Keep Your Boobs, Get Better Guys

boobsIf I had I been more spiritually evolved, or more grounded at 22 when I got breast implants, I never would have gotten them. Yes I got lots of attention, sexual attention. And for awhile I enjoyed it. But as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. It became apparent that the attention I received was not from quality people… Why did I mutilate my body to appease the tastes of SOME men? We were all duped by the media, the medical profession, our low self esteem. I am now ready to have these D cups removed.

That’s a comment a woman placed on a web site called “48 Reasons Not To Get A Boob Job.” The response followed the male author’s contention that:

If you want more male attention, implants may increase the quantity but only with a corresponding decrease in quality. You’ll probably get your biggest gains in approval among guys who are most prone to objectifying you.

Whether you see all this as good or bad depends on what you’re after. If you want all eyes on you, or random sex, fake boobs could do the trick.

So I’ll address this to those who want something else. Quality men for quality relationships.

Fake boobs seem to create an image of “sex object.” Consider this experience:

A woman asked me about implants last week and I told her about the risks. But I told her the things people don’t talk about, like not being able to buy every little cute top, how no one looks you in the eyes, how people think of you as a bimbo.

Sex may not be so fun, either. Men don’t see objects as having feelings, and feel little empathy in return. Women exist to fill their needs, as far as they’re concerned. In Pornified Pamela Paul talks of objectified sex lives as all about bodies and positions, and not about intimacy.

But the culture worships its fetish, leaving a young woman asking the following question.

Are big boobs important to guys? Because as you can see from the photo, I have really small breasts and I have really low self-esteem because of it. Do guys only think a girl is hot by the size of her bra cuz if that’s true I am in big trouble.

Here’s what some guys thought about guys who judge women by bust size:

  • If someone would not date you based solely upon the size of your breasts they would not be worth jack squat anyway.
  • If any guy judges you differently because of your breast size, he doesn’t deserve you!
  • I like girls more for how the face looks. Nice eyes, lips, smile, hair, eyelashes… Any guy getting with someone just because they have a nice rack doesn’t seem like it could be a stable relationship.
  • Don’t worry about your boobs, period. We love you for who you are.

These are some higher quality men.

There’s only a two-inch difference between an A-cup and a C-cup. Or between a B-cup and a D-cup. Two inches! That is the measure by which a woman judges herself? Or the measure by which a man judges a woman? Please! Be glad to lose those guys!

Do you really want to be wanted for your boobs and not for you? Are these types of
men even worth bothering with?

And here’s some good advice:

I’m not busty, nor am I gorgeous, but when I was single, I had NO TROUBLE attracting plenty of great men. I have some hints for women who are interested in attracting men — they have NOTHING to do with your boobs!…. #3 Carry yourself well! Stand tall… #5 — Don’t apologize for your body…. If the man you’re with constantly makes you feel insecure, you don’t need a boob job – you need a new man!

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on July 13, 2011, in body image, feminism, gender, men, objectification, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. I honestly would rather be dead. Daily, it is becoming increasingly rare to find quality, intelligent men who don’t care about stupid supercficial B.S. like giant breasts. The world over, the majority of men are sex-obsessed porn-watching sex-addicts that want women with giant breasts. It is not only men who are screwed up, humanity as a whole is utter garbage who pollute the planet and humans will be the cause of their own demise. We are living in very dark times and love is becoming more and more rare everyday. It is practically nonexistent today. I will stay single and just focus on my studies in the esoteric, spiritual philosophy and sciences like Nikola Tesla did, and just forget about looking for love, because wisdom satisfies my soul as much as love does. Tesla said, “I do not think there is any thrill that can go through the human heart like that felt by the inventor as he sees some creation of the brain unfolding to success . . . Such emotions make a man forget food, sleep, friends, love, everything.” Life is too short.

    • In a sick society that sounds like a healthy attitude. Or about as healthy as you can get. Why settle? But I have found that there actually are a lot of men who care about women more than body parts. So I would say there is hope.

  2. Pretty wild how us as womyn are also so frequently sucked in to the expectations created by the media. Wild, strange, whacky, seemingly ridiculous that we are sucked in.. But also very understandable. Just as men have come to desire a particular look, one standard idea of what is considered beautiful, womyn too have come to believe that they should look a certain way – that they should have the exact same large, perky breasts that Victoria’s Secret models have. We too have come to believe that is ‘normal.’ Even if we tell ourselves it isn’t normal, even if we tell ourselves womyn’s bodies (and breasts in this particular case) come in all different sizes, it’s so dang hard to actually feel that and to actually come to a point of feeling great about the body or boobs we’ve been blessed with. I think it’s a life long practice to break down and ‘get over’ all the crap that the media and cultural & societal norms have created. These norms weren’t created over night, and it will take time to shift them – but I think they can be shifted. They’re not biological factors like you talk about in some of your other posts. They’re constructed. And can therefore be deconstructed.

  3. One guy I work with actually told me:
    “if you had bigger breasts, I would have dated you by now”
    And then compared me with another female co-worker with ample breasts.

    No lie. this actually happened.

    I am proud of my body. I love my a-cup teardrop breasts. Although I said: they are smaller than his but mine look better.

  4. The main reason that women get breast implants is low self-confidence. Because they don’t think they will attract men, so they want to use big breasts to attract more eyes. It is true that a lot of men like big breasts, and usually if men like you because of your breasts, that probably means they just want to have sex with you. For this kind of men, you’d be better off staying away from them since they won’t give you what you want, and what they do is just hurt you. I believe that good men don’t care about your size. What they want to see are your personality and your inner self. Also, I think fake boobs can never be the same as real. Even if some men like your boobs at the beginning of the relationship, they will become bored gradually. Therefore, it’s better for women not to do breast implants and be yourself to look for men who fit you and love you.

  5. wow! After reading this it totally made me feel so much better. i have always been insecure about my breast size constintley wishing they were bigger and not so small because i thought i would feel better about my self. i guess u can say that i easily compare myself to the “IDEAL” women which causes me to feel bad, also how men always talk about how women need to have a good size of breasts. it has always made me feel bad that i wasnt lucky enough to have a good hand full of breasts, but after reading this i reminded myself of what i already knew that i and all women are beautiful just the way we are. i can see why women go out in search of getting bigger breasts but ive never been for it. although i am unhappy with my size i feel that getting fake ones is worse because it shows that you had to get a surgery to feel good when you should know your worth. my boyfriend knows how i feel about my size and he always reminds me that i am perfect the way i am, and i think all women need to know that. if a man doesnt think your good enough based on your breast size then hes not worth your time. a real man will appreciate a good women without ever having to base it on your bra size! i had a friend who got surgery and about a year after she went and got them removed because she felt that it was her boobs that were getting the guys and the attention rather then herself. she said that the type of guys that approched her changed and not for the good; it was th immature and irresponsible guys that she was caching with D cups. she said that after she got them removed she saw her true beauty and is so happy with how she is. all women should value themselves for how they are double a or double d we are all beautiful!

  6. This is a great article, but I’d like to hear more from the other side of the spectrum. I’m a very petite girl (5 3″, 110lbs) but I have a DD cup chest. I hate it. It’s impossible finding shirts that fit because if they fit your chest they’re baggy everywhere else. It’s really difficult dressing to go out without looking slutty, and 90% of dresses make me look pregnant. Where is the sympathy for naturally large busted women?

    • Good point. So much focus is on the supposed need for big boobs, and so many young women are getting plastic surgery to enlarge, that it’s easy to forget the other side.

      Seems to me that women should love their natural bodies, however they are. So hopefully women like you won’t feel a need to get a breast reduction just to fulfill some stupid notions of the perfect body. I do have a friend who got a breast reduction because of pain, which I understand and see as a different matter: health, not esthetics.

  7. Wonderful items from you, man. I’ve consider your stuff previous to and you are just too fantastic. I really like what you have got right here, really like what you’re saying and the way in which by which you say it. You’re making it entertaining and you still take care of to stay it sensible. I can’t wait to learn much more from you. This is really a tremendous website.

  8. I think it is important to put in terms of size, as mentioned, to put this all into perfect perspective. The two inch difference makes all the difference, in terms of your own self-worth. In this rare case, I would guess that there are some men out there who think that if they also added two inches to a particular part of their anatomy, they would be more confident and “get more girls”. What, I ask, would a female friend say to these guys? No doubt it would be along the lines of: “no way, don’t do that, it totally doesn’t even matter” or “are you insane to cause yourself so much pain and risk for this” (hypothetically speaking of course since there isn’t, as far as I know, a surgery for men like this). All of this sounds similar to what the men are saying about a woman’s breast size on the websites mentioned. But maybe we can put it even further into perspective. Imagine getting breast implants and at some point finding yourself face to face with a starving child or a family that lives on less than one dollar a day. You may think about how much money you spent on yourself when instead you could have saved a small city. Wow, and you thought you felt unsatisfactory before you had the implants. Others may agree or disagree with that but the point is, fake boobs may increase your breast size by a few inches but they may also reduce every other inch of who you are as a person. You become your breasts and lose the uniqueness of yourself. The perfect guy will still come along, but he may walk right on by – he didn’t see YOU behind the extra flesh.

  9. This post is really thought provoking! I’m so inspired by the writer! It reveals women nowadays are very concerned about physical appearance as they want to attract men. Apart from breast implant,they have Botox, liposuction, plastic surgery etc. These surgeries are just like psychotic drug that you would never feel satisfactory. Many women who do one of these surgeries would just keep on changing their appearance. They think they can look even better and better. This may also due to their vanity. Their self esteem seems to be dependent on their physical appearance. More worse is they simply ignore the risk of the surgeries.
    I really buy the writer’s idea that implants can only increase the quantity of men but not quality. If we pursue for a stable and long lasting relationship, we should attract somebody who loves the “real me” -without any appearance modification.
    No matter how many implants we can do, no one can evade from aging face when time passes. If the guy just falls in love with your appearance, his conditional love will end on the day you lose your charming face and body.
    Therefore, just be ourselves, Mr. Right will then approach you soon!

  10. This is a really interesting article. I went online to the website and saw that the majority of responses from guys said that they didn’t care about boobs that much. Some guys said that it was nice if a girl had large boobs, but it wasn’t something they would base dating her off of. As one guy commented, a recent study showed that of all physical features, guys are most interested in the face anyways, which isn’t surprising.
    I appreciate and agree with your advice Dr. Platts that in order to be attractive, one needs to be confident with herself and her body, rather than having low self-esteem for what you don’t have.
    I also agree with the two previous comments and feel that women need to understand that they should feel good about their body and not alter/ harm it just to please others.
    A guy who approaches you just for silly things such as big boobs or butt has a cheap mentality and just isn’t worth it!

  11. Wow! Where do I start? I have many friends who have breast implants and also have genuine relationships with their man. I do not believe that just because a girl has fake breasts she becomes an “object” for men. I believe it is all in The way you carry yourself, and your breasts. If you bought implants because of low self-esteem, you will attract guys who objectify you because you don’t know how a real man should treat you anyway. If you bought implants because you personlly wanted bigger breasts you know what you want in a man already and won’t allow yourself to be treated like a bimbo. Fake breasts do not give a women genuine self-esteem or a heaven sent relationship. When women allow themselves to be categorized that is exactly what will happen. A women who is lost will not be found by fake enhancements to her body. Get implants because that is what YOU want to do, not for self-esteem, not for a man, not for any reason other than your happiness.

    • Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

      Yes. Not to say that good relationships are impossible. Rather, that increased attention will be more likely to come from the sorts of men who are more prone to objectifying, and depending upon how much attention a woman chooses to call to her breasts. If she’s got really large implants, they may call attn regardless.

      My biggest concern is women feeling pressured to cut their bodies open and put a foreign object into it (and every ten years get new ones) because of cultural expectations. Non-necessary surgeries can be harmful. Some die.

      My own preference is that women love themselves in their natural bodies, and that men love women in their natural bodies too, with everyone appreciating variety as the spice of life.

  12. Women are constantly objectified by men. What is even worst than being objectified by men is being condescended by other women! That is a thought that I had to throw out there as well. Women do a lot of things to please other people because they have a sense of purpose after it. Women aim to please and it isn’t a bad thing but wanting to get breast augmentations is another story. People, not just women, should just learn to love their body; whether it may be too skinny, too fat, not enough breasts or butt. Not to single out all the men out there but some men are just plain dogs and bring insecurity out of women like there is no tomorrow. Breasts are still a huge issue today because women like to feel sexy and changing how they appear seem to make them feel better about themselves. Women just need to learn to accept themselves and do whatever that pleases them first before pleasing others.

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