Category Archives: psychology

Red sex is for girls; Blue is for boys? 

Red sex, Blue sex

Red sex, Blue sex

When you think of red state sexuality, images of Bible believers saving themselves for marriage — or at least keeping their numbers down — may come to mind.

No wonder plenty of Southerners favor pastors and politicians who preach sex after marriage, abstinence education, no contraception, and shuttering Planned Parenthood.

And blue state sexuality? Full of “friends with benefits” and casual hookups, right?  Read the rest of this entry

Why Would Women Grumble and Tumble Over Feminism?

WTF? Women Against Feminism?

WTF? Women Against Feminism?

Women are still proclaiming they’re not feminists over at Tumblr.

Tumblr may be a new thing, but women fighting against their interests is not.

Now why is that?

Before looking at that question, let’s look at the trend:

Feminists whine about stupid stuff, like a right to their wages

Two centuries ago plenty of women shamed and shunned feminists who worked for the right to: vote, own property, have a right to their wages, not be beaten by husbands, get a divorce, have a right to their children after leaving an abusive spouse… and more.

Geez, no wonder feminists were snubbed! Totally unreasonable. Read the rest of this entry

His & Hers Objectification

Check out the side-by-side comparisons that show how strange it is when women and men get the same sex object treatment:

Women don’t seem to objectify men the way men do women.

It’s not that we’re any better. We just aren’t bombarded by a steady stream of sexualized and fetishized men and man-parts — that unconsciously seep into our brains. Thus, when men are turned into sex objects, it can look ridiculous.

But why’s objectification a problem? Read the rest of this entry

Men, Myths & Female Pleasure

Scott Williams's avatar

Young Couple in Relationship Conflict

You understand how to fix your car. You can recite hockey stats like a scout. You understand renovations. You are good at your job. So why can’t you figure out a clitoris? The G-Spot? Do you really know if she’s faking it?

It is staggering the number of females in a longterm heterosexual marriage or relationship who tell me they rarely orgasm unless they do it themselves. The percentage is so high that I am nervous about how believable it would sound if I ventured a guess. The words, vast majority, have a truthful ring to them. Many women admit that they used to have more pleasure. Often women will tell me that their partner tries to pleasure them. More often than not, however, it’s tempting to just “lie back and dream of England”. So what is the big deal? Why is this so hard?

It really isn’t. It…

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Blaming Victims of the Powerful

There is no honor in killing innocent victims

There is no honor in killing innocent victims

Trigger Warning: May be triggering for rape victims

Ten-year-old “G” was attacked in a rape so violent that it made a hole between her vagina and rectum.

She bled so heavily that she nearly lost her life.

In the hospital, G’s mother and aunt fretted over community pressure to kill her to retain family honor.

Little G felt homesick at the hospital, but no one had the heart to tell her that her family was conspiring to kill her.  Read the rest of this entry

Women against feminism? The epitome of patriarchy

WTF? Women against feminism?

WTF? Women against feminism?

“Blacks against civil rights”

Imagine African-Americans holding up placards declaring that statement.

And then listing reasons why civil rights are such a bad thing.

Wouldn’t make much sense would it?

And yet women declaring themselves “against feminism” has become a thing on Tumblr.

Which sparks a couple of thoughts: 1) these women don’t understand feminism, and 2) why are women more likely than others to fight against their interests?  Read the rest of this entry

Vibrators Were Invented to Cure Hysteria

"Hysteria" with Hugh Dancy and Maggie Gyllenhall

“Hysteria” with Hugh Dancy and Maggie Gyllenhall

Strangely, vibrators were created as a medical device having nothing to do with a woman’s pleasure.

In the Victorian age in which they were invented, sex was thought to have little to do with a woman’s satisfaction.

In fact, Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville fabricated the device around 1880 to cure “hysterical paroxysm,” a condition that had been concerning the medical community since Hippocrates.

Symptoms included anxiety, sleeplessness, irritability, nervousness, fluid retention, insomnia and erotic fantasy, and was thought to result from a blocked reproductive system. The cure involved clitoral stimulation to orgasm.

But women should not necessarily administer the cure themselves. As The Guardian explained:  Read the rest of this entry

“You run like a girl!” That’s a bad thing?

You're a girl, Hermione

You’re a girl, Hermione

“You’re a girl.”

Is that a good thing or bad thing?

More than half the population are girls, or were girls. And girls can kick butt.

But some people don’t seem to think it’s such a good thing.

I was watching the movie, “Sweet November,” with Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron, where a little boy is taunted, “Your girl!” for making a small-ish boat.

Really, girls can make badass boats!

Or, Arnold Schwarzenegger called George H.W. Bush’s presidential opponents “a bunch of girlie men” back in ’88.  Read the rest of this entry

Empowered v Scripted Sex

Want pleasure? Intimacy? Fun? Empower yourself.

Want pleasure? Intimacy? Fun? Empower yourself.

You can’t be autonomous and empowered if you are being run by sexual scripts.

Whether the script says everyone should be pure or the script says everyone should hookup.

Plenty of women worry that they will be punished for being sexual, “You slut, ho, skank…”

Even after marriage, the negativity won’t magically disappear. No wonder nearly half of American women have experienced sexual dysfunction.

The only message our moms or grandmas got, premaritally, was “sex is bad.” Today, messages are mixed. But can still be disempowering. Read the rest of this entry

Dad Is King But I’m No Princess

king tutBy Yenge Nzuzi Mahungu

When I was a young girl living in Congo my parents fought constantly. But my mother lost every fight. One day I asked why and she said, “Because he is king.”

I understood, without her telling me, that in his kingdom she was not a queen, nor was I a princess.

But I never questioned the status quo. In my world men had authority and women served them. That life had seemed natural and normal to me. I guess, because it was all I knew, and all anyone seemed to know. Read the rest of this entry