The Most Important Thing For a Woman: Be Hot

Las Vegas billboard

Las Vegas billboard

Many young women think that the most important thing is to be hot. And in a very narrow way.

It’s no wonder. They’re bombarded by narrowly sexy images.

Go to Google Images and type “sexy images” or “sexy fantasies.” About 99% of the pics will be of women.

What? Men aren’t sexy?

And why do they all look alike. Isn’t variety the spice of life?

Go to Las Vegas and take a look at the billboards. About 99% will be sexy ladies.

Drive down the street and take a look at the sexy women on billboards luring you to this or that product. Now look at the sexy men who are doing the same thing.

"Sexy image"

“Sexy image”

What men?

(Okay, there are a few sexy men, but they are few and far between.)

On television you will see some sexy guys. But you will see a lot more sexy ladies.

Meanwhile, male TV characters often make negative remarks about overweight women — or even average weight women! And the audience laughs.

King and Queen of Queens. She's sexier.

King and Queen of Queens. She’s sexier.

When women are bombarded by sexy — impossibly sexy — images is it any wonder that so many think so important to be hot?

And that most of us have poor body image?

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on September 23, 2015, in body image, feminism, objectification, psychology, sex and sexuality, women and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 66 Comments.

  1. We are all sexy in a way….we just need to believe it….. and hey there are sexy men around….oh yes… 🙂

  2. Society’s limited image of sexy tends to be sexuality externalized rather than the sexy that comes from embodying one’s lusciousness and sensuality that has nothing to do with fitting into a cookie-cutter ideal.

    • Really good point. Thanks!

    • I’m going to take this obviously in regard to women. I agree in that sense, since women’s different bodies and shapes are sexually attractive and sexy compared to the cookie cutter body advertised. Plus you can’t discount a woman’s confidence, sexiness, the way she moves, talks, and her sensuality that adds to her sexyiness within and physically. Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, and you might mean lusciousness and sensuality in an overall sense for people. But it makes me further aknowledge why women’s bodies are more advertised and shown, because women’s bodies are sensual, not men’s or women’s are much more sensual.

      • I think that women’s bodies only seem more sensual. When guys are dressed to look sexy or behave sensually it can look weird because we aren’t used to it.

  3. I think that women’s bodies only seem more sensual. When guys are dressed to look sexy or behave sensually it can look weird because we aren’t used to it.

    I probably does look weird, because a man trying to look “sensual” would be probably posing in a feminine pose or submissive manner and layed out like that. It would look “gay” most likely. The times men are used to be sexy for their bodies, their poses are always portrayed in a masculine manner showing their strength and power. Like if a man is posed shirtless or even almost nude, it’s rarely lying down or in a passive manner lying down. It’s usually him standing up straight, with a serious look on his face, determined look, or if there’s a smile, it’s a smile with a dare. But I understand it. If I was posing,

    I would be posing like a man too, as men don’t want to give up or look weak or submissve and not lose power.It’s weird, you don’t think of that for women, but it’s just natural. Maybe because of men being seeing as more worth and expectation or also because women being smalled and “beautiful” that women are relegated and seem “natural” to pose in a vulnerable, submissive manner. Because, why would an expectation be of women to show their “physical strength and dominance” and such poses when women are smalled, sensual and “pretty”. It seems like it’s easy for people to see the sex (male), that is bigger, broader, more muscular and whose stature more physically imposing and sublime to be one’s to carry a dominant post and for it to be weird to pose otherwise. Though while I think it’s natural to see or people to want and see men in a dominant positon, it probably is culture that causes the lack of freedom for men to only be able to express or pose otherwise and to be multi dimensional.

    But after saying all this, I still think women’s bodies were just made more sensual than men’s. I know it might be almost impossible for my mind to not be biased as a straight man. But I do try to think through things objectively and try to remove my judgment from a sex factor or a sexual attraction factor. But all that and said and trying to see things in an objective manner. I don’t know, I think women just biologically have more sensuality to their bodies than men and that’s fine, I don’t know if men were made to be as sensual as women and probably why women like men. Women like that “ruggedness” that differentiates men from women, like men like women’s sensuality. It’s the same reason men can be good looking, but “pretty” is not used often or pretty women are “prettier” than good looking men. But you don’t find women “handsome” either. Though old texts sometimes have referred to some women as “handsome”

    But in my mind, handsome has a little ruggedness to the good looks which is why it makes sense for the word to be used for men and pretty usually indiactes delicate features, which is why it makes sense for women to typically be called “pretty” because a woman’s facial structure is smaller than a man;s. It’s the same reason for sensuality. Women;s bodies are more sensual, because women have the beautiful, luscious, soft curves. The hips, butts, legs, breasts, small of the back. Sure men have some curves, but women’s hips and pelvis are wider and there’s just more sensual aspect to me from a body that is curvaceous. Not to mention, the less hair and smoother skin. Men are hairier, which to me takes away sensualness. Yeah I know women shave some areas, but still. Even if a man’s body is shaved and hairless compared to a hairless women, her body still would be more sensual, because women’s skin are not just smooth, but softer. It’s true, men’s skin is literally thicker and more coarse and rougher. I know women use lotion a lot to have soft skin, but I believe women;s skins are naturally more soft.

  4. I read that women have more fat deposits in their epidermis or part under the skin. No not women being more “fat”, but how fat is displace biologically among women compared to men. It’s related to estrogen I think. It’s the same reason that women have a higher body percent fat to men, and not because women are actually phsycially “fatter”, but how this due to bearing children and the extra fat for that purpose. The remember the body percent fat indicator they said of a good body fat percent or normal for a man was 15% I think, while 25% for women.

    • Women definitely do have more fat. It helps them to survive famines and I think it protects them from cold too– and mother nature needs women to survive to reproduce the race.

      I guess your point is that women’s bodies are more sensual because of the fat? But I don’t know. Some pretty slim women can be pretty sensual. And I’m pretty sure that men could be sensual if our culture allowed it. A lot of it has to do with attitude.

  5. Well the fat, causing women’s skin to be soft and “sensual”. Plus the smoothe and hairlessness and curves, and prettiness, they all add up to a sensual look and experience. There’s just something that just is visually more sensual lingering your eyes over a body that has curves or more curvy, smooth, and soft. Men could be sensual, but I just think women;s bodies are just made to be more sensual than men’s because of the reasons explained.

  6. That’s why the slim women thing goes with my reason. It’s not about a woman having more fat than another woman, it’s the fate deposits under the skin that causes a woman’s skin to be smoother and softer than a man’s.. Therefore, skinny, slim, average, thick women, etc, they will have softer, smoother, more sensual bodies and the skin. Like there’s just something sensual as a man running your hands over the smoothe, soft skin over a woman’s beautoful curvy body. I think many men feel this way. After a night of passion and just running your hands over your gfs lower back and just the tactile feel. There’ just something sensual to me about a soft body, that’s smooth and curvy. It’s hard for me to see a hard body like a man’s that is hairy and rougher skin and muscles and more rugged to be as sensual as a woman’s body. In my eyes, rugged and rough doesn’t fit into sensual nearly as much as soft, smooth and curvy does. Just like the pretty, handsome analogy I have between men and women. Just my opinion. Not to say, there can’t be a sensual aspect from a man’s body but I think women have it more naturally. And not to say that’s not attractive for women or sexy or arousing for women to feel the rougher skin, and harder body of a man’s, but would it be “sensual” to women, rather than more likely sexy? I don’t see sexy and sensual as the same thing.

  7. Nice post!

    Right after my divorce, I started dating a very beautiful woman (around my age). She was really gorgeous and beautiful. I felt like I had hit the Powerball!! LOL. We had known one another professionally for a few years.

    I would often tell her how gorgeous and beautiful she was….Well, one day she said in a rather frustrating tone, “I want you to tell me I am hot. I have been told all my life since I was a kid I was beautiful.” I was taken aback. Pretty annoyed as a matter of fact. Her attitude was like, “Hey I KNOW I am a bag of chips and all that…..”

    I have always thought that most women would rather hear they are beautiful/gorgeous as opposed to hot. Am I wrong?

    The relationship lasted about a year…I could not handle her too self centered nature….

    Which would you rather be called? Gorgeous? Beautiful? Hot?

    • I would rather be told I was beautiful. I’ll be interested to see if others read your comment and answer.

      But I do have a post coming up which might explain why she would rather be called hot. But you might have a different reason all together.

  8. Thought you might get a kick out of this addition to this year’s rack of Sexy Halloween Costumes: the Sexy Donald Trump!
    http://www.yandy.com/Donna-T.-Rumpshaker-Costume.php

  9. Men can definitely be sexy and even, sometimes, a typical way of looking or a particular posture of smoking can be extremely sexy apart from the physical appearance. But, yes, in this society the word sexy is somewhat synonymous to women…

  10. Sexy is pretty much a sexist word, as your post proves… again, the underlying idea would be that a macho man would rather be manly, opposed to the idea of sexiness which would be a female attribute… that following the leading patterns, I guess…
    A very interesting point of view here. Thanks for sharing, Georgia.
    Best wishes. Aquileana 🍂🍃

  11. I have two thoughts, if I can do my stream of consciousness here. The first one is David Beckham. He is not all about good soccer playing. I have to say there are lots of gorgeous, insanely sexy men out there. My second thought is indoctrination. We believe that which is available to use from a young age until now. If all our lives, we were taught women are the beautiful and sexy gender, then we believe it. If we are taught, both genders are sexy, so be it.

    We are attracted to whomever we are attracted to. People come in all shapes, styles and personalities. When we are young and we have our “first love”, this happens usually because we are attracted to this person. Girls experience this as well.

    It’s 2015. Sexy comes in every package with a bow on top. There is absolutely no reason females are more sexy than males unless someone who doesn’t agree is providing the lessons. I have a friend who daily posts a gorgeous man on her Facebook page. She is a married nurse with three children and in 2015, she can do that. These men are usually soccer players or actors, and they are hot. So I say, it’s ok to be hot regardless of your gender. It’s also ok, to smart, kind or brave… and sometimes those are the most sexy ways to be.

    • David Beckham is indeed hot. But I’m guessing that being hot isn’t the only thing that’s important to him, Or the most important thing that’s important to him.

      There’s no reason that females should be thought of as being more sexy than males, for any biological reason. But our society sexualizes women much more than men. Go to Google images and type “Sexy image” and almost all of the images will be women.

      I’ve talked before about why women’s bodies are more eroticized, But basically, our culture does not eroticize the male body by:

      * selectively hiding and revealing body parts, creating tension
      * hiding a body part because it’s “so sexy” and then telling people, “Don’t look at it!” creating tension
      * culturally obsessing over the body part. (Cameras rarely focus on men’s butts or linger on their chests. Or anything else.)

  12. Diane Perez Arredondo

    I think its just proven that women are more sexier than men. For years women have always been used in billboards and magazines, men have also been used but its always the girl that comes out showing too much skin. Since companies know this they use women to attract customers and most of the time it works. We don’t even notice how much women are being used in advertisements but if you were to actually pay attention you would see that its women that are being used for those advertisements. I don’t think our society us used to seeing man on advertisements doing what women do cause that would be just weird. I feel like the reason a lot of women think that being “hot” means being 120 lbs is because that is how all the models and actresses look like on television. Women are always being shamed for not being skinny. My little sister is 8 years old and at her age she already says that she is too fat that she needs to be in a diet. This just shows how our society looks like. I think women and men can be both equally sexy in there own ways, well as all the different body type of women that there are.

  13. I agree that mainly women are encouraged by the media to be the “perfect women”. While shopping, when you look at the women’s section, you will see: plunging necklines, tight pants and shirts, push up bras, etc.; however, while looking at the men’s section, you will see: loose fitted shirts and pants, clothes with pockets, sneakers, and overall, loose everything. This is because men are supposed to be able to move around and work, while women are expected to be pretty and look nice. However, I also believe that men are starting to feel the pressure of looking nice because of what we are now seeing more and more of males. Men are feeling pressured to have the tight abs, the chiseled back, and the large arms because of the propaganda coming out. Although, it is not as evident, it still is going on and you see more and more men in the gym or on diets trying to look like the Calvin Klein models.

  14. It’s a weird thing, because attractive and sexy are not necessarily the same thing. I think this particularly equates for men. Like men like to be seen as attractive and even ones who are good looking, they most likely see or can acknowledge they are attractive. But I don’t think many men see themselves as “sexy” or think about it. But it does shine over when something brings to light of a man not feeling attractive. If a man feels attractive, then being sexy isn’t important as it;s just like a bonus or luxury, plus men are so consumed and attracted to women that men aren’t going to thing as much of how women see them as men’s lust is so strong and preoccupied toward women.

    I think what helps men is that they can look at other things for their worth to look past their physical imperfections and it’s also because men don’t talk about or show it, because it’s a “girl” thing to be consumed about your body image and it not looking good. So a man isn’t going to talk about it or show it to anyone usually and just joke about his weight maybe if it comes up. But look at this- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/19-men-go-shirtless-and-share-their-body-image-struggles_55c3aa3ce4b0923c12bbfedc

    You say it might be because how society is sexualizing men’s bodies more then before and that may be true and how objectifying is not good either way and not good for it to go too much that way for men either. But to me, while that’s probably true to an extent. I actually think a decent amount of it is the combination of toned men shown and just men who are ripped and beautiful women sexualized and shown everywhere. It’s not really a thing against women though and society forcing women to feel they hacve to have a narrow body aesthetic. Because if anything, the body I think is even more narrow as far as look and standard for male bodies shown that are sexualized. I mean you can find slim, but thicker curvier women sexualized and seen as looking good. The women don’t have to have abs. But the men shown, they almost all have abs and really defined, with like %5 body fat. I’m telling you that is even harder to get than the beyonce knowles body, because it requires perfect eating, nothing but vegetables, tons of cardio and lifting weights a lot. A woman can be slim and eat healthy and some cardio and still be slim, but doesn’t have to lift weights as women already have built in features. Men just have muscle and that can’t be “seen” unless sculpted which requires a good diet, cardio AND lifting to define those muscles and build them so they show through and the definition lines shown through.

    • A lot of what you say makes sense.

      At the same time you have to make a distinction between images and how actual people feel about their partners. It’s true that the men I’ll have defined abs in the images, but real women don’t care that much. And they same can be true for men worry less about so-called perfection in their partners. But a lot of women don’t understand that I get really distracted.

      • I’m just saying it’s even harder for a man to have the ideal body image than women. A women has to be slim, but she can be curvy “beyonce knowles like body,and not stick thin and still be a sexy image to the media and ads. It’s narrow, but there seems to be more leeway than actually what is sexy for the male body as far as sexualized ads. Most images on tv for a sexy, man hunk, he’s usually quite toned or ripped. Most have abs or flat stomachs and highly toned. Sure the women on tv but have a slim stomach, but women don’t have to have abs, but just not “chubby” in the midsection and other spots. Women might not care about men not having abs, but it seems like man needs to be toned to be ogle worthy. Whereas, a woman doesn’t necessarily have to be toned, because women have breasts, hips, ass, shapely legs. Women have a figure, that is highly sexual and sexually appealing so toned not needed to be very desirable and check out worthy for men.

      • I don’t know that it is more difficult for men to have the perfect body. There is more than one type of body that’s considered attractive for women, but most women feel like if you types that are considered really sexy aren’t really attainable: skinny with big boobs (Which rarely occurs in nature) and skinny waist but big boobs and big butt. Few women can do it without plastic surgery, Which is dangerous, Expensive, and needs to be redone every few years.

  15. But to further my point. You saw that one link. It’s not something that comes to my mind often but there are moments, probably when in a little down, like it seems normal for a person to be once in a while for various reasons. That’s when I’m vulnerable to let stuff go in my mind. Anyway what I’m getting at is that, it must not just be me, because I’ll show you another link and I’ve seen stuff before. It sounds weird that women being sexualized would affect men too, but it’s show than it can like it does other women. You said how society sees women as sexier. Well look at this too

    http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/why-sexy-women-make-men-feel-bad

    https://www.quora.com/Why-are-women-attracted-to-men

    Must be a lot of men, because if you type down something like that, whether it be “why are women straight when women are so beautiful and men not”, “why aren’t all or most women lesbians”, etc. yahoo answers, google in general, there are tons of those questions that pop up. And I don’t think it’s all homophobia. I think a lot of it is, but also just as much just the low or lower esteem men have of their body in comparison to women or just the male body in general and it having a lower ceiling of attractivness compared to female body. I think part of it is that men don’t get consumed like women do because how focused they are on women;s bodies, men have worth they feel in other areas, but also I think it’s because their is a low expectation of the male body and their own low expectation in the sense that the male body even at it’s peak doesn’t compare to female body or like I said with it not having the “range” of attractivness. Sure the female body can be as unattractive as the male body for the very fat, homely men and woemn. But it seems like an average female body is more interesting than the average male body. I think acknowlesge this “limited range or lever of attractivenss” of male body. And it’s just like a fact of life, so it’s not something to be too preoccupied. like “yeah it’s not stunning or amazing, oh well, it is what it is” It sucks for women to have the expectation on their body, because of the pressure, but it also means it’s highly touted general. That’s kind of a sad thing to have anything have a low expecation. It’s the reason why you said women don’t get too caught up with their ego and competitive pride of being the best like men are, because women for a long time have been socialized that a successful like for a woman is to have a husband, and be a good mother, etc.

    That’s kind of like it as far as bpdy for men. The low expectation causes less consumption themselves because it’s nothing special enough to be concerned about, which is not a good thing either. A man caring about how he looks naked in bed to a woman is like a man all sad because he’s not a pro basketball player, or a famous, succesful actor lke George Clooney. t sucks to not be that high standard, but a man doesn’t get preoccupied, because it’s an unrealistic ideal and the male body is limited and not worth getting too worried about it, since there’s nothing that can chage that fact, just like most men not talented and the facvt most men aren’t talented enough to be a george clooney, lebron james or adam levine.

    • If you want me to respond to this you’re going to need to write something shorter.

      • Sorry was just trying to explain in depth and what was on my mind. I’ll summarize what I was writing. I’ll make it like a bullet point summary

        -Men might feel just as inadequate about their bodies because of it’s not manly and low expectation of male body as far as “peak or ceiling” or attractivness compared to women.

        -To further prove point, I don’t think it’s all homophobia but men feeling about their own body thus the feeling of the male body as inferior or less attractive. As you can see from the links. You type in “why aren’t women lesbians or why are women straight pretty common questions on yahoo answers or on google from men. And like I said how sexy images actually can make men feel bad too. Sounds funny, but I kind of get it.
        I think it’s like salt in the wound for many guys who are sporadic with dating and sex and here and there and like a reminder of their helplessness and unreciprocated desire as far as how easily and tempting women’s bodies are, and sexy and how women aren’t feeling much for their body by itself and yearning to have sex with a man from his body and like how women don’t crave sex and a man’s body and I don’t know like work for dating and sex and have dry spells intentionally, because she can’t tempt decent looking guys. Women rarely get the female equivalent of “blue balls”

        http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/why-sexy-women-make-men-feel-bad

        https://www.quora.com/Why-are-women-attracted-to-men

      • Based on some of the comments I gotten from guys, I do think that some feel inferior to women in terms of sexiness. And about 80% of women have poor body image so they feel inferior for different reasons — like they don’t meet up to expectations. And then you have other women who get distracted by how great they look. Or, some guys can get distracted thinking that their partners aren’t as attractive as they had hoped (even though most guys seem to be perfectly happy with their partner’s body).

        Put it all together and it’s surprising how much trouble this can all cause. For everyone.

  16. It’s a weird thing where women might nit pick their body, but women often praise and have a high appreciation of female beauty and how sexy it is and can be. Men can admire a well built man, but there’s like this twist. I can admire a well built man and want to look like that. But as impressive the physique is, I still don’t think such man;s body compares still to a pretty woman’s body and she doesn’t even have to be “perfectly” built like him. And definitely for my body. I think men can admire a well built guy, but still see how it’s stil “inferior’ to a beautful woman’s body, which is what I meant with “ceiling”. I know it sounds weird like how can you compare apples to oranges. But like sometimes when in a down mood, it even has affected me seeing an image of a sexy woman and seeing how desirable and beautiful and thinking of the aesthetics of her body and women;s bodies and like not always, but often an average pretty woman’s body is probably more often more appealing than an average good looking man, The reason because a guy can be good looking, but still a “boring physique if doesn’t lift weights or run, whereas the pretty average girl can still have a quite sexy, visually appealing body.

    • It’s at least it is common for women to be jealous about other women’s attractive bodies as to admire and enjoy them. Because they can seem threatening — both in terms of a woman’s personal status (Which seems to come short of these attractive women) and in terms of catching a man. So it’s a real mixed bag.

  17. Alana Wynne O'Neill

    Women have always been taught, since we were little, that we have to look a certain way to be considered attractive. That being said, women feel a lot of pressure from society to look that certain way to fit in. I feel like we have a lot more picture of “sexy” women online, tv shows, and billboards because we are looking for a response, most men enjoy seeing half naked women, and then it shows women what they’re “supposed” to look like. It’s kind of sad because most women now feel that they need to be skinny with curves a big butt and big boobs to be sexy, or half naked which isn’t the case. Its just society that puts it into our heads.

    • Thanks. I suspect the root cause of being bombarded by sexy women is the fact that historically straight men have controlled media and they display what they think is sexy.

  18. When I see an ad in the paper, online or on a billboard of a really sexy girl I get insecure about myself at that very moment. The next day I find myself even more secure and wouldn’t like to take pictures or would impulsively go jogging or trying to walk. I want to be sexy like those girls but I am not. I find myself hoping and wishing that I were that girl on the billboard.

    The view of women today is that they are “required” to be hot. They need to be validated into society as looking and acting a certain way, that way is to be sexy. Entering college this year and seeing how women dress on campus is hard not to miss as they are wearing more tighter, sexier, cleavage showing clothes. This is many thanks to the ads all over with the understanding that women have to be “hot” or be sexy which I believe contributes to a bigger psychological affect and mental illness for women because of this notion. The whole sexualization of women in media dismembers their chances of feeling secure about their own natural beauty but instead puts them down more and makes them feel insecure.

  19. Based on some of the comments I gotten from guys, I do think that some feel inferior to women in terms of sexiness. ”

    Well not sexiness by itself, but body pars inferior as far as aesthetics and appealingness goes. Women have the low body image about themselves, but men have a low view of the male body which applies to them, because they are men.

    I’ll copy and paste the question from this link that I already posted. https://www.quora.com/Why-are-women-attracted-to-men

    “I see a girl my age (-5, +10) I feel attracted to her because women’s bodies are amazing. They are beautiful and cute. Their curves are amazing. Their sound is beautiful. My attraction feels completely normal to me as it is natural to feel attracted towards beauty and almost every guy has similar feelings.”

    “The body of a man is not so attractive (we have more body hair and we don’t wear makeup, we don’t have good voice like that of women). Why are women attracted to men?”

    https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101111174740AAlpLXW

    “Why aren’t all women lesbians?
    A woman’s body in its physically in shape and natural form is often a thing of beauty.

    A mans body is a disgusting misshaped pile of ugliness covered in hair.

    how can a woman be attracted to a mans body?”

    “Why aren’t all women lesbians?
    It is obvious to me that women are: more beautiful, softer, smell better, graceful, & sensual than men are.”
    https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080724120447AA7T2a3

    http://www.ign.com/boards/threads/why-arent-all-women-lesbians.250111153/

    how can anybody have sex with a man? ugh yuck[face_sick]”

    There’s tons of questions like that, so must be more than some men. I wasn’t about to post that much, this is just a tiny fraction of the questions about this. You could tons more as it’s a pretty common question for straight men.

    • Maybe the men are looking at it from their own perspective of being attracted to women. None of what they say makes any sense to me, or probably most women — if any.

      • Well yes a lot of it is due to men being so attracted to women and seeing attractive women as so sexy, that women’s bodies are kind of put on a pedestal. When that happens, it’s easy for a man to analyze his body or think of the male body in general and see the flaws and see how it is inferioer on the aesthetic sense and the sexually appealing sense. Men acknowlesge the big time attractivness and sex appeal of women’s curves as in hips, legs, breasts and butts especailly. The smoothe, soft and sensuality too of such body.

        Then for the average male who isn’t going to be really all that toned or probably not much muscle to look at and it definitely seems for a male when assessing his body or other men, that a man;s torso, being hairy and flat when not being a build of a muscled or toned man, is lackluster or ‘boring” compared to the amazing, sensual, interesting curves of women’s breasts. I mean look at the visual variety just from women’s breasts and nipples from each other, hips butts. It’s like snowflakes, Sure I guess men have different body types too, but it’s not as variable and difference and really, anything special or interesting as in difference between each man’s chest and nipples? An average built man doesn’t even have much definition or muscle on his torso to see to begin with. But the average women, whatever flaw she sees in herself, she still has body parts she’s born with right that stick out and curve and interesting and nice to look at. It’s probalby because I’m straight, but curved features always seem more visually interesting than a “flat” surfaces, not to mention if it’s hairy too (male). The curves allows and attractive woman’s body to be like wondering land, in the visual tactile sense. I mean who finds it interesting running their hand over a flat wall? I don’t. But I do like tactile feeling running my hand over a surface that is curved, has grooves and contours to it.

      • Still, 80% of women have poor body image. I recently surveyed my students on how the experience sexuality, and I can’t remember the percentage of the top of my head but I think it was 88% of my women students had a difficult time enjoying sex because they were too focused on how they looked. Either my students on how the experience sexuality, and I can’t remember the percentage of the top of my head but I think it was 88% of my women students had a difficult time enjoying sex because they were too focused on how they looked. Either trying to be perfect all the time or feeling like they were not close to perfect — either way it was a distraction. Interestingly, a fairly high number of guys were affected by body image issues too.

        And a lot of women don’t feel curvy. About 2/3 of women think their breasts are not good enough for instance, even some women who are C cups think they are too small. And if you have a curvy butt you worry about cellulite. Or worry that you don’t have a butt, if you aren’t curvy.

        I would hope that women wouldn’t worry so much about being hot, and that we would all realize that variety is the spice of life.

  20. Having all these sexy images in our society only impacts the way women see themselves. We live in a society that only shows sexy images of women who’s body only looks a certain way and if a women does not look that way then they aren’t sexy. I think this causes body shaming and insecurities in many young women, and these issues have serious consequences that lead to depression. It doesn’t help that men look down on women who don’t look the way women are portrayed in those sexy images because society has shaped their way of thinking how all women should look like. And both men and women’s ideology is shaped to think so. But it is rare to see sexy images of men in the same form and amount we see of women, and it isn’t because men aren’t sexy. There are great looking men who are showed in sexy ways but society does not make a huge deal the same way they make on women’s images. It is sad but we just live in a society that tell young women how they should look.

  21. You are Frank! You don’t leave a room for something to hide, I appreciate that.
    All your Posts are real stuff to be thought over.
    My Pats to YOU!
    I shall come again and read other Posts.
    Its 1.30 am here in India and I am to go to Bed.

    My Best Wishes.

  22. Good Night for Me.
    Good Day for You Dear.

  23. Still, 80% of women have poor body image. I recently surveyed my students on how the experience sexuality, and I can’t remember the percentage of the top of my head but I think it was 88% of my women students had a difficult time enjoying sex because they were too focused on how they looked. Either my students on how the experience sexuality, and I can’t remember the percentage of the top of my head but I think it was 88% of my women students had a difficult time enjoying sex because they were too focused on how they looked. Either trying to be perfect all the time or feeling like they were not close to perfect — either way it was a distraction. Interestingly, a fairly high number of guys were affected by body image issues too.

    And a lot of women don’t feel curvy. About 2/3 of women think their breasts are not good enough for instance, even some women who are C cups think they are too small. And if you have a curvy butt you worry about cellulite. Or worry that you don’t have a butt, if you aren’t curvy.

    I would hope that women wouldn’t worry so much about being hot, and that we would all realize that variety is the spice of life.”

    I know why women are insecure, like you described because of the media and culture. But it’s weird to me how many, with 80 percent that’s high. That means many women who I have no idea why they’d feel self conscious are. I used to here pretty or cute girls, who while not “perfect” who would fret about their looks and body and I used to think it was “humble bragging”, ,meaning fishing for compliments to stoke their already big ego. As I mean how could they think that way?

    Look at them and they have to be getting compliments a lot, let alone attention from guys, but it apparently means nothing. It’s weird, because it’s guys who don’t hardly get any compliments or anything showing that we are sexy or sexually appeaing to women. It’s a mystery of how attractive we truly are to women usually, which might be why some guys play the field and have sex with multiple women, as like a litmus test or way to see that they are sexy or sexually attractive and desirable, because that’s like the only way guys truly know they are wanted, is when a woman wants to have sex and is having sex. Because women can be turned off easily, be flakey, and change their mind easier or easily compared to men. So attraction to a guy and having his number can seem good, but then she’s not into anymore, plus it takes more for women to be turned on and want sex unlike men generally.

    But like I said it’s weird. It might not be the best analogy, but I’m trying to think of something, and this is what came in my head. Women, especially average looking, body and above being so self conscious about their bodies, to me as a guy, is a like a person with a new or new used, good condition Infiniti Car, which are nice cars and self conscious because their car is not a mercedes, porsche, or covette, etc and isn’t or doesn’t look like that. Meanwhile, an average man is seeing his body as like an old rusty pick up truck and is thinking, really? Sure your body isn’t perfect, but it could be worse, atleast they aren’t a man or have a male body, then I could see the insecurity ha.

    • Women don’t have to be attractive or sexy to get whistles. So it feels less like a compliment than a bit intimidating.

      But women compare themselves to supermodels, and even supermodels don’t look like themselves. So how could an “ordinary” woman?

  24. Here’s another one I came across from yahoo answers. https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090110100411AAq0wb4&page=1

    I found it kind of amusing and sad at the same time, because I understand the perspective being a straight man or why or where that feeling can come from. I copied and pasted the question from the yahoo answers link I posted with this quote below.

    “How come the female body is so sexy compared to the male one?
    its liek we got the leftovers…. “

    • Answer: because men have been in charge of media and portray what THEY find sexy. (Men aren’t bad, they’re just in a position to define sexy, historically). Then we’re all bombarded with that view. (see today’s new post) Plus, in recent history women couldn’t work outside the home, so the only thing they had to offer was their looks. Men were defined in more non-sexual ways.

      • Well yeah, but you see what his answer was? He asked how come the female body is so sexy compared to the male one? And then writes below… “It’s like we got the leftovers” ha, as in him noticing his own body and men’s bodies and seeing them as “leftovers” compared to women’s and then he wrote this is BS. I didn’t see it so I didn;t copy and paste it with it, but it’s there too. You say it’s because men control the media and images mostly so our culture mainly sees women in sexy poses and clothed in scantily clad outfits.But I mean I keep seeing how women are sexier from other women, and more attractive and then lesbian porn, etc.

        I know women are attracted to men obviously and find men attractive. But you make it seem like if women were in control of the media and such that men would be shown in sexy ways or men everywhere. But then I wonder seeing all this…really? After seeing so much, it’s made me skeptical of women’s visual attraction to men as far as innate, like it being strong when it seems pretty weak. Would women really have the desire to plaster men’s bodies everywhere, if they were on control? Afteall, men have, because have such a strong sex desire and visual attraction to women’s bodies. You have to have a strong appreciation and visual attraction and adoration to want to do that. I really wonder if it’s men controlling most media that is really holding women from having fun with their carnal desires towards men’s bodies and sexualizing them and showing them like our culture shows the female body, which is because of the male lust and voyeur of the female body.

      • I don’t think visual attraction is an innate for either men or women. Because you don’t find it in every society. At least as a fetish — enough to get aroused just by looking.

  25. I think that the reason why lades or younger girls think that. Are because since a young age we are kind of taught that if we are not pretty or hot that we are not what guys want to be with or look at we are taught to make ourselves look and be a certain way if we are trying to get a guy or girl.

    • That’s how some women feel. But for other women, self-esteem is more important. It’s not surprising since in America a woman’s worth is so tightly tied to how attractive she is. Unfortunate.

  26. I don’t think visual attraction is an innate for either men or women. Because you don’t find it in every society. At least as a fetish — enough to get aroused just by looking.”

    It is innate. It’s very natural for the opposite sex to find the other’s bodies sexually attractive visually and sexy right?You said fetish, aroused by just looking. Well I’m not talking about that. Women’s bodies are sexualized and fetishsized partly because of control and disempowerment, but also with societal views of women’s bodies, there is that love and lust of women’s bodies naturally, You can try to fetishsize a woman’s body or such body parts all you want, but it doesn’t do much if or there wouldn’t be much of a reason if you aren’t sexually attracted to women’s bodies right? There is something behind the enjoyment of dressing women up in sexy outfits and getting the thrill out of it, which such clothes and prohibition of women being nude adds to the taboo, which causes the fetish factor. But in order for that to even matter there has to be “fuel” for that fire.

    Like I said about sexual attraction. Why do you think straight men don’t have a desire to sexualizing men’s bodies or such like women? Maybe some due to homophobia, but more likely, because well, straight men aren’t sexually attracted to men’s bodies and don’t find men;s bodies visually attractive, especially sexually. So there isn’t the motive to sexualized which would turn a body to be scantily clad but hidden and thus fetishsized. Why does women’s bodies even have the chance to appreciated and lusted and sexualized? Because men love women’s bodies, and find them highly sexy. That itself is not enough to be arousing just by sight and fetishsized, but it;s enough to be “eye candy” for men and then that attraction that has to already be strong like fuel, cranked up a notch with the revealing clothes, but hidden body parts to create the fetish aspect. It doesn’t come from thin air. Fire doesn’t come from nothing. There has to something where the already is a spark, and fuel, and from there cranked up. Men have a strong innate sexual attraction, it makes sense, it’s why men want sex with women and love and seek women out. Natue and it’s why fertility and body parts are focal points that represent feritlity for baby making. Tribal men, nudist men, etc.

    Men just find women’s bodies quite sexually attractive. and you said fetish as in aroused just by looking. Well women are used not jjust to arouse, but because of how attwcted men are to women and the eye candy women are to men. Because while some are sexuaized, other ads show simply pretty women but not sexualized. PRetty much because of men’s strong attraction to women, men make a way to have pretty women on tv or movies even if not in skimpy outfits andn just in regular clothes or maybe just showing their face, I see regular car commericals and such, where nothing sexualized, but simply attractive women, because men love women’s looks and bodies. /And you can’t say it’s all because of arousal, because somethings are to be “sexy” but they won’t cause arousal just from looking. I mean women’s legs are” sexy” right?, but they aren’t breasts right? Yet, you’ll see stuff on tv of women’s legs and men enjoy that eye candy of sexy legs, not because of arousal, but because of the lust and strong attraction to women’s bodys. Women are simply, fetish or not, just works of art to men and lust inducing and just capture men’s eyes and hearts. And that’s why I said that. I don’t think things would really chance or you make it seem like it would be in reverse if women were in control. But women would hae to have such visual love of men;s bodies to be the fire to ever make a fetish aspect of men’s bodies or even to have them non fetishsized but splayed all over. I just don’t think it’s the same for reasons explained.

    • Please shorten this and I’ll respond.

      • It is innate. It’s very natural for the opposite sex to find the other’s bodies sexually attractive visually and sexy right?You said fetish, aroused by just looking. Well I’m not talking about that. Women’s bodies are sexualized and fetishsized partly because of control and disempowerment, but also with societal views of women’s bodies, there is that love and lust of women’s bodies naturally, You can try to fetishsize a woman’s body or such body parts all you want, but it doesn’t do much if or there wouldn’t be much of a reason if you aren’t sexually attracted to women’s bodies right? There is something behind the enjoyment of dressing women up in sexy outfits and getting the thrill out of it, which such clothes and prohibition of women being nude adds to the taboo, which causes the fetish factor. But in order for that to even matter there has to be “fuel” for that fire.

        Men just find women’s bodies quite sexually attractive. and you said fetish as in aroused just by looking. Well women are used not jjust to arouse, but because of how attwcted men are to women and the eye candy women are to men. Because while some are sexuaized, other ads show simply pretty women but not sexualized. PRetty much because of men’s strong attraction to women, men make a way to have pretty women on tv or movies even if not in skimpy outfits andn just in regular clothes or maybe just showing their face, I see regular car commericals and such, where nothing sexualized, but simply attractive women, because men love women’s looks and bodies. /And you can’t say it’s all because of arousal, because somethings are to be “sexy” but they won’t cause arousal just from looking. I mean women’s legs are” sexy” right?, but they aren’t breasts right? Yet, you’ll see stuff on tv of women’s legs and men enjoy that eye candy of sexy legs, not because of arousal, but because of the lust and strong attraction to women’s bodys. Women are simply, fetish or not, just works of art to men and lust inducing and just capture men’s eyes and hearts.

        Simply put, tribal men and men regardless might not be aroused just by seeing nudity because its normal and common. They still find women’s bodies sexy and quite sexually attractive I’m sure. Nudist men still find women’s bodies eye candy and sexually attractive, they just don’t fetish on them. But men do have an innate visual attraction to women, it makes sense if you’re made to be attracted to the opposite sex to find their bodies visually sexually attractive and lust. the only difference is the fetish aspect.

      • If you are heterosexual then it is natural to find the other sex attractive. But humans are mostly symbolic (which creates a great deal of freedom — we aren’t completely tied to our instincts) and so we create ideas about the specifics of what is sexy: big boobs, small boobs, big butt, small butt, obese, plump, skinny…

        A fetish is different in that it is (often) necessary and sufficient, alone, to cause arousal. And most fetishes are social constructs that vary from culture to culture. I don’t know much about the foot fetish and whether that also varies from culture to culture, so if it doesn’t, I don’t know what happens with that since such a small minority experience it.

  27. If you are heterosexual then it is natural to find the other sex attractive. But humans are mostly symbolic (which creates a great deal of freedom — we aren’t completely tied to our instincts) and so we create ideas about the specifics of what is sexy: big boobs, small boobs, big butt, small butt, obese, plump, skinny…”

    I’m not talking about fetish. I think the reason the fetish can even exist or come from anywhere even if body parts are covered up and hidden, is there has to be visual, sexual attraction to said body and body parts. I can see nude art and images of beautiful women and not be turned on, because the body isn’t fetishsized and the context isn’t sexual. When a body causes arousal just from seeing, its because its trained the viewer that the context is automatically sexual and sexual to look at therefore arousing. But even when seeing legs, butts, breasts of an beautiful women in a artistic pose. While not aroused just from that, I can see the “sexiness” and sexual appeal of such beautiful body parts. I don’t see it from a body part like ears. I don’t have sexual attraction toward ears, but I do toward curves, and shapely parts that reperesent femininity and fettility. That’s why tops or bras and stuff that accentuate breasts can cause a turn on, because the already sexual attraction to them that already exists. A woman can have ear muffs on and it won’t do anything, because there’s nothing to draw from if that makes sense. You might be able to create a big bon fire (fetish arousal), but it doesn’t come from nothing. There has to be a spark and fuel that it takes and amps up from there (sexual attraction, innate lust, visual attraction, non fetish) that can be amped up. You can’t amp something from nothing, there has to be something there. Which is why dressing up a body part I just don’t find sexy or beautiful itselft, won’t stir anything no matter how one tries to dress it up.

    Plus I don’t think women, non fetish related are as visually attracted to men as men are to women, and I’m not talking about the fetish aspect. Which is why I brought up, how I don’t see whose in charge of the media making a difference. If women were in charge they’d have sexy men everywhere like it is not of men having of women? I don’t think women are as attracted and appreciative of men’s bodies as men are to women’s. I think women are more eye candy to men than men are eye candy to women. This is the reason even in sexual context with commercials you still see a ton of pretty women in simple dresses and othing sexual or revealing that would be shown over men. Because men just love looking at attractive women even if she isn’t sexualized and it’s simply women’s faces or in modest clothing.

    • “I think the reason the fetish can even exist or come from anywhere even if body parts are covered up and hidden, is there has to be visual, sexual attraction to said body and body parts”

      Then how can women learn the fetish, as they often do? And I’m sure that men’s body parts could be fetishized as well. The culture just doesn’t put any effort into it.

      It seems important to you to think that it’s biological and I don’t understand why. What difference does it make?

      • Then how can women learn the fetish, as they often do? And I’m sure that men’s body parts could be fetishized as well. The culture just doesn’t put any effort into it.”

        Because women apparently aren’t selectively, solely and strongly attracted to men’s bodies inherently, but apparently find women’s bodies attractive enough that they can be more influenced by womens. Women have only learned the fetish towards women, and it’s only an assumption thinking women could fetishsize men’s bodies the same, because it’s never been done. Men have shown both, that they can fetishsize women’s bodies, but also see them not fetishsized and sexy but normal, depending on the culture and time. Men (gay) have also shown the capacity to fetishsize the male body too. Actually ironically even though lesbian women and bi sexual women are turned on and attracted to women.

        And as we know there’s more than enough sexualized material for straight men, but also lesbian women and people who are attracted to women. It seems like straight women are more affected and fetishsized women’s bodies more than lesbians. But anyway, yeah it seems more “straight” women watch lesbian porn than lesbians. Remember the lesbians that watch “gay male porn” instead. Kind if interesting. Plus like I said, porn consumption, internet searches, I believe still pale in comparison for lesbian and bisexual women looking at nude women compared to straight men looking at nude women and even gay men looking at nude men. If women are so visual like men, why aren’t lesbian women fetishsizing women’s bodies like gay men do for men’s bodies? Why do more gay men look at porn than lesbian women and more searches for gay men looking at nude men than lesbian women looking at nude women? There’s more than enough stimulation and stuff for lesbian women, and male body pretty much ignored, but yet gay men want to see nude men more than lesbians watch nude women.

        I don’t know straight men, fetish or not ,seem more attracted to women’s bodies. Like I said without the fetish too. Women are more eye candy to men, but what have women shown to show that they find men as much eye candy regardless of the fetish aspect to want to have men’s bodies all over the media like it is for women’s bodies?

      • Men in tribal societies aren’t turned on by the mere sight of a woman’s breast or butt. And they were the bulk of the human experience.

        But since gay man don’t tend to be attracted to women’s breasts, despite how are socialization of it, men’s sexuality seems to be less flexible. It seems that for straight men a women’s body is necessary but not sufficient for a breast/butt fetish to be created.

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