Category Archives: feminism
Nice Girl Doing Cheap Tricks
By Lexi White
Cruising East Palo Alto in a ‘97 RAV4, rappers cussing through blown out speakers, I’m strung out looking for a fix. I need to get high. My body beaten, black eye and bloody lip. Stringy hair and lackluster skin. I need to get high. My insides are empty and dark. My spirit is long gone. I need to get high. I am looking for a lonely John who wants a cheap trick. I need to get high.
But I can’t get high anymore. I am trapped in a miserable hopeless cycle and see no way out. I have written myself off. I am destined to be a dope fiend and I accept my pathetic short life because the occasional bliss that copious amounts of drugs give me keeps me handcuffed. I have faint whispers of something different…
It wasn’t always like this.
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Advice Women-Haters Could Use Via Ashton Kutcher
You may have seen Ashton Kutcher’s Teen Choice Awards speech. After all, it went viral.
He says a lot of great stuff. I’ll focus on this:
The sexiest thing in the entire world… is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap, I promise you! It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less.
Now, Ashton Kutcher can’t help but be sexy, so what does he know?
On the other hand, anyone could become more attractive by following his advice.
Think about it.
Being smart is a confidence-builder. And confident is the sexiest thing you can be.
The thoughtful and generous also hold an air of confidence. And they don’t scare people off.
Unlike some men who write to tell me how much they hate women because they can’t get one. Like this guy:
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She Asked For It?
Why are victims so often blamed for rape?
What’s “her” motive in the situation? What drives the rapist? And who has control?
I’ve been thinking about this as two men are sentenced for joining eighteen others to brutally rape a 16-year-old Richmond, California girl.
—
She wore a lavender dress to the homecoming dance. But she left early and began dialing her dad to pick her up. And then a schoolmate invited her to join some friends who were drinking on school property, and who encouraged her to drink too much. She said they were polite — at first.
She doesn’t remember anything after one kicked her in the stomach and she fell over.
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Deep Throat. Porn Star? Or Victim?
Lovelace, staring Amanda Seyfried, comes out this weekend. Seyfried plays Linda Lovelace, a porn star who famously played a woman with a clitoris inside her throat. So she LOVES giving head in Deep Throat.
Nora Ephron checked out the film when it came out in the 70s, approaching it with an open mind. But when a hollow glass dildo was inserted inside Linda’s vagina and filled with Coca-Cola, Ephron felt both humiliated and terrified, worried the glass might break. Guys chided her for overreacting, calling the scene “hilarious.” So she asked Linda about it. Her response?
I totally enjoyed myself making the movie. I don’t have any inhibitions about sex. I just hope that everybody goes to see the film… (and) loses some of their inhibitions.
That was then. Years later Linda wrote a memoir that told a very different story, entitled, “Ordeal.”
Her ordeal began Read the rest of this entry
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Men Don’t Feel Sexy–and It Sucks
Running an online magazine about masculinity, I’ve come to observe a curious phenomenon. When we post about issues around men who feel unsexy or sexually unwanted, our comments blow up…
That’s a slightly edited observation from Noah Brand, editor-in-chief of The Good Men Project, and author of a top-read post entitled, “Men Must Be Needed Because We Can’t Be Wanted.”
I have heard from some of these guys on BroadBlogs, too. Like this, from Potis:
Women have learned that they are the sexy gender.
So men must desire women but it’s hard for women to desire men — after all, the male body isn’t that desirable, thanks to the media, right?
So women have to settle down with a partner when they have learned not to desire his body. But they expect him to cherish her beauty and desire her.
Comments like this usually arrive after reading, “Women Seeing Women as Sexier than Men.”
I wrote the post because when I complain of constant female objectification and the dearth of sexy-men billboards, women often “explain” to me that women just have sexier bodies.
I don’t buy it. I believe that men have sexy bodies, too. But due to a cultural bombardment of sexy-woman images, especially those that fetishize lady-parts but not man-parts, we all come to see women as the sexier sex.
I’d like to see men portrayed as sexy more often. I’d like to see women portrayed as more-than-sexy, more often. And I’d like to see “sexy” more broadly drawn.
But some guys don’t get it. They think I’m putting them down. They think I’m bragging on how much more desirable we women are. Just to rub it in.
Other guys tell me that they ARE sexy and plenty of women think so! Clearly, not all guys fear that women don’t find them attractive. But men who do worry think that “women are sexier” means more than it does.
So here’s what I’ve told Potis and others:
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How the Male Gaze can Suffocate Women
Women encounter the male gaze in sundry ways. One appreciates an approving nod. Another feels slighted when she misses said nod. Others seek escape from this gaze.
Melissa Nelson got fired.
The thirty-thee-year-old was dismissed from her job as a dental assistant in Iowa because her dentist boss – and his wife – felt she was too attractive, and too tempting.
Her sex discrimination suit failed at both a lower court and the Iowa Supreme Court, which ruled she was fired “not because of her gender but because she was a threat to the marriage of Dr. Knight.”
Michael Kimmel, an expert on men and masculinity, wrote a thoughtful New York Times piece citing the male gaze as culprit here.
Dr. Kimmel says “lookism” – discrimination inflicted on the “too attractive” and “too unattractive,” alike — stems from the power of that gaze and “the fact that men’s estimation of beauty is the defining feature.”
Sure, “lookism” is gender-neutral, but the workplace isn’t, he says. Bosses are more likely to be men.
Next, he asks:
Where have we heard that before — that men’s vulnerability to women’s sexuality and attractiveness is so great that women must be prevented from showing any part of their bodies to them? … Mullah Omar would approve.
Members of the American Taliban have commented on my blog, spewing hate at pretty women who make men feel lesser-than-her and weak in the knees. A “good” woman would cover up, lest she be raped, or at the least, hated.
Or fired?
Come on!
Of course men will notice pretty women. But the only reason some may fear “her” power or “his” inferiority is in his head. Neither is really out there.
There is no need to punish us because we are pretty or because we are not.
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Sexual Objectification, What is it?
Sexual Objectification, The Harm
Anything Good About Being A Sex Object?
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You Are Not A Fashion Sketch
Have you ever seen a fashion sketch and wished you looked like that? So glamorous!
But here’s “you” as a fashion sketch:
Not so glamorous after all.
Star Models, A Brazilian modeling agency, released this series as an anti-anorexia PSA advertisement.
The ads may help a bit. At the same time, when we are constantly bombarded with the notion that hyper-thin feminine bodies is what fashion looks like, the ideal becomes unconsciously embedded in our brains — along with eating disorders imprinted on our bodies. Maybe anorexia, maybe bulimia, maybe obsessive or over-vigilent eating.
And while we like to draw firm boundaries between what’s normal and what’s not, anorexia has become more normalized than abnormal, says Women’s Studies professor, Susan Bordo.
It’s hard to change our ways of seeing by trying to convince individuals alone. Modeling agencies and fashion magazines must change, too, says Tristan Bridges, PhD.
But that can be difficult when impossible ideals promote so many sales. Women trying to achieve skinny bodies can buy gym memberships, exercise equipment, Jenny Craig memberships, Weight Watchers frozen dinners, or clothing that pulls in, pushes up, and camouflages.
Until our world begins to change just keep chanting, “I am not a fashion sketch, I am not a fashion sketch, I am not a fashion sketch” and hope for the best.
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Fifty Shades of Pro-Orgasm
Some worry that the deluge of male dominance/female submission imagery in our culture helps to make sexism seem sexy, encourages women to crave their own submission and abuse, and spurs some men to abuse women.
Others are less concerned. Specifically regarding the Fifty Shades series one of my students — a fan — says,
To those feminists who are bashing the book and those of us who read it: Give us more credit! Women are not that easily influenced by a piece of poorly written fiction. At least not the women I know.
Or this from Feministing:
I’m not perplexed by (the appeal of Fifty Shades of Grey). And I am in no way appalled. I am fully in support of anyone doing whatever (safe, consensual) thing that they want to do to get themselves off. Feminists for Orgasms.
Feminists for Orgasms. Pro-choice feminists. Feminists who think women have more sense than to be so easily swayed by a pornified culture that sexualizes male dominance.
And anyway, since male domination is rather of off-limits for feminists, that makes it that much more forbidden and O-inducing, right? Katie Roiphe, whose Newsweek piece on “Shades” was widely panned, has a point when she says,
What is interesting is that this material still, in our jaded porn-saturated age, manages to be titillating or controversial or newsworthy. We still seem to want to debate or interrogate or voyeuristically absorb scenes of extreme sexual submission. Even though we are, at this point, familiar with sadomasochism, it still seems to strike the culture as new, as shocking, as overturning certain values, because something in it still feels, to a surprisingly large segment of our tolerant post-sexual-revolution world, wrong or shameful.
I have mixed feelings. On the one hand sure, women should choose what they want. On the other hand, how much choice do you have when you’ve unconsciously internalized society’s way of seeing? Or, as one of my readers put it,
I find this post (on women learning to like torture) extremely frustrating because it points out an issue that bothers me so much. I have always struggled with the fact that morally (and in general) I am completely disgusted by degrading and torturing women, but when it comes to sexual fantasies, I feel completely differently. I think that this is a serious problem and needs to be addressed by my and the coming generations. I think it is perfectly fine to enjoy D/s if that’s what you’re into, however I do not think it should be subconsciously shoved into the minds of every girl growing up in our society.
And while many believe that we aren’t affected by our culture and the messages around us, we do seem to be. Sales go up for products that are advertised. Why else would companies spend mega-millions on a 30-second Super Bowl ad?
Or, a post from Feministing reads:
I am in no way surprised that many women, who have been socialized in a culture in which male sexuality is linked to domination and in which women are taught their sexual power comes from being wanted, have fantasies of submission.
And actually, “dominating men” is one of the few ways that men in our culture are eroticized at all.
Meanwhile, nearly 80% of young women have poor body image and can get distracted from sex by worries over what their bodies look like. The whole dominance/submission thing could help young women to get away from that focus and get into the sexy happenings they are engaged in.
Still, I don’t care to see abuse eroticized, whether based on gender or ethnicity. Or whether the target is children or animals. And I will continue to work against it.
But eroticized abuse is what we’ve got. And many women, including many feminists, find it arousing.
So I’ve given this a lot of thought.
While people do unconsciously internalize the messages of their society, we can also become conscious of them, which makes choice more possible. We may then choose to overcome the messages or, alternatively, compartmentalize them.
So, a woman could live an egalitarian and empowered life while keeping submission fantasies confined to the bedroom in order to neutralize the potential harm that comes from feeling — and becoming — “lesser than.” She could also do the BDSM-thing in ways that are not physically harmful.
Many who engage in D/s only do so with partners who respect them as equals and who see these “cut off from reality” moments as play.
Others keep the fantasies in their heads and don’t act them out. As one dominatrix put it,
In many cases people’s eyes are bigger than their stomachs and they prefer the fantasy to reality.
If anyone chooses to act out their fantasies I suggest avoiding anything that is actually harmful. Pain exists to warn against whatever is causing it. Those who lack pain receptors die young.
Others protest that some people deal with emotional problems by harming themselves. Like cutting. Again, cutting is not healthy. If you need that sort of release, seeing a therapist to deal with the underlying issue is healthier.
Finally, so that women don’t consistently act in ways that bolster an ideology that encourages them to submit, how about turning it around sometimes? Maybe he’d like to be dominated now and again. Or, maybe you could spend an evening with him serving your every desire.
Now that would be nice.
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American Hunger Games
In the futuristic country of Panem of North America, young Katniss hones her archery skills to supplement her family’s meager meals in
a world where roses are unimaginable, and bread is a commodity so valuable that its arrival is a symbol from the heavens and it can create emotional ties that last a lifetime.
Amidst the impoverished masses dwell a wealthy few who dance beneath crystal chandeliers, turn platinum doorknobs, and embody their excess in elaborate hair, make-up and fashion — one dress is even designed to flame as it twirls.
The elite have invented “The Hunger Games,” a reality show to distract the masses, enthralling them with impoverished contenders picked by lottery to compete to the death — of all but one.
But perhaps these games are not so fictional.
In the last 40 years nearly all of our GDP gains have gone to the top 1%. And some of that 1% want to end food stamps — 80% of which goes to families with children, the disabled, and the poor elderly. Others are working poor.
Meanwhile, rising inequality squeezes the middle-class, with more and more dropping into the lower classes and, sometimes, poverty.
As the rich give big campaign contributions, the middle-class bails out Wall Street. The rich get tax shelters and tax preferences to offshore work. And they gain “right to work” (for less) laws. Minimum wage stays stagnant. Too many Walmart workers must apply for food stamps. Yes, the rest of us are supplementing the wealthy Walton family.
And in fact, House Republicans voted to both subsidize Big Agriculture and eliminate food stamps.
Government has no right to take people’s money and give it to the poor. But it’s a-okay to give it to the rich, as Paul Krugman points out. He continues:
Representative Stephen Fincher of Tennessee, for example, cited the New Testament: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.” Sure enough, it turns out that Mr. Fincher has personally received millions in farm subsidies.
So the wealthy build helipads on top of penthouses and abandon kids unable to focus in school due to hunger pangs. Uneducated, they are more likely to drop out, get pregnant or go to jail.
Now, create a distraction by blaming the poor. It’s that hungry child’s fault that she can’t eat because she’s just too lazy to work, or wasn’t clever enough to be born into Sam Walton’s family?
Or, try to end public education to make the common folk that much easier to manipulate.
America is moving from democracy to plutocracy: the rule of the rich. If you would like your members of Congress to listen to you instead of Money Bags, get in touch with one of the following: Common Cause, Move To Amend, Rootstrikers or do your own Google search.
And if you’d like to help end hunger and poverty, contact RESULTS.
Because right now the odds are never in your favor.
Thanks to Alyssa Rosenberg @ ThinkProgress for a couple of these quotes.
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Feminine Things Make You Look More Womanly, Right?
Look at the images below and then look at the faces. When does the feminine face turn masculine?
Now look at these images and then look the faces. Once again, when does the feminine face turn masculine?
You’d think that feminine things would make women look more womanly. And maybe they do in some contexts. But when researchers asked people to look at gendered objects like those above, and then judge how masculine or feminine each face appeared, the results were counter-intuitive.
Researchers found that people who looked at feminine objects thought the faces seemed more masculine, and vice versa when masculine objects appeared. Just like me.
The researchers say this happens as an “adaptation effect,” which Lisa Wade over at Sociological Images describes as,
a neurological phenomenon in which “looking at something for a long time makes you more likely to see its opposite” (source). For example if you look at a white screen after looking at a red one for a while, the white screen will appear green (red’s opposite). Or, if you look at lines moving right for a while and then look at static lines, they will appear to move left.
Apparently, our brains see both people and things as gendered — and those genders are “opposite.” But as Dr. Wade points out, “We are ‘opposite sexes,’ then, but only in our minds.”
Source: Sociological Images
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