Hooking Up Deprives Women of Marriage?

College hookup culture?

College hookup culture?

Women should stop hooking up because it stalls men’s maturity and keeps them from getting married. A lot of young women will never marry because men can get sex without commitment.

That’s what what a young man told me a few weeks ago.

If he’s so worried, why not tell MEN to stop hooking up because their behavior stalls their maturity and the stability of family life in America? Leaving men deprived of marriage, too.

Why doesn’t he want women hooking up?

The fact that he only calls on women to limit themselves reminds me of other calls for women to practice self-restraint:

  • As women gain power and status in India they face higher levels of sexual harassment and rape — along with warnings to stay out of public space
  • An Indian official told women to stop using cell phones to protect themselves. (That wouldn’t actually protect women. But it would limit them.)
  • As women increasingly demand their rights in Egypt, sexual harassment and rape are on the rise there, too
  • Around the world women are told to dress modestly to protect themselves. Conforming teaches them to obey

Gee, I see a pattern here.

The sexual double standard

The sexual double standard

Telling women, but not men, to restrict themselves from casual sex says something about who is free and who is not. Men may have as much sex as they like, but women had better watch themselves!

Lest they wind up lonely old maids.

Really, he needn’t worry

But he needn’t worry his pretty little head anyway, since:

  • Hook up culture is a myth. (College students think everyone is hooking up every weekend. Yet after four years students average just seven different hookups — and only 11% of them enjoyed it.)
  • 84% of Americans feel that having a successful marriage is “very important” or “one of the most important things” in life. And men and women don’t rate the priority of a successful marriage differently.
  • Both men and women want to get married. But they want to wait until their 30s, when they’re financially stable. They see their 20s as “me-time” and their 30’s as “family time.”
  • A desire for soulmates is nearly universal these days, says history professor Stephanie Coontz.

And, it turns out, married men are the happiest people on the planet. They’re happier than single men and they’re happier than single or married women.

And if you don’t want to marry, it’s only a big deal if there’s a big gap between women and men, and I don’t see that.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on July 29, 2015, in men, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 40 Comments.

  1. I think there is a biological insecurity with men, and it makes gender equality very difficult (if not impossible)…but slowly it’s gotta happen, hopefully sooner rather than via a long, long evolutionary process 🙂

    • Well there is in insecurity with many men. But I suspect it’s cultural since some guys are very into gender equality. And our earliest societies – Particularly plant-based societies – seem to have been quite gender-equal. But thanks for your thoughts.

      • That is a very good point, in fact perhaps most accurate as culturally (even within a family) such gender-equal thoughts are very strong. The primal instincts we have buried inside us do influence us in ways we may never understand, but our social sensibilities are so much more powerful.

      • And people tend to think that what they see out in the world is instinctual, even though most of the way humans are is due to socialization. The higher you go up the evolutionary ladder The fewer instincts you have.

        Humans do have some instincts and those are things you find cross-culturally. But even the instincts are affected By society.

        So there is an instinct to have sex, but sexual repression can hugely throw that instinct off. And different cultures have different ideas about what is sexy. In some cultures breasts are sexy in other cultures they aren’t. In some cultures obese women are sexy, in other cultures they aren’t. In some cultures blonde is sexy, but not everywhere. Etc. I could go on but I will spare you – And everyone else.

      • 🙂 Love this insight, thank you and do go on, it is great. Cheers to a great day!

      • And thank you your comments. I get a lot of blog ideas from people who see things differently from me. So I always appreciate new views.

  2. Haha! Here here. 🙂

    Totally agree. Hugs Paula xxx

  3. Agree totally that ” Hook up culture ” is a myth. For starters very few women will even consider casual sexual encounters , as you rightly point out women do not have the sexual urge of men , women are biologically programmed to seek commitment for obvious reasons ( provide for a child )

    • Well, evolutionary psychologists think it’s biological. But you don’t find this pattern everywhere so it’s probably more likely due to sexual repression. Still, men are much less repressed than women are, and they still prefer relationship sex, too – most of them anyway.

      • without wanting to offend you (or claim that women have not suffered being pigeon holed, and very much more I have found some of what I read here really disturbing. I was born parents seperate and out of marriage in 1972, just before being a single parent was acceptable.
        I agree that if as you are sharing that statistically women are much more worried about enjoying their own sexual nature then I think that rather than highlighting that by pointing out our differences it might be wise to consider that mayhap men are not as we are portrayed in porn either. Though we can and some of us learn to be able to engage in sub/dom behaviors and such but I think for many would be to please their partners and possibly their own curiosity.
        I would have liked to see in this discourse that there are men who seek emotional and spiritual connection above lust and arousal and fantasy and such.
        I think men are very supportive and interested in seeing their partners become able to shed the burden of feeling judged and haunted by strict religious and cultural associations telling them their sexuality was taboo. Is my concern that we don’t see patterns of abandoning some of those old customs though and that we begin to embrace the idea of women or men being more healthy orgasmic with the idea that should that come to pass that it would mean no judgement of some kind of sexual boundaries and decencies.
        Men are not dumb. I worry about my own partner nor having full reign to enjoy her own capacity for pleasure.
        I funny think things are all that simple now.
        There are strange things at work in the world seeming to serve agendas that would see us fail to be untied as cultural groups and communities and extended family’s and is at the stage now we are seeing many signs of cultures and groups being judgemental and not in a good way. I agree with much what I have read here but I think we would do well to consider our humanity and unity rather than the male/female divide that seems to have caught my attention.
        You know recently I noticed a pattern that my partners friends were willing to share with each other having affairs behind their men’s back.
        It seemed they considered of kind of naughty to share in how “wicked” they were being and there was a sense of highly excitement around this (admittedly get friends are a little nutty). I could never imagine finding cheating on my partner exciting. Or share that idea with my friends as something I might doo and share joyously.
        I am not religious but I think many world religious tell many a spiritual truth despite the discord that they create. I believe the Judeo/Christian faith express
        explores the idea of temperance in relation to lust.
        What I wanted to mention was the worry women may want to become what they are being portrayed as in porn. Especially at the moment with world forces of a highly overwhelming nature (sordid, or certainly not balanced portrayals of every manner of sexual expression , and more than often indecency alongside and intertwined with computers and phones and such that are also causing great problems.
        I am all for seeing an end to females being able to freely enjoy their own right to not have to feel their blood and hormones and such moving as they should is wrong. But is a very dangerous time to champion that cause. I think things have changed for the better for women. But for many being vocal will not (I don’t think) go far to improve a problem that for most women who suffer has been life long and often with close associations with their youth and parents.
        Women are not the only ones suffering either.
        I may be wrong but I read recently the average thirty our fourth year old man in the modern Western Wod had typically less testosterone now than a sixty year old woman.
        We may yet find men are suffering dysfunction on several levels comparably.
        Is good to see peoples talking and sharing though about these things. They are important.
        As men and women is easy to take offence at some off what people have written on these subjjects.
        Let’s hope we don’t see future generations of (no longer) sexually repressed women fighting hysterically over the few men who have a little testosterone and can find the time to stop masturbating to sexually (let’s just say I can’t be healthy to watch that all the time) porn, open minded yet not unmindful sexual, emotional and spiritual adventurer I am.
        But do start having those orgasms ladies. There is likely plenty of unexplored corpus cavernous and other such treausures to date explore.
        Us guys been trying to help is only we got confused and thought all your erogenous zones were on your chests our below your belts. We didn’t even know where those ones were.

      • Thanks for your thoughts. I actually have talked about some problems men experience and an underlying unity that we all share — including the fact that only 11% of college students even like hooking up (there are way more men students than 11%).

        Here are a few posts you might appreciate:

        Real Men Competing With Porn Stars
        https://broadblogs.com/2013/04/22/real-men-competing-with-porn-stars/
        Porn Fantasy Mistaken for Reality
        https://broadblogs.com/2012/10/22/porn-fantasy-mistaken-for-reality/
        Sex Is Best When She Likes It
        https://broadblogs.com/2014/09/22/sex-is-best-when-she-likes-it/

        How Guys Think About Sex & Dating
        https://broadblogs.com/2014/01/06/how-guys-think-about-sex-dating/
        Guys Are Getting More Romantic
        https://broadblogs.com/2012/06/11/guys-are-getting-more-romantic/
        Guys Just Wanna Have Relationships?
        https://broadblogs.com/2012/11/28/guys-just-wanna-have-relationships/

        It’s Not Easy Being A Man
        https://broadblogs.com/2012/06/18/its-not-easy-being-a-man/
        Men Using Sex To Gain Intimacy
        https://broadblogs.com/2014/07/14/men-using-sex-to-gain-intimacy/

        Profound Relationship vs Intense Sex
        https://broadblogs.com/2014/06/02/profound-relationship-vs-intense-sex/

  4. I like how, from guys like this, marriage is an object that one can possess or not, rather than a relationship that depends on two people. If their outlook on marriage is that messed up, no wonder their predictions don’t fit reality at all.

  5. What a terrible price–the opportunity for self-actualization, under the thumb of threats of rape and harassment. Just what is it about a confident woman that so scares them?

    • Good question. I’ll have to say that this guy is from a country with one of the highest levels of oppression of women. i’m wondering to what degree he feels threatened and to what degree he just has a hard time wrapping his mind around gender equality because the concept is so foreign to him. Much of it must be due to feeling threatened or he wouldn’t be so adamant – and he is adamant!

  6. This is a really interesting article you wrote!! And I really loved how you explained some of the parts. But maybe I can add some of my views on India……….

    Actually in reality, India is a vast democratic country with lots of variety in people and culture. It is unity in diversity.
    But we have extreme economic difference among classes.
    Most of the assault cases you hear about are unfortunately done on the poorest women by the poorest men (you can hardly call them men). Ofcourse there are exceptional cases, but still rare.

    Most of these crimes are done by the daily wage earners…….due to lack of education and money and extreme pervness.

    Other than that its a pretty safe country. Trust me you hardly get cat calling on the streets. And yes its unfair, but women of status and power lead a much better life compared to the very poor women.
    But that doesn’t mean all of them are pervs. There are a lot of poor people who respect you and literally treat women with dignity and as a goddess and don’t even dare to look up to them eye to eye.

    Inspite of free mixing boys can never think of calling girls bitch or whores. No matter how friendly they are. One can never imagine getting their drinks spiked by male friends, coz that much trust is there between friends.

    Contrary to what media is displaying in news, rape is not that common in India. And that’s why its getting so much hyped.
    Its bad publicity. The more you show such things in 100 news channels, the more encouragement these uneducated filthy perv people get.
    Its irresponsible journalism. And it happens all over the world.
    And rapists do get punished in most cases. As I again said, poorer women don’t have the resources to hire lawyers and get justice that’s why they are the targets most of the time. Corruption is every where. Rape is a global phenomena. But India is still safe compared to a lot of other countries.

    And ministers and officials pass stupid comments everywhere. But it doesn’t define the mentality of every Indian male.

    Even the poorest households have 5-6 mobile handsets. They even own laptops. Communication is really an achievement. So if some loser says anything about women not using mobile, well no one really cared for his words.

    I’m an Indian. A girl in India. My writings reflect my country. Did you ever feel any kind of oppression or regret in them?? Girls are treated as power and future of the country. People worship female gods and most of the time treat women with same respect.

    News or statics of world surveys don’t reveal real India. Real and regular Indians do. I hope you contemplate my views.
    Woww this was really lengthy!!
    But thank you so much for visiting my blog!! 😀 😀

    • Thanks for sharing your experience.

      From what I have read, rape and sexual harassment are on the rise in India. But the issue isn’t so much India as patriarchy. When patriarchy is threatened, A lot of men feel like their status is threatened. And that is especially true of the lower classes who don’t get status from anything other than being male. So this make sense:

      “Most of the assault cases you hear about are unfortunately done on the poorest women by the poorest men (you can hardly call them men). ”

      You see a related phenomenon with regard to racism in the southern United States. There are higher levels of racism among the poor there partly because of education, or lack thereof, and partly because Whiteness can make poor people, at the bottom of the social hierarchy, feel like they are superior to SOMEONE!

      I’ve written more about how rape is related to patriarchy and male insecurity — regardless of culture — in these posts (don’t worry, I don’t expect you to read them all!):

      Mind of a Rapist: Trying to Bridge a Gap between a Small Self and a Big Man
      https://broadblogs.com/2010/10/26/mind-of-a-rapist-trying-to-bridge-a-gap-between-a-small-self-and-a-big-man/
      Rape Epidemic in South Africa. Why?
      https://broadblogs.com/2012/04/06/rape-epidemic-in-south-africa-why-2/
      (focus on India here:) What Do Rapists Want?
      https://broadblogs.com/2013/01/04/what-do-rapists-want/

      Specifically US here:

      Assaulting Daisy to Create “Male Superiority”
      https://broadblogs.com/2013/10/25/assaulting-daisy-to-create-male-superiority/
      Ritual Degradation & Male “Superiority”
      https://broadblogs.com/2014/04/23/ritual-degradation-male-superiority/
      Punishing Girls for Pleasing Guys (sex in Silicon Valley)
      https://broadblogs.com/2014/06/20/punishing-girls-for-pleasing-guys/

      • A very gruesome incident had taken place on December 2014 which had shocked the entire nation…..the media had covered it and everyone was on the streets protesting. The whole country was united against it.
        The bustards were captured and put to jail. Everyone wanted death penalty for them. But like everywhere else, the trial was taking long.
        The media projected it that every rapists go free. They almost made it a slogan.

        And what happened was that all the filthy scums in the country rejoiced coz they actually believed that its true. And then there was quite a back to back assaults in the country after that. The media further spread the news that every rapist will go unpunished!!
        But thankfully such stupid propaganda has stopped and the assaults have also come down!!
        In reality many are captured. The trial might take long…..but they are kept in jail most of the times.

        Ofcourse the system is at fault everywhere. But media should also act responsibly and know what effect their words might have on society.

        Specially in the lower classes, males think that they are superior only coz they are males…..no education, no rationality and sometimes extreme pervness!!
        Inferiority complex makes them behave superior and they express it on women.

        And I’ll most definitely read all the articles you shared and get back to you soon!! 🙂

      • From what I’ve read over here, India and the United States both have a problem with blaming victims for rape, which makes it more common. I don’t know if that happened in the incident you’re referring to but I remember a girl who was raped and left for dead when she took the bus home from a movie and the people of India talking about how as a culture they needed to stop victim-blaming. Same here. We still do it, possibly not as much as India has recently. But it sounds like minds are starting to change both there and here. It’s a patriarchal mentality that you find all over the world: blaming women for their own rapes let’s guys off the hook.

  7. Very good Georgia. Also, there’s, “Women should stop hooking up because no man wants to marry damaged goods.” Gee, maybe no woman wants to marry a man that refers to her as damaged goods just for having sex with someone before she said “I do” to him. Besides, men are definitely still marrying women who have have pasts, even though some certain sectors of men say they don’t.

  8. What really kills me about guys like this is that they seem to think that marriage is a commodity that all women want so badly, and they use it manipulate behavior. They warn, “You better not be hooking up now, because no man wants to marry damaged goods.” Or they try (poor) reverse psychology with, “Sluts? Oh we love slut! Keep making it easy for us to get laid, ladies. Why buy the cow when the milk is on tap?” Yeah, guy, we see what you are doing here. Haha.

  9. “…84% of Americans feel that having a successful marriage is “very important” or “one of the most important things” in life.”

    Nothing could be further from the truth…see link below

    http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/09/24/record-share-of-americans-have-never-married/

    Specifically this study concludes,

    “Recent survey data from the Pew Research Center finds a public that is deeply divided over the role marriage plays in society. Survey respondents were asked which of the following statements came closer to their own views: Society is better off if people make marriage and having children a priority, or society is just as well off if people have priorities other than marriage and children. Some 46% of adults chose the first statement, while 50% chose the second”

    Lastly, you assert

    “And, it turns out, married men are the happiest people on the planet. They’re happier than single men and they’re happier than single or married women.”

    I scoff at the notion this is the case….

    In their book, “Why Men Stop Having Sex: Men, the Phenomenon of Sexless Relationships, and What You Can Do About It” Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz cite data that suggest the complete opposite of what you are asserting…..They found a very high % of married men who are both angry and depressed…..

    Lastly, if marriage was so great for men, why are so many married men using sex workers? Or why are so many married men always complaining about the lack of sex and intimacy in their marriage (boy I can attest to that one!!!)?

    • Actually, the article — if you do the math and don’t rely on the alarming headline — says that 90% of Americans are either married or want to marry.

      When it comes to whether people thought that other people should marry — which is a different question — only about half thought it was important. People aren’t real judgmental these days.

      And while there may be a lot of men who are angry or depressed, a lot of women are angry or depressed, too. And it doesn’t mean that the other data I site is wrong. A lot of married men can be angry or depressed, but married men as a whole can still be happier than single men or single or married women.

  10. That young man has support for this conclusions,

    “http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2015/05/01/why-men-wont-marry.html

    Yes, there is a double standard on this. It is wrong, pure and simple. Men should be more vocal in criticizing the cads and playboys.

    But, such criticism is meaningless if women remain silent about the sexual behavior of men.So long as large numbers of women show sexual preferences for such men, what difference will it really make? Seriously.

    Instead of attacking and criticizing these cads and players, many young men are seeking to emulate them as they see so many women giving sex to these men. This is why PUA has become so popular with so many young guys…..They have simply adopted the attitude of, :I can’t beat them so I will join them!”

    This is because of the double standard that women have when it comes to men and sex vs. men and marriage. Women want the cads and players for sex but Mr. Provider….for marriage. And hardly any sex for Mr. Provider when married. Put yourself in the position of any man…who the hell would want that?!

    • FOXNews is so full of shit. They don’t have any data to back themselves up. And all the outtakes are about how women ought to bow down to men and serve them. Can you say “BIASED”?

      • Too bad you did not read Suzanne Venker’s piece…I guess when you saw FOXNews, you immediately rushed to judgement..

        I do not agree with Suzanne’s prescriptions. But, I think her explanation of WHY men have the attitude(s) they have today is on point.

        Things are now different. Why? Because there has been change. Change for the better. Women now enjoy considerable freedom and equality of opportunity..That is all good! Men should be happy about this big time. Due to The Pill and other causes, women also have unprecedented sexual opportunities too. These two factors have created a lot of insecurities for a LOT of men.

        Lastly, as I have always argued…most men have limited sexual opportunities in life. Far fewer than most women. So, when you and other women talk about men who can sleep with all these different women…..you need to address it to the 25-30% who are “lucky” enough to do this….

        What I and so many other men resent is this notion by women that the majority of men out here have the same opportunities for sex as you women. It is pure bullshit. You as a social scientist know it is BS. But that is the sexual privilege that women enjoy over men. It is what it is…

      • When I saw it was FOXNews and the sexiest outtakes I didn’t read the full article. So you are right about that. It didn’t seem worth bothering with. Sure, men are frustrated. And some women are frustrated. But it’s not all men are all women.

  11. Why it’s always women who should maintain all the decency? About dress, manners, language and everything? In my city, after a girl was molested while returning from her workplace late night,one of the investigating officers said that she should have return early and avoid wearing revealing’ dresses …couldn’t get the head or tail of it! They fail to ensure security to a girl late an night and for that they are telling her to return early….some savages tried to molest her and for that she had to cover herself up from head to toe!

    Why don’t the males behave themselves? Why should only women restrict them from casual sex!

  12. Well this is all very complicated. My partner and I are currently struggling with seperating and ask that involves.
    I thought a lot last night about the theme you have been writing about and I do agree whole heartedly with the unfair custom of judging women differently.
    I think the theme may disturb me for several reasons.
    Although we may have evolved from polygamy into a masquerade of monogamy, from a wider perspective of analysis I don’t think any of us would enjoy seeing our friends and family breeding like snakes and I guess the idea of celebrating sexual freedom can bring up these kinds of ideas.
    I know that in reality this would likely not happen even when acceptance of men and women having multiple partners over time abounds.
    I also worry the danger of celebrating the idea of abandoning a culture of close relationships involves our base fears that to accept that may lead to its most extreme antithesis of seeing ourselves or our beloved indiscriminately and nonchalantly flaunting indiscretion and (for want off better words) in every way recklessly failing to cherish or appreciate what seems obvious to us all as an emotional and spiritual commitment to not hurt our partners in that way even though we may happily accept the need to see each other move on should we feel is what we our they want.
    This theme has me taking time to question myself.
    As men reading about this theme (we hear) a loud feminine voice saying “we need to be able to proudly sleepith whoever we want when we want without shame.” That our best and most honest reply should be “yes sister, but don’t forget to pay respect to the good nature of men and women and close relationship and see that the cry for equality should have you deny your higher mind and see us nice towards a culture where we flaunt the antithesis of emotional commitment and all the good that can bring balanced couples.
    I am still unsure about it all.
    I just read this minute (upon the dolphin) considering its nature of having several levels of actively used brain on top of its reptilian brain that it is not monogamous.
    It did howeveWell this is all very complicated. My partner and I are currently struggling with seperating and ask that involves.
    I thought a lot last night about the theme you have been writing about and I do agree whole heartedly with the unfair custom of judging women differently.
    I think the theme may disturb me for several reasons.
    Although we may have evolved from polygamy into a masquerade of monogamy, from a wider perspective of analysis I don’t think any of us would enjoy seeing our friends and family breeding like snakes and I guess the idea of celebrating sexual freedom can bring up these kinds of ideas.
    I know that in reality this would likely not happen even when acceptance of men and women having multiple partners over time abounds.
    I also worry the danger of celebrating the idea of abandoning a culture of close relationships involves our base fears that to accept that may lead to its most extreme antithesis of seeing ourselves or our beloved indiscriminately and nonchalantly flaunting indiscretion and (for want off better words) in every way recklessly failing to cherish or appreciate what seems obvious to us all as an emotional and spiritual commitment to not hurt our partners in that way even though we may happily accept the need to see each other move on should we feel is what we our they want.
    This theme has me taking time to question myself.
    As men reading about this theme (we hear) a loud feminine voice saying “we need to be able to proudly sleepith whoever we want when we want without shame.” That our best and most honest reply should be “yes sister, but don’t forget to pay respect to the good nature of men and women and close relationship and see that the cry for equality should have you deny your higher mind and see us nice towards a culture where we flaunt the antithesis of emotional commitment and all the good that can bring balanced couples.
    I am still unsure about it all.
    I just looked up (seeing they apparently use more of their higher brain(s) than us) if dolphins are monogamous.
    Seems they are not. But that they make long standing relationships(I think with family primarily). If it is in the nature of humans to be polygamous (just as it seems with us and dolphins to feel jealousy) then
    I think we can all come to terms with that eventually.
    Most of us I think love each other enough to let our beloved go if he or she wants to.
    I think the discourse of sexual freedoms may need an appropriate seasoning of acknowledging the idea is as worrying to those of us that love as it is important.
    I think by reflex an idea comes quickly to mind that says “yes, we hear you” ..”we don’t like that culture made you feel like this so that many of you don’t even get to know your own bodies very well. But let’s not forget to mention and not forget to be respectful to those we have forged meaningful bonds with.”
    A quote comes to mind that men (and women) are like steel, that a through relations we sharpen each other’s minds.
    I think our sexual natures are less important to us than our higher functions. And when discussing what is a very complex idea it is disheartening to read so many men still want women subjugated while at the same time I read so very much more from the other side about lower sexual customs and evolution without hearing much about what seems to me a moral obligation to avoid patterns of behaviour that cause other’s harm.
    I have a sense that is probably the stick in the proverbial mud here. I think could be good for men to come to terms with (what may well be) an acceptance of our natures. Love is complex, is attachment, is able to cause great good and great harm. Is undoubtedly for many of us our greatest teacher and source of self and other reflection. As such it does deserve to be handled with some careful consideration.
    I have enjoyed reading these posts though.
    Have helped me to reflect and remain free from worry and jealous thoughts and to keep the happiness alive in my relationship at the moment at a time it may well be ending. That’s a good thing.

    • There is research that suggests that about 75% of both women and men are on the monogamous side and about 25% are on the polygamous side.

      My basic morality is that we should avoid things that do harm. Making women feel guilty about sexuality causes harm. After they get married a lot of women don’t enjoy sex that much after years of shaming. Women lose interest in their husbands much quicker than your husband lose sexual interest in them. This is based on the sexual refresh and we force upon women. And not making women feel guilty doesn’t mean that everyone’s going to become polygamist. Most people want close relationships over random sex. But some people seem to want multiple partners, and some do so while making sure that their children are secure and cared for, and that both spouses are good with the situation. Otherwise, harm is caused.

      Did you read these?

      How Guys Think About Sex & Dating
      https://broadblogs.com/2014/01/06/how-guys-think-about-sex-dating/
      Guys Are Getting More Romantic
      https://broadblogs.com/2012/06/11/guys-are-getting-more-romantic/
      Guys Just Wanna Have Relationships?
      https://broadblogs.com/2012/11/28/guys-just-wanna-have-relationships/m

      Women prefer betas (this talks about the fact that monogamy seems to have begun much earlier than anyone had previously realized) https://broadblogs.com/2013/08/12/women-want-betas/

      Profound Relationship vs Intense Sex
      https://broadblogs.com/2014/06/02/profound-relationship-vs-intense-sex/

      By the way, I need you to write shorter comments because if everyone writes that much I won’t have any time to do anything but answer comments. See my comment policy. (And I need to shorten it, some day.) https://broadblogs.com/comment-policy/

      • There is research that suggests that about 75% of both women and men are on the monogamous side and about 25% are on the polygamous side.”

        It’s weird though, because I get how a relatiionship of more meaningful, but I see how people being in relationships too early can cause problems too. I believe it, but they say how it’s important ot sow your oats before you get married and have kids. And I’ve seen it with couples or have heard of it from others where the parents dump the kids to their kid’s friend’s parents for a sleep over while thye are out drinking ha. And parents kind of having mid life crisis or like not being as responsible and more immature with drinking and bars, etc because of marrying and having kids at say only 21 or whatever. I have to admit it,

        I still want to sow my oats and feel it would be a disservice to myself and whoever if I didn’t because it would still be there. So casual stuff can be important if that’s what one wants. If someone feels they have to and does so because of that, that’s another story. But to want to and didn’t because of marrying early or kids early or being a late bloomer socially and sexually, well then I understand the desire for non monogamous desires and wanting something serious not until older. And it all depends on when you get going. If you didn’t sow your oats in your 20s, you might want to do it at 30 and not want to get married or serious stuff until 35 or late. Well for women it might be different because their biological clock and women can’t wait too long if they want to have kids, but men can still be 40 and have kids or so. I don’t want kids so I’m not in a rush, though I would like to married and have a SO at somepoint not that far in the future as long as the oat sowing goes at plans and I don’t delay it further.

      • Well a couple things. First, you might be part of that 25%. But there is often overlap where you can be part of the 25% and still value relationships, too. But just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean that you’re going to get married. So you can be in several relationships before you actually settle down with what you hope will be a relationship for life.

  13. A very interesting post… Still we think to redefine marriage …. I have just read the other day that gals stop being virgins over here in Argentina when they are 13 to 15… I mean, isn´t it a bit too early… Things have changed so much … there is even a word to make reference a cool broad scoped sexuality called genderfluid … Pansexuality rules nowadays and I think it has its advantages as you don´t even have to be gay to sleep with someone of your same sex, sexuality is not so much associated with Guilty I think and being open to new things is pretty mych well seen… It is like all is allowed…. Maybe that´s cause God is dead… I am paraphrasing Dostoevsky!….
    Best wishes, dear Georgia! Aquileana ⭐

    • Thanks for your thoughts. I don’t know much about sexuality in Argentina. In the US girls are still slut-shamed, so there is still a sense of guilt surrounding sexuality for young girls. Interestingly, that makes a lot of girls – Including me when I was young – lose touch with their sexual feeling. And then girls can have sex because they feel like they’re supposed to (e.g., Please their boyfriends) rather than because they want to. So they are having sex but it’s a very disempowered sexuality. And in the Bible belt of the deep South they don’t talk about sex much, your girl still i so they are having sex but it’s a very disempowered sexuality. And in the Bible belt of the deep south they don’t talk about sex much, your girl still end up getting pregnant. That can also be tied to a lack of hopes and dreams. Young women and men who have dreams and plans for the future are more likely to put off having sex. I feel that young people need to not be guilted about sex but do need to think about how to do it responsibly. And when they are ready.

  14. I agree if women, but not men are being told to restrict themselves from having casual sex shows the difference of who is free. Through my life I seen so many examples of how men who have casual sex is just scoring another point to an invisible rank of being manly, while women who have casual sex just get rewarded the title of sluts. I live in a family with Mexican culture. Growing up I would see my older brother get praised when he pulled a move on a girl and explored with different women. If I myself would even mention that I had a date I would get looked down upon. It was believed that if I was to ever think about being married it would be thanks to my virginity, purity, and innocence that a man would consider serious relationship with myself. Men just as much women should have the choice of being intimate if they choose responsibly that’s what they want for themselves. Everyone should have an equal right to the choices of their own bodies and what they do with it.

  15. Insinuating that women are the ones at fault for the lack of maturity in men because of how much the hookup is the pot calling the kettle black. Even though people are not having as many hookups as perceived, women’s sexual activity is of no effect to men’s. Instead of denying women the right to casual sex, what men should be doing is treating their sexual partners as human beings and not just objects. Obviously the more objectified and sexualized women are, the more the are sexually assaulted and harassed, but of course that is also the women’s fault. Recognizing women as equal to men is what we need to do, not continue to penalize them for men’s lack of maturity.

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