Men, Welcome to the Sisterhood of Womankind

Would you experience yourself differently if our gendered language flipped?

Let’s try talking about humans and the human experience as woman, womankind, sisters and sisterhood? Not man, mankind… 

Welcome all, women and men alike, to the sisterhood of womankind.

Now, suddenly everyone is called a “she” when there’s no specific referent.

And always place females first, because we are more important: Women and men, girls and boys, sisters and brothers… When addressing holiday cards put wife first, and then husband, and then children in order of appearance. 

After all, from now on women will be heads of household.

Men identified by relationship to women

Married men will be called “Mr.” and single men will be called “Monsieur.” Because, when it comes to men, we need to know who is claimed and who is not. But all women will be addressed as Ms, married or not.

When a woman marries a man, the priestess officiating the wedding will declare them, “Woman and spouse.” The priestess then directs the bride to, “Kiss the groom.” 

From then on the husband will take on his wife’s name. John Smith marries Mary Taylor and becomes John Taylor. Or maybe Mr. Mary Taylor.

Sexy men plastered on billboards

The world will change visually, too. 

Most action heroes will now be women so when they do something gutsy go ahead and shout, “She’s got ovaries!”Sometimes our heroine will end up in male strip joints with naked guys shaking their stuff while the heroine enjoys the view before getting down to business. With the enemy vanquished the female victor may end up with a cute guy on her arm. A fitting reward.

Outside the theatre men in Speedo’s and thongs will entice us from billboards. And as we walk down the street we’ll enjoy the view of men in skin tight shirts and jeans that show off their hot abs, buns and “packages.” Women’s clothes will be a lot baggier — and a lot more comfortable.

And guys, we love you and we think you’re oh so sexy. But if you “give it up” too easily, you are a bunch of sluts!!!!

Women will “score” by having sex with as many men as possible. The highest-status among us will have notches on their beds and stables full of lovers. That’s right. Such a woman will be the pimp of her posse!

But of course some women will seek out “gentlemen of the night” to provide sex for a price. And “sirs” will run the “houses of ill repute.” Because nowadays titles that once denoted status for men will be downsized and sexualized. So of course, lesbians will be “kings,” too.

Otherwise, women will take charge and ask men out on dates, plan the dates, pick the guys up, pay, and make the first moves. So men will now have to primp, and do their best to attract us.

Men are so trivial. They care about silly, vain things like how they look (because now they have to attract us). So their looks will determine how they are judged and valued. Hope you’re a “10” honey! With a perrrrrfect body!

Men, those babbling chatter boxes 

After men have been largely removed from positions of power and prestige, they will probably spend their time chattering and babbling over trivial matters. Because who babbles? Babbies, the mentally ill and men. Women, don’t waste your time listening to them!

Women in charge

We will now worship the goddess. Women will officiate as priestesses, prophets and Popes.

In fact, women will be in charge of governments and businesses, too. With a smattering of males here and there, women will mostly head Fortune 500 companies. Men will largely be house-husbands.

When a man does have a high status job, he will be called “a male CEO” or “a male president,” for instance, so that it will be clear that generally, those are women’s roles. We will now use words like chairwoman even if a man holds the job.

Never let a man dominate you

And women, if you ever see a man dominating a woman, you tell her, “Stop being cockwhipped!” 

After all that

After all that do you feel a shift in how you see yourself?

The world would be no better with female dominance. I’m for equality and partnership. But what I describe here is what we have now — or have had very recently — except in reverse.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on April 21, 2020, in gender and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 88 Comments.

  1. I’m all for equality, but wouldn’t it be cool to see what the world or our everyday lives would look like if woman-dominated or ruled the world. Yes, not only would it empower women on so many levels, but it can help women dream or achieve careers without feeling the need to prove something because that is a male-run career or job. If this was real, then women all over the world could breathe. Not only would we be running the world, but we could finally have a real say in things that affect us without men’s bias.

  2. The post builds sisterhood as a group that views men from a role-reversed vantage point. Women’s societal and cultural moorings – both traditional and vagabond – are unapologetically applied to men. Men in subservient relationships to women, men as objects of desire, waiting to be claimed and owned, and men caricatured as weak, chatting, babblers who owe themselves to women who look after the world’s affairs in religion, government, and business – men who owe their existence to The Sisterhood. This visage, as presented is a highly tempting, utopian picture. Amidst its glow, we also need to recognize the traditional roots of sisterhood – a group identity that was denied by existing patriarchy, both within and outside the home. Sisterhood, first depended on womanhood. As womanhood emerged and took shape, sisterhood too faced similar struggles. Women were unable to bridge the generational and cultural gap with other women who were separated by age, familial structures, and class – for example, daughters and mothers, or mothers-in-law, or maids. Women metaphorically, stood behind their men, shielded and hidden from other women who themselves stood behind their own men. Male-oriented kinship and political structures (inside and outside the family) have obscured the notion that women (as daughters, sisters, and mothers) have a group identity (across race, religion, class, and nationality), all of their own.

  3. I’ve always found the fact that men proceed women in most English language norms. I’m a native English speaker, but the way the language approaches gender has always seemed to be men first and women second. Whereas when I was learning other languages (Spanish + French) with male/female pronouns there did seem to be more male pronouns, but there was no discernible hierarchy to their usage. Even as a young child it always bugged me that man was its own word, and woman seems to be “man” with a prefix or “add on.” It’s even the same with male and female, but the only language that I know of that does this is English.

  4. The article brings the idea of women being the dominant gender instead of men. It brings the idea that men are always put first than women. When the roles are reversed it seems to bring out the idea that men are bais on certain aspects of women. If the women were the dominant gender it plays almost the same way that men view women. The thought that comes to mind after reading this is that we all have to make a change in how we view each other. The part that brings the whole article is when it says “The world would be no better with female dominance” meaning that no matter who is the dominant gender we would still have a gender issue.

    • The thing about language is that both women and men internalize it so that it seems natural and normal. It is not man’s fault or women’s fault. But it is so unconscious that it needs to come to consciousness in order to change.

  5. While I was reading this article I learned so many new things that shocked me and made me angry. I never noticed that in most phrases it has always been the male first, like men and women, or boys and girls. I guess that since I have always been raised in a male-dominant society it has just been marked as normal for girls to always come after boys. I thoroughly enjoyed this article as well, I liked seeing this new perspective in a passive-aggressive way. I am sure that men reading this article were shocked and definitely felt their self-esteem falter. I wonder how different society would now be if women were put before men, how different rules and laws would be. Do you think there would be a Roe V. Wade but for vasectomies? This article creates a great discussion on whether or not society should have one dominant sex, and I think that is something not a lot of people talk about. There shouldn’t be one better sex, race, person, nothing. If we have those higher values towards one person it alters how we see everyone else. No one should be thought of as lesser or unworthy of things just because that’s who they are, and they can’t change it. You can not change your race or who you are, so why should we create such monarchy values with sex and race? It is a screwed system and the best way to fix it is to stop thinking about who is better and to start realizing that we are all the same.

  6. Until reading this article, I never realized that males come first “boys and girls,” “husband and wife” and little sayings that place significance on the male dominance “you may now kiss the bride” or the “female CEO” of that company even the term “gamer girl.” These are all seen as male dominant roles and when a female is in that position, there has to be an emphasis on the female wording. Even the idea of having the words god vs goddesses, priest vs priestess is to emphasize the gender of whomever occupies that role. We are currently going through the feminist movement, yet without even knowing or thinking about it, we use terms of male dominance in everyday life even when the idea of non-binary is at an all time large.

  7. The last sentence in the article, “The world would be no better with female dominance”, really resonated with me. I think it captures the true nature of curiosity in this article. There is no overpowering interest in vocalizing the belief in the ability of women and there is no intention of degrading them either. I believe that the importance of equity and equality in partnership is the key to a healthy relationship and t will not benefit from dominance from either side unless that is a behavior preferred by both parties. I have always believed that my stance on judging anyone partnership is none of my business but I have always felt comfortable speaking up if I feel like someone is being unfairly treating and they will benefit from my saying so. The dynamic of women with women can be such an empowering force but I will admit that the way women interact with each other vs men interacting with each other is a different dynamic. I think this is because of the expectations society has put on both genders regarding how to carry yourself in public and behind closed doors, it becomes an identity that is eventually habitual (like crossing your legs, for example).

  8. This is a great post!!! I was really drawn in with ALL the examples of role reversal. This reminds me of a book I’m reading, WOMEN’S REALITIES, WOMENS CHOICES, in the beginning of the book it tries to explain the difference between equality and the same. I think this blog post did an even better job of bringing home that point that the two are not one and the same. I think this blog really shows men how biased the language is towards men. I agree equality is the goal, not sameness or dominance. From a female standpoint I was excited to read this post, I cheered and smiled at the idea of not being the lesser of the two sexes, however at the end when digesting the whole article I realized the point was not to now have men experience and feel all we as women have felt but to educate and change the culture. Thank you! Great Read. Is it bad to say a female-dominated world would be cool to see for a day?

    • Thanks. Several of my male students have come up after class when I go through this and tell me they are shocked and had no idea how women experienced the world. Of course it’s a different experience because women have heard it for so long that they don’t even notice it anymore. But think how that internalization unconsciously affects things like self-confidence.

      I agree it would be cool to see it for a day.

  9. A stark and revealing narrative of what our world would have looked like, if men had been less inclined to conquer, less greedy, less corrupt. But it has to be acknowledged that to every negative there is a positive, to every yin, a yang. So if we reverse purposes, not solely in occupational roles or functional behavior, but in character and ethics, then that would entail men take on the compassionate, resilient, free thinking attributions; and I just don’t see men taking up that part. As you noted, a world where women are dominant would be no better a world than the one in which we live. There is the possibility that everything may still be drowning in conflict, and riddled by poverty and hunger. Yet, women, still being the bearers of children, will be steadfast in their nurturing, understanding, and humane spirit (for the most part). And men, won’t stay “submissive” for very long. Reversing the roles seem plausible and wonderful, women won’t be seen as less than, won’t be treated as the other, will not be assumed to be incapable. Women would be respected, honored, put first, and be given responsibility. However, I doubt that just because men are placed in positions of homemakers and bystanders to the major decisions of the world, we could imply their personal beliefs to cower in the shadows. Men will still rise up, still demand more (if not equality), still empower themselves to make changes, still desire freedom of choice and expression, still fight for their rights, etc etc. Only this time, without the the gift of the nature of being a mother; as I said, women would still be the bearers of children (if we are sticking to our biology in this alternative world), thus the greed of man may eventually shine through like weeds growing through concrete. Understandably, not all mothers have the “motherly instincts”, but the majority of women are far more compassionate than men. This is why our fight for equality, is just that: equality, not dominance. I can’t say it would be the same, had men been in our position.

    • Yes. The goal is equality.

      But switching things around helps us to see things we wouldn’t otherwise see. So many of us are blind to the inequality in our world and switching things reveals it.

  10. From reading this article I found it a bit humorous, especially the scenario where John may become Mr. Mary Taylor. This brought to light how the world has yet to completely make man and woman equal. I believe it will be a very long time before this ever happens, and if it were to happen I think the word gender would no longer have meaning. With the recent pass of Amendment 1 to restrict abortions to Louisiana residents it is ridiculous men are able to vote on such an amendment. Perhaps not on the same level but imagining a restriction on the use of condoms, as all living cells matter, passed by a majority of women doesn’t show equality. When it comes to sex based issues they should be kept to be decided by that sex. In general, this article shows a majority of the world is made by men to accommodate men.

  11. I feel that because we’re historically inclined and accustomed to follow the tradition of a patriarchal society, it might take some getting used to a matriarchal society. However, I would like to see what it would be like to see a world where women are dominant in terms of morality. I don’t necessarily think we would slut-shame men like men do to women, however I am enticed to see what ideals and morals would change. I mean to say this because I don’t necessarily think we would even think the same to adopt a male-dominant mindset when women are dominant in this world. I think that instead of focusing so much on image, we would focus more on personality, perhaps. We would think more before we acted, and maybe even then we wouldn’t be so keen on image like we are now in the present world.
    I remember seeing this dynamic a lot in a movie, if I recall it was the biographical TV movie on Lucille Ball’s life. I saw that Desi Arnaz would always be called Mr. Ball, and coming from a very male-dominant society, it always made him mad. It was quite uncomfortable seeing how he was always referred to as Mr. Ball, and how the media always saw scandal and disarray in their marriage because Lucy was older than Desi.

  12. This is a very interesting post because formally I never truly imagined how different it would be even on the surface if the male and female gender roles were flipped. Life would be immensely different and more difficult for men under this new order of society, especially concerning their self image let alone how they interact in the world. As a woman, I’ve always been aware of the social implications gender roles have imposed on me, but now I can see it on a more on the surface. No one would want to undergo this treatment, and when forced to see it in this perspective men would not be first in line to experience life in this way. When a man and woman get married traditionally the priest says, “You are now man and wife”. This clearly shows how women are objectified and taught from a young age they are nothing unless they one day become somebodies wife. It is clear that I would not want my daughters to live in a world that is described in this post or my sons. We must work towards a world where we do not put these limitations on anyone. We must all work towards a world where men and women are truly equal, and we simply have no idea how that would look or what benefits this will have on us all. We would need to strip away the idea that one gender has more power over the other and accept our differences putting them together to make a world where we can all live freely with each other. Men would have to let go of their power and idea that they must exert dominance over women to exist in this world, and women would have to accept that it would not be better the other way around. Even if it only seems ideal, there is a possible world where both male and female can exist equally and we must work towards this for our future generations to come.

  13. I haven’t really had the opportunity to clearly look at the impact that male dominance has on our everyday lives. This blog post was very eye opening, especially in regards to the sayings that we have ingrained into our minds. The post brought up the final lines in marriage, which is only one of many examples in society where males are dominate over females. It is astonishing to see every part of society that we believe and have grown up in, to be seen as clearly dominate by males. I completely agree that it is important to view relationships in society as being partnerships with out dominance. Hopefully in the future, women will be able to have equal say.

  14. This post opened my eyes to the way that everything down to the smallest details is tailored around the man. I remember being in middle school and feeling outraged at the irony Declaration of Independence saying that all MEN are created equal: what about the independence and liberation and equality of the other half of the world? But, back then, in no way did I realize how much this erasure extended into every facet of life. From titles to expressions to gendered insults that highlight the virgin-whore dichotomy, women are subject to internalized oppression. Expressions like “behind every man is a woman” fail to empower women as they just further reinforce the idea that a woman’s role is to be an accessory to the man. Phrases like “trophy wife,” “just sit still and look pretty,” or “you should smile more” have perpetuated discontent and depression, a life without purpose or meaning, and diminished any sense of self-worth. Another example that fits in with the themes of this post, is we need a female president and her husband should simply be the First Man. Many people refer to those that want women to be seen as above men, as feminazis. So with that logic, we should be calling all men Nazis as, in the world we live in now, men see themselves as superior. Women have been caught between being rendered invisible, without a place in positions of power, and being scrutinized for their bodies, sexual desires, emotions, and more. Hashtags like #sayhername and missing herstories need to be brought to the forefront of societal issues and the steps in the right direction for equality all start with awareness. Silence fuels systemic oppression and exploitation and this post does the perfect job of breaking away from that by drawing attention to and dismantling so many standards set for women in a powerful reversal of roles.

  15. I have never really thought about all the ways men are refenced as the dominant role over the female. I’m not naïve but perhaps I have just been accustomed to the norms that society has created. For instance, I have never considered the fact that the priest says, “you may now kiss the bride” or it is my pleasure to introduce “Mr. & Mrs.”. I also never thought about the way women are labeled as single or married based on their prefixes. These small items are another way that male’s dominant society. I completely agree with the statement that “the world would be no better with female dominance”. Feminists fighting for females’ rights are not looking for dominance but for equality. Most women want the same opportunities that men have. If a woman has the same skills, experience, and education income should be equivalent. Equality is necessary for society to change the norms of the roles for women.

    • Yeah, I wrote up this thought experiment because it would be very unusual if you had thought about things the other way around. Flipping gender can be very enlightening.

  16. This article really puts into perspective how normalized sexism and objectifying woman is. When something is normalized and seen as the standard (for example woman being identified by a relationship to a man, taking a man’s last name, men being in charge), many can be blind or forget how big of an issue sexism is overall. This article lists so many examples of sexism in our world, and shows the range of aspects sexism applies to. From the media, like movies and billboards, to marriage, to politics and people in positions of power, sexism is so prominent, and anyone growing up constantly surrounded by these standards can easily be influenced. This can go for men, thinking it is okay to objectify women or get positions easier just because of his gender, or women constantly suffering the negative consequences of being objectified or looked down upon or possibly getting paid less or not getting a certain position because of her gender (among many other negative effects).

  17. This post was both eye opening and cringe inducing, it was strange to go from “wow no way never thought of it like that” to “wow it really is like that damn”. It’s strange, I found most of this to be almost comical, the idea of men in thongs showing their stuff, men being titled Mr. or Monsieur to indicate their availability, a woman being “cockwhipped,” I couldn’t help but imagine this as some sort of raunchy satirical comedy, one that I’d most certainly watch. But that just brings me back to the reality of the situation, a reality I already knew existed, but this has put it into a new light, maybe a more digestible light. The ridiculousness of it all is in fact, a reality, just not my reality. I couldn’t help but feel kind of bad when I was reading the bits about primping myself in an effort to attract women, or being called a slut for maybe even hanging around too many women. Even though this is a hypothetical I found myself saying “what if I want to look good simply because I want to?” or “well what if I like being around these women simply because I enjoy their company?” There’s a lot to take away from this, ideas that I think will, at least for me, take time to fully digest, but I am genuinely grateful for this post, I really like it.

  18. Thank you for posting – I found this to be an incredible thought experiment. Initially, I was quite gleeful in imagining a world where female dominance was the norm. I felt my body relax, reading about a made-up world where I wouldn’t have to constantly justify my ability – and right – to take up space and simply exist. Some of your proposed scenarios made me laugh too – how men’s reactions to reading this post could be that of outrage by a world where they would have to change their name in marriage, women being the heads of religious orders, or being only seen as sex objects. I wonder what that would feel like… As you say, welcome to the sisterhood!

    But as I continued reading, I became more and more uncomfortable with this flipped reality. My first feeling of empowerment turned to deep concern. Just because I have experienced these inequalities and injustices as a woman, doesn’t mean I want a man to have to suffer to understand. When we talk about feminism, we are dealing with millennia of being believed to be inferior, unclean, and sinful. Which is a lot to unpack, to say the least. Yes, there have been atrocities done to the female population, and unfortunately, some of those atrocities still occur today. But to exchange one domination for another seems like a tyrannical take over to me – something I am in no way for.

    Through my experience as a non-Black POC woman, I’ve seen and dealt with some pretty nasty stuff. But that doesn’t mean that I want another person (probably a white person in this instance) to have to experience that as well to “earn their stripes” or to “get it.” I simply want people who have more privilege than I do to listen, understand, and actively change their ways of thinking and doing. Perhaps simply isn’t the right word – because this has proved to be very difficult for people. But this act of allyship is amazingly powerful and can spark immediate momentum and movement. The more we listen and take in, the more we can expand our horizons for change, healing, and forward progress.

    There is a lot of work to be done – just based on the many examples you give in your post. The fact that you could flip so many scenarios proves that inequality of the sexes has infiltrated practically every aspect of our society and culture. I love your idea of “equal partners.” That is an incredible addition to the definition and understanding of feminism.

  19. After reading this post, I have come to realize how much of our society caters to the male experience. I’ve probably never noticed before because it’s been catering to my experience long before I even existed. It’s quite sorrowful knowing that we’ve been treating women like this for generations, where this behavior has become the norm shown in various instances that are meant to be special; just like in marriages. How come we don’t use “You can now kiss the groom”? If marriage is supposed to represent the love and unity of two people, then gender norms shouldn’t be a part of such an event. Although I can only speak for myself, I see where men have gone wrong, and I know where we can do better.

    • You haven’t noticed for the same reason none of us really do, until you do a thought experiment like the one I wrote. We start hearing language from the time we are tiny, and before we are sophisticated enough to question it. Having heard language that privileges men our entire lives it starts to seem natural and normal. It works like covert propaganda.

  20. Often, when something is so ingrained in society that it is normal, it requires a new perspective to see just how awful it is—and that is exactly what this article does. It is easy to see imbalance between men and women, but completely flipping the gender roles creates a contrast that really emphasizes how truly sexist our society is.

    Something that really struck me, however, was one of the last sentences in the article: “The world would be no better with female dominance.” In fighting for feminism, it is all too easy to go to the other extreme and demand, in some twisted sense, justice by overturning all men in positions of power and replacing them with women. What results is this increasing divide between men and women that forces you to choose a side instead of fighting together for equality. This is something I have definitely seen on social media and when speaking with friends—if I speak up against sexism, I am mocked as a “feminazi” by my male friends; if I speak against radical feminism, I am seen as a betrayer of my own sex by my female friends. It is hard to find a balance, but I believe we must if we want to change as a society.

    • Patriarchy is a form of dominance culture. When you are raised in a dominance culture it can be hard to imagine other possibilities. So feminism can seem like female dominance. But really, feminism has a different mindset: partnership. The equality of partners.

  21. This article really highlights the stigmatic affects practiced within society of which females have unfortunately endured for centuries. The mere specified use of language can degrade or dignify an entire entity. The use of, familiar, male dominant dialect and motions within society has demonstrated degradation of women, trans-women and cis-women, for centuries. This continues to be noticed even in subtlest ways. I appreciate the concept of feminizing language and practicing the belief that the societal norm could be geared towards female supremacy. This could change the perception of gender supremacy towards a matriarchal point of view. Allowing empowerment to a the once, and continued, inferior gender. However, this would essentially depict the same sex/gender inequity this society is currently familiar with. The thought of having “roles” change for a period of time to show the variants of gender inequality is entertaining, I do not see that it would fix inequity among genders. However, this article and many other forms of exposure to the reality of this type of segregation will hopefully help add perspective and bring reform. The hope would be to eventually develop a compatible medium with equality among genders, but at times it sounds like an unrealistic dream.

  22. Monique Tiscareno

    I saw myself in this example. I am a middle child that grew up as a tomboy with older brothers in a single-mother household. There has always been a woman who is charged in my life from all of my school teachers and caregivers my mother had 9 sisters so I had 9 aunts. My mother grew up in the Chicana era and so did her siblings. That rubbed off on me and being a Tomboy, my guy friends’ traits rubbed off on me as well. My first husband that was an infantry soldier in the Army with 3 tours completed when we got married, he took my last name. As a single mother of 2 kids, they both carry my last name as well rather than their fathers. I saw men leave families so I didn’t want my kids to carry the name of someone that could possibly leave. I explain to people that ask, I carried them for nine months did all the work and continue to do all the work, PTA, field trips, doctors’ appointments, dentist appointments, etc. and I am head of the household financially and physically so why wouldn’t they have my last name. Their usual response makes sense.

  23. Wow! I thought that I am getting offended by reading this article! It is an eye-opening topic regarding what men have done to our women for many years. When I said I am offended I meant that the entire scenario looked really sad for men and of course it is the other way around! People do not feel or understand the bad situation until it happens to themselves. I hope our men by reading this blog realize how discriminating the world is for our women. One part that caught my attention the most, was about lesbiens becoming kings. As it rings the bell that these days people use queens for any manner since the level of queens has been historically lower than kings as a ruler of the country who should be followed by his queens. Not anymore, if the world was the opposite way as in this blog. At the end, I hope we will find a balance in our societies and cultures where people are not being judged by their gender color and languages.

  24. This was very eye-opening because it made me realize how normal it is for men to have superior roles. I was never bothered by this before because I usually have not faced disadvantages due to my gender growing up. In fact, my parents encourage me to be successful, and I never imagined that my gender could get in the way of me reaching success. I can’t believe how oblivious I have been to this sexist reality of our world. It is only when women switch places with men that you can see the ridiculousness of the way women are treated and viewed. The way we speak also influences women; one example you mentioned was that in an opposite world, a man with a high status job would be called “a male CEO” or “a male president”. I don’t think I ever noticed the inherent sexism of using female as an adjective to describe a woman with a high status job. The depictions of CEOs and presidents have always been male, so by describing a powerful woman as “a female CEO”, it promotes the concept that CEO is generally a man’s role. I agree that women should be equal with men and not have dominance.

    • So many subtle cues are out there teaching women that they are inferior and teaching men that they are superior, and teaching men that women are inferior and teaching women that men are superior. It all becomes embedded in our brains from a young age. The only way out is to become aware and begin to critique what is happening.

  25. Thanks for the compliment.

    “Chris Brown grew up watching his stepfather beating up his mother and promised himself that he would do the opposite. And I imagine he probably spent time trying to be kind and gentle. But then I’m sure you’ve heard about the report about beating up his girlfriend Rihanna.”

    Yeah, it seems like the problem with Chris Brown has a ton of anger that he’s never addressed and that has boiled out. It’s not just the him beating up rihanna, but seems like it’s affected him and maybe why he’s been abusing to women, which he’s been a loose cannon because of his past. I heard how he was also on an mtv show like later that year or a year after and he got pissed at an interviewer or something. And he threw a tantrum and like broke stuff in the room and smashed a window or something. So it’s very apparent, he has serious anger issues and has desperately needed anger management therapy.

    Whether he’s done so or committed to it, idk, but it seems past traumas have gotten in the way of him being the kind person he might have ideally wanted to be. And that’s because of deep rooted, strong anger that he doesn’t know how to cope with it seems. I also wonder and it’s definitely not an excuse. I don’t care if you’ve been through hard times. It allows to have empathy, but not when a person like Chris puts his trauma on others like rihanna. When a person goes through that, it needs to be addressed and not to feel they have a free pass to harm people, which is never ok.

    I wonder though if his domestic abuse towards women or a deep rooted anger towards women despite seeing his mother abused, because of him having been raped as a child. But it’s sub conscious. It obviously does not excuse is behavior but can provide rationale to where anger is coming from. Chris Brown was raped, as a child, there’s not other way to put it. I know there’s 16 year old boys that have sex with older women and that’s rape, but I can see how people will argue that. But 8 years old? Idc who you are, that is rape. I mean that’s pedophilia for crying out loud. And It sounds by his comment that his conscious mind treated it like it’s good or something, but it has bothered him deep inside, maybe subconsciously, but he never got therapy because he never allowed himself to feel vulnerable to address it.

    “He lost his virginity when he was eight years old, to a local girl who was 14 or 15. Seriously? “Yeah, really. Uh-huh.” He grins and chuckles. “It’s different in the country.” Brown grew up with a great gang of boy cousins, and they watched so much porn that he was raring to go. “By that point, we were already kind of like hot to trot, you know what I’m saying? Like, girls, we weren’t afraid to talk to them; I wasn’t afraid. So, at eight, being able to do it, it kind of preps you for the long run, so you can be a beast at it. You can be the best at it.”

    A 14 year old girl having sex with him when he was 8? wow. Let’s not also mention him watching porn at only 8, that’s disturbing to know as well. That is messed up and can see how he really got messed up. You have him seeing his mother being beat up and then being raped or molested at 8 and being involved with sexuality and porn at way way too young of an age. I can’t help to feel a lot of his anger, perhaps subconscious toward women might’ve come from him being sexually abused at 8 even though he pretends it didn’t effect him. No excuse for his behavior as he needed to get therapy and not take his anger out on anyone. But it gives you a perspective to see where this rage could have come from.

    • I hadn’t heard about the rape in addition to the trauma of watching his mother get beaten up. He has had a lot of trauma. And in addition, as you know, a lot of pornography is pretty misogynistic in addition to all that.

      So attacking women could be partly due to what he has witnessed of women being attacked by men whether his stepfather attacking his mother or the pornography. And a woman raped him so he might be angry with women for that too. It’s hard to say for sure but that would all make sense.

      I agree that no experience gives a person permission to treat others with abuse.

  26. I liked to share songs. I’m sharing this, because I heard it on the radio and thought it was a good song. Made me think of the melody of Imagine Dragons. I thought it was an old song I just heard because the name of the band sounded similar, but it’s new from where I’m at and just started playing on the radio. Some regions get songs earlier and later than others., Anyway, I knew it was a sad song by the lyrics even before seeing the video. It’s a sad song, I knew it was about domestic violence from the lyrics or had a feeling. I makes me think of the song Janies Got a gun by Aerosmith back in the day. But the song tells the story of an abused girlfriend so desperate and so fearful that she felt she had to kill her boyfriend or else she might not live or not have freedom. The lyric was telling and sad here

    “Still in shock from the blast, sure the neighbors heard it
    Now or never, crossed a man that it wasn’t worth it
    No regrets from what the judge calls a bad decision
    Now she’s doing twenty years in a women’s prison”

    “She’s flying high in her cell, she can finally breathe
    She’s flying high outta hell, now she finally free
    Man, he fed her to the lions, that monster
    He promised her diamonds for silence
    It’s the history of violence”

    Feeling so scared and trapped that a woman’s prison was freedom to an abused woman or freedom compared to what she went though. That’s so sad and telling. A powerful song though.

    • Thanks for sharing this! The idea that prison is greater freedom than domestic violence reminds me of something I read recently about women in Afghanistan who break the law to get into prison and away from their abusers.

      It’s so sad that some people treat other people this way. They say hurt people hurt people, but hurting others doesn’t solve the root problem — you just stay in your little personal hell. Too bad abusers don’t get some help.

      • I wonder how many men who are abusers were abused as children by their parents or what I’ve heard is that the chance of a man being abusive increases ten fold if he grows up in said household. I thought boys who lived in homes where their dad or father figure beat up their mothers were more likely to be abusers themselves when they became adults. Such a traumatizing thing to grow up with as a kid but it’s weird that it happens. You’d think they’d be so disgusted by the behavior that they’d hate men and be more affectionate and caring to women. It seems like guys who go through and and perhaps our culture shapes it so that boys traumatized by it, don’t know how to cope and release this pain. They don’t know how to express it other than in anger, which unfortunately seems like this anger they channel to their spouse and treat as punching bags from this deep sadness, but don’t know how to channel it the right way and instead it’s anger that comes out.

        What I’ve realized is that sadness and anger are very close or not far apart. They can be so interconnected. You ever get so mad and feeling helpless that you have like angry tears? You ever have such sadness that your anger sometimes comes out? The difference is perhaps from culture women aren’t trained to hold things and allowed to express, that they can express and self-heal better or get help, that they can channel their hurt in many versatile ways. Whereas, if a guy can only express his hurt in anger, then it seems he’s destined to possibly be an impulsive, violent, angry man. It’s not just domestic abuse, but it seems guys like that are the one’s to more likely start fights or get in bar fights with other men, or you hear about the nutjobs getting violent from road rage, etc.

        If abusers try to get help does it work though? It sounded like you said it’s a mixed bag. It’s probably like drug and other addictions with rehab. People may go, but if they aren’t committed to making a change, the rehab won’t help. An abuser probably has to be dedicated to making a sincere change and going through all the steps needed or that the therapist believes the person must do and commit to everyday going forward for a long period of time most likely, or else risk relapse.

      • Hey Bob, so good to hear from you! I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner but I had to do a lot of work on computers and my eyes were bothering me so I put off comments for a little bit since they weren’t mandatory in the moment.

        Yeah, the most common thing abusers have in common is witnessing abuse in childhood. And while you would think that witnessing your mom being beaten up would make you more likely to want to not behave that way — and abusers do exactly that. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

        Patrick Stewart, best known for playing Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek, grew up with a violent father and has devoted his life to fighting against violence against women. So having witness violence doesn’t condemn men to becoming abusers themselves.

        But other men who grow up committed to treating women well because they were so upset by what they witnessed can nonetheless end up becoming abusers themselves. Chris Brown grew up watching his stepfather beating up his mother and promised himself that he would do the opposite. And I imagine he probably spent time trying to be kind and gentle. But then I’m sure you’ve heard about the report about beating up his girlfriend Rihanna.

        Trauma doesn’t always create logical outcomes. Boys in particular are taught that they are supposed to be in control but growing up in a violent household makes them feel out of control and sometimes the way they deal with getting a sense of control back is by beating someone up. It has a certain logic but the act isn’t logically carried out. It comes from a place of mental disturbance.

        Your discussion in which you make the connection between sadness and anger makes so much sense. And in the gendered way that you put it. Women are taught that the one emotion they can’t show is anger and so it’s not uncommon for anger to come out as tears. And yes, I have gotten so mad that I’ve had angry tears. And it’s not uncommon for women to cry in the workplace for just that reason.

        Men, on the other hand are told that the one thing they can’t show his weakness. And tears are seen as weak: “boys don’t cry.” So when men feel sad or depressed they take an experience that feels weak to them and do emotion management to shape it into anger. So a man who is sad or depressed often times ends up beating someone up, or flying into road rage.

        From what I understand it is possible for men to stop behaving this way but they have to be very committed and go through a lot of therapy. But a lot of men, because they’re taught they’re not supposed to be “weak” and see therapy as a weakness, won’t seek out therapy or admit that they need it even if they are directed there by a judge.

        By the way, your writing has gotten so much better! This was quite well written.

  27. It’s interesting because a lot of gender roles have move apart or not as rigid, But it’s not work or career that is the biggest gender role difference or hang up with men and women now or onward. But seems to be actually sex and dating realm. Not just the way both think and do things but how both express themselves in relation is the biggest difference. People’s perceptions may have changed a little more or how women and men can act or more wiggle room. But the one where it’s still very confined or alteast for men is in the sex and dating part. It’s the slowest moving part. Thing might be more open minded compared to older times, but its one of the most rigid parts still upon masculinity.

  28. Well, which male would object to the idea of females leading the world and taking up jobs which are either reserved for males or are dominated by males for any reason whatsoever? I find it quite appealing.
    In fact, we might have less wars and violence in such an alternate reality. Hoping that it doesn’t remain alternate.
    There is an ugly side of patriarchy which harms men quite a lot. As a man, he is expected to be the sole provider of the family and he is expected to work for long hours. He is also expected to initiate conversation with women or even ask women out, just because he is a man. Why?
    In a gender equal world, females should have equal privileges and responsibilities which men have.
    The idea is brilliant though Madam.. !! Thank you for sharing.. 🙂

    • Men are definitely hurt by patriarchy and I have written about that before. Here’s an excerpt from one of my posts:

      Sexism against men comes from sexism against women

      In a final irony, whenever MRAs point out sexism against men, it turns out that the problem is sexism against women. A few examples:

      Men pay more for car insurance
      If a woman and a man are both in a car, he is more likely to take the leader role and drive. So he’s also more likely to get into an accident. And guys are more likely to drive recklessly, or drunk, or both in attempts to prove manhood.

      Solution: Stop seeing men as leaders. And stop ranking men above women, because that leads them to do risky things to prove they deserve the status of “man.”

      Family court is against father’s rights
      The best way to determine custody is “best interest of the child.” Women tend to be given physical custody because they are more likely to sacrifice work for family, and so they end up with a closer bond to the child.

      Solution: If women and men equally worked and parented then the best interest of the child would be physical custody by both parents.

      Or, men could become stay-at-home dads. When they make the sacrifices and become closer to the child, the child’s life becomes less disrupted if dad gains custody.

      MRAs complain that women tend to “marry up” — to marry men who outrank them in earnings and status. And they don’t like it because it leaves lower-earning men out of the marriage market.

      Actually, in the US women and men typically marry someone of equal status.

      But to the extent that women do “marry up” patriarchy is the culprit. And patriarchy also encourages men to “marry down.” So it goes both ways. Regardless, the couple is uncomfortable when a woman has higher status than the man in the relationship.

      Solution: Gender equality so that men won’t feel threatened by successful women, and women won’t feel they must have a partner who is above them in status.

      But I’m not quite sure you got the effect that words play on our subconscious. Not sure if your native language is English, which might have an effect.

      • Without deviating into what activists say, lets focus on the solutions as you said.
        What you suggested as solutions are very much desirable, but I don’t think they can be implemented practically.
        As I said before, a world dominated by females is much more desirable, but how to achieve that?
        Car Insurance: Men pay more premium not because they are considered as “heads of families”, but because data says that they are inferior drivers and hence, carry risk. Now Insurance Companies will invariably ask for more money to cover the risk. Its purely based on financial considerations, not societal ones.

        Child’s custody: Partially agreed that patriarchy has made people believe that mothers are more caring, hence children should stay with mothers. Men have an uphill task because they have to prove with evidence that they have taken care of the child or can take care of the child in a better way. Partially agreed, patriarchy harms men.
        Your suggestion of being a stay at home dad is OK as long as the mother makes enough money. Again, if that’s not the case, then the father has to get out to work as well, purely due to financial considerations. And that’s where patriarchy will play its cards in court.

        Hypergamy: Of course gender equality is the solution. But how do you propose to implement it in this case?
        I mean, would a parent give her daughter away to a man who earns less than her daughter? The daughter may not mind, she may be happy. But think of this from a parent’s perspective (which is wrong, but the couple still has to marry)

        As I say, a gender equal world or even a female dominated world is ideal. But how to achieve such a scenario where parents will accept that their daughters can be the sole breadwinners of the family???? The husband will accept, so will the children, thats fine and encouraging.

      • Hmmm you must only be skimming my writings because I’m not making any of the arguments you say I do. Sometimes I’m saying the opposite, other times, I’m making entirely different arguments from those you say I’m making. Please try to read more carefully.

        I definitely don’t think that female dominance is a good thing or a solution. Please go back and read the post. I specifically said I don’t like female dominance. The post was a thought piece to help people see how our language that comes from a domination mindset affects our psychology in a negative way. I want a partnership society not a society dominated by either women or men.

        I think part of the reason you’re having a hard time understanding what I’m saying is that you seem to come from a strongly patriarchal part of the world. And strongly patriarchal worlds make us think in terms of one group dominating another and it’s difficult to think in terms of equality.

        Addressing your points, first, I never said that men pay higher premiums on car insurance because they are head families. Men pay higher premiums on car insurance because men are taught to take risks more than women are. Their risky behavior too often comes in the form of risky driving, and more accidents. Maybe that’s an American thing so, coming from another country you maybe didn’t get that. (And specifically, American patriarchy says men are superior, so men must constantly prove their manhood — prove they deserve that superiority — and one way they do that is proving how brave they are by engaging in risky behavior more than women do. Under patriarchy, women needn’t do brave/risky things to prove they hold the inferior status of woman.)

        Child custody: it’s not that patriarchy makes women more caring, is that our patriarchal set up has women in the position of caretaker for children so that the children become more bonded to their mothers and judges, ruling in terms of the child’s best interest, give women custody. It’s not about me and proving anything to judges. The judges ask children who they would rather live with, and since most children are more bonded to their mothers, having spent more time with them and being more nurtured more by them, they choose their mothers. If men and women equally parented children wouldn’t be more bonded to their mothers and men would have equal chance at custody.

        In an equal society men and women would make equal money. So that overcomes the other problem you mention.

        You have a hard time getting outside of a “domination mindset” and into a “partnership mindset.” Please note that I did not suggest men become stay at home dad’s. I suggested that women and men parent equally.

        A gender equality solution to hypergamy: parents wouldn’t give their daughters away to anyone. You would have an equal society and adult women and men would choose their ow marriage partners.

        A society that gives daughters away is a domination culture. The girl isn’t given any real choice.

        Gender equal societies are not impossible to implement. 99% of the human experience has been gender equality. 99% of the human experience has been forager cultures and those cultures are universally tender equal. They are also partnership rather than dominance oriented. Historically you don’t get widespread patriarchy until agriculture. See this: “What Created Patriarchy? Many Possibilities”

        A female dominant world would be just as bad as the male dominant world we have now.

        Luckily, world cultures are moving toward gender equality. The Nordic societies are very partnership oriented, including gender equality, of course. The United States, Great Britain and other western societies are also much more partnership-oriented and gender equal than in the past. Our younger generation is much more partnership-oriented and gender equal than older generations. We can, and are, moving back into the more natural human condition of gender equality.

      • “men are taught to take risks more than women are.”

        Oh boy. Seriously? You seriously don’t think it’s testosterone?

        Look at the crazy stuff men are doing on YouTube on motorbikes. Just one example among dozens, there is a whole genre of Youtube video of men, doing wheelies on the street, and running from the police, filming it and uploading it. No girls doing this, zero. Now who in society is teaching them to do this? Literally every facet of society from parents, to schools to the legal system is doing its utmost to say don’t do this, and yet men continue to do stuff like this. But you’re living in the deluded world that girls would do this too if they were taught.

      • Because we value men and masculinity more than women and femininity men constantly feel pressure to prove their manhood. They feel they have to prove that they deserve that high status. Women don’t have to prove their womanhood. Women don’t have to prove that they deserve a lower status. So one way that many men try to prove their manhood is to try to demonstrate their courage by doing risky things. Some men learn this more than others. It even varies by social class and culture how much men learn that they need to demonstrate courage through risky behavior. In the upper classes men are more likely to prove their worth by financial success, which doesn’t need to be risky. The upper class men of George Washington’s time demonstrated their high status by being gentle men — gentlemen — of great economic worth.

  29. I’m just writing to see if my post was sent or not. I couldn’t remember as far as the music video. I used to be able to see pending posts without having to post, but now it only shows if I post something

  30. It’s a shame that society has subconsciously accepted this behavior. I am ashamed to admit that I too had become oblivious to how sexist society is, especially in our language when referring to a group of people or even one person individually. In every situation the man is placed in the dominant position. We have all accepted it . It took reading this article to stop and think, what would happen if it was about women? Being a parent of three girls I want them to grow up in a society that is not gender bias. I want them to have the same opportunities that anyone does. I hope that as a society we can grow from this. It would be an interesting exercise to spend a week reversing roles where men are not given the dominant position. I would anticipate that you would get a wide range of reactions from people not used to hearing woman placed in a dominant position.

    • “It would be an interesting exercise to spend a week reversing roles where men are not given the dominant position.”

      That would be so interesting!

      • It would be like a big parody to people tho. Remember the post you were inspired by me to do the post of if porn was role reversed and gender roles were reversed based on dating and sex between men and women. And men sexually objectified instead? But even tho ugh I thought of it, it still was amusing on my mind when thinking of it.

      • Yeah, that was a good one. Actually I think I just edited what you wrote, so it was actually by you (with my editing). People seem to find that post pretty interesting. They are still commenting on that one! Thanks for being such a great muse!

  31. When we completely switch the roles we see how obscene our treatment of women is in our society. The post also made me realize there are several forms in which women are degraded. Listing the several ways women could start using men in this alternative universes gives insight into how women are sexualized and degraded in advertisements, work, and in several different aspects of life. It is difficult to picture a man going through those experiences and being subjected to getting the short end of the stick, but we are used to women going through this all the time. I feel as though what is important for our society is to have equal treatment between everyone, regardless of gender. There shouldn’t be more dominance from one specific group. Women shouldn’t face any type of discrimination as well as men. As people fight to improve the treatment of women, they should remember that fighting for women’s rights does not mean female dominance.

  32. I thought this was an intriguing concept and I would be interested to see men adapt to this matriarchal point of view. I would also be compelled to see the positive effects that this language would have on women’s self-image. The gendered language is so embedded into our culture and it’s easy for me to overlook it when it’s staring me right in the face. I can’t help but think that I would have more self-confidence if the roles were reversed.

    I recently saw a video clip where a young lady decided to catcall men before they had a chance to do it to her. Some of the reactions of the men were hilarious and they were taken aback by her behavior. Her catcalling was only a little taste of what women go through every day. There have been numerous occasions where I am walking down the street and a male will whistle or gawk. Males inappropriate behavior makes me feel objectified, embarrassed and has a negative effect on my self-confidence. The next time I walk by a group of males, I have to worry if they’re going to say something perverse or look me up and down. This kind of behavior can make women feel uncomfortable and puts man’s thoughts before our own.

  33. Music Superstar, Taylor Swift had a song out a few months ago kind of playing into this. I think it stems with how she got screwed over from former music record label producer, Scooter something and he has rights to her songs or something. She’s rebounded though after breaking up, but there’s a lot of shots she takes at him and toxic masculinity and double standards. There’s a lot of visuals and meanings and even portraying how female sports athletes can be treated unfairly compared to male athletes allowed to be angry and such. I bring it up because it’s something you could show your students as a lot of young adults, especially young women, probably college aged girls love taylor swifts music, so your students or some probably fans of her music.

    • Thanks! That’s super interesting. I kind of wondered if it was Taylor Swift all along. So interesting to see how things are perceived when you switch the gender.

      • It was funny reading the comments and people who were like “holy shit” that’s taylor swift. It was scary how much she was made to look like a guy from make up and maybe cgi. There was something, I think the smile and other things where I just had the suspicion it was her. It made her look kind of like Actor Jake gyllenhaal, which is funny. She apparently made for a handsome man which is also funny from what I saw from some women’s comments in the youtube comment section for this video lol. As a man I have to give it to her though, many guys who play women or women playing men usually try but don’t do well acting the part whether movements, body language and mannerisms. Dudes like in drag, usually over exaggerate the femininity or flamboyance it seems to portray a woman, which makes sense that it wouldn’t be completely accurate as they aren’t women, so it’s their best impression and vice versa. But her body movements, facial expressions were really good. I was wondering how she was so good and then saw this clip which is amusing to me too.

        Shows the perfectionist she is though, that she wants to make sure things are done to a T with presentation and acting. She had a dude show her or work with her on “guy” mannerisms and how to move and present like a guy to a T. Man where could I find that job lol, I think I could do well as a man, it would be easy and just thinking the $ the dude was making just from this and his connection with Taylor. Movement coaches ha. Taylor Swift asking “how do you check someone out, their boobs and then their butt? oh man that was funny too. She wanted to even check out in the way a guy does. It was weird how much like a guy she did the checking out the woman in the park part too i the music video and that’s why, the movement coach dudes ha. It was weird seeing her with the make up and man costume looking like a dude, but her female voice coming out

        She’s obviously very smart and talented so that’s not the only appreciation, but she is like naturally really pretty imo.

      • If it hadn’t been her video it wouldn’t have occurred to me that it was her. But I just had a feeling because of the lyrics and that this guy did resemble her a little bit, that it might be her.

      • oh yeah when I’m saying that, it’s about the regular taylor swift, not the man make up taylor ha

  34. This piece was incredibly eye-opening and fascinating to read, as there are so many staples in our everyday rhetoric that are so polarized and demeaning towards everyone who doesn’t identify as a cisgender man. One part that I found myself reading over a few times was, “Because nowadays titles that once denoted status for men will be downsized and sexualized. So of course, lesbians will be “kings,” too”. I realized that this was alluding to the recent surge of people feeling empowered by describing themselves as “queens”. Honestly, at first I didn’t think too deeply about the gravity of the term, as it seemed like a word to simply disconnect and distinguish powerful women from the patriarchy perpetuating this undermining verbiage. But, it’s more than that. Queens were most always deemed second to the “all-mighty” kings that they stood beside. And so, for women, gay men, and anyone who doesn’t fit into the cookie cutter mold of the patriarchal ideal, this word is a form of resistance against the societal norm of the past. But here’s the kicker. In the progressive world that we now live in, men still can’t seem to handle the slow, but imminent crumbling of the patriarchy. Recently, particularly on social media, I’ve seen men begin to call themselves “kings”. While there’s something inherently empowering to call oneself royalty, because we all deserve to feel important, to do so in spite of folks who’ve fought hard to create a liberating initiative, is wrong.

    • I’m curious about those who call themselves kings. Are they gay or straight? Trans or cis?

      What I didn’t mention is that it has been common to call lesbians Dykes which means a lower class boy in Britain. So giving gay men the highest title a woman can achieve but giving lesbian women a low title.

  35. Very interestingly enough the language culture seems to ultimately be the hardest thing to really fix among my friends. I say this because my friends know that the language culture against women is annoying, but still find it hard to weed it out of their language because it is so engrained into the slang of our times.

    This whole perspective change was so odd the whole time I was reading this. I think the most important thing that I took from this was how uncomfortable I was the entire time. This comparison is making it seem that no matter what side is seemingly “winning” at life, there is always another party suffering.

    Important to note that in the comparison, it still mentioned the bit that women have to spot the bill and pay for everything and remain head of households. This is a double-standard that men abhor and for good reason, it’s imbalanced.

    • Yes, language is very difficult to change because we don’t typically think about every word we say. And that is one of the reasons why it’s so difficult to change language. But also why it’s so powerful.

  36. Serious stuff, I know, but couldn’t help laughing out loud at “she’s got ovaries.’

  37. us guys have made a mess of it… it wouldn’t hurt to try. Would old guys like me be, you know, kind of sad and pointless with nothing to contribute once our youthful looks had faded?

  38. Sounds great! Where do I sign up? 😉

  39. Maybe things are different today, but I suspect when I was growing up our mothers had far more influence upon boys than our fathers did, whom we saw not that much since they were at work. But today, things are different. The question remains, is society really so much better off today.

    • I know that I am a lot better off today. In the past, women only had one choice about what to do with their lives, regardless of what talents and interests they had. And since women didn’t train for jobs they were going to poverty with divorce. Equal partnerships are amazing marriages too!

  40. For the Christians in your audience, remember that “We are all God’s children” and also “God sent His only Son to redeem us.” So we’ve all been women all along anyway, we should treat all women as equals.

    I can’t take credit for that, I heard it from a comedian but unfortunately forgot which one.

    More seriously, your post is good as a reminder how much sexism still permeates our society. “You may kiss the bride” (why does the officiant only address the man with that comment), Mr. vs Miss/Mrs, “female CEO” (because it’s still so rare we view it as a novelty), and so forth. Or the very fact that ‘priest’, ‘god’, ‘waiter’, and ‘actor’ are defaults and man-specific and ‘priestess’, ‘goddess’, ‘waitress’, and ‘actress’ are modifications of those words.

    • I actually like Jesus pretty well. And I like the “from Saint Paul, “there is no mail and no female, no two and no Gentile, all are one in Christ.“

      I also wrote a post on “Jesus was a feminist.“

      Unfortunately, because Christianity arose during patriarchal times it did take on plenty of patriarchy over the years after Jesus‘s death. So it’s a mixed bag in terms of how it’s practice these days — most congregation seem to be more patriarchal than not. And for no good reason, as you state!

  41. Interesting scenario for a film script, with tremendous scope for humour. More than written word, visualising Ms, Misters and Monsieurs on screen will not only be impactful but also inspire both genders towards fuller realisation of their potential, jointly and severally.

  42. “Now, suddenly everyone is called a “she” when there’s no specific referent.”

    Been there, done that. As someone who speaks a bit of Tagalog (Filipino), the word for both he and she is “siya” which almost sounds the same as “she”. Believe me, it’s not going to make one whit of difference to society to have non-gendered pronouns, unless you think Filipino society is a feminist utopia. (ha!)

    Women will never hold a lot of powerful positions because of the male variability hypothesis. While men and women on average are about the same, there are far more extremely smart, clever, ambitious and highly driven men. And when you’re talking about power, you’re talking about the extremes of humanity, not the typical.

    • Just changing one word in our language isn’t powerful enough. You have to change it all. And of course there are aspects beyond language too. But language is a powerful socializer.

      99% of the human experience is partnership between women and men, not patriarchy. Evidence comes from the fact that 99% of the human experience is forager and all of the existing for their societies that modern humans have studied have for that pattern of partnership rather than domination culture.

      Take a look at this:

      Once you get patriarchy, with men filling all of the positions of power, and a lack of options for women other than childcare, there’s no reason for women to be highly driven. But our society has changed women are becoming more highly driven.

      • “changing one word in our language isn’t powerful enough. You have to change it all.”

        I’m not aware of any sexist language in Tagalog. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

        “99% of the human experience is partnership between women and men”

        Partnership does not imply sameness. Even in forager societies men and women do different things.

        “Once you get patriarchy, with men filling all of the positions of power, and a lack of options for women other than childcare”

        Yeah, um… how far will your forager society get with men breast feeding the children?

      • It’s true that labor tends to be gender divided, and I have written about that before. Part of the reason why men specialized in war and the hunt is because Men are less necessary for the perpetuation of the species. War and the hunt were dangerous and you don’t want to risk women’s lives when they are the ones having babies. Plus, Wellman have more muscle strength women are better at able to survive. It’s as if mother nature knew to give them more muscular strength, good for war in the hunt, to those who do you need last for survival of the species, Well making those who are most important to the survival better able to survive.

        But that gendered division does not create inequality. And I believe I explained in the post you are responding to – or the comment you were responding to — why inequality arose with agriculture. If not I have a whole post on it here:

  43. Fully Agreed. Wether It’s Male Dominance or Female Dominance The Problems Will Remain The Same. The Real Thing Is Ensuring Equality of Opportunities To Everyone Regardless Of Gender.

    • Yep. I’m for partnerships. No one dominating anyone else.

      When I have done this thought experiment with my classes it can be quite a shock to both the women and the men. My male students come up and say they had no idea what it was like growing up with this language culture.

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