Am I Trying To Shame Men’s Breast Fetish?
My blog post, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing” prompts a lot of men to write in and say “It ain’t so!”
So I ask what difference it makes whether it’s nature or nurture?
Few respond. But “Sam” did. To paraphrase:
A lot of women think that guys who get excited about breasts are immature, infantile or perverts. So men get defensive if someone suggests their attraction is socialized. If we can say ‘it is hardwired’ we can immediately dismiss those views and classify ourselves as neither perverts nor as overgrown babies… Incidentally, I can say it certainly feels completely and utterly hardwired.
I thanked him for replying, and responded thusly:
I’m not trying to shame men
A lot guys are fine with the post. Some even say that it makes sense to them.
But others insist — quite furiously — that it’s biological and that I’m trying to shame them.
In fact, social constructions can feel biological. Often, the only way you can tell that something is socially constructed is by doing cross-cultural research. And you don’t find this fetish in every culture — like tribal societies, which have constituted the bulk of the human experience.
So it can’t be nature.
But social constructions aren’t easily controlled. They’re powerful. You don’t just say, “It’s a construction, not natural” and it goes away. And I don’t especially care whether or not it does.
Why do I care?
So why do I care whether it’s nature or nurture?
First, I’m fascinated by the social construction of reality, including this one.
But I’m more concerned with:
- Women’s self-esteem
- Women’s ability to enjoy sexuality. (And if women enjoy it more so do men.)
- Getting rid of double standards
How are those things tied to the breast fetish?
I’ll be writing a series of posts on each of these problems. Stay tuned.