The consequences of patriarch hit everyone in our society. The gender roles imposed by the patriarchal society where women are fragile and inferior, and men are strong and protective are harmful to all. Our expectations are shaped by the images and examples we see around us, and the representation of the man as a hero and the protagonist of the story push a man into a strict definition about how he should behave. Boys are taught to not cry because that is a sign of weakness, what it’s seen like a girl’s behavior. Also, they learn that they are not allowed to express their emotions, or how to deal with anger. The representations in our society don’t show how men suffer from gender expectation, as these stereotypes are also enforced within the same sex – a man doesn’t want to appear ‘weak’ in front of the other one. It clearly shows how patriarchy hurts not only women but also men.

I am not a guy, so I cannot speak for males in general but from my experience as a woman guys have been pretty cruel with each other. In high school I dated a guy who was a self conscious of his body and if he was “buff” enough (keep in mind he was very muscular). The pressure to look a certain way for guys was surprising. My ex and his friends used to brag about how much they could lift, how far they could run, what was the new diet to gain more muscle faster. It was shocking to see my ex so judgmental of his self. Eventually that lead to him obsessing and basically living at the gym which lead to distance between us. The main point I bring up is that yes, you are right that men have to deal with a lot of pressure to “toughen up” or distance themselves and not become as emotionally attached. When hanging out with his friends he seemed like a completely different person. The double life makes sense now after personally seeing the difference in how men define “being a man” and what women prefer to see in a man. Being a woman I do agree that I look for nice guys who care and are emotionally vulnerable, those are the guys in which I have only made deep relationships with. Now from a males perspective being emotionally vulnerable is a sign of weakness, but why? If the objective is to get laid or have any sexual interaction with a woman why do they think being tough, rough and mean is what women are attracted to? More often then not a man is more likely to get lets just say on closer terms with a woman if he shows empathy/emotion. Why have males set up unrealistic expectations for each other that only themselves find appealing?

This post? https://broadblogs.com/2013/08/05/men-dont-feel-sexy-and-it-sucks/

If so I haven’t read it yet. Another instructor uses my blog in her class Summer quarter and I’ve been a bit overwhelmed with approving comments right now. I’ll get to it.

Yeah that’s it and I posted in this post too.

https://broadblogs.com/2017/06/19/porn-and-my-sex-life-dont-play-well-together/#comments

That’s fine, thanks for responding to posts, I’m amazed with how many people’s posts you respond to as I’ve seen other blogs by other authors and they don’t respond much or as soon as they do. So I’m sure people who reply on your blogs appreciate it too and another reason why your blogpost is pretty popular because of your personable activity to it despite your busyness. t’s all good though, I was just curious, thanks.

I have thought about how the distance and divide put between girls and boys growing up affects their interactions as they become adults. There have been cases I have seen in college where some guys simply do not know how to talk to girls normally. They are awkward and forced to say the least, and at the most come off as creepy and shady. While intentions may be plain and simple, to meet and get to know an individual you are attracted to, I believe that the separation and lack of interactions between boys and girls make men ill-equipped to see women as people. Where the writer of this piece may have had the opportunity to get to know girls and open up to them, the men I speak of are his friends, the ones who treat women poorly. These men ultimately treat women as “other’s” rather than having a normal conversation with them, there is a gap in understanding that becomes very clear after seeing one of these first interactions.

I think that I can both relate and disagree with the idea of these traditional gender roles that the author is expressing here. But maybe because I grew up in one of the most liberal parts of California, I can’t say that I have been subjugated to these gender role standards as much as the author has here. But when I have experienced these standards, such as being tough, or not crying, I’ve actually found much use in this mentality. People come across many hardships in life, and honestly most of the time in my own experience it is only through “being tough” and putting aside my emotions that I can come out on top, and accomplish my goals. “Not crying” about roadblocks and thinking logically instead of emotionally is sometimes just the best option to get where you want to be. Now I’m not arguing to shut off all your emotions and just become a logical robot, as feeling and expressing emotions is important to oneself for obvious reasons; All I want to say is that one should be able to control ones own emotions and that “being tough” does have merit. Maybe I’m delusional, and now just a product of the masculinity norm. But honestly, I live by most of my own principles that I make through my experiences and studying my own life, and not society.

As a southeast Asian, I grew up in a conservative and traditional household and community. There were certainly many different stereotypes and expectations from boys and men. Those who strayed from these expectations were considered strange and different. When young boys shed tears, their parents shush them because “real men don’t cry”. My mother would refuse to let my father use a red umbrella because, according to her, the color red is “too feminine”. I find these ideas of masculinity absurd. Men should not be barred from displaying emotions just for the sake of appearing tough.

I strongly believe that gender roles for both women and men are harmful to society. It is not just members of the opposite sex that are enforcing these stereotypes; they are enforced within the same sex as well. The expectations that society imposes upon us can lead to various mental and physical health issues. I agree with the author that men should become more honest about these feelings and speak out against these societal norms. Everyone should be allowed to be able to fully express themselves in any way, and understand one another as people rather than through labels.

btw, when your post(s) don’t appear anymore, does that mean you’ve taken it to look at later or got rid of it?

Very nice honest insight into the societal silent “rule” on the standard of what manlihood and being a boy should look like and act like.
I agree with what you are saying about how men should really come together and stand up for how they are being perceived and forced to act in order to fit in. It goes the same way for females too. In that we should be the opposite of what is expected for males, shy, obiedent, submissive and wanting to be a house maker. These are extremely old fashioned ways of thinking, from the 50,60,70’s. I feel that now in 2017 we have come a long way in accepting people’s preferred genders, sexual preferences etc, so why not start changing the irrational standards at which men and women are expected. Let’s change that the ways that we are expected, instead of each having their own expectations we should instead be encouraging individuality, self reliance, basic skills, and each being able to be strong on their own.
These are some of my thoughts on this topic, thank you for listening.

Great blog! I would not think this was a big deal until I read about it. But, I did know that guys always had to act “tough” because they were men and men should be strong and not weak. Being from a Mexican household I always heard my uncles telling their son’s to not cry because only girls cry and boys need to be strong and not weak. I know that i have heard my parents tell my little brother to not cry when he gets hurt because he is a boy and boys do not cry. At first I thought they would say that to stop him from crying but what they were actually doing was making him into that “tough guy” that they are supposed to become into according to our society. It is good to know that men live a double life because i did not know that until i read your blog. I know that sometimes when I would argue with my boyfriend he would start crying and I would notice that he would try to stop himself from crying but sometimes he could not hold in the tears any longer so after the crying and arguing he would later then apologize for crying. He would also apologize for crying infront of me and making himself look like a fool. I would tell him it is okay to cry if that is how he feels and that I would not judge him or make fun of him for crying. I would also tell him that he did not make himself look like a fool because to me that was him expressing his true and real feelings not a lie. It is crazy to know that men are taught to not understand us women and to live that “tough guy” life and when they get into a relationship they try their hardest to understand us. Im hoping that men will also be more open and honest and feel safe to speak out what they really feel.

I can relate to an extent in the sense of not trying to score points by getting girls. Luckily my friends never cared how many girls I got with or who. Though it can suck if you’re around guy’s not bragging, but telling stories of this funny, fun time at some party or whatever and it did relate to them having sex, but there’s a whole story of things before and after. So it sucks if you haven’t done that and then your left feeling like shit, or missing out because you didn’t have such memorable, youthful times like they did. It can all be a facade or covering over their insecurities or other problems they are having in their life that nobody knows about. But it makes me think and it’s been shown how social media, facebook, twitter, instagram, snapchat, etc.

They said the more people use them, the more likely they are to feel depressed and isolated. And it’s because what happens is people who use them, they often put their best parts right? Even if a person might not have been on a vacation in a long time, they may post one they had earlier in the year and just pictures and images making things seem like they are living life and having a blast and have a great job, great spouse. You’re basically seeing people’s “highlight reels of life” so then you think of your life even if people on social media are exaggerating things, you don’t know and you feel like your life is not up to measure. I think that when guy’s telling stories and there probably is always that one that doesn’t tell them because he’s not having the exploits like the others.