Should You Have Sex If You’re Not That Into It?
Saying “yes” to sex when you’re not that into it can be a real problem. Yet unexpected benefits may arise. It depends.
Women should never agree when it repels them or goes against their values and self-respect.
Yet University of Texas, Austin researchers who wrote Why Women Have Sex found there are times when sex can be rewarding, even when initial interest isn’t too strong.
As one woman put it,
When my fiancée needs to feel closer to me or release tension, I feel I owe it to him to have sex with him. Even if I’m not particularly “in the mood” at the time. He has done the same for me on numerous occasions. I feel that it’s a part of a healthy, loving, monogamous relationship to be able to see your partner’s needs and help them in any way you can. I never feel anything but the satisfaction of knowing that I have given to him all that I can, as he does for me.
And what starts out as “not that interested” can end in pleasure. As another related,
There have been instances where I have told my partner that I did not feel like having sex. On the occasions when I have had sex due to my partner’s insistence it has been because his insistence came in the form of foreplay (romantic kissing, petting, etc.), and I found that I had changed my mind about wanting to have sex.
Some women felt “extremely glad” afterward, or said it “boosted my confidence.” Many saw it as a healthy way partners can nurture each other.
Those who end up enjoying themselves are typically not entirely against the idea beforehand. But whether mood turns to desire depends on her partner’s skill at foreplay, her bodily responses, and the extent to which she comes to experience pleasure, physically and emotionally.
It depends on her motivation, too.
Problems often arise if she agrees in hopes of avoiding negative or painful consequences. Desperation, shame and remorse can arise if she goes against her values, leading to feelings of self-betrayal and damaged self-respect.
But different circumstances can lead to happiness and contentment. Was she seeking a positive experience? Did making her partner happy make her feel good? Does her partner do the same for her? Did she stay true to her values? If so, she likely felt good about the decision, creating a good experience all around.
Note: I’m doing reruns for the holidays.