Men Finding Fewer Women “Porn-Worthy”

jenna-jameson[1]Feminist, Andrea Dworkin, had feared that easy access to internet porn would turbocharge women’s objectification and turn men into wild, raping beasts. But internet porn actually seems to be having the opposite effect, deadening male libido in relation to real women, with men who over-consume finding fewer women “porn-worthy.

This is what author, Naomi Wolf, noticed when students talked about their sex lives during her speaking tours of college campuses.

Others have made similar findings.

Pamela Paul interviewed over one hundred people, mostly men, in her research for Pornified, and found that porn-worthiness was a common concern among those who over-indulged.

One young man talked of his change in perspective:

My standards changed. Women who are otherwise good looking but aren’t as overtly sexy as the women in porn don’t appeal to me as much anymore. I find that I look more for women who have the attributes I see in porn. I want bigger breasts, longer hair, curvier bodies in general.

I find that when I’m out at a party or bar I catch myself sizing up women. I would say to myself, wait a second. This isn’t a supermarket. You shouldn’t treat her like she’s some piece of meat. Don’t pass her up just because her boobs aren’t that big.

Paul went on to cite a 2004 Elle-MSNBC.com poll which found that one in 10 men admitted he had become more critical of his partner’s body with exposure to porn.

Meanwhile, 51% of Americans believe that pornography raises men’s expectations of how women should look.

Many of the college women Wolf spoke to complained that they couldn’t compete, and they knew it.

Men, she said, learn about sex from porn but find that it is not helpful in teaching them how to relate to real women. She ended with this observation:

Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don’t know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on November 16, 2010, in body image, feminism, gender, men, objectification, pornography, relationships, sex, sexism, women and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 41 Comments.

  1. I think it’s awful that men are so influenced by porn. No wonder that the most sought after body type today is the hourglass figure, and that “sexual” body parts like big lips and long hair are found attractive by men. I think that many women do have low self esteem because they’re not so called “porn worthy.” It has to at least have some factor in all the plastic surgery on things like breasts and lips.

    The quote from the young man further shows that many (not all) men seek sex instead of relationships, at least until they find the one they want to settle down with (even then, cheating seems to be very common today). The quote seems to say that it’s the norm today for men to look for good looking women instead of women with good personalities. The man even says that he doesn’t WANT to feel that way, but porn seems to have a big influence. Maybe some guys should spend a little less time in front of the screen and a little more time in the real world?

  2. I think this issue all boils down to the fact that people will respond to and interpret the world (including the people living in it) based on what they see in advertising and in the media. We all know that the advertising world has affected females greatly in terms of how they view each other and themselves (i.e. not feeling as though they “measure up–not skinny enough, not pretty enough, etc). It’s interesting to see now that men are also responding to what they see in the media. If a male watches porn on a regular basis, he interprets what he sees as being realistic; therefore, when seeking a mate, they use standards that are present in porn–large breasts, bigger hips, bigger lips. These are skewed and unrealistic expectations.

  3. I think that the porn industry is making many women feel like they are inadequate, which is completely false. The girls in the films do not look like your basic girl on the street. Personally, I do not look anything like the girls that are being described in the article. I do not have these larger-than-life curvy features that men love, but I’m okay with that. I do not want to be with a person who wants to date a porn actress and expects me to be like one. I also don’t think that many men want to date the women that they see act out their fantasies. I think that they are just that…fantasies and nothing more. While men might say to their friends that they are looking for a curvy woman who can do the things that females do in porn movies, I think they would be completely intimidated and disgusted by these women in real life.

  4. Oh man…if men are going to be comparing real women to women that are in their dreams they seriously got another thing coming. If they are going to pull that type of garbage then they don’t deserve “real women” and should have sex with a barbie doll because that’s the closest thing they are ever going to get with having their dream girl.

  5. Thats crazy! I can’t believe that men would actually feel that way. I think it is sad that that is what men want to consider a “real woman.” None of the men I hang out with would never consider a porn star a “real woman,” they have realistic women in their lives.

  6. Paul and Wolf’s studies and survey’s indicate there is a relationship with men who view porn and the effect it has on the image of what they desire in a woman. The effect of porn is also evidenced in the attitudes and style of women in the generation of the mainstreamed porn. Porn does contribute to an image of woman that is not realistic on a basic level of observation but is also an oversimplified and one-dimensional image that degrades and objectifies the image of woman. I’m just not convinced, however, that this has as strong an impact on sexual relations of men and women today as Paul and Wolf suggest. The influence of porn in society does reveal itself in the example where it has become popular to wax your pubic hair as a woman and for this to be expected from the man. The beauty and fashion trends of porn may encourage a standard unrealistic of most women but there is a history of standards that are unrealistic and even dangerous for women to emulate in order to compete or be desirable among their female contemporaries. Porn today has contributed to a modern definition for young women to subscribe. But, I don’t believe the actual trends or even the image that porn promote are harmful; what is harmful is not recognizing the ongoing evolution of the popular image of woman and that the porn influenced image is just a new version of the old oppressive message to women that they are not good enough as they are for a man to want them.

    • Paul seemed to find this more among men who were overexposed to porn.

      I suppose one definition of “overexposure” could be: Is it affecting your life and relationships in a negative way?

      But their observations are based on interviews and comments from real women and men.

      Certainly we have a long history of oppressive practices from painful foot binding to painful corsets. All to be explored in greater depth later.

  7. I find it quite interesting that the men describe changes in how they relate to women after over-indulging in porn. They provide descriptions of what it is that catches their attention. At first glance first impressions are a personal choice and each person likes that he or she likes. But looking at the descriptions these men provide, it becomes obvious that what they describe are strictly physical attributes. These men also realize they are comodifying women, but do it nonetheless.

    The college women feel they cannot compete with the porn imagery. Women have been bombarded with unrealistic imagery in advertising and media for a long time. Now there are additional expectations from men to have bigger breasts, longer hair, and curvier bodies. I know it is not realistic, but wouldn’t it be nice for the guys to appreciate women’s wit and sense of humor, ambition and professional accomplishments?

  8. I also think that it is horrible that women are even compared to women in porn. In the first season of a TV I watch One Tree Hill on of the couples (Nathan and Haley) have this argument about how Haley found porn websites that Nathan was looking at. And since they haven’t had sex yet, she kept thinking that she would be compared to those girls on the internet. She was worried that his fantasies would change their relationship. I think it is disgusting that men think all women should be “porn-worthy” because the majority of women in this world are not. They are just normal women who are looking to be with someone who can love them for them.

  9. What exactly is “porn worthy”? It seems that the research done (or at least what is discussed in the article) is focused on the physical attributes of women–whether a woman has a certain body type. I agree that this may be an issue. The larger issue, in my opinion, is what men have come to expect from their partners in the bedroom as a result of the porn industry. For example, Sasha Grey is a contemporary porn artist who does not possess the body type being described in the article. However, she does perform acts that would make many women simultaneously blush with embarrassment and become sick with disgust. Not all porn is featuring women with large breasts and coke bottle curves. It is, however, becoming increasingly graphic and demeaning in the acts that women are performing.

    • Both Naomi Wolf and Pamela Paul discuss both your points: looks and behavior. Some women experience more pressure from body, other from acts. I try to keep posts to around 400 words, so have to split up the series. I’ll be discussing the porn-star aspect in an upcoming post.

  10. Yuxing Zheng(R.Splitter EWRT 1B)

    I remember that I’ve viewed a interview, in which a porn star talked about how the porn industry works. She mentioned that what the audience see in pornography videos is totally different from what it really is. For example, the actress said that in porn video, sometimes the audience see that the actor and actress have sex without wearing condom, which actually is not like that. The directors always cut the tape and make the audience believe that they are making some “REAL STUFF.” I really agree that people in real life should never compare their sex experiences to those in the porn. For example, if a man watches a porn video where people there have sex without any protection, then he does the same thing when he has sex. He may make others have unexpected pregnancy, which is always horrible. Never imitate porn.

  11. MOST OF THE WOMEN ON THIS BLOG ARE JUST AS SKEWED IN THEIR THINKING AS THE MEN THEY CHASTISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.K. I’m reading the comments and the women are NOW saying that wanting a women with certain looks is bad—- quote “Daniela says: No wonder that the most sought after body type today is the hourglass figure, and that “sexual” body parts like big lips and long hair are found attractive by men.” —many other commenter’s follow suit…….

    Why have you NOW criticized women who naturally have those features?

    Why is it unethical to think a woman, who is thin, pretty? Why is it immoral to think women who have full lips pretty? There are plenty of healthy regular women who naturally have an hour glass figure. Why now direct disgust toward certain phenotypic characteristics? I have black hair and I like my hair color, at the same time of don’t have a problem with women who have a hair color other than black. Your just as brainwashed….GIRLS!!!!! Stop bashing other girls based on looks. Porn has videos with thin girls, old women, and girls who do a sexual act a certain way. This should not be about looking the part, but making a stand that being treated like a toilet is unacceptable.

    One last time So You Get It!!!!!! STOP bashing women who don’t look like you exactly!!!!!! There is nothing wrong with women’s looks. The problem is, these morons have nothing that interests them other than sex. Its not women’s fault!!!!!

    • Your interpretation of these comments might be right, but I hadn’t interpreted them that way. Rather, I feel (and assumed these women felt) that the problem comes when such looks are narrowly valued. The only look that is valued. Naomi Wolf noted that many women felt their bodies weren’t valued by men because they don’t look like “that.” Men in my women’s studies courses have wondered what’s wrong with them that they can’t date women like “that.” Women feel pressure to look like “that.”

      There’s nothing wrong with the look itself when it is naturally occurring. Problem is when neither men nor women feel they can meet that ideal. And when women feel they must starve and mutilate themselves in order to achieve it.

      Sure, there are varieties of women in porn, but one image stands out and is usually deemed the ideal. And it’s not a look that most women can naturally achieve.

  12. Darlene Pizzitolo

    Hi

    I don’t think that women need to live up to the plastic surgery image of a porn star.
    A man who likes this kind of image is not worth a real woman time.

  13. I can’t see myself agreeing with this post at all, at least not from the experiences I have had. I, for one, enjoy porn. I probably watch it more than some of my exes did. I can watch it alone or with my partner, and I have no issue at all with the person I am with watching porn. I think this comes down to the confidence women need to have within themselves. If a man will overlook a woman because she doesn’t look like his favorite porn star, no problem. Does she really want to be with that man anyway? Is he the last man standing? He needs to pass her by. Go find that porn star look alike! I want someone who looks at me like I’m a porn star, and if it’s what I want, treat me like a porn star. (Within the confines of our monogamous and healthy relationship) If he is physically attracted to her, he will act on it; if he is confident enough. I have an 11 year old daughter and am no way “porn ready”. I am a woman who some men seem to be attracted to =0) with my flaws and all. Besides, I have heard, and been told by several men, the issues women have with our bodies are issues men don’t focus on. The dimples we hate, the stretch marks, the small breasts, the rolls.. whatever. When a man is attracted to you, and he wants you, a woman’s “porn readiness” doesn’t matter at all.

    • Different women have different sorts of experiences because not all men are alike. But many women have had the unfortunate experience of having been with at least some men who are like those I describe. So they are out there.

      I suspect men who are like that would end up happier with shift in seeing, and so would the women they’ve been with.

      Porn doesn’t seem to be the problem so much as overexposure to it. How do I define overexposure? If it’s affecting your sex life with real women in a negative way, you’re overexposed.

  14. Deirdre da Silva

    I think it’s crazy how some men expect real women to emulate what they see in porn, mostly because most of what they see is not real! The majority of these porn stars have had plastic surgery to look the way they do, and so it’s pretty unfair for guys to set their standards for women based on what they see in porn. Not every women has an hourglass figure, or large breasts and long hair, and it’s unfair to expect them to. I think that guys are more enthralled by the fantasy of having a girl like the ones the see in porn, but like Laura Owens said in her comment above, “they would be completely intimidated and disgusted by these women in real life”.

  15. Are schools ever going to teach social skills?

    • There are so many problems that can be addressed with action. I think that it’s great to provide awareness and that’s a first start – let a person know they’re lonely and not just stuck in their porn-goggles. What is the problem? People want more LIFE in their LIFE. Porn is obviously for the most part not as good as the real thing and can be harmful but it’s symptomatic and not the cause. I agree we must learn how to get face to face. How can we do this? How can we get a societal change like this to happen? I hope that looking at the issue is enough. Yet there is fear or altered behavior based in our unnatural lifestyles.

  16. Women in real life can have the hourglass shape without getting their breasts and lips done. Anyway having that look might be the look today but it is not the only look. Everyone is beautiful and unique in their own way. Women I believe are attractive are Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney Kardashian as well as their little sisters Kylie and Kendall, Ciara, Aaliyah, Beyonce, Rani, Ashwariya Rai, Keira Knightley, Jessica Biel, the two (Indian) girls on Bend It Like Beckham, Kimora Lee Simmons, Monique, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Victoria Justice, my friends and family. They all have different looks yet they are all unique and beautiful. Guys should not look like body builders who’s muscles bulge. They can look like LL Cool J who has a lot of muscle to Drake, Taylor Lautner, Adrian Grenier, Channing Tatum, Lance Gross, Denzel Washington, Will Smith, and other men. No one should be torn down because they don’t look like barbie or don’t have the hour glass figure shape or whatever other look that’s in today.

  17. The idea that every porn actress has large breasts, pouty lips and a surgically modified hourglass figure is laughable and far from the truth

    The porn industry has changed dramatically from what it used to be, there is no pornstar look anymore, women come in all shapes and sizes and that is reflected far more nowadays than it ever was in the past, porn is arguably far more realistic now

    Saying that the bleached blonde, big busted woman still seems to be the most popular but many men do seek the 100% natural figure and all variations inbetween

    The problem these men in the article seem to be having is that they want a pornstar girlfriend and not a normal relationship, they’ve blurred the lines between fantasy (porn) and reality
    If they want a pornstar then they’re going to have to pay for one, which is something they tend to overlook

    I have heard that many teenage men expect their girlfriends to look and act like pornstars, which must cause some issues for the young ladies

    • Never said every porn star looks like that. But that look seems to be the most commonly portrayed. And there’s evidence that it’s affecting many men’s notions of what women should look like, with some men unable to get aroused by real women. Sad for all involved.

      Also, looks like you’re from the UK. This is actually less of a problem in Europe than the States. I’ll write more on that later.

  18. I once heard someone say that Ron Jeremy is such a popular choice as the male… protagonist (?) in porn films because “part of the fantasy is that you, the regular guy, can get with girls like that. If he can, then you can too.” It makes me wonder what would happen if they started using conventionally attractive guys in the majority of porn films. Would it make them feel inadequate?

    As a tangential point, this posting reminded me of the way I “magically” feel like wearing more make-up and working on my figure after watching TV shows with lots of “attractive” women. Then I end up at the grocery store after getting all dolled-up and awkwardly come back to reality, similarly to the guy in the article who has to remind himself that he’s NOT at the supermarket. The images our brain processes have a profound effect on our overall feelings and opinions about the world, more than most of us are aware.

  19. 5l% of Americans believe that pornography raises men’s expectation of how women should look? Don’t men realize that porn is not real life; it’s a fantasy. Women portrayed in pornography are not real. Everything about their body image has been altered in one way or another. And, let’s not forget they are “acting”. As Pamela Paul mentioned in her research, that men learn about sex from porn but find that it isn’t helpful in teaching them how to relate to real women because porn isn’t real life. In real life, sex involves intimacy and feelings which is absent in porn.

  20. I took an English class that was centered around love and eroticism, and in the class we discussed how porn ruins love. Men who are overexposed to porn develop an incredibly poor image of what it means for a woman to be sexy. They watch countless videos of meaningless, emotionless sex, which affects their own love lives. Men who’s minds are effected by porn have unrealistic expectations for women they encounter. They want a woman with big boobs and a big butt that they can do anything they want with, and they don’t recognize the romantic element to being intimate, and often times, do not even know how to be romantic.

  21. notjameswhite

    Men should have more to fear from porn than women because few men are muscly studs with a gigantic you know what.

    But to play devils advocate here, a lot of men who would have been too timid to walk up to a pretty girl, thinking they aren’t worthy, look at porn, see Ron Jeremy with some hottie, and think hey it’s not impossible that I could have such a woman. That’s not all bad then, because that next hot woman he approaches might be happier with that man who is timid by nature than the studs that normally hit on her, but then move onto the next woman.

    As for porn, no normal woman could or ought to be doing what those actresses do. But since porn on some level does reflect the male fantasy, women who want to keep their man happy would be well advised to make a few modest steps towards being “porn worthy”. Whether porn exists or not or is watched or not, at least on some level it is a reflection of what men want. Take it as a benefit at least that porn can point women to what to do.

  22. The beautiful woman always makes it tougher for everyone else. Only solution I see is the Burka. I don’t think people are lonely because of porn. Weren’t people lonely 20 years ago?

    If per se, men do put expectations on how women should look, it is never as much as women put on themselves. I have a 16 year old daughter. She often asks me own she looks. I tell her she is a 16 year old girl, and 16 year old girls always look beautiful, so stop worrying about it. I think obsessing over your looks is ingrained into the female psyche, and you can’t blame it too much on external things.

    • Yes, I agree that women are usually harder on themselves than men are. Burqa is not the solution. Appreciating the variety of life is.

      Of course people were lonely 20 years ago. But here’s an extra reason today.

  23. I apologise in advance for the tone of this post, but I’m inclined to say “so what”? The physical expectations women have towards men are just as heightened, and this happens without any porn images.

    I am a man and have major issues with how I look, because whenever I hear a woman describe an attractive man (mind you, not even “the most attractive”, just “attractive”) in 9/10 cases, the man described has all the traits that I don’t have (like above average height, which by definition characterises only a minority of males everywhere). I am not ugly, but I am also not a model, and this seems to put me in “unworthy” category in the female perspective. Yes, I see all kinds of men being in relationships, but given the above, they are probably just a consolation prize for the women they are with, since in a monogamous environment the women have to go with what is available. Such a consciousness is very humiliating and makes me hate myself for not being good enough to be loved.

    So, what exactly is the problem if most men start to find most real-life women unattractive, if those males had been deemed unattractive by those very women from the get-go anyway ?

    • It’s true that today men and women are similar in caring about looks over most other things — at least in terms of initial attraction. That’s something new that has arisen since women can now earn their own money. In the past women were more concerned with things like whether a man would be a good provider. Whereas, looks were about the only thing a woman could offer man in the past.

      What I’ve found is that while there is truth to *some women and some men* putting the opposite sex into the “unworthy” category, most don’t. This post is aimed at those who do.

      What is true is that most women and men think that the opposite sex is much more particular than they actually are. I’ll have to write a post about that, too. Most women think that most men want really skinny women – a body type that is near impossible to get without starving. And yet most men prefer fairly normal-looking women in terms of body weight. Most men think that most women want men with big muscles. But in surveys most women say they want pretty average-build guys.

      I believe — partly from personal experience — that what happens is people think that they don’t live up to the idealized images and then lose confidence. And then it’s the lack of confidence that is unattractive. Plus, a lot of people don’t know how to dress in a way that others find attractive. When they do, they come across as more attractive – no surprise. See this research for instance: http://broadblogs.com/2013/04/08/bad-boy-allure/

      As I say, I learned this from personal experience. I don’t fit the ideal: 5’1 and an A-cup and not the skinny type — more apple-shaped. When I was younger guys didn’t seem that attracted to me. But over time I gained in confidence and got some help with fashion (maybe see the folks at Nordstrom – they tend to have a good fashion sense and will help you). I also learned about the art of conversation. Be interested in people: where did they grow up? How did they get into their careers? What made them become interested in those careers? Where has she traveled? What’s her favorite place to travel? What does she like to do in her spare time? And then ask more questions to learn more about all of those things…

      So anyway, when I became more confident, learned how to dress better, and learned more about the art of conversation I found it very easy to meet men and then they constantly seemed interested in me.

      btw, neither I nor my friends have married fashion model man. And we love the men that we are with. They are not booby prizes.

      • I completely agree with Den’s perspective. I am 6’4(1.94), I am athletic looking … and I need to be an ass hole to not admit that it didn’t help me during my lifetime. But at the same time I was still held up to those ideals of male beauty from childhood.

        There is plenty of old posters from the start of the century that displays the Ideals of the male beauty. Women tend to forget about it cause it is not floating everywhere but it does exist, and it does influence guys – heavily – this is not new, this is old. I didn’t meet almost any guy that didn’t look for the squarish jaw and at the same time I didn’t find any girl that didn’t motioned that the prettier guys were with the squarish Jaws … IF she could pick and most women do pick they aim at the guy with the squarish Jaw.

        About the ‘MOST’ – Most women in early ages are exploring, mainly aiming at the hotter guys and most of those women find most of the men ‘unworthy’. The more conservative and old fashioned the population is the more it is true and the reason is not missing attraction to most men – it is the notion that they believe they can aim higher.

        The stronger the gender rules in society aka the fair sex and the strong sex the more likely that only a few men will get a proper indication from women about their physical attractiveness which leads women to aim higher and the average men to be lonely and to turn more easily to porn.

        I have asked plenty of guys regarding their porn habits and the better they look – the more relationships they had – the more options they have – the less they have been exposed to porn. Women in our gender ruled society are starting at this situation – if you want to reduce the affects don’t blame the men blame society – meaning women as well …

        Those lonely guys just found a substituted for the missing girls because the real ones are vain shallow girls that just reject them on every turn (and I am talking about the average not about the ugly guys).

      • First, I wouldn’t blame men or women for problems we facing patriarchy. I blame society. Women and men both learn to see you things and ways that can harm both genders, it feels normal and taken for granted for everyone, and we re-create that world–unless we are given reasons to the things that would otherwise be invisible, see how the behavior is hurtful, and re-think them and choose differently.

        The other thing I notice is that people frequently see things from their own perspective, which can be colored by A lot of preconceptions which may not or may not exist in the world. So the world you describe sounds completely foreign to me and my friends. That doesn’t mean you haven’t experienced them. There is sociological research that suggests that both women and men try to go a bit “Up” in the hierarchy when looking for a partner. But our notions of what’s attractive are more narrowly formed for women–even though men can also feel they fall short of ideals.

        In one study Women and men were asked to write down their height and weight and describe whether they thought they were overweight, underweight, or just right. Even women who were just right thought they were too fat. Even men who thought they were just right we’re overweight, Often times.

        Women are expected to have tiny waist and large breasts, Which is nearly impossible.

        This isn’t to say that men are not beginning to feel more pressure. See this for instance:

        David Beckham’s Sex Sells

        http://broadblogs.com/2012/02/06/david-beckhams-sex-sells/

  24. The History was narrated by men but wasn’t dominated by men – hence a reality that focuses on women as the fair sex and the men as the strong sex. Its not about what a person can do or attract but about which task society gave it by its sex.

    There is nothing new about male bodies being attractive and arousing for women its just that now the narration had changed in the last few decades and its not only male oriented. David just answering the desire and lust that was already existed below the surface.

    I am quoting GIrlsWritesWhat : It is objectifying just as much for a girl to rub one out as much as a guy getting off on some other famous star – cause both of them build up some fictional character regarding their desires … there is nothing wrong with it men and women will always objectify one another … I don’t look for women to presume they can want men without objectifying them – they already do it to me yet in more harmful ways.

    • Hi there,

      Apparently you haven’t read my comment policy. I don’t read or post comments that are too long, or too many of them. If I read and answered all of them I wouldn’t have time to do anything except that.

      My blog is based on looking at social research and trying to explain what’s going on behind it. Additionally, I take a humanistic approach that works to recognize the worth and dignity of everyone, which includes things like seeing people as people, In all of their beauty and attractiveness, But not as objects. Because I tend to focus on issues surrounding women, I am humanistic primarily from a feminist perspective.

      You strike me as someone who sees the world very differently from what is typical — but who thinks that everyone sees the world the way you do. I’m not interested in dissuading you on that count. If you’re interested in understanding the social research and what lies behind it, I’m happy to have you read my blog. But I’m not interested in arguing with someone who has a rather idiosyncratic way of seeing, nor in dissuading you from your way of seeing.

      • First of all I apologies on some of the long comments, I had just encountered your blog lately and due to the fact that I had a small relief i used it to catch up your writing which there are many off and hope there will be many more !

        Again I am reading your blog for the same for reason you are writing it : I have gathered a lot of information and I would like to share it while at the same time I am reading as much materials as I can to shed more light about my findings.

        I am coming from a very liberal stand point so I would completely agree about the fact that I have a unique point of view but at the same time it does not mean that all what I write is out of touch with the reality of others, “but who thinks that everyone sees the world the way you do” and that statement is completely a miss reading of me.

        I am heavily influenced by classical feminism and post modern research although I think reality had changed far away from the days it was relevant and as an egalitarian I am looking for a way to fix this reality who harm both sexes and all genders.

        I don’t mean to come of blunt and I am sorry if I did at any point, My views are from my own perspective as a male just as yours are the ones of a female, yet I hope you won’t interpret them as anti feminist because I am not – I am just. My only purpose is to develop and intellectual conversation to expose both you and me to further aspects to a thrilling subject that might one day might change reality for better – if not in our generation that in the next ones. Please don’t rush into judging others.

        Thank you for your comments so far and I hope to hear more and more!

      • I hope you do enjoy the blog but if you think we are an egalitarian society, you are not well-informed. Or you don’t want to face reality — perhaps because creating true equality of opportunity would get in the way of male privilege — and your interests. (Just claiming to be egalitarian does not make you so.) I have posted a lot of things that show the difficulties that continue, But you deny that they exist. I don’t see the point in conversing with someone who is attached to denial and insisting everything is egalitarian when it is not.

        Being liberal is not being unique. There are a lot of liberals. Perhaps you are a liberal of the right as a libertarian. There are a lot of them, too. Being a liberal doesn’t mean you’re out of touch with reality. Denying research that is well-known is being out of touch with reality.

        For instance, you insist that women’s psychology is different from how it is. You are 1) a man and 2) you have not studied women’s psychology, yet you claim to know more than what research shows. Maybe one idiosyncratic person sees things the way you do and you think that proves your point. Sometimes the exception proves the rule. The research I deal with focuses on what is most common, not what is at the edges of the bell curve.

        For instance, you think that everyone, men and women, experience pornography the same way and you ignore differences in our socialization–boys and girls are raised in very different cultural worlds. You insist there is no gender difference in sexual objectification. Yet women’s bodies are fetishized and men’s are not. That’s why women are less interested in porn. Few women will look at any part of the male body and get aroused. And while women can learn the breast fetish, homophobia is likely to cause them to repress it and jealousy is likely to distract them from it, and since it is attached to a person (a woman) that a hetero woman is not naturally attracted to, It will be weaker in her experience.

        If you are going to continue to be in denial, I’m not going to waste my time engaging in gibberish. I’ll just delete inane comments. Or excessive comments. Or excessively long comments.

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