Trumpism, Manhood and Feeling Powerful vs Being Powerful

U.S. Capitol Building

As we look to the inauguration of the 46th US president, who will preside over our constitutional democratic republic, my mind travels back to January 6 when thousands of angry Trump supporters attempted to violently overthrow a free and fair election.

The rioters surely felt powerful as they stormed the U.S. Capitol, climbed its stairs and walls, bashed its windows with pro-Trump flag poles, trashed Statuary Hall and Congressional offices, and sat at the Senate Dias and in the Speaker’s seat.

But in the end they weren’t so powerful after all, their acts sparking an enormous backlash.

Continue reading at The Good Men Project.

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Why the Hostility to Black Lives?

Black Lives Matter

“Whites are taught not to have empathy for blacks.”

I read that in an article discussing hostility to the Black Lives Matter movement, but wondered: “Is that really true” And why bother to teach that?” Read the rest of this entry

Objectifying and Desiring Aren’t the Same Thing?

Objectification: she's just a body with no thoughts or feelingsWhen I was younger I wondered why feminists complained about sexual objectification. What’s wrong with finding someone attractive, I wondered? 

Now I know that objectifying and desiring aren’t the same thing. But I’ve also learned that plenty of people are confused, like I was. When I talk about objectification I get reactions like:

  • Women do it too!
  • Women check out men!
  • Girls drool over boy bands!
  • Playgirl exists! (Well, it used to.)
  • What’s wrong with desire?!

Sexual attraction is healthy and normal, right? Read the rest of this entry

I’m Voting For Joe

Presidential Candidate, Joe Biden

Election Day is just weeks away and I’ll be voting for Joe Biden for President as quickly as I can.

I’m particularly concerned with Covid-19, healthcare, the economy, race relations and women’s rights, the climate, the Supreme Court and our democracy. 
Read the rest of this entry

The Rules vs The Game

article-new_ehow_images_a06_0s_0v_standard-game-checkers-rules-1.1-800x800The Rules and The Game are manuals created to teach men and women how to attract the opposite sex. What do they tell us about the war between the sexes in this new millennium? For in these manuals, it is war. Read the rest of this entry

Do women worry about “doing it right?”

Men concerned with pleasing partners

Women concerned with pleasing partners

I asked women and men in my classes if they ever worry about whether they are “doing it right” when they have sex.

I recently wrote up my survey of young college men. Now let’s turn to the women, all of whom are 1st and 2nd year students, and almost all are in their late teens/early twenties.

I asked 80 of my women students who had sex with men (straight/bi/pan/flex) this question:

In sexual situations do you ever worry about whether you are “doing it” right?

Answer: YES: 73%            NO: 27%

Their answers were similar to the men’s. Most students did worry, at least sometimes, with 73% of women and 71% of men saying they did.

Next, I did a qualitative survey of 52 women, asking them to talk more about their answer. (Among this sub-group 71% worried about “doing it right.”)

While the women and men I surveyed were about equally likely to worry, the women sometimes described their concern a little differently from the men. Read the rest of this entry

Do men worry about “doing it right?”

Men concerned with pleasing partners

Men concerned with pleasing partners

I asked both women and men students in my classes if they ever worry about whether they are “doing it right” when they have sex.

Let’s start with the men, all of whom are 1st and 2nd year students, and most of whom are in their late teens/early twenties.

I asked 69 of my men students who had sex with women (straight/bi) this question:

In sexual situations do you ever worry about whether you are “doing it” right?

Answer:  YES: 71%            NO: 29%

So most do. And then I did another qualitative survey of 26 men, where I asked them to talk about their answer to see what their concerns revolved around. (Fyi, 65% of this sample worried about “doing it right.”) Read the rest of this entry

Seeking Men For Self-Esteem

By Maria Infante 

For as long as I can remember I looked to men for approval.

Why? Maybe it was my absent father who was only around for dinner and bed. He paid the rent but didn’t show me much interest. And he favored cousin Daniel over me.

So I made it my mission to become his favorite child. Read the rest of this entry

Men, Welcome to the Sisterhood of Womankind

Would you experience yourself differently if our gendered language flipped?

Let’s try talking about humans and the human experience as woman, womankind, sisters and sisterhood? Not man, mankind… 

Welcome all, women and men alike, to the sisterhood of womankind. Read the rest of this entry

Sexual Objectification and Me

By Annie Figueroa

I cut my jeans into skimpy shorts, befriended the weed-smoking troublemakers in detention, and ditched the classes I once cared about.

That’s how I rebelled in frustration over a learning disability that I eventually overcame.

In the meantime, my self-esteem came from self-objectification: Reducing myself to my body while neglecting the rest of me. Read the rest of this entry