Category Archives: men
Women Shouldn’t Be Alphas!
![Kristen-Stewart-Snow-White-Huntsman-armour[1]](https://broadblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/kristen-stewart-snow-white-huntsman-armour1.jpg)
I don’t want to publish reviews of films where women are alpha and men are beta. Where women are heroes and villains and men are just lesser versions or shadows of females.
Frank Parlato wrote that email soon after becoming editor of The Reporter.
The New York Times says it was Snow White and the Huntsman that set him off.
(It) struck Parlato as emblematic of “a Hollywood agenda of glorifying degenerate power women and promoting as natural the weakling, hyena-like men, cum eunuchs.”
He must not have seen the film.
Luckily, The Reporter is just a small weekly in upstate New York. But I’ve been thinking about this with the Oscars approaching.
Fortunately for Parlato, movies are mostly the way he likes them. But that’s not so fortunate for the rest of us.
Quick thought experiment: how would you experience yourself after watching popular Oscar-nominated films if gender roles were reversed?
- What if we watched President Mary Todd Lincoln fight to abolish slavery and save the union?
- What if CIA operative, Tonya Mendez, led the charge to liberate female diplomats from Tehran during the Iranian hostage crises in Argo?
- In Zero Dark Thirty a male CIA agent finds Osama bin Laden’s whereabouts. A highly-skilled female unit then finds and kills bin Laden.
- Our heroine explores spirituality and survives the good part of a year stranded on a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger named Rachel Parker in the Life of Pi.
- In Les Misérables ex-convict Janette Valjean undergoes redemption while pursued by police inspector, Monique Javer, who doubts the possibility of transformation.
- In Silver Linings Playbook bipolar Patricia leaves a mental health facility where she’d ended up after nearly beating her husband’s lover to death. Next thing you know, she’s fighting thugs at a Philadelphia Eagles game. In the end she enters a dance contest and gains love.
- Django Unchained follows Sally Django, a freed slave who crosses the United States with bounty hunter, Kate King, on a mission to rescue her husband from a cruel and charismatic plantation owner named Lenora Crawford.
If these were the movies would you experience yourself as a more powerful woman? More in control? More the main event? As a man would you feel more disempowered and marginal?
Plenty of things in our culture create the same psychology, such as “man” and “he” referring to us all. Or, “woman,” “she,” and “her” are consistently placed after “man,” “he,” and “him.” A wife takes her husband’s name. The list goes on. Living in a world where the power players in business, government, religion, the home and beyond are mostly men adds to the effect.
I grew up with a mother who’d grown up in a world where women were even more passively presented than they are today. She couldn’t change things, she thought. Others had to create a good place for her or she was out of luck. She felt powerless and depressed. That didn’t help me and that didn’t help my brother. (So yeah, males are harmed, too.)
Surely, balance would be better.
Related Posts on BroadBlogs
Women, We Are Men
Gender-Swapping Grammar Lessons
Frats Invite Sluts, Bitches; Women Accept Degradation. Why?
Share this:
Overcoming Sex Addiction
By Anonymous
I was a sex addict. My attitude was not one of conquest but feeling I had a duty to satisfy women’s sexual needs.
For thirty-five years I tried to seduce every woman and teenage girl I met. I thought that each one was hitting on me, wanting to go to bed with me, wanting me to satisfy them. My mind, on one side, told me this was not so. But the other was looking for the next lady to bed.
But I grew weary of the constant prowl. And I tired of leading two lives. It was exhausting.
The crisis point came after trying to hit on two of my good friend’s wives. They were both upset and demanded I stop.
Between the shame and the energy it took to constantly convince myself that “all” these women “wanted me,” I was not happy. I was tired and not having fun.
I also had anger issues. I wondered why I did not make friends. Why didn’t people start conversations with me? I always had to take the first step. Some called me abusive. I denied it.
Eventually I saw that I lashed out at anyone who disagreed with me and that I had no patience with my ex-wife, my children or my siblings. Why was I always mad? And what was I mad about?
When my mind decided enough was enough it collapsed into a nervous breakdown and I sought therapy.
In therapy under hypnosis I recovered a memory. From the ages of three to five, four women had me perform various sex acts. One was my mother.
In my addiction, I had sought to satisfy women’s sexual needs. Maybe subconsciously pleasing women sexually seemed to be what a good son does?
The abuse led to mistrust of both men and women. Women, because my mother, who should have had my best interests at heart, had merely used me with no concern for my well-being. But I also mistrusted men from subconsciously wishing my father had rescued me. All these qualms left me angry and unable to form close emotional bonds.
I knew that I needed to trust again. And that I needed to let go the belief that my job was to sexually please women. But since sex is so pleasurable, that was not easy.
In another sense, it was easy: Since I had been so unhappy for decades I just repeated to myself that I never want to return to those times. And if I did relapse, and chose to start up again, I just told myself; look how happy you have been when you don’t relapse. That kept me on track.
But I also met a woman who was a soul mate. Making love to a soul mate is much more satisfying than “fucking” some emotionally detached pussy. I’d had so much pussy over the years I just kept repeating to myself, “Do I want to make love to a soul mate or just a piece of ass?”
My recovery required fifteen years of hard work and weekly meetings with my therapist as I traveled through the stages of progress, relapses, and forward steps again until I took control of my sexual yearnings. Do I still have urges to seduce or to be seduced? Yes, but at least now I am much more selective.
It has not been easy, but as I told my therapist, I do not ever want to return to that lifestyle. These past ten years have been wonderful. I have developed close platonic relationships with women friends. I no longer need to constantly lie to cover my tracks, I laugh more, and for the first time in my life I like myself.
When I told an acquaintance about my blog and what I write about he told me this story. I asked if he would write it up, and here it is.
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
Wanting “X” from Sex, but Doing “Y”
Is Male or Female Sexuality Better?
Why Men Objectify
Share this:
Burning Wives
By Hanna Ingraham
Rhuksana’s husband threw acid on her face and then her sister-in-law lit her on fire. Shortly after, one of her children got sick and she was forced to move back in with them because she couldn’t afford to feed her kids.
Zakia was divorcing her husband and just leaving the courthouse when he found her and threw acid on her. She is now disfigured and has lost an eye.
I learned about Rhuksana and Zakia in the documentary “Saving Face” which tells of the many Pakistani women who are victims of these attacks — about 100 cases each year. Women who consider themselves “the living dead.”
A patriarchy that devalues women appears to be the culprit.
Men who feel disgraced or embarrassed because of an argument over the dishes, or discarded advances, or who hold a generalized hatred of women, lash out. If women don’t do what men want, they deserve it.
These men want to ruin the women’s lives. And they succeed.
Agonizing acid burns through skin and fuses it together, making it difficult to eat or breathe. It blinds and kills. Women who survive become ashamed of their bodies and are ostracized. They are emotionally wrecked from being burned alive by their own husbands.
Abuse is rife in Pakistan with 65% of men saying they were abused as children and about half now say they abuse their wives. Through generations the men become diseased with a lust to harm women.
For years Pakistani women had not fought back because they had no voice. They may have believed that this was life and there was no other way. But recently the scales are falling from their eyes and the women are seeing possibilities and working to end the abuse. The government is listening and passing bills to protect them.
Here we see the cycle of abuse and how it can be broken. We see women once disempowered and blind to the possibility of change gaining both sight and muscle.
I’m inspired!
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
In-laws Rip Off Girl’s Fingernails, But Who Cares?
Whipping a Daughter. Good Dad? Bad Dad?
Real Men Don’t Beat, Rape Women
Share this:
Guys in the Friendzone
I don’t really have a lot of friends, nor girlfriends. Most women say I am too sweet, and I don’t know why.
That’s from a profile on Nice Guys of OkCupid (which was recently shut down).
The nice guys of OkCupid commonly complain that being too nice gets them “friendzoned.” But after looking through their posts, Katie Baker at Jezebel says they don’t always seem so nice. In fact some express “sheer rage and misogynistic threats of violence: ‘All I want you to do is bleed like I have.’”
Hugo Schwyzer, a sociologist who studies men and masculinity, says these guys believe that if they are nice women will have sex with them:
The subtext of virtually all of their profiles, the mournful and the bilious alike, is that these young men feel cheated. Raised to believe in a perverse social/sexual contract that promised access to women’s bodies in exchange for rote expressions of kindness, these boys have at least begun to learn that there is no Magic Sex Fairy.
But Dr. Schwyzer also points out that the niceness is often an act.
They rage about being “friendzoned,” and complain about the hours spent listening to women without being given so much as a hand job in return for their investment… Their anger, in other words, is that their own deception didn’t work as they had hoped.
Meanwhile, since they can’t conceal their hostility their profile ends any chance of getting laid.
I’ve noticed that many actual nice guys share the illusion that women would like to have sex with any nice guy who asks.
A friend of mine who’s married started passing out a book which explains that monogamy is not the natural human state. He seemed to think that if women “got that,” they’d easily have sex with him.
I’m sure some women will want sex with him, after all, he is a nice, attractive guy. But I doubt monogamous norms are the only thing keeping women from entering his open marriage.
Another guy friend of mine proposed that the way to get a woman was to act like you found her really, really attractive (he actually did find these women really, really attractive) and communicate that you would like to have a romantic relationship. After all, it would work if they did that to him.
Hmmmm….
There’s even a joke that echoes the theme:
What’s the difference between a bitch and a slut? A bitch has sex with everyone but me.
Women just waiting around to have sex with whatever nice guy asks.
Michael Kimmel, another sociologist who studies men, says pornography helps create the illusion. Full of sexually excitable women who are ready and willing, many men watch and think it’s real.
But as he points out, women’s sexuality in porn looks an awful lot like male sexuality in real life.
In some non-Western cultures men and women do behave similarly sexually but not here, where women are more repressed: they are more slut-shamed, they worry so much about their bodies that they are often distracted from sexual feeling, and sexual assault turns desire off, for instance.
Cognitive neuroscientist, Ogi Ogas has described the process of igniting female desire, explaining that women scrutinize all available evidence – social, emotional and physical, which all lead to a general feeling of favorability, or not. Only when it all comes together, just right, do physical and psychological arousal unite, he says.
Most women do want relationships with nice guys, but they need nice + chemistry, or some other “je ne sais pas.” I suspect that most men want relationships with nice girls, but they need nice + chemistry/”je ne sais pas,” too.
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
Does Sexual Objectification Lead to Bad Sex?
Women Want Casual Sex? Yes and No
Sexual Desire & Sexism
Share this:
Can Relationships Survive A Threesome?
Here’s a 110 percent true fact: the guy you’re dating has definitely imagined having a threesome with you and the waitress from last night, his hot co-worker, or your best friend.
That’s what John DeVore over at The Frisky says… just before anticipating the feminine response,
Yuck, amiriiiiight?… while you’re squirming over how grossoholic men are, telling yourself “My boyfriend would NEVER want to have a threesome between me and my best friend Megs.”
Over time men have become increasingly enamored of this fantasy, with somewhere between one-third and two-thirds of men now having lusty visions of three-ways. Probably because it’s now a porn staple.
But can a relationship survive a threesome? Some do, but it seems they usually don’t.
A couple of John’s friends gave it a try and neither relationship survived.
A marriage therapist told the Huffington Post that all of her clients who’ve tried it broke up, except one.
A few of my friends have tried it, too. One was disappointed that it didn’t work, meaning not everyone was into it. Another friend doesn’t even want to talk about it. But, another has done threesomes and is still married.
Maybe the failure rate isn’t so surprising given the lopsided interest of men. While up to two-thirds of men want threesomes — almost always with two women, only 10% of women do — and they may well want two men. So women may be more likely to agree to a three-way out of pressure or wanting to please their partners without really being into it.
And whether or not pressure is involved, if a woman is having a three-way with another woman she is likely to be more distracted by worries about the other woman than having an erotic experience. How pretty is this other woman compared to me? How much attention is “she” getting compared to me? What does it mean about how he feels about the relationship? Is he really into me?!!!
Besides that, guys are more easily aroused by body parts, whereas women more often need a deep connection to get into sex. Between the distraction of another person, the worries, and the fact that this is just sex and not connection, it often won’t be so fun for the girl.
But guys don’t always get all that, like this comment on another post:
I’d like to comment on the willingness of female to female sex. Females are traditionally more caring, nurturing and empathetic. Naturally this would carry over in the bedroom, making sure each is highly aroused and satisfied.
Really?!
I guess that’s how it seems in porn.
Mr. DeVore opines:
Dudes just love the idea of a threesome, but we know, on a gut level, it’s probably not a good idea. Like raising a pet shark, or inventing bacon-flavored toothpaste.
Men love threesomes, partly, for the same reason we love all-you-can-eat buffets. We’re gluttons, and want more beer, more bacon, and more boobs. Two vaginas are better than one! The problem with buffets is they aren’t the place to get quality anything.
If you want a threesome like those you see in porn you’ll probably have to do what they do in porn: pay a couple of women to act like they’re loving it.
If you’re thinking about a 3-way, you might want to read a post by someone who’s been there/done that, and who has suggestions for what works and doesn’t: Threesomes Can Be Fun. Or Not.
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
Men, Women & Internet Porn
Porn Fantasy Mistaken for Reality
Women Want Emotionally Connected Sex. Why?
Should Women Give Men The Porn-Star Experience?
Share this:
Girls Walk Fine Line Between Attractive, Slut
Women and men both use sexual allure to raise their status. Men may try to “score” with as many women as possible, with each conquest boosting their place among men.
For women it’s more complicated. Many college women think that being “hot” is the most important thing in the world. That’s because self-worth is so attached to beauty. But Elizabethe C. Payne, Director of Queering Education Research Institute (QuERI), explained in the Huffington Post that girls can face a double bind of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” as society tells them they will only be loved and held in high regard if they show off their bodies – but they’d better not do it the wrong way:
Girls have to “straddle an often unclear line in appearing sexually attractive (desirable) and receptive (thus not “gay”) yet unavailable (not “sluts”).
She says that middle school girls who simply dress attractively and wear makeup—or who develop breasts before their peers – may be labeled “sluts.” And any girl who actively pursues a boy, defying the double standard, can get slut-shamed too. She needn’t have sex, she only needs to be assertive:
Many young girls who have never had sex or anything close to it — at all — have been marked as “sluts.” Once marked, young girls are repeatedly subjected to sexual harassment, threats and taunts.
But the pressure on young women to constrain themselves moves beyond sexuality and sexual allure. Middle school girls can also be labeled as sluts, bitches, whores or gay for acting assertively or challenging male authority – including the authority of boys.
Girls and boys both slut-shame. Girls, because they feel threatened by attractive young women, especially when they feel they cannot be attractive, themselves. And boys might sustain the male privilege to act and be free while girls must hold themselves back.
Which brings us to another double-bind. Women and girls who criticize a system that judges us only by our beauty, and who seek, instead, to work for equality can be labeled “feminazis.” But if they smile and take it they still lose.
If you’re going to lose either way in the short-term, you might as well work toward long-term freedom and empowerment, I’d say.
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
Did Slut-Shaming Kill Phoebe Prince?
Sex and the Walk of Shame
Lose Virginity, Lose Self-Esteem?
Share this:
Men: Erotic Objects of Women’s Gaze
Sexy, but all covered up.
A nude woman frolics in silhouette as clothed men sleuth about, guns in hand and feet in chase. These images introduce The Spy Who Loved Me.
Flipping through TV stations the other day, this Bond rerun caught my eye and left me imagining the reverse: a nude man cavorting about as clothed women race in pursuit of criminals. Weird.
The female body is celebrated – or exploited – while the male body is ignored.
Check out People’s sexiest men. Until 2013s Channing Tatum you would be hard-pressed to see anything but face shots, loose T-shirts, and very few rippled muscles. Who could imagine a “sexiest woman” shoot sans bodies.
Searching for a calendar of sexy men at one bookstore, the closest I could find was Barack Obama.
Yeah, yeah, there is the occasional men’s underwear ad, but they are rare.
And when men walk around in the world they’re all covered up.
No wonder women don’t spend a lot of time checking out men’s bodies, ogling them or judging them.
A man commented on one of my posts that (to paraphrase):
Not only are men not considered erotic, they are often used to get laughs. In Seinfeld, Elaine referred to the male body as “utilitarian,” implying that the female is much more erotic. George Costanza became a victim of “shrinkage.” Scenes of Johnny Knoxville running around in a thong get chuckles.
Why is the male body so de-eroticized?
One possibility: Men have historically controlled media, and they focus on what they find sexy (about 95% of them anyway). Homophobia further hinders eroticization. As women enter the industry we find more focus on men, but still not much compared with women. Meanwhile, showered with sexy-women images from the time they are small, even women come to find women the sexier of the species.
What if the world were to switch? Suddenly, a universe of men in Speedo’s?
What if women became subject, and men erotic object for women to gaze upon? What if women sought to consume men as objects? Judging them, grading their beauty? Would women feel empowered, experiencing themselves on the “person” side of the person/object divide?
Something to think about.
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
Women Seeing Women as Sexier than Men
Man as Object: Reversing the Gaze
Women Learn the Breast Fetish, Too
Share this:
The Rules vs The Game
The Rules and The Game are manuals created to teach men and women how to attract the opposite sex. What do they tell us about the war between the sexes in this new millennium? For in these manuals, it is war.
The Game
The Game was written in 2005 by Neil Strauss after his book editor asked him to investigate the community of pickup artists. After a few workshops this self-described “chick repellant” found that the techniques worked surprisingly well for a “pick up” — but not for relationships. And, as it turns out, the game works best for misogynistic men, but only works to attract women who are misogynistic, themselves.
Here are some rules of The Game:
- Approach a woman within three seconds of seeing her so you won’t lose your nerve
- Ask something benign like “What’s your sign?” or “What’s your type?”
- Act somewhat disinterested
- Briefly disqualify yourself from being a potential suitor
- Ignore the girl you want and flirt with one of her friends instead
- Ogle other women
- Subtly insult her to lower her self-worth
- Isolate “the target” from her friends
Clearly, these rules are all about bedding women by means of controlling them and weakening their self-esteem, while inflating the confidence of men.
The Rules
The Rules were written to aid women in getting a man to commit. Published in 1995, they were updated in 2002 to reflect single life in a high-tech culture.
Here are a few rules:
- Let him take the lead
- Don’t talk to a man first and don’t ask him to dance
- Don’t call him and rarely return his calls
- Always end a date first
- Don’t see him more than once or twice a week
- Don’t talk very much on the first date
- Break up with him if he doesn’t buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentine’s Day
- Don’t open up too fast
- Be sexy
In sum, The Rules urge women to manipulate men by playing hard to get. In an ironic twist women are advised to make men the leader even while creating a sense of female independence. (Even keeping her mouth shut works to create a sense of “man as leader” as some research finds that when women talk more than one third of the time they are seen as honing in on men’s space.)
On the bright side, women are urged to get on with their lives instead of waiting around for “him.”
What The Rules/The Game have in common
Both manuals advise game-playing, so we have not evolved much — or many of us have not.
Both amass power to “their side” by means of disinterest – which may work since whomever cares least has more power.
The Rules advises a traditional source of power for those who lack it: manipulation, controlling men without their knowing. Interestingly, The Game urges this same feminine technique for men, who do not have direct control over women’s minds and bodies.
And we find sexism surviving in both books.
The war of the sexes lives on
Not surprisingly, the books also differ in a way that reflects traditional gender norms. The goal of The Game is to bed women while the goal of The Rules is to snag men. The stereotypes live on.
My students are surprised that The Rules weren’t written in the middle of the last century. But The Game’s even more recent publication comes as no shock. I guess we are more puzzled by women who agree to sexism, whereas no one is surprised that some men continue to support it.
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
Using Insults to Pick Up Women
Are Men More Likely to Separate Love & Sex?
Sources of Power in Relationships
Share this:
Non-Sex Reasons For First Sex
![Women-with-Vaginal-Problems-after-Sexual-Intercourse-039-Allergic-039-to-Partner-039-s-Semen-2[1]](https://broadblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/women-with-vaginal-problems-after-sexual-intercourse-039-allergic-039-to-partner-039-s-semen-21.jpg)
Freud may have named sex drive the primary motivational force among humans, but sometimes you gotta wonder. Because sex serves other aims an awful lot of the time.
How about first sex? According to a 2011 study by Laura M. Carpenter, PhD, many see virginity as a gift to give to someone special, with the goal of strengthening the relationship. Women were more likely than men to have this purpose in mind, though some men did, too.
Men were more likely to have sex to shed the stigma of virginity. Not surprisingly, women were much less likely to state that reason, though some did. But for men, especially, it can be embarrassing to be a virgin.
About one third of those in Carpenter’s study saw losing virginity as a rite of passage, a step toward growing up. By the way, this group was the most satisfied with the experience, perhaps having lower expectations. They typically planned for the moment, complete with birth control, and they could more easily take a bad first experience in stride.
Looking at a 1994 study, by comparison, half of women said they had sex for the first time out of affection, which fits well with social expectations that women will have sex out of love — or “strengthening a relationship” as cited in the 2011 survey. Meanwhile, 51% of men had sex for the first time out of curiosity or because they felt ready. This fits well with a focus on achieving manhood (“ready” to be men).
Interestingly, only 12% of men and 3% of women said they had sex for pleasure their first
time, in the 1994 survey. Carpenter didn’t separate out “pleasure” as a separate category, and said it was most often attached to “ridding self of stigma” in her study.
By the way, the 2011 survey found that women and men were more alike than expected. “The idea we have from TV and movies is that for women it’s all about love and for men it’s all about getting it over with,” Carpenter related. “If men and women shared metaphors, the choices they made and the kinds of experiences they had were pretty similar. That’s something that hasn’t been noticed that much.”
Carpenter also noted that gays and straights were similar in their experiences.
All in all, it’s interesting to see how often pleasure takes a back seat to other concerns when it comes to sex. I’ll discuss this in a variety of other contexts to come.
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
Lose Virginity, Lose Self-Esteem?
Sex Objects Who Don’t Enjoy Sex|
Women Want Casual Sex? Yes and No
Share this:
How to Lose a Man
![Lost-Love-4d483d7333834[1]](https://broadblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/lost-love-4d483d73338341.jpg?w=300&h=225)
By Raymond Bechard @ The Good Men Project
I was talking to a guy installing carpet in a friend’s home the other day. For some reason, he asked my advice on whether or not he should have a surprise birthday party for his girlfriend. As he showed me her picture, he said the five best words I have ever heard to describe a relationship that is working – at least from a man’s perspective, “She makes every day better.”
In all honesty, that is what every man wants. If he is fortunate enough to find a lady who understands that concept and loves him enough to stand by him – as he does with her – to make every day better, then he should move heaven and earth to spend the rest of his life with her and prove himself worthy.
Ladies, in order to stay current here are some guaranteed tips for losing a guy forever. By the way, these can be used by men as well (see How to Lose a Woman…Forever).
#1 – Don’t learn what emotional intimacy is.
Forget what psychologist Malini Shah says, “Emotional intimacy is a feeling of close personal association and belonging. It’s a familiar connect formed through shared knowledge of each other and experience.” That would mean taking the time to find a man with whom you can build trust and be yourself. Worst of all it would mean not just accepting him for who he is, but celebrating who he is.
#2 – Don’t respect him.
Even if he deserves your respect, do not, under any circumstances show him the kind of respect you want and need. Don’t value him. Don’t listen. Don’t consider his priorities or concerns. Make sure he feels your life would be much better if he weren’t in it. On the other hand, if he truly doesn’t deserve your respect, leave him. Leave him now. And if he doesn’t respect you then he doesn’t deserve yours. Again, leave.
#3 – Don’t like him.
Sure, you love him, but do you like him? Never forget he’s probably closer to you than anyone else in his life so it’s your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t get out of line. If you want to make sure he’s unhappy and dwindling away inside, show him you don’t like him.
#4 – Complain about him.
Believe it or not (and lots of men will get mad at me for revealing this to you) most of us look to the women in our lives, or the woman closest to us, to determine how we feel about ourselves. Make sure he knows you are keeping score against him by openly expecting him to screw up. Tell all your friends what a loser he is and never, ever genuinely praise him.
#5 – Judge him.
If you want him to stop being open and honest, or if you just want him to start hiding things from you, make sure you judge him negatively every chance you get. If you can’t find anything negative that is even remotely valid, just make something up. Do anything to keep him on the defensive. Remember, every day brings new opportunities to find new faults in him.
#6 – Don’t trust him.
He’s a guy – don’t trust him – no matter how trustworthy, honest, reliable or loyal he actually proves himself to be. Of course, if he truly can’t or shouldn’t be trusted, leave the jerk. No excuses. You will never have emotional intimacy if there is no chance of mutual trust.
#7 – Blame him.
If you’re divorced, blame him. If your last boyfriend treated you badly, blame him. If you’re children aren’t behaving, blame him. Take all your anger, frustration, fears and insecurities and place them squarely on the doorstep of his life. Whatever negative feelings or experiences you are having, he should be punished for it.
#8 – Stay angry.
He’s a guy. He must have done something wrong. Even if you don’t know what it is, it still pisses you off. You don’t need to know exactly when or what he did whatever it is, he definitely did it. Save time and get angry now. Then, stay angry . . . because there’s no end to the ways he’s messed up with . . . something.
#9 – Don’t be reliable.
Make sure he knows that you are not there for him no matter how badly he may need you. That way he will know never to rely on you for anything. If you are the one person he wants to call when something really bad, or really good, happens don’t be available or interested.
#10 – Don’t get help.
You’ve been through a lot, a lot of pain, a lot that isn’t fair, a lot of horrible stuff that has wounded you. Sometimes you feel broken. Whatever you do, don’t try to effectively heal your wounds in any way. Don’t go to therapy. Don’t apply what you’ve learned in self-help books. Don’t explore faith our spirituality. Don’t ever look back at the injustices done to you or the wrong choices you’ve made and deal with them. Do whatever you can to simply mask the pain or push it down.
#11 – Don’t take responsibility.
Never apologize. Never ever admit that something you have done may have hurt him. Just live as though you are incapable of hurting him, no matter how badly you do. Don’t forget, this relationship is about you and healing your pain. His is irrelevant.
#12 – Don’t take him seriously.
You are the only one who has a right to emotions, troubles, challenges, and heartache. If he exhibits any of these it just means he is weak. You don’t have time to deal with your problems and his. He’s there for you, after all. Not the other way around.
#13 – Don’t support him.
Leave him alone, isolated, and adrift. He’s a man and should be able to handle whatever comes his way by himself. You don’t have time for a man who needs your help. If he needs support, an ally, an advocate, or you as a true friend – maybe even his best friend – then he’s not worth it.
#14 – Don’t forgive him.
Okay, he will eventually screw up for real. We all do. When he does make a mistake use it to validate all the terrible things you’ve been thinking and saying about him. Forgiving him will only teach him that he can just get away with it again. Instead, identify him by his mistakes. And being constantly told what a terrible man he is will certainly make him a better one.
#15 – Don’t learn anything.
After the relationship ends – and if you follow these guidelines, it will – don’t take away anything from it. Simply lay the blame openly on him and move forward into your next relationship by doing exactly the same thing.
However, if you are not someone who follows the latest trends then just do the opposite of all this. Find a man who wants to make your every day better and do the same for him.
You can see a longer version of this piece at The Good Men Project, where it was originally posted.
You might also like: How to Lose a Woman…Forever
Popular Posts on BroadBlogs
Being Sexual vs Looking Sexual
Women Gazing At Men
Porn Fantasy Mistaken for Reality
BroadBlogs 