The Trouble With Fetishes
Shoes. Feet. Cabbage. (Or so I hear.)
Women’s breasts and butts…
Women’s breasts and butts are fetishized? Yep. The arousal they spark is not universal.
But here’s the problem: a fetish can actually harm our sex lives.
A fetish can harm our sex lives?
When a body part is fetishized we think it is really, REALLY important.
But then women can end up worrying over whether they look good enough in bed. That’s a big distraction. The opposite of erotic.
I surveyed my women students and two-thirds said that body worries could be a big problem. The issue wasn’t always breasts or butts. Some felt too skinny or too fat in other ways, too.
But these negative feelings are likely one reason why nearly half of American women experience some form of sexual dysfunction, like one or more these: a lack of interest in sex, painful sex, difficulty with orgasm. Who can be excited about sex when you’re worried?
And since men want their partners to enjoy sex, that’s not good news for them, either.
Worse, men who place a great deal of importance on women’s bodies, excessively focusing on their appearance, are more likely to feel shamed by the size and shape of their partner’s bodies. (Yet seem to have no problem with their own bods. These guys must all be “10’s”!)
But that shame too often leads to sexual coercion, whether manipulation or violence.
That’s not good for men, women or relationships.
Variety is the spice of life
Women worry that they aren’t hot enough. And men worry that their partners aren’t hot enough.
But it’s all unnecessary.
What’s considered attractive varies from place to place and time to time.
Not so long ago Americans preferred a smaller tush. Nowadays bigger is often thought better.
America today favors large breasts. But in the 1920s women bound their breasts to make them appear as small as possible.
The Apache once favored very large breasts. But the African Masai prefer them small.
The best outcome from “getting this”
All this can be a real struggle for many women… men… couples… who would be greatly helped if our society didn’t act like one sort of body shape were a must.
Really, variety is the spice of life!
Posted on August 29, 2016, in body image, objectification, psychology, sex and sexuality and tagged fetish, how objectification harms, objectification, psychology, sex, sexual dysfunction, sexuality. Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.