Category Archives: psychology
You Don’t Have to Give It All Away
Colbie Caillat
Some guys think girls flaunt skin to gain power and superiority over men.
But most do it because “hotness” so often measures a woman’s worth. And a girl likes to feel good about herself.
So plenty of young women feel pressed to put on the act, even if it feels awkward and overexposed.
I’ve created a string of thoughts that come from my women students, Colbie Caillat’s “Try” and Ashley Judd’s response to chiding over her “puffy” face:
* * *
An old boyfriend told me that I wasn’t as attractive as other girls. I asked him why he didn’t think so. He said,
I don’t know. You’re always all covered up. Maybe you’d look more attractive in a cocktail dress. You don’t open your clothes and let men in.
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Men, Women & Domination Fantasies
50 Shades of Grey
How similar are men and women’s sex fantasies when it comes to sexual domination?
I’ve already looked at gendered similarities and differences in romantic fantasies, sex with strangers and multiple partners. But what about fantasy when it comes to dominance and submission?
I used University of Montréal research, which had looked at how common different sorts of fantasies were, to make a sex comparison. Read the rest of this entry
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Girls Can Be Tomboys, Boys Can’t Be Sissies
No sissies. Just tough guise.
Every quarter I ask my women students if any of them had been tomboys when they were little. Many hands enthusiastically shoot into the air. The women often have fond memories of their time climbing trees and digging in the dirt.
Then I ask the men students if any of them had been sissies. The class bursts out laughing. One hand might sheepishly creep up.
One man claimed the question was unfair since the word “sissy” is stigmatized but “tomboy” is not.
Actually, there isn’t a non-stigmatizing word for a boy who acts like a girl. And there’s a reason for that. Read the rest of this entry
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Should Women Give Men The Porn Star Experience?
The porn star experience?
A lot of guys have come to expect P.S.E. [the “Porn-Star Experience”] … and plenty of women are more than happy to oblige. A few might enjoy it, but for most it’s harrowing. I think there’s a fear that if they can’t make it happen, their boyfriend will retreat online.
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Who Wants To Be A Piece Of Tail?
Want a piece of that?
• Piece of tail
• Piece of ass
• Piece of “that”
That’s how a sexually attractive woman might be described.
Well, “attractive woman” is an overstatement. Attractive body part, maybe.
The whole woman isn’t wanted. Just a piece of her. Read the rest of this entry
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Sexy Women Only Want Attention of Sexy Men
Blake Lively walking down the street. (She’s an actress, she probably wants everyone to notice her.)
Sexy women don’t want attention from me. They only care about attractive men.
Guys sometimes complain about that on my blog.
To the extent that this may be true, the sexy woman and the unsexy man are actually just two sides of the same coin.
She may only care about sexy men.
But he probably only cares about sexy women. Read the rest of this entry
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Relationship Terms That Dehumanize Women
By
Meanwhile, we do a very good job of dismissing relationships as unimportant in American culture, even though most guys value them very much. These expressions below need to go the way of the dodo. And yes, some of these could be applied directly to men by women or have easy parallels. Those expressions need to go away too. Read the rest of this entry
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I Can’t Stop Staring At Other Women
He’s all eyes.
Looking at other women has become a big problem for me.
I want to learn how to stop. I mean no harm, but it upsets my wife and hurts her. She says I lose touch with reality and become a different person — and don’t even notice her.
That’s from a 42-year-old man whose been married 16 years. He’s totally satisfied with his wife, he says, and has no interest in anyone else.
But he feels he has no control over his ogling. Read the rest of this entry
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Who Wears the Pants?
Men and women: a history of costume, gender, and power
Pants symbolize power — partly because men wore them long before women dared try them on, and men have historically held power.
But pants empower in practical ways, too. Like allowing much more freedom to move.
Once upon a time, women wore heavy skirts and petticoats that were bogged down with wire machinery. So stair climbing required care to prevent tripping over skirts. Even sitting could be tricky, lest a hoop skirt rise and reveal all.
Big skirts meant horses were mounted “side saddle,” allowing women to exert only “gentle control.”
Meanwhile, running and biking were difficult, which limited a woman’s power and independence, as well. Read the rest of this entry
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Men v Women: How Flexible Is Orientation?
Women’s sexual orientation is more fluid than men’s, says University of Utah professor, Lisa Diamond. Well, women have a basic orientation, she says, but it seems to be a bit easier for women to crossover. For both cultural and biological reasons.
Research from the University of Montréal seems to bear that out. The study had simply looked at how common different sex fantasies were. But comparing men and women, you see more fluidity among females. Read the rest of this entry
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