Blog Archives
Should You Have Sex If You’re Not That Into It?
Saying “yes” to sex when you’re not that into it can be a real problem. Yet unexpected benefits may arise. It depends.
Women should never agree when it repels them or goes against their values and self-respect.
Yet University of Texas, Austin researchers who wrote Why Women Have Sex found there are times when sex can be rewarding, even when initial interest isn’t too strong.
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Saying Yes When You Want To Say No
Many women agree to sex that they aren’t too interested in. University of Texas, Austin researchers say the reasons vary. Some want to nurture relationship. Some are doing what they think is expected. Others feel pressured. A few want to avoid a fight. It can be a problem. Or, unexpected benefits may arise. Today, let’s look at the downside.
Some women are pleasers and feel uncomfortable saying no. Ironically, one woman’s religion got her saying yes to premarital sex because her church had kept her naïve and encouraged passivity,
Persistence from a partner, emotional games, alcohol, passivity, and difficulty saying no were all important factors. I felt nervous, unsure and confused. I didn’t want to make the other person angry with me. When things didn’t go the way I trusted them to I didn’t know what to do. These experiences all occurred before age 19, after which I got stronger and wiser.
Some fear rejection. As another woman explained, Read the rest of this entry
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Reclaim the Sacred Feminine Via Venus
By Yo Mama
For too long feminine energy has been ignored, sidelined, or maligned: we have forgotten that this energy, like male energy, is sacred. It is not to be bought or sold, disrespected, abused, or tied up with a pretty bow and left on a shelf to slowly dissolve, like cotton candy or false dreams. It is not to be dressed up or dressed down for the purpose of enhancing male power. It is time for us—men as well as women—to reconnect to this energy, and heal.
While there are many manifestations of the sacred feminine, the one we need so that women may fully own their sexual power is Venus. That’s right, the goddess of beauty and love. Read the rest of this entry
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How Sex Gets Better With Age
Sex often improves with age, say a number of recent studies. But why?
Maturing sex-lovers were typically raised in a pretty sex-negative world — especially if they’re female. But most spent years doing the marital sex thing. And since everyone thinks that’s okay, negative messages fade.
But an increasingly sex-positive society must help. Many chalked up their newfound pleasure to sexual liberation and The Pill.
And while you might think women would grow bored with the same guy all the time, women in long-term relationships are the most sexually satisfied of all. Why? Read the rest of this entry
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Should Men Play Hard To Get?
Who are women most likely to find attractive right at the beginning of a relationship?
- men who strongly like them
- men who may like them
- men who show disinterest in them
On the one hand, plenty of psychological research says we tend to like people about as much as they like us. But what if we don’t know whether someone likes us or not? How does uncertainty affect things?
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Hookup Sex Less Pleasurable
Men are more likely to climax in committed relationships. And women are twice as likely to reach orgasm in serious relationships, compared with hookup sex.
Maybe that’s because partners are more likely to know what the other likes, through both communication and practice. They’re also less likely to have performance anxiety. And, they are less likely to be drunk. That always helps. Meanwhile, love can add a rich vein of emotional connectedness.
So it’s not so surprising that 70% of women and 73% of men in college say they want relationships over hookup sex.
The whole phenomenon doubles down when it comes to women, though. An NYU study found only 40% of women climaxing during their last sexual hookup, while 80% of men did.
It may all be due to nurture more than nature. Read the rest of this entry
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I Wallowed In Self-Pity, Yet I Was A Bombshell
By Alexandra Greene
From a young age I understood that as a woman my breasts should be full, my waist should be tiny, and I should dress to impress men. As a child I would stand naked in front of the mirror, picturing my body as that of a billboard model, cupping an imaginary chest and making bedroom eyes. So I was confused and disappointed with 40-inch hips and a cup size well below DD. The disparity between my imagined and actual bodies created a conflict: how could I enjoy my own body if it couldn’t land a man?
Lacking a fully developed brain, I set off to find alternative ways to be valued. Read the rest of this entry
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Should Women Play Hard To Get?
A best-selling book from a few years back advised women to follow “The Rules” (the book’s title) to catch a man.
The rules are all about playing hard to get. A sampling:
- Don’t talk to a man first and don’t ask him to dance
- Don’t call him and rarely return his calls
- Always end the date first
- Don’t see him more than once or twice a week
- Don’t open up too fast
Guys in my classes have mixed feelings about this advice. A few seem to like the chase but most feel manipulated or say they would think the woman wasn’t interested.
A dating blogger asked some of her male friends to share their thoughts. One felt that playing hard to get is great: Read the rest of this entry
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Dear Daughter, Have Lots of Great Sex
![tumblr_lhpj4ofBpn1qbhh33o1_500[1]](https://broadblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/tumblr_lhpj4ofbpn1qbhh33o1_5001.jpg)
Maybe you’ve seen this “rule for dating my daughter”:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing some kind of ‘barrier method’ can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.”
That guideline, along with nine others, went viral a while back.
Sounds par for the course, as they say. That’s part of the problem.
In other times and places dads may literally kill someone when their kids have sex – usually their own daughters. In these honor killings honor lies in hateful murder, not in loving (or at least fun-loving) sex.
On the other hand how does this sentiment strike you?
Dear daughter, I hope you have some awesome sex.
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Sex-Loving Guy Marries Sex-Avoiding Gal
Mark and Stacey are married. Mark wants sex every day. But Stacey isn’t on the same page — at all. Says Mark,
I have a strong sex drive, so if it were up to me, we’d do it every day, the way we used to when we were dating. Now, not only do I not get my sexual needs met, but I feel rejected because most of the time I get shot down when I initiate.
When Mark approaches, Stacey feels repulsed:
I know we don’t have sex as much as Mark likes, but for me to want to make love, I have to feel emotionally connected to him and, to be honest, most of the time, I just don’t… I constantly feel pressure to satisfy him. It’s like raw sex is the only thing he wants from me. It’s gotten to the point where any time he touches me I freeze up — I’m afraid to respond even affectionately because if I do, he thinks it’s an invitation to sex.
Richard Schwartz is a therapist who has worked with Mark and Stacey. The way he helped them could help others. You can see the whole story on the Alternet. But here are some highlights:
BroadBlogs 