied in reality. Each people have different desire of sex, so each couple has to communicate honestly.
You make some good points.
I find this very interesting, on one side I think I this guy should be grateful that he has a girl who was trying to learn so she could know how to please him, however there are multiple problems with porn and the unrealistic expectations it can put on young individuals that want to make sure their partner is enjoying themselves. A main component that is never in poem is communication which is an essential part of a healthy sexual experience and in porn most women only moan and only talk dirty but with no actual conversation or openness.
The other big problem with porn is that most of the time the people who star in porn are super attractive people who could be models and what does a very good job at making women feel like they have to be porn star beautiful to be seen as sexually attractive, this can be very distracting when you are naked and worried about how someone you care about sees you.
So the biggest problem is that porn puts unrealistic expectations on everyone in a sexual experience and that does not create a healthy sexual relationship.
Yes. Good points.
I agree with the statement “what he really wants (most guys in relationships) is for his lady to be enjoying herself.” because I believe my partner being pleasured is satisfyng on its own. In a sense, I feel as if I failed my job as a significant other if my partner doesn’t know that I think she is sexy even before having sex. Women are taught to be sexy which is not a wrong statement; however, as a male I believe it is our job to make them feel sexy and make it aware to them that they are desireable inside and out.
In a past relationship my partner would often get out of her character and become someone who she wasn’t. She would intensely moan and do things that she believed that would make me find her even sexier than she was already viewed. By asking her why she did those things would probably create an insecurity for her that she is not as sexy, so I never brought it up. Now, I possibly see parallels in her motive to do those things; however, like I said as men it is our duty to make them feel sexy even prior to sex.
Thanks for adding your voice of experience.
I think there is a common misconception between what a man likes and what is portrayed in most pornography. I do agree that girls watch videos to see how to pleasure their man but most males don’t actually expect that or want something that overwhelming. I think most males know that those are paid professional actors and that’s not how sex is and when a women tries to recreate that it doesn’t seem genuine. I think both male and females have this worry to please their partner and this could all be solved with more communication and letting each other know what they like and don’t like. Sex is supposed to be for pleasure and fun, not a competition or performance.
Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective on this.
This absolutely holds true in my experience, but I think that I agree with Bob above that, as in any situation in a relationship, the most important factor is communication. We should all be able to have honest conversations about our needs and desires with those we care about. That’s true for any relationship, not just romantic or sexual. But especially in a sexual relationship, talking about our needs and desires should be easy and open. We too often feel shame in our culture around talking about sex in any way, especially in a way that involves a woman admitting that she likes sex. I believe that in order for any of us to have a healthy sex life, though, we need to move past this and word towards open, trusting communication with our partners. If your partner does not make you feel safe enough to have these conversations, you might want to reconsider the nature of your relationship.
Even though I’ve never actually studied porn trying to figure out how I’m supposed to look or sound while having sex i do find myself constantly worrying if my partner is enjoying it and constantly thinking how i look. if i look good in their eyes and i think many girls can relate to this and since the girl is only thinking about that one thing they don’t seem to be thinking about themselves and their needs during sex since they’re so worried about the other person. I think its important for a person to be open with their partner talk about what is working and what isn’t working that is the best thing.
Yeah, it’s very common for Young women to get distracted from their pleasure because they are so busy worrying about how they look. And as you say, they don’t necessarily have to watch porn to start writing about it. Plenty of things in our culture encourage Women to believe that they must look “right,” / act “right” and then get caught up in that.
I think women all around the world can relate to this. Women don’t really think about what they want anymore, they just care about making their man happy. The quote above, “women are so often taught that their job is to be sexy, not sexual, which hurts their sexuality,” is so true. Women are being taught these things by the media and people’s opinions that they aren’t listening to themselves. It’s not always about being sexy all the time. You shouldn’t really care about what you look like when having sex with your partner. I guarentee they aren’t caring about what you look like, they just care about the physical feeling and the cemistry between the two of you. Women, you don’t have to act like a “porn star” during sex with your partner. If you want to watch porn to learn new things go ahead, but don’t compare yourself to those women.
Thanks for sharing your experience with this.
My comment accidentally got posted before I was finished. What I meant to say was that maybe all men don’t mature but I did. I’ll take enjoying being with my wife over hanging out at the computer every single time.
Sounds like a healthy relationship. Btw, guys are visually oriented but it’s learned, not genetic. https://broadblogs.com/2010/11/04/men-aren’t-hard-wired-to-find-breasts-attractive/
Men are visually oriented. Men like to watch. It’s genetic. When I’ve woken up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, I’ll look at webcam model sites until I’m ready to get back to bed. My wife knows about this because I’ve told her. But here’s the thing: while I can get enjoyment from looking at models that appeal to me, none of them are a fantasy stand-in for my wife. I’m lucky enough to be married to the woman I love and who still excites me for 32 years. A man–or at least me–can compartmentalize sexual enjoyment while watching online stuff and enjoying the real thing with his spouse. Same thing if I choose to read porn. It’s entertaining while I’m doing it but when I’m enjoying sex with my wife, she and only she is at the center of my world. Yeah, when I was much younger my interest in porn wait was different because my sexual drive was stronger then. Maybe all men don’t mature but this was
One of your readers’ comment, it sounds really genuine. Truly, if a girl watches porn films and thinks she is doing research on what guys want, the result could be disastrous at times. Not only in the case of moaning like an asthma patient but also in a few other ways too.
Yeah. I always appreciate when readers share their experience with things I’m grappling with.
Well, ideally everybody should enjoy sex right? But how many they really do? When i was younger the thing in vogue was for men to be sensitive, not selfish, and please their partner, and i really made an effort to do so, until a new girlfriend some years older than me told me in no uncertain words :
‘You do your thing, and look for your own pleasure, do not worry about mine, if you do something I do not like, I will tell you immediately, so let me look for my own pleasure, you are an adult, and me older than you, and I am responsible for my own orgasm, I will give you pointers if you need them!’
Well, to say I was surprised, kind of used to the passive role from most women, and their concern to please you even if they were not really enjoying themselves, and with no way to know it, because their fear you may get upset.
Her words definitely hit the target, and made me understand that Real communication, and not try to say what the other person wants to hear, it’s the key in any relationship, Later as I commented she was the first to tell me that, she laughed and said:
‘I am a woman not a child, if you don’t know what to do, i tell you what I like, and if you persist on doing it wrong, I just show you the door, and end of the story!’ 🙂
Now there is a woman who knows what she wants and lets her, partners know too. Thanks for sharing your story.
Unfortunately, so many women today are out of touch with their sexuality that they don’t know what they want. We need to stop objectifying women and punishing/repressing their sexuality.
Who we are is made up of three components: the personality we are born with + the social interactions we grow up with + our culture. So we end up with a culture where almost half of women have low desire or no desire for sex and are completely out of touch with their sexual desire. Because of personality and differences in social interactions others are luckier. But many women today need a vibrator, which is a sign of milder repression.
It’s interesting though that women feel they should please men sexually and they do so and lose their own sexuality. When as far as ‘pressure” to please and ‘perform” is on men. You ever hear how when asked if sex is bad for a man or if women are bad in bed? A guy might say it’s not great, but usually sex is not bad for guys.
Like the standard is very low as far as what women need to do for men to enjoy sex or get off. Therefore, women aren’t seen as bad like men in bed, even if a woman may do much less than the man who tries, but can’t get the women he’s been off. The pressure if on guy’s to perform because there’s a higher standard on men as far as what they need to do to please a woman and get her off and for him to be good on bed. I often hear how guy’s usually or more guys do more of the “work” sexually’ too compared to women as well.
And a lot of this is focused on women worrying about how they look. About 80% of young women have poor body image and 3/4 of my students actually said they got distracted, focusing on how they looked in bed. It was a big distraction because they were worrying instead of enjoying themselves.
About a quarter of then men I surveyed got distracted too. They tended to worry about either penis size or being too fat. If they could let it go it’s easier for guys to have an orgasm because the process is more straightforward — simple friction. Plus they have more practice because most masturbate and even if they don’t their bodies will spontaneously ejaculate in “wet dreams.”
Is it safe to say or make the distinction that women feel they should please men or put men first maybe as well as their looks, body and sexiness? But as far as ‘pressure” goes in the pleasing department as far as being the one accounted on to get the other one off and “perform” and have good sex skills and top notch skills. It’s men who have that pressure. Not in the hook up dept because many guy’s don’t try to, but in relationships guys try to please, but it’s there. If it wasn’t there, there wouldn’t be things such as performance anxiety and ED that can come from that too. Also if a woman isn’t ready for sex that’s not a big deal. But say for example a girl and guy both have drinks and ready for sex and a guy can’t get it up because of ‘whiskey dick”, then it’s his failure.
Plus the fact of the idea is that women just having sex with men is pleasing for men, as guys don’t see sex with a woman as ‘bad”. It might not be good, but a woman doesn’t have to do much to “please” a man right? So anything she does extra is really a bonus. It’s the guy that can be more often “bad” in bed and he actually has to figure the techniques, and explore her whole body, warm her up, etc. So much more emphasis and pressure on guys to spend more time and effort to please, therefore from the pressure standpoint women don’t have to “performance wise please” a man for decent sex. a man has to though for a woman. Women might feel it’s good for them to please, but I think the pressure is on men to perform because they don’t get good grades with their sex performance whereas, women can still get by or maybe still seen as good in bed despite doing less than a guy would do trying to please a woman, but still might not get her off.
“Is it safe to say or make the distinction that women feel they should please men or put men first maybe as well as their looks, body and sexiness? But as far as ‘pressure” goes in the pleasing department as far as being the one accounted on to get the other one off and “perform” and have good sex skills and top notch skills. It’s men who have that pressure.”
Sure. And that is largely because women are so out of touch with their sexuality, Whether they are out of touch U2 a history of suppressing desire — making it lessen or go away after a while — or whether they are so distracted by how they look. Or both.
So women don’t have performance anxiety the way men do. They just get distracted. Or they are strongly out of touch with desire.
That said, most young men easily have orgasms and most young women don’t easily have them.
Normally I try to avoid blanket statements like “men are…” and “women like…” but I’m gonna go ahead and say that if there are people who DON’T want their partners to be enjoying themselves? Yeah. Gonna go ahead and pass judgment on them! Thank you for posting the reminder of what (good) people actually want!
It’s true that I sometimes exaggerate. But only when I pretty certain that people know that I really mean “generally speaking.” But that sounds so boring right? Typically… Generally speaking… On average… I’m practically asleep.
Yes. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.
Isn’t the other way around?
I mean that men are attracted to women more than women are attracted to men so it makes sense that men are more interested to know what women like than the other way around
First, it doesn’t matter because 80% of young women still have poor body image, with three quarters worrying about how they look/ what they’re doing in bed.
Second, finding someone attractive is a different issue from how you actually experience sexuality. It’s common for women to be out of touch with desire — whether they are distracted in bed by worries about how they look or what they’re doing, Or whether they just have a general loss of desire — and nearly half of American women have low or no desire in sex — a consistent finding across studies.
I believe this post is something that pretty much everybody can relate to. However, I feel that it’s a topic most don’t talk about. I even catch myself finding new ways to please my boyfriend other than simply asking him or experimenting with him. Why not dig deeper into our significant other? After all, pornography is acted out and filmed until the scene is good enough to be published. Sex needs to be enjoyed by both participants and shouldn’t be inspired by two people who don’t love each other and have sex on camera for money. Maybe sex could be more enjoyable when attractions and “turn ons” are discussed and explored between a couple.
To piggyback off of “women are so often taught that their job is to be sexy” I think that is a reoccurring issue with women that they feel like they are obligated to fulfill a man sexually, and how they allow themselves to become objectified sexually. Sex loses it enjoyment when you have to think of it as a job or a chore, women shouldn’t have to put their pleasures on the back burner to be able to satisfy a man, sex should be a joint effort where both partners are comfortable with each other and are willing to communicate, rather than assume it is what the other partner might be into sexually.
Yep. The things you are describing are widespread. We need to do something to stop objectifying women so that women don’t learn to testify themselves, Which is tied to so many women losing touch with their desire.
I agree! Women shouldn’t have to put their pleasures on the back burner. All men tend to care about is if they finish. They should care about if him and his partner finish together. A sexual relationship should be a two way street.
Maybe this is being unfair, but I think the comments are applicable to young women and men but not middle-aged and older. Fortunately/unfortunately I’m considered a senior citizen and my views on women and sexual relationships have changed and matured over the years. I can fully relate to being focused entirely on my own sexual enjoyment and fulfillment in my youth. I think for the most part that’s genetic and not learned. But as I’ve aged while being married to the same women for over 30 years, her sexual pleasure enjoyment has become primary to mine. In other words, she gets hers (if she so chooses) before I get mine.
But, thanks to my daughter, I’m fully aware of what relationships–at least hers and those of any friends she chooses to share with us–are like today. From what I can gather, there are women who consciously or subconsciously seek out relationships with self-centered men who border on sexually abusive behavior if not actually going full bore into it. So, unless men and women have experienced a wide variety of partners with different psychosexual makeups, we tend to write about what we know. And if your knowledge base is narrow based on limited experience with the opposite sex, that’s how we write and think.
If a girl wants to know what her boyfriend wants. What’s important in a relationship is communication. Guessing that looking at porn is the answer is definitely the wrong assumption. If she can communicate with him, she’ll know and in doing so, she can communicate what she wants and likes too. Porn, especially how most porn is, is a bad example. Well unless you want over exaggerated, robotic, one sided sex, and sex that a woman feels she should do and is formulaic, instead of genuine interest and lust. It would be not too fun, or creative sex either.
“Maybe stereotypes plus #2 above leave many women believing that guys just need sex more than they do. Which also leaves them focusing on “him” instead of “her.””
Maybe men want a lot of sex, but not for the sake of her doing something she doesn’t want or it’s not genuine. I would rather have less sex but is what she wants or genuine interest than a girl having more sex, but it’s more of her feeling she needs to fill in “some sex quota” for me with how much and what’s done. Like that defeats the purpose, but it seems like girls don’t get that according to your post where they feel they have to do things or put aside their desires to fill in the check boxes to be sexy and to please the guy, even though pleasing means nothing if she’s not into it. You want her to enjoy herself, feel pleasure, but you want her lust and actions to be genuine.
A lot of a turn on and enjoyment from a man is his woman being into him and that passion and lust. If she’s doing it for feeling she has to because she has to be sexy or other reasons, then it’s like a “faux lust” or faux enjoyment and insincere. That’s not a turn on. The ironic thing is if a woman stops focusing all on her man and just as much on her pleasure and sexuality and less on if she’s sexy. She’s more likely to be sexual and if she’s more sexual, she enjoys sex more. If she enjoys sex more, she’s more likely to want sex more, be sincere, passionate, lustful, etc. And she’s more likely to be more adventurous in the bed room or out of it too. Which means a man will get more pleasure from a woman like this and enjoyment ironically than the woman who is all focused on just his pleasure and being sexy.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! Great to get more input from men like you and Y and Ken.
Even though I don’t have any sex experience because of my cultural background in which girls should better keep virginity for marriage, I have seen a lot of girls in movies or my friends in real life try to appease their boyfriends or husbands during sex. They may have started with equality in the relationship and they just enjoy themselves, yet girls tend to sacrifice in plenty of ways besides sex, in order to satisfy their partners. In my opinion, it is due to patriarchy, in which women are inferior and submissive, and polygamy, in which wives should do anything to attract their husband so that they will have a better life. Girls may internalize these dated but passed-on ideas and hence behave like this even though their boyfriends just want them to be themselves.
You’re right. If you look behind these problems: sexual repression of women and sexual objectification (she doesn’t matter, she exists to please someone else) patriarchy is indeed behind the problem here.