Yes means Yes: Consent is Sexy
Posted by BroadBlogs
Or imagine that a man breaks into your home while you sleep off a night of drunken revelry, and robs you blind. Did your drinking imply consent?
Yet a lot of people think it’s okay to enter a woman’s body when she hasn’t said she would like that.
And actually, when a body is entered without permission it’s far more traumatic than the examples posted above, say Michael Kimmel and Gloria Steinem, who made the analogies in a New York Times piece.
But since California changed the legal standard for colleges accepting state funding from “no means no” to “yes means yes,” some are wondering:
Is consent un-sexy?
When Antioch College began this policy years ago, students simply began asking, “Do you want to implement the policy?” say Steinem and Kimmel.
That’s kind of sexy!
Or, Jason Schultz decided to personally implement the policy in all of his sexual relationships after a good friend of his was raped during their early weeks at Duke University.
Her trauma — the anger, sadness and hurt, and the fear she began feeling toward Jason — led him to become a rape educator.
Here’s how he broached the topic of sex with one woman he was seeing:
I’ve been thinking about kissing you all night. And then touching you. All over. I hope that’s okay.
The young woman blushed and responded,
Sure. I just… well, no one’s ever said that to me so far in advance before. Usually we are already drunk and naked and at least somewhere near the bed.
Way sexier then being drunk near a bed.
“Yes” can be erotic, say Steinem and Kimmel:
One of literature’s most enduring works, James Joyce’s “Ulysses,” concludes with Molly Bloom’s affirmative declaration of desire (considered so erotic, in fact, that it was banned for more than a decade after publication): “and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.”
Related Posts on BroadBlogs
- When Playboy Pushes Consent It’s Cool
- It Ain’t Sex Unless It’s Pleasuring
- Yes Means Yes: There Oughta be a Law
About BroadBlogsI have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.
Posted on September 29, 2014, in feminism, psychology, rape and sexual assault, sex and sexuality, sexism, violence against women, women and tagged consent is sexy, feminism, psychology, rape, sex and sexuality, sexism, sexual assault, violence against women, women, yes means yes. Bookmark the permalink. 49 Comments.