Empowered v Scripted Sex
You can’t be autonomous and empowered if you are being run by sexual scripts.
Whether the script says everyone should be pure or the script says everyone should hookup.
Plenty of women worry that they will be punished for being sexual, “You slut, ho, skank…”
Even after marriage, the negativity won’t magically disappear. No wonder nearly half of American women have experienced sexual dysfunction.
The only message our moms or grandmas got, premaritally, was “sex is bad.” Today, messages are mixed. But can still be disempowering.
Some women get such a strong “must have sex” push that somewhere between 1/3 to 1/2 of young women have consented to sex they didn’t want. Sometimes because they lack either traditional excuses or modern strategies for saying “no.”
Meanwhile, hooking up has become “the thing” on college campuses. Some drop out of the sex scene when that’s the only option, like Mercedes, from Penn State:
Sharing that side of myself with a stranger just seems very strange to me. I mean, if you break it down, it’s a very strange thing to do.”
Others hookup even when they aren’t into it. And some will “service” men without reciprocation, thinking guys just need it more. When Kate Taylor explored sex on campus for the New York Times, several women told her that they used alcohol to tolerate intimacy with strangers because it was just too hard to do sober.
So why do it at all?
But right in the middle of hookup culture, researchers found that more than 70% of both women and men preferred relationship sex to casual hookups. But most thought no one else wanted them.
Whether young women are dropping out of the sex scene in defeat, enduring hookups they dislike, or distressfully remaining “pure,” their sexuality is far from autonomous and empowered.
But it turns out that our sex lives don’t have to be disempowering. We don’t have to be run by scripts. We do have options.
Really, you don’t need to behave in ways that are emotionally hurtful.
Posted on July 21, 2014, in feminism, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged empowered sexuality, feminism, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women. Bookmark the permalink. 33 Comments.