Girls Hit On Guys Like (Some) Guys Hit On Girls

Luckily, most men already know that when approaching a woman you’re interested in, the best move does not involve leering, catcalling, groping or acting the know-it-all.

Here’s a video for those who don’t. Reversing sexual come-ons:

Also, The Guardian’s Leah Green reverses gender roles in London. Each gender-flipping encounter is based on real experiences women have tweeted about on @EverydaySexism, a project chronicling women’s everyday encounters with sexism. 

Related Posts on BroadBlogs
Flip Gender, Flip Ways of Seeing
Gender-Bending Ads
Guys, Girls Swap Roles at a Bar

About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on April 30, 2014, in feminism, gender, men, objectification, psychology, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 50 Comments.

  1. In the second video, Leah Green asks two men if they have ever made out, to which they seemed to get offended and quickly walked away. I can’t help but to think that if the roles were reversed, as they most frequently are, that the men would pester the women further, making them uncomfortable and to become fearful. I have literally heard boys my age (college) ask girls this question, and they think that it is okay to objectify and sexualize women and their friendships for their own personal gain, more specifically their sexual gain. As if female friendships are meant to be sexualized as a form of entertainment for the opposite sex, which I feel is due in part to the porn industry and how popular and common “lesbian” pornography is. Newsflash, it is not real.
    I found it quite entertaining when Leah went into the hardware store and asked the clerk for a female employee because she would “know more”, the man appeared to be rather offended and bothered by this request. Yet, if it was the other way around, as it usually is, the woman would be expected to go get a male employee to help the gentleman.
    Lastly, when Leah cat-called the construction workers, they got upset and told her she “can’t talk to them like that”. Again, if it was a reverse situation, the woman or women would be expected to take it as a compliment, instead of a frightening, disrespectful insult.

    It is interesting to see the real responses men have to being treated the same way, by a woman no less, that men generally treat the majority of women.

  2. The second video was definitely more interesting because the reactions were genuine and not staged. The second video also took most of the scenarios that the BuzzFeed video showed in a skit and applied the same role reversal in real life. The comment that cracked me up the most was when the girl was hitting on a guy and the guy was not reciprocating the feeling, the girl asks if the guy is gay. I have seen this a lot from guys my age (college), where they think if a girl is not attracted to them the girl is a lesbian. Not everyone is going to be attracted to everyone and especially if the man is hitting on the girl in a misogynistic way. In my experience, misogynistic approaches to hitting on girls never work except in music videos and movies. Respecting the women and seeing her as an equal and not an object seems to work exceptionally better.

  3. I think the second video was a little more interesting because it obviously wasn’t a skit and we got to see the men’s reactions. The men were so shocked to see a woman talk to them the way that most men catcall women. It made some of them uncomfortable and suspicious. It’s good for them to see what it feels like to have somebody else think they have some sort of entitlement of their body. Although a lot of men didn’t seem to take it personal, I feel like a lot of women can take catcalling personal and feel unsafe around that kind of stuff.

  4. Jennie Asuncion

    It is certainly peculiar, but interesting, to watch the roles be reversed and watch women hit on men, versus the normal situation of men hitting on women. I feel that it is quite uncommon for females to hit on males like the woman in these youtube videos plainly due to their safety being in danger. Men feel comfortable catcalling and trying to pick up women as they (usually, anyways) are bigger in stature and just all around stronger and more aggressive. The worst thing that could probably happen to them is that they could offend the woman. Even then, what could a woman really do? “No” a man to death? When the roles are switched, if a female offends a man, a male could do a lot more harm to a woman, especially if he feels disrespected and angry.

  5. A girl hitting on guys is a very interesting topic. Usually guys are the one who hit girls. Now the world turns around. I saw pretty interesting in the video is that most guys were shocked, annoyed and scared. Guys didn’t expect that reaction from girls so that they weren’t prepared for it. What I noticed in real life is that when the guy wants to hit the girl, guys always plan or prepare ahead before they hit. In the video, girls were like very open and straight to the point that would sacred guys away. To be specific, when girls were in the club they grab guys hand to dance with them which shouldn’t be. It should have been chat each other get to know more, flirt, that would lead guys to dance. I would say girls are so dare because they are not used to it. Thanks for sharing it is very interesting and funny topic.

  6. I think both videos are funny. Most people would take it as funny because we know majority of women wouldn’t actually do or say those things. But when the tables are turned, it’s not funny anymore. My girlfriend and I just went to LA for a few days and every single day we got hit on but mostly in negative and annoying ways. Everything from guys fallowing us, to yelling out of their cars, to literally barking at us like dogs. Do men really think that will attract a woman?

  7. My immediate reaction to the above vids, btw, was, if only…but I think while such hypotheticals are useful, since we know it’s not real, it still doesn’t give us the same feeling, you know? A bit like how black on white racism, while it shouldn’t be condoned, just doesn’t have the same punch because it lacks the weight behind it (centuries of discrimination etc).

    • Because men and women live in different worlds, with men bigger, stronger and more violence on average, the videos may only be able to hint how women experience this sort of thing.

  8. Would you see in high school teenage girls do a lot more asking out than later on? I also get the idea that they’re more ‘boy crazy’ too, lol. At least that was the impression that I got, I was a loner in high school who didn’t really have any real friends let alone a girlfriend. I remember one girl asking me out, though, but I think she was just teasing me/playing around with me. There were a few girls who seemed to like me who always said hello to me and stuff, but I was just so shy haha. I’m better now, at least.

  9. Erica Dalton

    The Leah Green segment really made an impact,because it contained real life people in a gender swap scenario. The men’s reactions were hilarious because they seemed so blind sighted by the situation. Nor did even think that they were being treated like women often are, even though they have likely seen scenarios like these throughout their lives. To think that some men go around thinking it perfectly acceptable to cat call, ask for sex, or stare awkwardly is comical. I admire her for being able to keep a straight face, allowing the full impact of her words set in.

  10. After watching the second video I am honestly surprised that the majority of the guys denied going home with that girl. From the looks of it, it didn’t look like it was a very safe city to live in, and just from what I have seen I thought that since that girl was asking them guys to come home with her, they all said no, and they even asked if she was okay. But I also wonder if it had to do with the fact of how she was dressed. If she was dressed sexy and not in a heavy jacket and pants, would more guys have said yes than no? But I have to say that the majority of gender that hits on the most is guys. And I think that the women who hit on girls are mostly doing it for money. But this video really came as a surprise to me.

  11. First of all , I do not hit on girls like that lol but i have seen guys who do that and i think it’s funny to see what it would look like if the roles were reversed. The video is probably trying to be funny at some extent but I’m sure the point is to show how it gets tiring for girls to get hit on all the time. It’s weird because there was a time when guys didn’t act like that, they had to treat girls with respect it they wanted to date a girl, they had to open doors for them, ask them can they be of assistance to them, and POLITELY ask them if they are busy on the weekends and can they go out for “whatever”. Nowadays i feel like the influence from the media changed the way guys hit on girls in a more inappropriate way. Everyday we are overwhelmed with music and video clips of guys who says something sexual or degrading about girls and obviously the new generation reproduces this pattern because they think it’s normal. Also, i think that a lot of guys do it to show off to their guy friends to get a little confidence boost and earn respect because they think it’s cool which is totally stupid but i’m sure that if a guy catches you alone without his guy friends around he would be more subtle and respectful.

  12. The two videos were a very interesting look at gender roles. I think the audience only feel shocked when women are hitting on men is because that women loses their femininity when they show sexual assertion. At the same time, when men is subjected to sexual flirtation/harassment, it makes men very un-masculine because a masculine individual is expected to take the initiative.

    I would also like to add that the fact that “hitting on people” is portrayed the way it was portrayed in the video is a major commentary on the attitude we have toward sex. There was so much negative connotation to the sexual advances that guys tend to make when approaching girls. Although, it was already mentioned in the first part on this blog post that most men do not approach women in the manners depicted in the videos, it still makes me wonder why the leering and catcalling is such a vocal, yet minor stereotype.

    • Maybe because people really notice and want to change things that disturb them. It’s all so salient. But I suspect most women know what I said in my first sentence.

  13. ok ok this is the best video I’ve seen i can’t stop laughing because really i wish the world did work like this … it was so exciting having the roles reversed to show men a little bit of what we go through.. but honestly i don’t think men will still fully understand what we go through. also its funny how all the men acted when being hit on i thought there reactions would be a bit better they actually acted the same way a women does when she’s being hit on … you would think they would be into it and go home with her.. this video was awesome.

  14. It used to be really unusual to see a woman hitting on a guy because the world has taught us that the man was the one who was always supposed to go to the girl.However,some women started thinking “I want something,I go get it”,which is good I think.But the way a guy could hit on a girl is not supposed to be the same as the guy would do because we have some expectations from women like they are supposed to be timid,secretive. I would like a girl to look at me more than 1 time in a club for example and smile at me,I would be like “she might be attracted to me,so I can try to talk to her..”. Girls give a signal meaning to us”dude I like you don’t you see,do something..”.But if a girl comes talk to me, compliment me and at the end ask for my phone number,I would think that she could do that to anybody else,and that would bother me because I have the underlying assumption that I’m the one supposed to do that. A girl who gives you signal is better than a girl who might loves you,but just try to act by ignoring you,and talk behind like “I love this guy” him something then,so he will notice and do his part.Women could think that doing this would be like loosing control,but I say no.That would just show that you know what you want,and once the guy notices you and come talk,you still can challenge him so he will struggle to get your phone number,you r still have the power then,and we will struggle because you showed us interest,the victory is greater when you struggled!!I had this girlfriend that talked about sex,touched me in public.. I was so embarrassed,like crazy!I thought she was not the one supposed to do that.I might be wrong,but I have some expectations from women because I see all of them as potential mother,so I treat them as I would like my mum to be treated and my mum to behave.

  15. It was funny seeing it the other way around, I’ve have experience theses actions plenty of times and never thought about what if I made the moves men do, it would be funny to see someones reaction. Maybe this could be one of my experiments.

  16. I thought the buzzfeed video was really funny. I guess it’s just the way that it was gender flipped made it funny. It doesn’t necessary means it’s okay to have that done to a male or female but it was just simply made in such a realistic funny way. However I don’t know why the second video made me really uncomfortable. It was just awkward for me to see the girl going up to guys like that and making those remarks. Perhaps it’s because both it’s not socially acceptable for people act like that but at the same time it’s not the most appropriate thing for a girl to be doing. Maybe that is just because I’m looking at this from a male point of view

    • Maybe because it’s not the most appropriate thing for anyone to be doing. Those kinds of things do cause discomfort. Thanks for your male perspective.

  17. I lived in New York City for a couple of years and was confronted with cat calling. Coming from a town of 300,000 people, it was a bit jarring to be approached (or even from a distance) in such an aggressive manner. I have also experienced aggressive approaches from men while traveling all over the globe. But living in New York City, like many single women in such a large city, tend to be more apt to approach men. But the aggressiveness isn’t there when women approach men, in MOST cases. However, I do find that in any city regardless of the size of the city, there will always be aggressive women in tow if there is a man who is seen in a social setting as being the “top catch”. Being back in a smaller city like Stockton, the cat calling is not as noticeable if at all which is interesting to think about as I watch the videos that you have posted.

    In relation to the post, I did find that it was quite interesting to see the reaction of men when the roles were reversed. I just shared this post on Facebook.

    Great post!

  18. Ashley Arras

    It was really funny, as well as eye opening on how a situation that a man puts a women in its kind of a norm but if a women were to do it to a man it becomes not ok. In both of these videos you can see the complete discomfort men had when they were being called at. When roles are reversed the desire for men fades. Meaning I think when a women, may be “easy to get” for men they don’t like that because it may be emasculating to them. I believe men feel they should be in control and dominant and would rather not be dominated

  19. Yeah I never see guys do that with women either like in the second video. Because even the piggish guys, know that doing so would have them arrested or charged with sexual harassment. Women don’t have that threat. Women don;t usually come on strong, but the few women that do, aren’t held back, because they know guy’s usually aren’t going to feel sexually harassed. And most guy’s either like it or if the girl is not their type, a man still usually isn’t too bothered and usually just shrugs it off and goes on with his day.

    The guy’s who do such stuff, are “trolling” as what I would say. They are messsing around, which I don’t think is right, but kind of like you’d see on the internet with guys writing something sexual just to get a reaction out of women.

    • You might want to take a look at today’s post on Anime Conventions where gender can be switched so much that guys sometimes face sexual harassment from women.

  20. Laugh. Out. Loud. As a male, I thought I might be taken aback by this video but I wasn’t. It was a bit absurd is what is it was. I consider myself an adult, and as far as I can remember, I have never treated or spoke to a woman the way the video portrayed. It is appalling! I cannot fathom men actually treating women this way! Obviously this isn’t a big surprise coming from a male, but if I were to be treated the way males were in the second video, I probably would have run away. But again, I have never seen, nor even heard of men, doing this! Maybe as a dare, or if they lost a bet. But never as a serious attempt to pick up or “hit” on women. When I see things like this, I always assume that when men do this, it is a caricature of the male species, an extreme. Obviously I am very mistaken and ignorant of this, as it all comes as a surprise.

  21. “Maybe if you guys would like it. But an awful lot of them would probably find it annoying. Or find it annoying after a while.”

    Depends on the woman and her looks. Thought it seems like a man catcalling a woman even if good looking can still be bothersome to a woman, though maybe more women are more likely to be bothered less compared to an ugly, creepy looking dude hitting on them. A grandma, or fat, homely woman or women hitting on a guy, could get annoying. Though it’s hard to see a cute, hot, pretty girl/woman catcalling or being sexually aggressive toward a guy as something bothersome. He’d probably feel flattered even if he already has a gf. If the man is single, he’d probably like it or probably even be turned on from her lust toward him that he probably has toward her, and it added since he’s being desired and feeling it, which guys aren’t use to but can be quite the turn on for a man. This is if it became the norm though. Like in the video, the guys were confused and felt something wasn’t right whcih they were correct, since this is something very uncommon for a woman to do.

    All I know is I was catcalled once, she was probably messing around, and I thought it was funny, but it was quite flattering. I just got done lifting an hour ago so my arms and torso was still pretty pumped and had a short sleeve shirt on and was walking up to a pizza show and heard a car drive by and a girl yell “hey sexy, wooo” lol. I turned around and saw her looking at me on the passenger side with window down as driving by. She had shades on but cute from what I saw when looking by. I didn’t mind it at all ha.

  22. sheryel charan

    The first video “if girls hit on guys”, was funny, but it doesn’t make it okay for either gender to do it. The gender role was switched which made it funny I believe. Girls can hit on guys, theres nowhere it says that its not allowed. But society has always had it where males are the ones who are supposed to take the first initiative. Like the person above me said women are supposed to be “shy and submissive” instead of the ones being “aggressive”. I think that the fact when men are hitting on women it shows that they are aggressive but it also puts men down to the point where they’re called “dogs” or “thirsty” by females. And when females are the aggressive ones they’re considered “sluts” or “whores”…Everyone is concerned about what other are always thinking so I find it hard for one to act.

    • Yeah, the point definitely is not to encourage the sort of behavior. The point is to try to help men to see how women experience it. Though because men don’t live in women’s bodies I’ve noticed from a couple comments that some guys are still having a hard time getting it.

      • Actually there are a few women who do things like this, in more subtle ways of course, but they are doing it just to tease men.
        In the second video, when she, an attractive woman, is asking a man to go with her,
        I am sure that most of the men would gladly accept her invitation but they hesitated thinking “and what if I say yes and then she replies that she was only joking, then I would look ridiculous”

        It all comes down to men being bigger and stronger than women. An average man would never try to hit on like that to a 6’5” woman.

        There are a few species of birds, where the females are much bigger than the males.
        In these species the female ones are acting aggressively and the male ones are passives. And the females are fighting each other over a male, and the winner gets to mate.

        But I always wonder, the men who act like this, what they are thinking?
        do they think that makes them look more “manly” thus more attractive to women?
        What they do, is showing that they have no class.
        Can you imagine Don Draper catcalling women or acting like a drunk frat boy?

      • I have a feeling that when either men or women do this it’s more out of hostility, or trying to create a sense of yourself as powerful, rather than thinking you’ll actually have any luck with the opposite sex.

        One of my male students wrote an article that I posted today where he talks about cosplay, a world that has much gender bending, and where he is occasionally harassed by women. You might want to take a look at it.

  23. The video “if girls hit on guys” was funny to me. At one point my eyes popped out of my head because I was shocked at some of the women’s actions. When gender roles are switched it can make some people uncomfortable or surprised or even confused because it is something out of the ordinary. To add to that it can cause bad judgements as a lot of new things or change tend to do. People don’t accept change or different things with arms open. In my life if I tried to hit on a guy or even thought about doing it I always keep in mind that it may make me look like a promiscuous, or lose women or some call it a “slut”. A confident, dominant, aggressive woman is not what the society puts out. They say women should be submissive and shy and basically wait for a man to approach her. This is just another way women encounter sexism.

    As time goes on, the norm changes and things that were not accepted before are not shockers to people anymore. For me I was shocked in the video when the two guys started kissing each other and the girls were cheering them on like they liked was they saw. You know, like when a lot of guys like to see two girls kissing. I never saw anything like it so for me I was shocked and I felt a little uncomfortable. I laughed after as well. But for some, that may be normal or something they have seen before.

  24. I get the point of this video. They are trying to show how annoying it is for women, when men are acting like that.
    But I suspect the reason why men are surprised when a woman is acting like is because this behavior by woman is uncommon.

    These men were probably suspicious that this could be a scam, or crooks trying to lure them and robe them, they were alarmed that something fishy was going on.
    The irony was that they were correct, something was going on, someone was filming them without them knowing it.

    I bet that if more and more women were acting like that and men got used to it, most of the men would actually welcome such a behavior by women.

    But I understand the point of this video is to show how annoying is for women when men are acting like that.

    • Maybe if you guys would like it. But an awful lot of them would probably find it annoying. Or find it annoying after a while.

    • That’s exactly it. Especially if it’s an attractive woman, women rarely hit on guys so openly. It’d be different if it’s a woman you know, but if a strange woman said, ‘I wanna have sex with you right now’ out of the blue I would think she’s up to something or maybe intoxicated. I would never of course say something like that to a woman myself, but yeah.

  25. yeah right, like straight guys would be upset being felt up by those pretty woman at the club dancing lol. And the guys reactions, like disgusted and saying “oh my god” ha. I get it, to show what women go through, but I don’t think guys would mind such attention.

    • I think part of the reason women don’t like it is this sense of entitlement that men have to women’s bodies. If men felt like women felt entitled to their bodies, and superior in that way, I’m not so sure men would like it either.

      But women are also taught to experience their bodies differently from men. There was a Supreme Court case about a girl who had been strip-searched in an attempt to find an aspirin — at a no tolerance for drugs middle school. The male justices didn’t think it was a big deal. Ruth Bader Ginsburg did her best to try to explain how sexualized women can feel and how violated they can feel because of the way their bodies are socially constructed. It all feels like sexual assault to women.

      Also, since men are bigger and stronger and more violent, on average, A lot of this stuff will feel more threatening when the behavior is directed from men to women.

      But it’s also possible that since guys haven’t actually had this experience that it’s hard to envision how it really is experienced by just watching it on video.

      I’m hoping that the video will be helpful for some guys, though. Maybe create more empathy seeing the world through the eyes of women.

  26. interesting.

    As a shy guy and almost asexual, never cat called a woman on the streets but still remember when a woman tell/whisper me while walking “cut your beard” and though t “who ask for your opinion?”, dont say anything because was walking very fast.

  27. If you treat people as you would like to be treated yourself, you can’t go far wrong.

  28. Sometimes, seeing it from the other side can be very helpful. So excited about all the conversations happening right now about this, sexual assault, discrimination, etc. The more we talk, the more things have to change.

  29. Love Leah Green’s video! Hope lots of guys have seen it…

    • Even if a guy isn’t like that, it can be interesting to see how women experience this stiff. And it’s interesting for women to see it from a reversed perspective, too.

Thoughts? (Comments will appear after moderation)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: