Advice Women-Haters Could Use Via Ashton Kutcher
You may have seen Ashton Kutcher’s Teen Choice Awards speech. After all, it went viral.
He says a lot of great stuff. I’ll focus on this:
The sexiest thing in the entire world… is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap, I promise you! It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less.
Now, Ashton Kutcher can’t help but be sexy, so what does he know?
On the other hand, anyone could become more attractive by following his advice.
Think about it.
Being smart is a confidence-builder. And confident is the sexiest thing you can be.
The thoughtful and generous also hold an air of confidence. And they don’t scare people off.
Unlike some men who write to tell me how much they hate women because they can’t get one. Like this guy:
Beauty makes me extremely angry, so much that I can’t stand to look at beautiful women in the street.
(I want a woman who is a) good match for me, not exceptionally pretty or sexy. But in my perception I am denied that reasonable request, experience tells me that woman wouldn’t want me. She’d want somebody taller, richer, more muscular, more handsome, more whatever it is that women want…
However, if I attempted to compliment them I could be a creep, even a potential rapist. So I see them as manipulative, selfish people who callously exploit an instinctive drive that I cannot stop…
I’m sure there are women who are similarly hostile toward men (and who could also use Mr. Kutcher’s advice), but I tend to hear this sort of thing from guys.
“Mr. Hostility” is probably angrier – and a bigger turn-off – than he realizes. He hates women because he can’t get one? Maybe he can’t get one because he hates them.
And that’s what I told him, nicely (I think). His response?
Why don’t I work on that? You ask, assuming the fault is me, that I need to change.
All this reminds me of an article I just read on The Good Men Project called, “Leaving My Anger Behind, For the Sake of True Love,” by Doug Ziegler.
It wasn’t all that long ago that I was an angry, bitter man. Very angry and sadly bitter.
Unfortunately I can’t afford a therapist, so I decided to do something else I’ve found therapeutic: writing. I’ll start a blog that is just for me, to allow myself a space in the ether to vent everything that is weighing me down mentally.
Years later, and after some recovery, he showed his disbanded blog to a woman he was seeing. She complemented his writing style.
Months later they had another conversation:
Jill said that reading that blog had given her pause if she wanted to continue dating me. When I asked why, her answer was simple and biting: “It was obvious from that writing that you had a hatred of women.”
I determined to read my old blog with new eyes and see if I could see the vitriol that she did.
Was she ever right! My words seethed and my tone was vicious.
Interesting how we can be blind to the way we come across.
But what happens when we change and grow in our optimism and love for others? He continues,
And why did my wife decide to stay with me after reading that hatred? Her answer was again frank and succinct: “You weren’t choosing to hold onto that hatred, pain or bitterness, so I knew you were going to be fine.”
So the good news is that there is hope. If we are willing to take an honest look at ourselves and grow.
Here’s Kutcher’s speech if you would like to see it:
Posted on August 19, 2013, in body image, feminism, men, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged Ashton Kutcher, body image, feminism, men, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, Teen Choice Awards, women. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.