Hooking Up Is Fun. Or Dull. Or Painful
Some people like hooking up.
But it can be dull, or even painful – when it’s used to create male superiority.
Hooking up is painful
Kristy was making out with a guy, debating how far she wanted to go, when he stood up and ordered, “Get down on your knees.”
I was really taken aback, because no one has ever said that to me before.
He urged, “I think that’s fair.”
As she hesitated, he pushed her down.
It was at that point that I was like, ‘I’ll just do it. It will be over soon enough.
Experiences like these were described in a New York Times piece on hookup culture called “Sex on Campus” by Kate Taylor. The subtitle, “She can play that game too” belies how excruciating that game can be. (And in fact, Kristy’s feeling of coercion actually suggests assault.)
At least when male entitlement takes over.
Hooking up is dull
When it’s not painful, it may just be dull. When his pleasure is all that matters.
One young woman who talked to Ms. Taylor said that by the time she gets back to a guy’s room she has usually sobered up and wants to leave. Fellatio is a quick and easy way to end things.
When sociologist, Lisa Wade, studied hookup culture women said things like this:
My sexuality was filled with anxiety and my need to please the guy instead of worrying about my own pleasure… Even if I was in charge I did not make sure I was being pleased.
Another woman hadn’t had a single orgasm after hooking up with 13 guys. She explained,
The guy kind of expects to get off, while the girl doesn’t expect anything.
Some feel like “masturbation toys.” Like these two:
- I was just a warm body being used to make a guy have an orgasm
- I feel like a “sex toy” with “three holes and two hands.
“Male supriority” trumps your partner’s pleasure
A lot of guys don’t care much about women’s hookup pleasure says NYU sociologist, Paula England. She surveyed 24,000 students at 21 universities and says,
Guys don’t seem to care as much about women’s pleasure in the hookup, whereas they do seem to care quite a bit in the relationships.
(Yet women) seem to have this idea they’re supposed to be pleasing in both contexts.
In this situation everyone is prioritizing male satisfaction.
Dr. England also says that guys don’t care about women’s pleasure partly due to the lingering double standard that causes some men to disrespect women because they hooked up.
In that case, men are free to do as they like. But women are not.
And when a frat boy asks his brother if he scored — with a woman who felt coerced or with a semi-conscious woman who isn’t enjoying anything — these women are being assaulted. And it’s done in the name of “conquering women” … to create a sense of male superiority.
Like I said, hooking up can be dull, or even painful — and may actually turn into assault — when it’s used to create male superiority.
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Posted on May 20, 2015, in feminism, men, rape and sexual assault, sex and sexuality, sexism, violence against women, women and tagged feminism, hook up culture, men, rape, sex, sexism, sexuality, women. Bookmark the permalink. 50 Comments.