My History Of Sex: Sacred… Scary… Fun
I saw sex as sacred when I was growing up.
That was how most people talked about it at home and at church and even sex ed in middle school.
So when I was just in my early teens I thought of sex as being more about the love and relationship you have with your partner, and sex was secondary.
That was probably how most of my middle school friends saw it too, since we were pretty young and not sexually active yet. So my first ideas about sex were that it was only with someone you care about and might want to have a family with.
Pornography gave me a very different lesson, and not really a good one.
I watched porn for the first time my sophomore year and I was shocked by the male dominance. That first time I searched on what is probably everyone’s first site, pornhub.com. The categories all seem to steer towards “the male experience” and the videos showed slapping, choking and binding by dominant males.
Those videos were not helpful for a novice. They actually made me afraid of having sex.
Now that I’m older and I’ve had more real-life experience I’m not expecting the porn star experience at all, I’m focused on what she wants.
My idea of sex and the value it holds has changed over the years. I went from thinking of waiting until marriage to finding it scary to just casually having it as a fun experience.
I’ve had my fair share of partners, from one night stands to relationships, and the most important thing I have taken away from my experiences is that it’s all about communication. What we do or don’t like, if someone is having issues, and even the mentality behind sex.
Having these talks beforehand leads to an overall better experience. It may seem awkward at first but once it’s out of the way there’s nothing bothering you during sex, so you can just live in the moment.
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I asked my students to write about their experiences with sexuality as one possible paper topic. This is an excerpt from Andrew’s paper (no last name to protect identity).