Seeing Women as Magic and Evil
Some men see women as both magic and evil.
This occurred to me as I read a post on the lure of overeating:
Food was both magic and evil. That’s a noxious combination, known to create obsessions and addictions.
Sounds a lot like the men who hate pretty women.
Obsessed and addicted? Sounds about right. How else to explain the enduring idea that seeing a woman leads to attraction, which leads to rape, complete with horrible analogies comparing men to beasts and women to (wait for it) food?
Men who hate pretty women wouldn’t hate them so much if they didn’t love them, too.
The love/hate relationship with women chillingly echoes these words from a battering mother, about her love/hate connection to her child:
I have never felt loved all my life. When the baby was born, I thought he would love me. When he cried, it meant he didn’t love me. So I hit him.
Mmmmm, “I have never felt loved,” so I hated my unrequited love object…
Meanwhile, a guy calling himself “Some Guy” reacted to a post called “Men Who Hate Pretty Women,” by saying that he hates how pretty women make him feel, not that he hates the pretty women themselves.
He adds that men like him are “measuring their self-worth based on their success with women.”
Thus, Some Guy — and men like him — already believe they are worthless.
They are (completely naturally) drawn to pretty women. But the women reject them, either implicitly (by ignoring their existence) or explicitly (with varying degrees of kindness, depending on how much the women believe the “if he likes me but I don’t like him, he must be a creeper” meme).
American society doesn’t — thankfully — let these men take their frustration out on women (unless she’s a prostitute whose humanity is denied, see Lenora Frago).
But neither does it provide any helpful coping mechanisms. (“You’re a man, pretend you don’t have emotions” doesn’t count.)
Men and women both lose.
Some Guy blames “primal survival instincts,” as though the problem were rooted in biology and impossible to fix. Not true.
The problem is psychological and possible to ease, even if only slightly.
Society — media, parents, teachers, role models, peers, and potential female partners — tell men that in order to be “worthy” they must be successful with women. But society doesn’t provide any real help or compassion to the “unworthy” (scare quotes 100% intentional).
In the long term we can work to change society. In the short term, you can work at changing your own thinking:
- Your success with women does NOT determine your self-worth. Others may think so, but they’re wrong and you know it.
- You CAN want sex, very much, but still enjoy looking at a pretty woman on her own merits without needing more.
- Most pretty women walking down the street are NOT laughing at you or reveling in their power over you. And it may well be that none of them are.
- The ones that are “teases” don’t do it because they’re evil sirens. They do it because they’re people, and sometimes people aren’t very nice. So what if some women have bad personalities? They only have as much power over you as you give them. You don’t have to look at them, think about them, or care what they think of you if you don’t want to.
- Wanting revenge for pretty women existing is irrational, and is caused by your unmet emotional needs.
- Women are people, like you. They too may behave irrationally due to unmet emotional needs.
- You deserve to try to fulfill your unmet needs in healthy ways.
You are flawed, but you are of immeasurable worth. The same goes for all the pretty women, too.
Posted on October 21, 2013, in feminism, men, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged feminism, men, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women. Bookmark the permalink. 34 Comments.