Category Archives: psychology
Men, Women & Internet Porn
The first time you see Lena Dunham’s character having sex in the new HBO series “Girls,” her back is to her boyfriend, who seems to regard her as an inconveniently loquacious halfway point between partner and prop, and her concern is whether she’s correctly following instructions.
“So I can just stay like this for a little while?” she asks. “Do you need me to move more?”
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My Don Juan: A Blessing and a Curse
Don Juan
By Yesenia Herrera
Latino men in my community are stereotyped in the following ways:
- Men are level-headed leaders of the home.
- Machos are unkept, domineering, impulsive, aggressive, and often high status in the community.
- Mariposas are the equivalent of “fag.” They show “too much” interest in their looks and, perhaps, speak or walk without the signature Latino macho streak.
- Don Juan’s also take great care of their looks, but they are so busy bedding women that they avoid being seen as gay. In other words, Don Juan’s are mariposas with roses and women — which frees them from stigmatization.
I’ve been blessed (is a curse not a blessing too?) to cross paths with several men who fit at least one of those categories. Read the rest of this entry
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Body Image: What Guys Don’t Get
Mila Kunis
Do you ever worry that you’re too fat, too thin, or that your breasts or derrière might be too big, too small, too droopy, too lopsided…?
Men are often surprised when they find out that their partners are worried about such things— “You’re beautiful!” they think. Read the rest of this entry
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Women Are More Responsive To Repression
Women’s sexuality is more hushed-up and punished in our culture:
- Sexual women are still called “sluts” and “ho’s”
- Parents — especially fathers — are more open about sexuality with their sons. In fact, dad may brag about his son’s sexual prowess but not his daughter’s
- Viagra is openly advertised but products aiding women’s sexuality are not
- Ever seen a movie about girls trying to lose their virginity?
- The fear of sexual violence — or actually experiencing it — makes sexuality seem fearful to women and girls
- And be careful girls, or you may get f’d or screwed
AND women’s sexuality is more responsive to punishment.
Why? Read the rest of this entry
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Religion Shutting Down Sexuality
Religious sexual repression
Harmful messages about sexuality are too often transmitted by conservative religions of all stripes.
The Christian woman quoted below is talking about how much she shares with another Christian woman’s experience:
“I suppressed most of my sexual urges.” YES. Hell yes, I did. “I was more or less asexual.” YES. I didn’t have a sexual thought, didn’t have a sexual fantasy, didn’t have a sex drive. I’d suppressed these things out of existence. Read the rest of this entry
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Sexy = Sexual?
Paris Hilton, “That’s hot!”
When people talk about sexuality, they sometimes confuse looking sexy with being sexual.
At least when it comes to women.
You see a sexy woman and assume that she is sexual. When you don’t know anything about how she actually enjoys her experience in bed. Maybe she is just looking hot but not feeling hot. Read the rest of this entry
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Virtually Attack Women, But No Nudity
Boys playing video games.
A gamer creates an avatar resembling himself and plots to kill a three-dimensional, lifelike woman. The avatar grasps an axe and raises it to strike. He hears the thud as the axe slices her head. He hears her cry out in pain. He sees her split skull and feels the sensation of blood on his hands and face.
I’ve just paraphrased one part of Supreme Court Justice, Samuel Alito’s opinion on whether video games of this sort should be protected as free speech in sales to minors.
Yes, he uncomfortably concludes. Read the rest of this entry
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Guys Are Getting More Romantic
Turns out, men like relationships!
Guys are all about getting sex and avoiding love. Right?
Guys want random sex more than committed relationships. Women, the old ball and chain…
That’s what stereotypes say. But that’s not what guys say. A large-scale survey called “That’s What He Said” found that young men between the ages of 15 and 19 are more romantic than past generations. Read the rest of this entry
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Women, Men and Breaking Up
Breaking up
Is breaking up harder on women? Who have a stronger emotional reaction?
A study released a few weeks ago says, “Yes.” … But not really…
I took a look at the numbers and — really! — the sexes are much more alike than different.
There’s actually no “evolutionary” difference to explain (though the researchers say there is). Read the rest of this entry
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Fetishes are Natural – Unless Desensitized?
Paul Gauguin, Two Tahitian Women
I get a lot of feedback on a piece I wrote called, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing.”
There, I note that you don’t find the breast fetish in every culture. For instance, you don’t find it in tribal societies. So it can’t be biological.
Several men have suggested that the fetish is natural, but when you see it all the time men simply become desensitized. Like this guy: Read the rest of this entry
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