Libido Killer: My Man Ogling Her
Ogle: To look at amorously, flirtatiously, or impertinently; to eye; look or stare at.
I “get” noticing and appreciating an attractive gal. But he dissolved into her. The many hers. While I faded away.
He thought I was weird: “Most girlfriends wouldn’t mind!”
But it was a huge turnoff.
Men desire; women feel desired
Turns out, men get turned on by desiring while women get turned on by feeling desired.
It’s actually natural for both sexes to desire and to enjoy feeling desired. But we are bombarded by sexy-woman images, while the male bod is largely ignored. So men learn to consume sexy ladies. And women learn to be consumed.
Then, when a couple goes to bed, “she” gets turned on by seeing the lust in “his” eyes.
The guy I’d been dating thought that was weird, too:
I get turned on whether a woman thinks I’m attractive, or not.
Well, that’s because you don’t have female sexuality.
I replied. (A socially constructed female sexuality, anyway.)
How women feel about ogling partners
Plenty of women get turned off if her guy seems more interested in others.
I surveyed my women students and it turned out that, most often, the more her guy focused on other women the less attractive he seemed.
And women who find that post on my blog often say the same thing:
- I’m in this situation now. In the beginning of our relationship I felt better than any women. I was all he wanted. Then porn came in, then he made a comment about banging a ring girl during a boxing match. Well that was it, no tingling down there anymore and even when he tries to kiss me I cringe. So really when the woman realizes she is no longer top dog the pussy gets put in a box and stored away. Its a mental thing.
- When I asked my ogling husband to read this article, he declined and returned my phone. Thus, hurting my feelings even more. I now feel as though what I feel means nothing. We’ve been married less than 2 months. In the first 48 hours we were sleeping in separate rooms. He doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say. All he demands is that I get into the bed. I’ve lost nearly all desire to be with him. We’re ages 50 (me) and 48 (him). I’m lost and hopeless in this marriage. Broken hearted and degraded.
- I’m really glad that someone actually wrote this article! I just have to agree with everything said here! I have a husband who ogles but denies ALL THE TIME! Unfortunately I have two little kids and cannot afford to dump this marriage based on this ogling aspect… When he knows that it will hurt the relationship, then why ogle! I think such men take their partners for granted – especially now that I have two little ones, it’s not like I can leave him in a jiffy!
Most women don’t mind? Maybe some don’t. But plenty do.
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Posted on December 15, 2014, in body image, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, women and tagged body image, ogling, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, women. Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.