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It’s Not Easy Being A Man
![self-madeManCoverweb[1]](https://broadblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/self-mademancoverweb1.jpg)
Norah Vincent passed as a man for a year and a half. She wrote a book about the experience, Self-Made Man, which was published in 2006. When one gender visits the world of another it can be eye-opening, so let’s take a peek at one part of the woman-turned-man experience.
Turns out, it’s not easy being a man.
Norah had thought she’d love joining the privileged man-club that, until her transition, she had only glimpsed from the outside. Instead, she felt strangely inadequate.
For instance, as a lesbian, she’d expected dating to be the fun part. But it was arduous. One of the most difficult parts of her research. In her new man-role she felt an expectation to lead, take charge. This made her feel small in her costume. Read the rest of this entry
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Women as Prey, Men as Predator
Women are expected to attract, men are supposed to be attracted. Men want, women want to be wanted. Metaphorically, this is a predator/prey type relationship. Women are subject to the hunt whether they like it or not, so men’s attention can be pleasing, annoying, or frightening. It all depends.
Accordingly, women know what it feels like to be prey.
That’s from Prof. Lisa Wade of Occidental College and the popular blog, Sociological Images (where I got the great cartoon, too.)
Not all men make women feel this way, she says, and probably most don’t, but we’ve all pretty much had this experience, whether it’s,
The leering guy on the street, the heavy hitter in the bar, the frotteurist on the subway, the molesting uncle, the aggressive fraternity brother, etc.
Does homophobia arise partly from being demoted on the food chain and feeling like prey, she wonders? Read the rest of this entry
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Getting Creeped Out to Fit In
Sometimes we’re confused about what’s “normal” and end up doing uncomfortable things — that may even creep us out — just to fit in.
Take wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am (or sir) sex. Plenty of us are really into it. But usually, we think others are more comfortable with random sex than we are, ourselves.
University of Texas sociologists, Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker, studied sex on college campuses and found that many young people feel conflicted between their private preferences and their public behavior because they think everyone else — most importantly, “the popular” — want hookups. To not join in — or at least act like you want to — would be social suicide.
That, in turn, creates its own reality: a hookup culture that everyone thinks is real, but which is a figment of the collegiate imagination. Because while most say they’re for it, most don’t actually do it.
Researchers, Chris Reiber and Justin Garcia asked college students how comfortable they felt doing acts ranging from “first base” to “home run” (you might say) with someone they barely knew. Their findings were reported in “Hooking Up: Gender Difference, Evolution and Pluralistic Ignorance” In the journal, Evolutionary Psychology (2010).
Turns out, women and men, alike, tend to think that men are more comfortable in random carnal intimacies than they, themselves, are. AND, Read the rest of this entry
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How Guys Think About Sex & Dating
By Andrew Smiler @ The Good Men Project
As someone who does research on young men’s sexual development and has written a book about it, I often get asked if all guys “just want sex.” The answer is no, of course. Not all guys are the same.
Nearly all guys have and want relationships, even the guys who screw around.
Regardless of their sexual history or interest in having random sex, when a guy has a sweetie, that relationship is important to him, even if he’s not very good at respecting it or making it work. Dudes like knowing they have someone to talk to, someone who will be there for them, and someone who will “have their back.” Men in long term marriages receive a slew of benefits from those relationships.
In order to help you figure out where you stand – or where your (potential) partner stands – here’s a field guide to guys’ approaches to dating and sex. The simplest way to know which category a guy fits in is to find out how many sexual partners he averages per year. You might not be comfortable asking that question and you might not get an honest answer, but this guide will give you other things to consider.
Casanovas (or players) live out the classic hook-up script: Read the rest of this entry
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Why Some Guys Want to Screw You
It’s really confusing. Every week you have some dorm seminar on sexual assault, and a constant buzz about what’s appropriate. Then you go to a party on the weekend and it’s everything they said to avoid. Get girls drunk so they’ll have sex with you. Lying to them or telling them how interested you are in them and how much you like them, when it’s completely not true. All you really want to do is have sex with them and then get the hell out of there.
– One man’s take on male/female relations on college campuses
While there are a lot of really great guys out there, unfortunately for women today, some guys still want to screw you. Read the rest of this entry
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The Allure of Bad Boys
Why do women fall for bad boys?
My students ask that question all the time.
Michael Kimmel, who studies men, asked his women students to choose between the charming rouge, Rhett Butler and dependable Ashley Wilkes.
Do I have to choose?
They groaned.
Are those my only choices?
They pled.
Because the women liked — and disliked — characteristics of both.
Forced to choose Read the rest of this entry
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Burqas Don’t Stop Harassment, Rush
Walk up to the woman and say, “Would you please ask your breasts to stop staring at my eyes?”
That’s Rush Limbaugh’s advice after University of Nebraska researchers said it looks like men can control their objectifying behavior as they gain awareness of it. (Btw, objectifying and appreciating that someone is attractive are two different things.)
And that’s a good thing, they say, because objectified women are seen as less friendly, less intelligent and competent, and less moral. That, in turn, leaves women silencing themselves and it undermines their work performance.
Yet Rush insists,
Some of these babes, I’m telling you, like the sexual harassment crowd. They’re out there protesting what they actually wish would happen to them sometimes.
Hmmm. Take a look at a Public Service Ad that puts you in an Egyptian woman’s shoes (where harassment is rampant):
And you know what? Women can’t please Rush whether they look attractive or not. (And most don’t want to please him.) Read the rest of this entry
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Vain, Fashion-Obsessed Women
Women are silly creatures who worry their pretty little heads over fashion and vainly adorn themselves in color, lace and ruffles.
But maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe fashion, lace and ruffles are thought trivial because they are associated with women.
In fact, men were once fashionistas, too.
Many of our serious and revered Founding Fathers wore color, lace, ruffles, embroidered vests, and silk stockings with decorative garters. They also donned wigs, curled their hair and hired tutors to instruct them in the elegance of sitting, standing and gesturing.
Thomas Jefferson was particularly fastidious, his fashion sense costing him a pretty penny. Or, as historians Barbara Clark Smith and Kathy Peiss explain, Read the rest of this entry
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How Sex Gets Better With Age
Sex often improves with age, say a number of recent studies. But why?
Maturing sex-lovers were typically raised in a pretty sex-negative world — especially if they’re female. But most spent years doing the marital sex thing. And since everyone thinks that’s okay, negative messages fade.
But an increasingly sex-positive society must help. Many chalked up their newfound pleasure to sexual liberation and The Pill.
And while you might think women would grow bored with the same guy all the time, women in long-term relationships are the most sexually satisfied of all. Why? Read the rest of this entry
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Hostility, Objectification Go Hand-In-Hand
![Dolce-Gabbana-Ad-Sexist[1]](https://broadblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/dolce-gabbana-ad-sexist1.jpg)
Funny how objectifying women and hostility toward them so often go hand-in-hand. Well, not funny –ha ha.
Phil is a strip club patron who says that f-ing is all men really want from women, and whose philosophy of life includes “The Four Fs”: Find ‘em. Feel ‘em. F-k ‘em. Forget ‘em.
And then there are men who hate pretty women. These guys constantly lust after the ladies – or at least their body parts. But they hate women, too. As one guy described it: Read the rest of this entry
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