When Playboy Pushes Consent It’s Cool
You’ve probably heard about Playboy’s new and revised Top 10 Party Commandments for the ultimate guide to a consensual good time.
Because without consent, “party times are under serious threat” by rape:
A good college party is all about everyone having a good time. Consent is all about everyone having a good time. Rape is only a good time if you’re a rapist. And f— those people.
You’ve probably also heard that these revised commandments are a hoax unleashed by college feminists.
Interestingly, when people thought Playboy was promoting consent, the response was overwhelmingly positive and praised by students, college papers, national news outlets, and shared on Facebook and Twitter. Fake sites promoting the “Commandments” received 3,000+ hits an hour.
Even the hacked site, BroBible, later said they
agree with the overall messaging… The world is safe for bros to be feminists too.
I found that especially interesting.
You may have heard the phrase, “bros before hoes,” which claims guys must unite — apparently, against women.
That attitude can lead fraternity “bros” to gang rape a woman in an attempt to “prove” their superiority over her, while demonstrating to each other their “masculine” attributes of dominance, power, virility — and not being gay. Or, bros might individually get women drunk and have intercourse with them to gain bragging rights about nailing a girl.
But when Playboy celebrates consent, bros are into it? That’s hopeful.
Probably most guys, including bros, don’t want to harm women. And most don’t. Those who do often hate feeling pressured to mete out the humiliations (which are usually on a much lower scale than sexual assault), says Prof. Michael Kimmel, who studies men and masculinity.
Meanwhile, Playboy has been socially conscious on many issues, as with joining the fight against race discrimination and sex trafficking. Now it’s time for Playboy to step up and REALLY promote consent. Because when they’re for it, so many others follow.
Do your part by tweeting @Playboy to help celebrate pleasurable, consensual sex.
Related Posts on BroadBlogs
Real Men Don’t Beat, Rape Women: A Guy’s View
Male/Female Friendships Help End Rape
Mind of a Rapist: Trying to Bridge a Gap between a Small Self and a Big Man
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Posted on September 25, 2013, in feminism, men, psychology, rape and sexual assault, sex and sexuality, sexism, violence against women, women and tagged consent, feminism, men, Playboy Top 10 Party Commandments, psychology, sex and sexuality, sexism, violence against women. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.
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I’ve always found the “bros before hoes” motto really fascinating. It not only implies negative connotations to valuing females highly(even more so than some males) but it also further adds to the societal sexist views of slut shaming and assertiveness to male superiority. I find it exhilarating to see that a group of feminists posed as Playboy and sent out such a positive and truthful message that clearly opened more guys up to admitting that feminism is actually not a weakness to their masculinity but a strength by empowering both female and males to identify that rape is wrong and consent is right. It was a little disheartening however to find that Playboy did not actually endorse these views of “consent is cool” because it clearly made a heavy enough impact that it was changing the way some men thought or simply their openness about the topic-both being a win in my eyes. If Playboy had actually endorsed this then I feel that it would enlighten a lot of men to the topics of consent and feminism(essentially-equality). If major companies and cultural brands such as Playboy did enforce these ways of thinking into their writing in magazines I feel that we may just live in a much different world. Although there will always be some sick SOB that thinks rape is good or okay-at the very least talking about it openly within the media society would get the issue even closer to the surface and really bring attention to the issue and hopefully make this problem more important and serious than it is unfortunately taken a lot of the time nowadays. The more we talk and advocate for things, especially ones pertaining to civil rights and personal safety, the more we will see change. So I find this to be really refreshing in efforts of opening those kind of doors in the future.
This is both humorous, but heartbreaking in a way for me. First of all, I find it hilarious that a bunch of college feminists were able to trick people into supporting their message by posing as Playboy. This gives me hope that men don’t actually like to rape women, but do so as a way to assert their masculinity. Therefore when a sex magazine such as Playboy endorses consent; men who agree to consent but won’t openly admit it in fear of being labeled homosexual or feminist won’t feel their masculinity being threatened if they do now because it would be ridiculous to even suggest the notion that anything associated with Playboy is a feminist or gay. However, now that I realize what a strong force they can be in the issue of rape, it’s depressing that Playboy does not actually openly promote consent. I don’t consider rape as sex, but as an act of violence. There is absolutely nothing that can justify it in any real life situation.
For example, if a pushy salesman comes knocking on your door to sell things you don’t need, you turn him down. If he tries to make you buy his wares, you can call the cops on him for trespassing and harassment; all your friends will probably comfort you and we can all agree that there is obviously something wrong with that salesman. But now imagine if the same thing happens, but this time the salesman is a rapist and rapes you. Why is it that in this case, some women may be reluctant to call the cops or tell her friends what happened? I get the feeling there could be some people out there who would defend the salesman by blaming the rape victim, saying it was her fault for ‘asking’ for it by the clothes she wore, or it was her fault for not fighting him back hard enough. This is the kind of slut shaming that contributes to rape being the most under-reported violent crime when it is so obviously wrong on the rapist part!
Fortunately, most guys don’t rape women, or feel pressure to. But still, it’s good when consent becomes cool.
For the most part I feel as though men or, “bros”, with commonly affiliate themselves with women. But since most bros are often influenced by their surroundings and what is familiar than it is good that they may have seen this hoax of a playboy standing point on consent. For these bros that are easily co hinged of things that are familiar to them will possibly see consent in new light. Although they may come to find out that it is a hoax afterall it could help lead them to understand the context of consent and let it shed better light on the topic. I would hope that people can understand the concept of consent and how to have a good time for everyone. It is honestly a simple concept and does indeed need to become the new social norm of the collegiate party scene. Once this happens people of both genders will feel a lot better
Because hoes rhymes with bros? I’m sure there are frat boys who use that phrase to demean women or that they are better, but other guys, they don’t say it or believe women are hoes. Perhaps those guys using that term referring it to women in general but the slutty girls sleeping with the whole frat house and not to turn on their “boys” by sleeping with their buddies past girlfriend. I agree, it’s not a good term to use, but I’m not sure if the term is meant literally, for some frat guys maybe, but just a slang rhyming word to mean to not sleep with women who are no good and after your friend when they were a past girl friend. Like I said my friends that think or use that term, but that term basically follows guy code, not in the sense that women are hoes, but in guy code simply: be a loyal friend and put them above sleeping with their ex or girlfriend and not leting your dick, make you d bag and betraying your friendship. Like I said to me, the meaning is more so about guy friend loyalty than looking at women as hoes. That’s why I’m not bothered by the term or reverse version that some girls have used “chicks before dicks”, basically meaning the same. Them being loyal to each other and not trying to hook up or date, etc with each other’s past boyfriends, or boyfriends. I mean dicks is not a nice term. Sure that word might mean just because of the male body part, but also meaning, prick, pig, d bag. When a man is called a dick, that is usually calling him pig, jerk, dickhead, etc. That term can mean calling guys pigs just as much as the hoes phrase. But then again it doesn’t bother me, because I feel like if it is portrayed its towards those dick head guy, not me, and how women should take it to if other guys use it. I don’t say it, but it can go both ways, except I’m not bothered by it, because I don’t take it too literally. It can go both ways, girls can be slut shamed, guys can be called pigs, etc and broadly casted just as some guys might do that towards women. There’s a lot that needs fixed as things towards women, but it’s not all onsided, there are double standards towards women, but there are also double standards against men by women too.
Whether or not the term is used literally, words like that sink into our unconscious and have effects. Negative effects.
But as I said in the post, most guys are good guys and don’t, or don’t want to, demean women.
Perhaps some guys who say or use bros before hoes, may see women in a bady way or them uniting against women. But I’m not sure if you really understand that term, it’s just a word that goes with bros and a lot of guys may go by that code, but they don’t call or believe women are hos. Well except for the one’s who are low class, trashy, etc, just like there are scum bag guys out there too. It’s basically guy code, which means guy friends, especially close one’s not hooking up or dating their buddies ex girlfriends or trying to hook up with their buddies current girlfriend. I would not think a code is needed especially for a friend to not try to get with his buddies current girlfriend. The reason that term is used, is because there are some weasel d bag guys who are supposed friends or long time friends who have or will put their long friendships aside for getting some ass, as in their buddies ex girlfriend whom he had strong feelings for or some that might have tried getting with their buddies girlfriend. It basically mean’s close friendships as in close like a “bro”, and it is unwise to throw it to waste by hooking up or trying to hook up with a good friends ex girlfriend for sex, when getting sex is a dime a dozen, great friendships are hard to find on the other hand.
So it basically means, don’t be a dickhead, thinking with your dick and betraying a good friend, because you’re an asshole, as you’ll regret it after your orgasm end with that girl who was an ex girlfriend of your buddy and you crapped on him, just to get laid. Most of my guys don’t use that motto, but I respect my friends and would never try to hook up or get with my friends, especially my best friends girl friends or ex girl friends, and that’s just something you’d think a decent friend would do. Girl’s that are good friends with other girls don’t go after ex boyfriend and respect their girlfriends too. I’ve seen many girls though who were friends, date and go after their supposed girlfriend’s boyfriend or ex boyfriend too. But I wouldn’t be bothered if girls used the term “chicks, before dicks” as I get it, plus that might be used sometimes too, so no biggie.
I’ve read a lot of men’s studies material, including Guyland by Michael Kimmel, who studies men and masculinity from a sociological perspective. In that book he has a whole chapter on this.
Bros before Hoes insults women. The reason the phrase is used is to unite men in their superior manhood against women who are humiliated hoes. It comes from young men, new to manhood and insecure in it. They’re trying to build themselves — and “superior masculinity” — up by putting women down. (Why call women hoes, other than to name yourself as superior to them. Your theory completely ignores that point.)
And really, you can see that in the simple phrase:
Bros: Brothers. Men.
Hoes: Women — who are inferior — which bolsters male superiority
Plenty of “bro” pranks are also about putting men above women, by putting women down. See these posts:
Yale Fraternity Chants “No Means Yes.” Men? Or Scaredy Cats?
https://broadblogs.com/2010/10/20/yale-fraternity-chants-%e2%80%9cno-means-yes-%e2%80%9d-men-or-scaredy-cats/
Frats Invite Sluts, Bitches; Women Accept Degradation. Why?
https://broadblogs.com/2010/11/08/frats-invite-sluts-bitches-women-accept-degradation-why/
Murder-Suicide and Jock Culture
https://broadblogs.com/2012/12/07/murder-suicide-and-jock-culture/
Raping, Shaming Girls to Impress Guys
https://broadblogs.com/2012/11/05/raping-shaming-girls-to-impress-guys/
It’s all about the social construction of personal identity. And constructing male identity as superior to female identity.
But as I said in my post: “Probably most guys, including bros, don’t want to harm women. And most don’t. Those who do often hate feeling pressured to mete out the humiliations (which are usually on a much lower scale than sexual assault)”
Rape is rape and not an easy thing to cope with. 🙂 Great post. 🙂
Hugs to you, Paula xx
Thank you!
This topic was really interesting and I totally agree with it. I never really bothered to read anything relating to Playboy, but I will definitely search that one up. I think Playboy should definitely think about putting a headline about ‘rape without consent’ up and telling the world what they stand up for because since they have many followers, I’m pretty sure their followers will agree and maybe some will do something about it. I like how even though Playboy is all about the parties and the women, they still respect women and how they should be treated. Rape is a serious matter and no girls should even need to deal with it. It’s sad that so many rapists out there think that raping someone will make them happy because it really doesn’t.
Well, I’m hoping that Playboy will come around and really support this.
I agree with this topic. One would tend to think that sex is better between two consenting people. If one person is not in agreement I would think that this would be a good reason not to continue. If the act is performed regardless then maybe there would be cause for alarm, and probably the next step would be to see if there is some type of mental illness or other problem that needs addressing. It is not normal to force someone unless you are role playing and the two individuals are in agreement. And yes I also agree that Playboy should head a campaign about the issue of rape, and the “bros”, and in some creative way appear as though women should be honored and respected (and done dirty things to in the bedroom when consenting).
Thank you. Yes, there is certainly something wrong if both people aren’t enjoying it. And enthusiastic consent is the best way of determining that.
And yeah, a lot of people think that rapists are mentally ill. Yet usually they’re fairly normal guys. Men rape, typically, to create a sense of power, dominance, manhood. See the last entry under “related posts.”