Sex: Who Gets Screwed?

One day I asked my class to think of slang words for sex. I got the following list:

Screw, f-, bang, nail, ram, smash, smack that, beat those, cut, boning, git-in-em-guts, get some trim, get some grip, do it, get some pussy, nasty time, make love.

I don’t know about you, but I only want to do one of those things.

Most of this list suggests a good deal of violence. And who gets screwed, rammed, nailed, cut, boned, banged, smacked, beaten, and f’d, anyway?

Really, it isn’t pretty.

The music I grew up on offered the B-52’s singing “Bang, bang, bang (on the door baby),” David Bowie intoning, “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am,” and the Tubes celebrating the raw tuna of a sushi girl. A nice piece of meat.

A DJ interrupts to suggest, “Could you trim that thing?”

It all sounds so appealing.

And we wonder why women indicate less sexual interest than men on surveys. But once again, these words are only a small tip of that iceberg.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on November 11, 2010, in feminism, gender, objectification, sex and sexuality, women and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 42 Comments.

  1. To me, I agree that I would only want to do one of those. I don’t want to have sex with anyone and they were to say then “banged” me or they “smashed”. If I were going to get to know a guy and they tell me they want to “smash” that Is an instant no. Now a days most men, not all like to “smash” other than making love when they are teens or early twenties. Until later int heir life that is when most people decide they want to settle down and then make love. Making love just sounds more better than “smashing” or any other word that other’s may say. It doesn’t just go out to women that like to hear the word making love, but also men; it goes both ways.

  2. Because language isn’t necessarily literal you can switch around. So the question is how women hear it. And because of the literal way it happens it’s likely that, on a conscious or unconscious level, it’s heard as the guy doing it to the girl.

    I think you’d be surprised of a decent number of girls and women who can hear it as women doing it to the man. I don’t know if women and girls are internalizing our culture too and get a can’t beat them, join them mentality and can take in a sexually aggressive stance on their part too sometimes in certain ways.

    • Different people have different personalities and experiences so things can be heard in different ways. Could negatively affect some people. Negatively affects me.

  3. And who gets screwed, rammed, nailed, cut, boned, banged, smacked, beaten, and f’d, anyway?”

    Well I agree that most often these terms are from men towards women or done to women. I say most of the slang you posted that your students said shows that. But I do have to add. There are two exceptions. While girls don’t typically use all that slang and well obviously do to anatomy, a girl isn’t going to be “screwing” a man, well unless she’s using a strap on or something, because screwing suggests someone has something phallic and penetrating. But I’ve heard and while not as common obviously as guys use it, but girls have used fucked or fucked as in reference to them fucking a guy or fucked him.

    Even though I’m not sure girls can literally fuck a man. But the word that is aggressive, and heard or used by girls too toward guys is “bang”. Or guys have used him, as in she probably banged him or girls saying “we banged” or I banged him etc. That’s the exception and I can’t say it’s semantically wrong compared to screw. So bang is a word I’ve seen where girls have used or can use in as them doing or the aggressor way toward a guy sometimes.

    • There are probably exceptions, but also since men usually initiate and women typically take the more passive role — in keeping with societal expectations — it comes across that men are the actors and women acted upon.

      • True, but like I said I’ve definitely heard “she banged him or I banged him come out of the mouths of a decent number of girls. Who knows maybe even girls internalize our culture and feel what’s good for the guys, they can sometimes use it in their own spin on it. Here’s an example as far as “bang” goes. I mean there was a popular song that came out just like 2 years ago with top female singers/rappers, popular trio. A song called bang bang for crying out loud by ariana grande, nicki minaj and jessie j. I’ll post some of the lyrics, not all obviously.

        “Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)
        Bang bang all over you (I’ll let you have it)
        Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)”

        “Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)” (this sounds sexually aggressive to me)

        She might’ve let you hold her hand in school,
        But I’mma show you how to graduate”

        You need a bad girl to blow your mind”

        nicki minaj part “Bang, bang, cockin’ it
        Queen Nicki dominant, prominent”

        “B to the A to the N to the G to the uh
        B to the A to the N to the G to the hey”

        here’s the link to the song’s lyrics

      • Because language isn’t necessarily literal you can switch around. So the question is how women hear it. And because of the literal way it happens it’s likely that, on a conscious or unconscious level, it’s heard as the guy doing it to the girl.

  4. when I was in my last year of middle school and going into high school I found out that rap music had a really strong influence on the way guys and girls refered to sex. I dont really remember if it was my junior or senior year of high school but this rapper named tyga came out with a song called make it nasty. Which he is is obviously refering to sex. Now I didnt think any thing if it because it was just a song but I was hanging out with one of my girl friends and her little sister that was a freshman at the time kept on playing the song and repeating the chorus “make it nasty”. Now in my head I thought this 14 year old girls doesnt even know what she is singing because she knows nothing about sex. But music exposes them to this sort of thing early on like I was exposed as a freshman in high school so know high school refer to sex as making it nasty. I think as long as rap is going strong we will still come up with slang words for sex.

  5. Divine bovines! This blog is great!

    I am so glad that my FwB doesn’t use terms like that, lol. You’re right…it would make sex really unappealing.

  6. I never really noticed how all of this sex slang actually sounds pretty violent and being 19 I hear this slang everyday when someone tells a story of how they “took those down”. It bothers me that people think it’s cool to have sex with a bunch of women and treat them like crap just so that you can tell all of your friends you did it. It’s funny how men use all these words like beat it up, kill it, ran deep, etc. but try asking the girl about the experience and you find out that the guy didn’t beat anything. lol

  7. After I read this, I am shocked. I am from China, and I cannot even imagine that students can really talk about this in the classroom. However, when I was reading this article, I realized that the words people especially men use contain more arrogant feeling. In the American society, and other developed countries, the topic about sex become normal to talk about, but most of time, its main charge more tends to the male population, just like the words “screw, bang, nail, ram, smash” are more used with men. I think sex is a more like an equal thing between both men and women, and they both fulfill the desire they need. Therefore, men shouldn’t treat women as their sexual machine from both physically and psychologically, and this is also one of the areas that women should win their equality back.

  8. I’ve heard that the more important something is in a culture, the more words there are for it. By the way, it isn’t the Eskimo that have hundreds of words for snow; it’s the Sami people, commonly known as Lapplanders.

    If that’s true, consider what’s important in the lives of men: being drunk, throwing up, easy women, breasts, their own genitalia, masturbating, and various sex acts. Except for the terms for women and sex, most of the words range from the rather harmless – barf – to the colorful – driving the porcelain bus
    I wonder why, if women and sex are so important that they deserve dozens if not hundreds of words and phrases in the male language, that most of them are so ugly.

  9. This article is very interesting to me as I once heard a friend say I really f-ed that guys brains out. Perhaps it was my naivety in that I am a lesbian but I asked her exactly how is it that she f-ed that guy. We then got into a conversation about how girls can screw guys too but beyond actually saying what exactly was going on that was all I got. Everything used to refer to sex just sounds violent and also feels somewhat violent to think about as well. There seems to be no mutual respectable word for sex.

  10. Yuxing Zheng(R.Splitter EWRT 1B)

    Wow, I DID learn something today because I did not know that there are bunch of ways that can express the meaning of having sex. Honestly, I think saying all those words instead of having sex is a disrespect to women in some sense. Specifically, in my opinion, having sex is a bilateral business between both the man and the woman, which is not the case that someone screwed, banged, or rammed the other one. Women are in the exactly same position in sex. I prefer make love though. 🙂

  11. The recurring theme I noticed from this blog and the comments are not only that women are perpetuating their own degradation (as are men), but of course that today’s media, and the booming entertainment industry of our century are contributing I think the most to the perpetual degradation of women. It’s been solicited in songs for quite some time and what’s the last movie you can think of, other than those rated G and PG, that don’t include a sex scene? Yes, we are human beings with sex drives, but where does the violent nature come in? Take the Ying-Yang Twins rap song and music video, “Wait” aka “The Whisper Song for example. The chorus consists of lyrics such as “Beat the pussy up, Beat the pussy up,” over and over again and do you think there was a shortage of women auditioning to be in the video throwing lustrous looks at the camera wearing practically nothing? I would have to say hell no. Men of the entertainment industry perpetuate such violent sexual nature with their degrading lyrics, and a large population of women perpetuate their own degradation by lining up to air in these music videos and they know perfectly well what these men are talking about.

  12. Most of these words were probably generated by men and used so often that people its apart of of sex slang vocabulary. The terms getting ass/pussy are often used by men to talk about their rendezvous. Women will most like refer to it as “getting some.” I never really thought of those words used in a hostile way but they look hostile! Banged,Rammed,Screwed.???! Passed!

  13. Wow! I cannot believe the students were so honest with their responses. I have a small son and it scares me to think what his views on sex might be when he reaches the right age (is there ever a right age when it‘s your child?). I do think that a lot of the time when men/boys are talking about sex amongst themselves, they tend to be disrespectful towards the woman or disrespect the act of having sex, because it makes them sound cool and detached from the situation. It is better to talk about it in that way rather than admit that they had real feelings about it.

    • Thanks for your comment.

      Re “I think they tend to be disrespectful towards sex because it detaches them from the situation…. rather than admit that they had real feelings.”

      Yeah, that goes along with men thinking they’re supposed to be independent, non-vulnerable (the male role, feeling manly).

  14. Please excuse my absence. Thank you both freemenow and broadblogs for your contributions. These conversations are most needed. If men and women continue to have these courageous conversations, a change will soon take place. Freemenow, I appreciate your kind words; I truly try my best to inform women that good men exist and give them hope while motivating men to be their own man and show them how not to follow pop culture always. BroadBlogs you facilitate excellent discussions. I learned about this blog from my professor, Rachel at Foothill College. By the way, freemenow, I’ll be sure to visit your blog.

    • Thanks for your contribution to the discussions, Poetri

    • Poetri,
      I am pleased that you have accepted the discussion in the spirit I intended. Indeed this boldness and honesty is for the courageous and nothing less is acceptable if there is to be the needed change. You have honored both yourself and me.
      I look forward to continued discussions with you.

  15. We are in complete agreement .

  16. Georgia, re: BJ and Poetri, my perspective is that women and men both play a role in all this.
    I agree.
    They certainly do, but this entire conversation stemmed from my reply to Poetri and was about his view on what women can and should do about it! I apologize for any confusion that my conversation directly with Poetri over his specific comments might have caused. Let me see if I can sort this out so I do not offend the innocent here as that was definitely not my intent. I am seeking only to find a way to end this debauchery of women and I firmly believe it has to come from the women themselves.
    Poetri wrote
    “Women are well informed of the language men use to dehumanize them but they must not give it power. I am in no way shape or form saying that it is ok for men to disrespect women, I am more or so saying that with the current situation at hand, women can do something about it.”
    “I believe women should educate men on how to talk to them because there is no better teacher. One woman at a time should stand up and really declare that they have had enough.”
    Based on the research I have done over 30 years and the sexualizing series I run wherein I posit women’s toleration is at least partially responsible, therefore without protest it continues and grows.
    Here is my evidence, For thirty years, media have been taken to task for reproducing and reinforcing stereotyped images of women. Yet unfair representations of women in media still prevail worldwide. Sex stereotyping has been so deeply ingrained, even glorified, that the women themselves have become desensitized to their own inferior portrayal. The prospects appear even gloomier as the globalization of media progresses. (Kyung-Ja Lee, 2000, p.86) I can supply what his studies were based on if you wish?

    Poetri, by his own admission, clearly agrees and I invite his perspective as a possible revelation to women. Unlike brutes, he agrees men should know better and at the same time acknowledges women need to take responsibility for their own behavior. I found that refreshing and welcome the point of view from men willing to share respectfully.
    I feel it is important to explore a possible solution rather than just complain about the problem Poetri brought up a point worth exploring. Clearly every action has a reaction. I would like to find a solution to the very question prompted by his comment – what women can and should do about dehumanizing language?
    Poetri, I welcome your comments; I am still looking for men willing to express your point of view on this topic, to whom do you attribute some part of the blame? I invite you to comment on my sexualizing series which clearly asks women – why we are buying these products which clearly dehumanize us. Women are spending upwards of 900.00 on shoes advertized in the best magazines displaying the women beaten, bloodied, or their mutilated bodies hanging out of a trunk but their shoes are in perfect condition. These ads cost millions and so do the shoes, obviously the shoes are selling and the women are wearing them.

    • Well, I believe change needs to come from both women and men. Part of the reason change doesn’t happen is that there’s often a lack of conciousness. I want to bring some of that unconciousness out into the open. It’s the only way things can change.

  17. BJ and Poetri, my perspective is that women and men both play a role in all this. I’ll post something on the topic later.

  18. Certainly not ALL liberal women.
    ALL is a generalization I would never use, nor should ever infer. I hope I didn’t do that?
    I don’t like labels – none of us fit neatly into either Liberal or Conservative. I consider myself independent of those labels allowing myself to use my common sense as needed. Sometimes it is a liberal notion sometimes a conservative one as the need dictates.
    I never enjoyed having others use a label as evidence against me – we have just demonstrated how painful that might be.
    I accepted you without the label — I never thought of you as a liberal- and I never meant to suggest you would tolerate such behavior. Sorry if you took my comments personally. I thought we were discussing these opinions in the objective.
    Again – I never categorized you!

  19. freemenow says: November 13, 2010 at 1:01 am


    No more than when Poetri states in his arena “Toot it and boot it” is the song choice for women.

    May I ask again what type of women do you expect attend these arenas and accept this type of music as normal?

    • I know plenty of conservative women who go to those types of places. But even if it were all liberal women, that’s pretty poor evidence that liberal women put up with derogatory and abusive remarks.

      I know I don’t.

  20. I never said “it’s liberal women ” – I said “usually… the more liberal among us”, and I got the notion from Poetri who wrote “In the arenas I attend, social clubs, the bar, and lounges, this is the song of choice for women.

    Don’t you think the more liberal among us are more likely to attend these arena’s and choose this type of music?

    Poetri, what type of women attend these arenas?

  21. I conducted a similar list of words with the population that I work with (foster youth) and my list showed similarities to yours but they were still different none the less. My list includes: make love, getting wet, fornication, doing the nasty, f-word, getting it in, hit that and going half on a baby. Again, you present an excellent thought provoking conversation. Men are truly doing the f-ing when read and women are being screwed. Men should be faulted for terminology but it is women, in my opinion that screw themselves more. There is a popular song out, titled, “Toot it and boot it” and it refers to having sex with a woman then dumping her. In the arenas I attend, social clubs, the bar, and lounges, this is the song of choice for women. Women are well informed of the language men use to dehumanize them but they must not give it power. I am in no way shape or form saying that it is ok for men to disrespect women, I am more or so saying that with the current situation at hand, women can do something about it. They can deny a man their goods if a man useses that terminilogy, they cannot purchase the album, they can even go as far as using the language for themselves to refer to men, as I have seen done many of times. I believe women should educate men on how to talk to them because there is no better teacher. One woman at a time should stand up and really declare that they have had enough.

    • Poetri ,
      You are absolutely right about this comment! this is exactly what my 30 year research has been about.
      Women have been brainwashed to think themselves liberated- I consider it quite the antithesis.

      I welcome your coments, We are looking for men willing to demonstrate who you blame from your point of view on this topic – feel free to comment on why we are buying products which clearly dehumanize us.
      And I can assure you – it is women, and usually if not allways the more liberal among us who are buying and listening to this tpe of degradation.

      If this continues we have no one to blames but ourselves – of course we must be aloowed to honestly speak out ! Please comment on the ads I have accumulated over 30 years.

  22. You are on target. How about a comment men use, “Get the shaft,” to indicate they were taken advantage of? Or “He has you over a barrel?” I realize these are not “love making” slang, but they do refer to sex as woman-is-taken-advantage-of. The word “penetration” also has an “I overpowered you” connotation. There are likely many more such examples. Keep up the good work!

  23. I was sure you already had a PhD. I just don’t agree with what is already out there and am debating whether to spend 50K to do it myself or talk my 4 friends w PhD’s in Psych to do it or to just throw in with them – I don’t need the credentials .

    They are coming around the last 3 years.

  24. You are now on the right track! But again you only have to listen to the music and look at the ads to see that the guys don’t know any better and they think the girls like it that way and of course the girls don’t know any better – they were normalized to it.
    I am very glad that you are running this series- quite the eye opener – are your students getting it?

    • I hope so. The blog is largely based on my courses.

      • I did not realize the blog was LARGLY based on your courses.

        I thought you were conducting studies/ writing a book / under a mentor / for you PhD and accepting adult feedback from the general audience. Nearly all PhDs require data to be collected and I was assuming you were looking for true data not data that fits what others have already posited and I if I ccontinue with my PhD intend to debunk regarding women. ( actually I should have noted there were no controls)

        Am I to understand you are not conducting research then?
        My apologies!

        I have been giving you a kind of evidence, that would tend to make us doubt the theory you are quoting and I posit as false. Pseudoscientific information is considered to be fallacy and not scientific fact due to the looseness of the pseudoscientific research methodology and its inability to withstand critical analysis and refutability.

        I hope to be a PhD candidate in Psychology / Ph.D. in Human Services program. I reject all these Liberal studies as scewed to make women fit yet another schema – they are simply the antithesis of the Conservative model.

        Again- we are much more complicated than that! And I resent being place in either or anywhere on that man made line!

      • I already have a Ph.D.

        I am also writing a book. Three agents have told me they were interested in promoting my book to a publisher, but said I needed to start a blog to whet publisher interest. So I have.

        My blog is not “doing research.” It is based on research that is already out there: surveys, archival data, field research (talking to real people/joining communities of real people), and theory. Some is based on research I did for my doctoral dissertation. My students constantly say they wish the info from my classes were more readily available and it’s always bothered me that so much research stays in the ivy towers. I’m trying to get the theories/research out of the ivy towers and out to a more popular audience.

        If you are “giving (me) a kind of evidence that would tend to make us doubt the theory you are quoting and I posit as false” you are certainly free to promote that different perspective. Competing ideas can run through the marketplace and people can reach their own conclusions.

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