Men Can’t Resist Groping Sexy Ladies?

Stop sexual harassment!

Stop sexual harassment!

I have seen enough groping/skirt lifting on crowded buses/trains, outside night clubs, etc. of scantly clad women to say that, yes, when there is no security around and an aroused guy feels he can get away with it he will act… It’s just human nature.

That’s what D. Jalbert told me.

Yet groping is not about short skirts or low-cut blouses. 

Harassment in Egypt is epidemic. Even though the women are all covered up. In fact, the more they cover up the more they are harassed. In the 1970s, when most went without headscarves, such incidents were rare.

Harassment is rising in India, too. Even though clothing is no skimpier now. When little girls learn that life is about harassment, and when 12-year-olds must attend rape seminars, you know it’s not about the dress.

And you know what? Most men don’t harass.

It’s not “human nature,” so why harass? 

If it’s not “human nature,” what’s going on?

In a nutshell, it’s about telling women, “You are lesser-than.”

The more women cover up, the more sexual harassment in Egypt.

The more women cover up, the more sexual harassment in Egypt.

It’s a backlash to equality.

In Egypt, women seeking their rights are the most brutally tormented.

And in India rape and harassment are rising along with strides in women’s rights.

It all communicates that women are mere objects that exist to satisfy male pleasure. He is subject. She is mere object.

As an added bonus, telling women what to wear, where, what time of day, and, “Don’t protest!” is just more power-play.

It tells women who is free and who is not.

It tells them who is boss.

Sexual-harassment is about feeling superior and in control. Not desire.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on July 20, 2016, in feminism, psychology, rape and sexual assault, sexism, violence against women, women and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Sabrina Gill

    Reminds me of the time I spent back in India, where I could not just walk out of the house whenever and whatever I felt like wearing.

    Keeping that aside, raping does not even make sense because the traditional Indian outfits (the blouses) are as revealing and skimpy as a bra but when a girl wears shorts, she is cat called and harassed not only sexually but mentally too!

    Recalling one of the times I was cat called because I was walking down a road, all alone, in my tennis outfit. Not to forget I was 10 years old and these 3 men were in their late 30s.

    There are many incidents that happen everyday (almost), where young toddlers (whose bodies aren’t even matured) are molested in school buses!

    Society saddens me, at times.

  2. This article describes that some people actually blame the women for being raped. Maybe because she was wearing something challenging, she smelled good or she was drunk and flirting, even though one of these elements might be true, I don’t give the man the right to take advantage of the girl and specially not the right to rape here!

    In some Muslims countries like Egypt, a lot of the women is covering their body and face. Some say they do it for their husband, for Allah or because they feel more empower of their own body. However, its more harassment as more you cover up in Egypt. I believe one of the reasons for that might be that as more you cover up many people look at you and feel that you are becoming more disempowered and that your giving your rights away. Some days ago, it was the women’s international day, to celebrate the women. Here in the US it’s not a special thing. In a lot of Muslim countries, women’s rights are not considered to celebrate, because it’s the man that has the power. Some people get forced to cover themselves up, but if you actually have the choice, I wish women would stand up for themselves and wear whatever they prefere.

  3. It is sad that some men think they can get away with just touching any woman, just because its their “nature.” So I should expect to be touched by many men, because they can’t help themselves. Doesn’t seem too fair to me. Men also think that its a way of flirting or getting the message across that they like us, but if I got touched by a guy without my permission I would think they are disgusting and wouldn’t want anything to do with them. They have lost all my respect as a person to think they can touch me without asking. I do have to agree with Jimbo above me about Vegas. It is very true everyone goes there to get away or celebrate a groom getting married, but doesn’t mean every female in Vegas is single and to touch any women they can get their hands on. I have been touched in Vegas a few times by guys in passing or trying to flirt and I just get so mad that I walk away or tell them my boyfriend is on his way over just to scare them and get them away from me. Just shows how low some men are when they do things like that and loose so much respect for another human being who doesn’t want to be treated like an object. I feel like this day and age men need to get over having excuses to touch a woman without permission and it makes me happy to see woman finally standing up and proving to them they can not get away with it anymore.

  4. I know that a lot of sexual harassment happens in Las Vegas. I witnessed many guys grabbing women’s butts and breasts. I agree how sexual harassment is about feeling superior and in control from what I saw and read from this post. Men commit most of the sexual harassment unfortunately. Guys are always up to no good. This cannot be human nature because human nature does not commit unlawful actions. I believe when men who commit sexual harassment are weak. These are the urges men get and only the “strong men” can avoid. Weak men who sexual harass make all men look bad. Men were taught manners from when they were little and need to be taught again.

  5. the fact is everybody has their own opinion about what’s appropriate and what’s not and trying to listen to differing opinions is rather confusing so I just ask questions but making sure the time and the place is appropriate

  6. I’ve never groped a woman but have been falsely accused of it. It turns out that I was telling the truth the whole time but I met a woman 3 years ago when I was part of a workshop put on by Community Mental Health in my area in conjunction with Uniting Care. This workshop was called Up Close and Personal more to do with friendships and relationships and learning about how to navigate these things when one has disabilities. For a while this lady would talk often about how she was in an abusive relationship until one day she disclosed how she’d been raped and my response was shock. What do you do and what do you say when you don’t have the words to say anything I wanted to hug this woman or put a hand on her shoulder but was concerned that by doing this it may bring the memories flooding back or she may flip out so just sat there in silence not knowing what to do or say. Some disclosures can leave you realing but also it teaches one how not to treat a woman or what the comfort levels are and how carefully to tread I’ve been conscious of personal boundaries since so maybe I’m learning all be it slowly.

    • Since this is so similar to a question you wrote on another blog post, But more appropriately goes here, I’ll answer here. I wrote a post this week called “The Trouble With Fetishes.”

      I was talking about one sort of trouble, but another sort can be obsessing in a way that creates problems. Our culture has created the sense that breasts are some magical amazing thing, when they actually aren’t that big a deal. As I wrote here, “Men Aren’t Hard Wired To Find Breasts Arousing”’t-hard-wired-to-find-breasts-attractive/

      You bring up the issue so much that you seem to be a bit obsessed. Not being so obsessed is easier said than done, of course. I’ve found Buddhism to be a good guide for dealing with my particular obsessions: acknowledge your feeling and let it go. Meditation helps to let things go. You focus on your breath. And then you realize you are thinking about something other than your breath. Acknowledge that thought and let it go. At first you will feel like you are failing meditation because your mind wanders so much, But it’s all part of the exercise, helping to rewire your brain. 10 minutes a day Will rewire your brain so that you become more empowered, having control over where you want to put your thoughts.

      As for learning what’s appropriate I would assume that you would have some resources for the blind, People you can talk to, who have dealt with this sort of thing before. I have no knowledge on this issue.

  7. Yeah, all jocks aren’t the same. They live in a subculture that is more misogynistic but some of the guys manage to resist having it rub off on them. Some guys are stronger and have more sense than others.”

    It’s probably some personality, where some people, no matter their upbringing have it in them to be good. And some with good upbringings can be the opposite, though upbringing can often have an impact with a person. Like Christian Garcia here. He and others are able to have the confidence to think for themselves and have a good core of morals, And with the comments he said, it makes me think this most likely came from him growing up with good parents and household, where he was taught or learned from example of being a good respectful person to people in general, women, people of other races, etc.

    That can make a difference or why a guy like him has a good head on his shoulders and not affected by jock culture, whereas, you see guy’s like Brock turner, probalby a mix of their own personality and upbringing. I mean, when you see how Brock Turners father is and his thoughts, you know Brock was doomed to be a sexist, cold hearted, criminal dick head. It’s kind of like how you see kids who have overtly racist parents who say racial slurs around their kids. And kids being sponges soak that up, well they grow up being bigots just like their parents, because of the horrible examples set by their bad parents.

    • Yeah, the fact that some guys – and gals– go against the group is probably related to natural personalities, upbringing, personal experiences.

      Someday I will have to write about them and include Mr. Garcia.

  8. I thought you might find this refreshing as I did. It’s terrible obviously what was happening to the woman, but the good to know of how a young man didn’t just stand by, but came to the aid of this woman. And it’s also refreshing, because we’ve seen stats of college campus rapes and frat, and jock culture and the mindset with it happening where frat guys or college athletes commit rape and such. Or the privilege they get for their status or upbrining and not punished, think of Brock Turner. Or where you see like Baylor with sexual assaults and student athletes. It’s refereshing to see a man be a hero and have a strong moral code which many guys do, but like a woman posted on facebook saying “how this helps when more guys step up against sexual assaults like Christian Garcia. I brought this up, because the guy is a Florida Gators linebacker, so this jock for once was doing something good and to help a woman. here’s the link

    Christian Garcia Of Florida Gators Stops Sexual Assault, Rescues Woman

    “Christian Garcia, a fourth-year junior, who was a walk-on linebacker with the Florida Gators last year, was working late at 101 Cantina early Thursday morning, according to the Florida Gators website. It was then that he noticed a man sexually assaulting a woman near a dumpster behind the club.
    “The girl was basically unconscious,” Christian Garcia told First Coast News. “So I knew there was no way she could be giving consent.”

    “I turned around and pulled the guy by the shoulder and said, ‘Get off,’” Christian Garcia said. “That pretty much ended the situation then. He was intoxicated and attempted to throw some punches, but he slipped and busted his face on the wall.”
    “Garcia added it was his strong moral code that pushed him to intervene in the incident as quickly as he did, according to First Coast News.
    “I hold strong moral values and I don’t think anyone should be taken advantage of in that kind of way,” Garcia said.

    I know he the man was already raping her when Garcia pulled her off, but he could have saved her life as the man could have decided to kill her, who knows and the man probably would have gotten away and unpunished for his action. I hope the justice system actually sentences the man a very long sentence he needs. But it was also big for him to step in, because apparently this man sounds to have been a serial rapist, so if this guy got away which he could have if Garcia didn’t get involved. He probably wouldn’t have been caught and could be around to rape more women. So he helped save other potential women from being raped seeing as cops believe this man could have been involved with prior sexual assaults.

    “Upon further police investigation, it appears that the alleged perpetrator in the sexual assault may have been involved in other sexual assaults in the area. Christopher Shaw, 34, is believed to have been involved in other alleged rapes in the area.”

    • Yay Christian!

      Not only might he have saved her life but as a witness we are more likely to get that rapist jailed!

      He is a great role model. Thanks for sharing!

      • Yes,and obviously there are good jocks as he’s an example and good guys who are part of frats. But it’s not just good for a man to take action to help a woman, but refreshing that we saw a positive action taken from a jock, and out to help a woman, unlike past news where you’d see a college rape perpetrated by a frat guy or student athlete. Hopefully more boys in frats and sports can follow his lead and show that doing what is right and being yourself is more important than some peer pressure masculinity they can influenced by from jock culture or being part of a frat. More men following Christian’s lead would hopefully help turn the tide or show that you can be a man, and part of a frat or sports team, and can respect women too and care about them. The two aren’t mutually exclusive or shouldn’t be. And you are welcome 🙂

      • Yeah, all jocks aren’t the same. They live in a subculture that is more misogynistic but some of the guys manage to resist having it rub off on them. Some guys are stronger and have more sense than others.

  9. Cant agree more. Till date I am told how should I dress myself so that I dont entice anyone towards me!

    • Telling women what they can and cannot wear teaches them to be controlled by others. And it doesn’t work anyway. If it did, sexual harassment wouldn’t be epidemic in Egypt. And young girls in India wouldn’t be constantly harassed.

  10. Well,I’ve NEVER groped a woman,so in my case,DEFINITELY NOT!!!!!!

  11. And also treating a lady as a commodity or an object without regard to her personality or dignity.

  12. If it’s a backlash to equality, why is rape and sexual assault prevalent in primitive societies where the issue of equality hasn’t even begun to raise its head. e.g. Papua New Guinea.

    BTW, do you only consider it “human nature” if everyone does something? What percentage does a behaviour have to reach before it transcends un-natural to being human nature?

    • I find it curious that some men want to make all men look bad — like men are naturally harassing rapists.

      In order for something to be human nature you need to find it everywhere. And you don’t find rape and sexual harassment everywhere. There’s a pattern that sexual harassment and rape are more prevalent in patriarchal societies – Societies that privilege men over women. But because human societies are complex, it’s not a simple one-to-one causality.

      There’s a reason why you too often find an increase in rape and sexual harassment when women are gaining equality within a patriarchy: if you want to teach women that men are superior and women are subordinate, one method is to rape and harass them – demonstrating the male conquering the female. Even better: blame women for being raped. That creates a learned helplessness when justice becomes impossible, increases the shame, and decreases her self-esteem. And increases rape since she is punished instead of him.

      It’s an ironic attempt since it actually creates inhumane men – men acting less than human. The exact opposite of superiority.

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